| Disc 1 | ||||||
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| 1. |
| 4:27 | 
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*snorting*
It was a dusty old night And I'm the first to admit it I'm sure I upset someone But my memory has chosen to omit it A tiny voice was telling me I really should cool it Chewing my face off Talking absolute rubbish The first line hit me like a kick in the face Thought I better have another one just in case Next thing I knew my heart was under attack Bought a one way ticket to hell....And Back One way ticket to hell and back Bought a one way ticket to hell and back One way ticket to hell and back Bought a one way ticket to hell and back I've always tried to keep my vices under wraps But a coach load of mutes would appear talkative chaps They seemed fit to join me for a couple of hits But now my septum is in tatters And I've still got the runs It burned for a moment then it kicked like a mule The strangers all agreed that it was rocket fuel Several lines are chocking like a glorious game Bought a one way ticket to hell...And back! One way ticket to hell and back Bought a one way ticket to hell and back One way ticket to hell and back Bought a one way ticket to hell and back (Sitar/effects) Stick it up your fucking nose! Woohoo! (Solo) Holy coke, repeating myself, except I'm getting slightly louder Pausing just long enough to snort that white powder Wheels came off but I'm still on track Bought a one way ticket to hell...And back! One way ticket to hell and back(yeah) Bought a one way ticket to hell and back(ooh yeah) One way ticket to hell and back, Bought a one way ticket to hell (oooh yeaah) One way ticket to hell and back(woo!) Bought a one way ticket to hell and back One way ticket to hell and back, Bought a one way ticket to hell... |
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| 2. |
| 2:44 |
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Oh lord, I'm so bored
Living on my own You're devilish and dirty They say your pushing thirty Well pushing thirty stone Oh Christ, I'm enticed I want you in my sack Your potty mouth is pushy You're anything but classy I've just got to get you back It's been a while, Since I've seen that smile Is the old magic still there? (CHORUS) I just love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah! I just love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah! Oh! Oh crumbs, I'm all thumbs Lying here with you You're beautiful and busty But I'm a little rusty I've forgotten what to do It's been a while Since I made you smile Is the old magic still there? (CHORUS) I just love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah! I just love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah! Oh yeah! (PIANO & GUITAR SOLOS) I love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah! I really love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah! I love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah! I really love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah! |
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| 3. |
| 3:05 |
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i know that absence might
make the heart grow fonder or is it 'out of sight' out of mind' i wonder and do you yearn for me when the nights grow cold 'til death us do part to have and to hold i wanna give you my love, my love, my love but is it just me or am i all on my own again? you're up at John O Groats, I'm down in Land's End On you I depend I see your face when i close my eyes and there ain't no place like between your thighs don't want a life alone all by myself to honor and trust in sickness and health i wanna give you my love, my love, my love but is it just me or am i all on my own again? you're in the Taj Mahal, I'm outside Big Ben it's driving me round the bend forever and ever and ever, amen i wanna give you my love, my love, my love but is it just me or am i all on my own again (x 2) you're in the Vatican, I'm in the Yemen and it feels like the end the end |
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| 4. |
| 3:17 |
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We had a good thing, it was a blast
That was a long time in the past You went through changes & I walked away And I have regretted that to this day I may not always have quite so much hair But what you saw in me will hopefully always be there I'll never hurt you again, I swear. Chorus So put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms Put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms I couldn't figure out where your figure'd gone I thought that I could live without you, baby I was so wrong Put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms dinner lady arms Forgive and forget I caused you some pain And find it in your heart to start again Now I may not ever be your Mister Right But I'm happy to be your mister that will do for tonight I'll never let you out of my sight So put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms Put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms I couldn't figure out where your figure'd gone I thought that I could live without you, baby I was so wrong Put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms Solo I may be light-years past on my sell-by date But there's life in the old dog yet, honey, it's not too late Put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms |
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| 5. |
| 3:35 |
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We may not get back what we had, what I threw away
But you know I would do anything, anything to say I'd cross a thousand miles of broken glass on my hands and knees I would crawl if for a moment we could cease hostilities But it seemed like such a good idea at the time, such a very very good idea at the time. I don't know where I am, I don't know where I went wrong either way let's start again I don't know where I am, I don't know where I went wrong I don't know where to start again Now our dream is over, believe me I'm all down You always seem to come alive when I am not around But it seemed like such a good idea at the time, such a very very good idea at the time. I don't know where I am, I don't know where I went wrong either way let's start again I don't know where I am, I don't know where I went wrong I don't know where to start again (Solo) But it seemed like such a good idea at the time, such a very very good idea at the time. I don't know where I am, I don't know where I went wrong either way let's start again I don't know where I am, I don't know where I went wrong I don't know where to start... again |
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| 6. |
| 3:26 |
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I hail from the flatlands of East Anglia
A town that once could boast prosperity She had trekked for many moons from a land afar But the cruel nets had emptied the northen sea And she said "hoots, I cannae get back tae me hoos in bonny Scotland" Girl with the hazel eyes - Aaaaah! Girl with the hazel eyes - Aaaaah! The elements had taken their toll on her Her face was weather beaten and her hair greasy I had never seen a set of eyes more hazelerer And a tear did fall as she looked up at me And she said "hoots, I cannae get back tae me hoos in bonny Scotland" Girl with the hazel eyes - Aaaaah! Girl with the hazel eyes - Aaaaah! I shall travel with thee For to see your folks in Scotland With their blessing, on one knee I shall ask for your left hand Girl with the hazel eyes - Aaaaah! (x4) I shall travel with thee For to see your folks in Scotland With their blessing, on one knee I shall ask for your left hand |
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| 7. |
| 5:31 |
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It would appear that male pattern
baldness has set in. His hair at an alarming pace, running away from his face. He's losing his virility and now his masculinity has been compromised and his libido down-sized. Not for me, not for me, not for me, uh-uh. Not for me, not for me. Heaven forbid! It's not for me, you understand. Bald, slap-headed and hairless. Bald, he is destined to be. Bald, well tonight thank God, Thank God it's them not me. From what I have been reading his scalp needs kneading to stimulate each folicle and reverse this diabolical condition that's afflicted he for years and has cruelly repulsed each potential mate and left him with a balding pate. Not for me, not for me, not for me, uh-uh. Not for me, not for me. Heaven forbid! It's not for me, you understand. Bald, slap-headed and hairless. Bald, he is destined to be. Bald, well tonight thank God, Thank God it's them not me. Sock it to me baby yeah! Not for me, not for me, not for me, uh-uh. Not for me, not for me. Heaven forbid! It's not for me, you understand. Not for me, not for me, not for me, uh-uh. Not for me, not for me. Heaven forbid! It's not for me, you understand. Bald, slap-headed and hairless. Bald, he is destined to be. Bald, well tonight thank God, Thank God it's them not me. Thank God! Bald, slap-headed and hairless. Bald, he is destined to be. Bald, well tonight thank God, Thank God it's them not me. Oh! |
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| 8. |
| 2:33 |
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Girl, I know I've got a funny way
Of showing it Yes, I thought our love was here to stay and blowing it Was never on my agenda She meant nothing to me, I meant nothing to her And now i realise it's over I've just got to tell yer Girlfriend, I love you, I love you, I love you so much I love you, I love you, I love you so much I love you, I love you, I love you so much so much Girl I know I ripped your heart right out so why pretend that there is even a shadow of doubt that it's the end Why the hell are we breaking our necks Where there's absolutely no affection, hardly any sex To simplify something that extremely complex You were my girlfriend, now you're my ex... Girlfriend, I love you, I love you, I love you so much I love you, I love you, I love you so much I love you, I love you, I love you so much so much Listen to my synthesizer Girlfriend, I love you, I love you, I love you so much I love you, I love you, I love you so much I love you, I love you, I love you so much so much Girlfriend, I love you, I love you, I love you so much I love you, I love you, I love you so much I love you, I love you, I love you so much so much |
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| 9. |
| 3:06 |
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It was a cigarette break and I was des...perate
I saw her pushing that wheelbarrow She said have you got a match, I said yes My cock and Farmer Giles' prizewinning marrow Frolicking in the summer fields were we I fell for you and you grew to like me I carved U for me in the bark of a tree In an English Country Garden We rolled around kissing on the ground In an English Country Garden You succumbed to my charms, fell asleep in my arms In an English Country Garden Beneath the stars above I fell in love In a English Country Garden Jardin Jardin Jardin Jardin They did a quiz at the village fete and we came last Everybody laughed at the two of us But I've never seen bale of hay move so fast She was a bone fide forking genius Frolicking in the autumn fields were we I cherished you and you tolerated me We mucked about while we were mucking out In an English Country Garden You took me under your wing when we had our fling In an English Country Garden You gave my heart a boost, we ruled the roost In an English Country Garden Just as I got broody you got moody In an English Country Garden Pulled out all the stops, harvested the crops In an English Country Garden The yield was meager, you were far less eager In an English Country Garden The seeds we scattered never really mattered In a English Country Garden I saw you leave the farm on another guy's arm In a English Country Garden. Jardin Jardin Jardin Jardin woooh! |
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| 10. |
| 3:27 |
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Tell me why the blind man cries
Oh, he sheds a tear because he just can't hear the children singing How he used to fantasize Of standing next to some children who are doing singing Ah! Amd the shoulders get colder and colder And his tears And his tears fall on deaf ears Ooh! Falling apart At the seams and no-one seems to care You can't cry forever Eileen wouldn't want you to, I swear Now he's just an empty shell Oh, since Eileen died the other side seems so appealing Compared to this living hell Oh, she haunts his sleep, his wounds too deep for any healing Ah! With his arteries starting to harden She is gone She is gone and it's all wrong Falling apart At the seams and no-one seems to care You can't cry forever Eileen would want you to, I swear So there. |
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