Adam Sandler - They'Re All Gonna Laugh At You! (1993) by Adam Sandler (보컬) on maniadb.com

Speaking through a microphone]
"Good morning students and faculty, If I could have your attention
please. As you may, or may not know, Principal Cambell will not be here
for the rest of the week due to a throat infection. Leaving me,
assistant principal Dunbar, as the school's lone administrator for the
next few days."

"Though the policies set forth by Principal Cambell will remain the
same, there will be some additional regulations you must also follow."

"Number one - smoking outside the administration building will only be
allowed during lunch periods."

"Number two - the girls' showering facilities will be moved from the
locker room into my inner office where I can watch the girls wash their
breasts and buttocks while I play with myself."

"Number three - while showering, none of the girls will be allowed to
snicker or laugh at the size of my genitalia. Eye contact with me is
also prohibited."

"Number four - girls are encouraged to wash each other freely as I build
towards orgasm."

"Number five - while I am ejaculating, the boys gymnastic team must
undress each other spread eagle in front of me and satify each other
orally until I have completed ejaculating."

"Finally, rule number six - any student caught writing grafitti or
defacing school property will be automatically suspended, unless they
are masturbating."

"If you have any questions about these new regulations, I will be in my
office spanking it with a thumb up my ass."

"Good day

And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a
prestigious college."

Dean: "Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations
on your upcoming graduation and I understand you are interested in
matriculating here in the fall."

Buffoon: "I got a snake, man!"

Dean: "Yes, pets are welcome here on campus. Be it the traditional dog,
or cat, or even the occasional reptile."

Buffoon: "One time I fed it some beer man! It was slithering this way
and that! It was all fucked up!"

Dean: "I'm sure it was. Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among
both students and pets here on campus."

Buffoon: "Fuckin' Shit!"

Dean: "Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this policy. So tell me a
little bit more about your background."

Buffoon: "My father's a fucking asshole, man!"

Dean: "Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age
son."

Buffoon: "My mother's a piece of shit too!"

Dean: "Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility over the
summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed and ready to
learn."

Buffoon: "My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man! She had her
head way up her ass!"

Dean: "Well the quality of the faculty at a University such as ours far
exceeds that of a local public high school."

Buffoon: "Your secretary's a real fat bitch, man!"

Dean: "Yes, she's tried many diets over the years with minimal success."

Buffoon: "I had diarhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day!"

Dean: "Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional stomach bug, never a
pleasurable experience. So have you given any thought to your choice of
major?"

Buffoon: "I've got a big fucking boner right now."

Dean: "I see. Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods of
nervous tension. I do not take offense."

Buffoon: "One time I ate my neighbors shit!"

Dean: "That's understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you. We'll be
sending you our decision by the end of the month."

Buffoon: "I bet you got really hairy balls."

Dean: "Yes, it's a veritable forest down there. Bye bye

Moving Train]
"Next stop! Coopersville!"

[Two guys talking]
"Hey Buddy"
"Buddy!"
"How was the bathroom Buddy, pretty gruesome?"
"Buddy, I had to hold my breath Buddy!"
"Eheh Buddy, don't even tell me about it Buddy!"
"Buddy I know."
"Buddy, M&M's?"
"Chocolate me, Buddy!... Tasty Buddy!"
"Buddy definitely"
"Hey get in on this drink Buddy!"
"Buddy, don't mind if I do"
"It's a bloody, Buddy"
"Buddy, it's killer!"
"BUDDY!"
"Sorry Buddy"
"Save me some Buddy!"
"Buddy I said I was sorry!"
"That's ok Buddy"

[Two more guys enter]
"Hey Dude!"
"Hey Buddy!"
"Dudes, you know this dude?"
"What's up Dude?"
"Hey Buddy"
"Buddy, sit down"
"Have some bloody Buddy"
"Dude"
"Dudes, here's a sixer, Budweiser time"
"Yeah, Bud Buddy"
"Yeah Dude"
"Cold ones Dude"
"Buddy, killer!"
[Drinking]
"I'm buzzing Buddy!"
"Dude, I know!"
[Female walking by]
"Oh Dude, check it, she's killer!"
"I want some of that Buddy"
"Oh Buddy, save some for me"
"Dude, that's my ex-girlfriend"
"Oh, sorry Buddy"
"Just watch it Dude!"
"Hey lay off him Buddy"
"Dude, don't get him started"
"I said I was sorry Buddy"
"Dude, let's just drop it"
"Buddy?"
"It's cool Dude"

[Two more guys enter]
"Hey Homey's"
"What's up Homeys?"
"Hey Buddy"
"What's up Dude?"
"Just chillin' Homey"
"Cool Buddy"
"Yeah Dude"
"Buddy"
"Homey"
"Dude"
"Homey"
"Dude"
"Buddy"
"Dude, check it out, a prison"
"Oh Buddy, imagine being stuck in there"
"I know Dude, that would suck"
"Homey, my brother is in there"
"Oh Buddy"
"Sorry about that Dude"
"Bummer Buddy"
"Bad timing Homey"
"I know Buddy"
"Sorry Dude"
"Not your fault Homey"
"I know, but Buddy"
"No, it's cool Homey"

"Dude, there's another train on this track"
[Sound of another train]
"Uh Buddy, it's coming at us"
[Train horn sounding]
"Dude!"


"Homey!"
"Buddy!"
"Buddy!"
"Homey!"
"DUDE!"

[Trains crashing]
"Dude?"
"Buddy, my head"
"Homey, get off me"
"Buddy, I can't see"
"What just happened to us Dude?"
"Homey, I told you, we should have taken the bus!"

Line of people talking]
"Hey man, let me in there first"
-"Go ahead man, take it easy"
"Thanks, I really gotta pee"

[Open door, close door]
[Unzip pants]
[Start pissin..........groaning....]
"Oh man"
[.....]
"Ohhh yeah"
[.....]
"Ahhhh"
[......Stop Briefly]
"Ahh"

[Start Pissing again..]
"Oh man"
[........]
"Oh man"
[...............]
"Oh Man"
[.......gets louder]
"OH MAN"
[..........and louder]
"OH MAN!!"
[............as loud as a hose]
"OH MAN!!! OH.."
[...........]
"Oh no!"
[........]
"Oh Man!"
[...............slows down]
"ahhh"
[Stops]
"Ahhhhhh...There ya go"

[Fart! Starts pissing loudly again]
"Oh! OH MAN!"
[..............]
"OH MY GOD!"

[Banging on the Door]
[Pissing slows down to dribble]
"I'll be out in a minute!"
[....dribbling...]
"oh..oh my"
[Stops]
"oh...Oh thank God"

[Zips up pants]
[Pisses in pants]
"Awwww MAN!"

[People laughing]
-"Hey man, you pissed in your pants"
"I know"
-"So did I"
"I guess that makes us piss pals"
[Horrible annoying laughter]
[Rasberry

Ooooh yeah
Baby, baby, baby, I wanna stew your tomato
Baby, baby, baby, I want to french fry your potato
Baby, baby, baby, won't you pluck my grapes
Won't you peel my banana like a pack of wild apes?
I'm your food innuendo guy, your food innuendo guy

Baby, baby, baby, you got honeydew melons
Baby, baby, baby, can't you see my brocolli swelin
Oh baby, baby, baby, I wanna taste your watercress
I wanna slip my celery stick up the back of your dress
I'm your food innuendo guy, your food innuendo guy

Oh what will it take
Don't go so soon
You'll miss my carrot cake
And my cream of mushroom

Oh baby, baby, baby, my jalapeno's red hot
Baby, baby, baby, I wanna stuff all that cabbage you got
I'm your food innuendo guy, food innuendo guy
Oh yeah
Oooooooh yeah

Oh baby, baby, baby, you got eggplant parmigiana
Baby, baby, baby, bite my zucchini if you wanna
I'll give you fresh fruit salad
I don't get it from no can
Your string bean days are over
I'm your cucumber man
I'm your food inunendo guy, food innuendo guy
Oh so delicious

[Mopping sounds]
Mop, mop, mop
All day long
Mop, mop, mop
While I sing this song

[Sound of someone walking towards him]
Gonna wax the floor
Gonna make it shine
Gonna take of the spray paint
With turpentine

"Hey! Don't walk there! I just mopped!"
[Person walking quickly towards him]
[Beating sounds]
"Hey!"
[Beating sounds]
"Get offa me!"
[Beating sounds]
"That's my bucket!"
[Beating sounds]
"Let go of my side burns!"
[Beating sounds]
[Sound of falling down into glass]

Russel: [Shouting] "Come on Robert! Pitch it in there, baby! We're
behind you here in right field! One down! Two to go! Hum it now! Yeah!
Show 'em the magic! This chump can't hit!"
[Whispering to himself] "Please God, don't help him hit it to me.
Anywhere but to right field. Please God, I beg you."
[Shouting] "Come on now! No batter! No batter! Big whiffer! Big
whiffer!"
[Whispering] "Oh please, don't let him hit it to me. My God, not to me."
[Shouting] "Steam it baby! Steam it!"
[Whispering] "Oh God no, Oh God no, Oh God no, Oh God no."
[Ball is hit]

Russel: [Shouting] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
[Whispering] "Oh good! It's not to me."
[Shouting] "Good catch, Steven! Nice glove! You da man! Two away now!
Lookin' good! We're all looking good out here! Come on Robert! This
lump of crap can't hit!"
[Whiserping] "Oh God, he's a leftie! A big leftie! Total power to hit
it. He's gonna pile it right to me and there's nothing I can do to stop
him."
[Shouting] "Pitch 'em the funny one, Robert! Big whiffer! Big whiffer!"
[Whispering] "Oh he is a natural athlete and I am so worthless. Please
God, take his life. Make him die."
[Shouting] "No batter! No batter!"
[Ball is hit]

Russel: [Whispering] "Oh God. This is not happening. No, don't do this
to me. Please. Make it stop."
[Ball hits Russel]
Russel: "OWWWW! My elbow!"
M1: "Throw it to second! Pick it up already!"
Russel: "Take it! Just take the ball!"
[Russel tosses the ball]
M2: "Nice throw, you pansy!"
Russel: [Whispering] "Ok, get under control. Easy now, easy. Say
something to the team."
[Shouting] "Good hussle everybody! Yeah! Nice work! Play's at third!"
[Whispering] "That wasn't funny, Lord. I've been so good and for what!?"
[Shouting] "Come on, Robert! Settle down! Just throw straight! You get
it across the plate! We'll take care of the rest!"
[Whispering] "Oh no, another lefty."
[Ball is hit]

Russel: [Shouting] "NOO! Why me again!?"
[Ball hits Russel]
Russel: "OWWWW! My neck!"
[Panting & Whining] "I can't breath. I can't breath."
M2: "Pick it up and throw it, you moron!"
Russel: [Whining] "Here..come on, here.. Take the ball! Take it!"
[Russel kicks ball]
M1: "Way to kick it in, Pele!"
Russel: [Shouting] "Oh hahaha. Pele! Good one! Hehehe.. Ok! Come on!
Suck it up guys! We'll get those runs back! This is where we dig down!
We just need one more out!"
[Whispering] "Oh look! A rightie! Oh Lord, thank you. Thank you so much.
I owe you."
[Shouting] "This loser can't hit! No batter! Come on, this is where we
take them out!"
[Whispering] "Uh oh, what's happening? Where's the rightie going? What?
Who's this guy? He's a leftie and he's pinch hitting. No! No!"
[Shouting] "Why's he pointing at me!?"
[Ball is hit]

Russel: [Shouting] "Oh my Lord! What have I done to deserve this?!"
M3: "I got it! I got it!"
[Running over to the ball near Russel]
[Thud! Crashes into Russel]
M3: "Whoa! Sorry about that, Russel. Are you ok?"
Russel: [Shouting] "HELL YEAH! We're up now! It's our turn to kick a
little ass!"
M3: "All right, Russel. I think you're up first."
Russel: "NOOOOO

And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's
valedictorian."

Valedictorian: "I really appreciate you're asking me out. Most people
are intimidated by my high academic achievement."

Buffoon: "This movie sucks shit!"

Valedictorian: "Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up, but Ciscel thought it was
too preachy. Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly."

Buffoon: "Cathleen Turner has big fuckin' tits!"

Valedictorian: "Yes, well, she recently had a child. I think her
maternal biology may play a role in that. She looks fabulous for a woman
her age, doesn't she?"

Buffoon: "I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his fuckin'
head off."

Valedictorian: "Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon
for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their
maturing process."

Buffoon: "That girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives
everybody head."

Valedictorian: "Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels
promiscuity is the only way to obtain it."

[Buffoon eating popcorn]
Buffoon: "This popcorn's fuckin' terrible. It tastes like someone jizzed
all over it."
[Buffoon continues to eat popcorn]

Valedictorian: "Well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly
disturbing. Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome by
the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank."

Buffoon: "I looked at my asshole in the mirror today. It blew my fuckin'
mind!"

Valedictorian: "It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd and
unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis.

Buffoon: "My father's shit stinks up the bathroom all fuckin' day!"

Valedictorian: "It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more
overpowering than another's. I wonder whether it is a function of the
food digested or that person's internal metabolism."

Buffoon: "I'm gonna go get head from that fuckin' girl."
[Gets out of the car]

Valedictorian: "Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt
conclusion."
[Buffoon walking away]
"I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future
rondevue."

Buffoon: "I like to piss in that guy's fuckin' gas tank!"

Valedictorian: "Bye bye! Have fun."
[Buffoon continues to walk away

[Phone Rings]
[Mr. Spindel picks it up]
Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!";
Student: [Whispering] ";Hey Mr. Spindel. How's algebra class going?"; [Chuckling]
Mr Spindel: ";Whut!?";
Student: [Whispering] ";You're in for a big surprise tommorrow during 5th period!"; [Chuckling]
Mr Spindel: ";Hey! Who is this!";
[Student Hangs up phone]

[Dial tone]
Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!";
[Dial tone]
Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!";
[Dial tone]
Mr Spindel: ";Who is this!?";
[Dial tone]
Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!";
[Dial tone]
Mr Spindel: ";Answer me!";
[Dial tone]
Mr Spindel: ";Who is this!?";
[Dial tone]
Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!";
[Dial tone]
Mr Spindel: ";For God's sake! Who are you!?";
[Dial tone]
Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!";
[Dial tone]
Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!";
[Dial tone]

[Operator recording playing ";If you'd like to make a call...";]
Mr Spindel: ";Who is that!?";
[Recording continues]
Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!";
[Recording continues]
Mr Spindel: ";Who are you!?";
[Recording continues]
Mr Spindel: ";Please answer me!";
[Silence]

[Bleeping noise]
Mr Spindel: ";Oh God! Who is this!?";
[Bleeping]
Mr Spindel: ";Please stop it! Why are you doing this!?";
[Bleeping]
Mr Spindel: ";WHY!? WHY!?";
[Bleeping]
Mr Spindel: ";Just tell me your name.";
[Bleeping]
Mr Spindel: ";Please.";
[Bleeping]
Mr Spindel: ";I'm gonna hang up!";
[Bleeping]
Mr Spindel: ";I'm warning you!";
[Bleeping]
Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!";
[Bleeping]
Mr Spindel: ";Whoever this is, I'm gonna hang up!";
[Bleeping]
Mr Spindel: ";That's it!";
[Bleeping]
Mr Sp

They wanna hear the thanksgiving song! All right..
"This is uhh, This is the Thanksgiving Song"
"I hope you enjoy it."

[Starts playing]
Love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey

Shout from Crowd: "I love you Adam!"
Adam Sandler: "Ohhh, I love you!"
Love to eat turkey
'Cause it's good
Love to eat turkey
Like a good boy should
'Cause it's turkey to eat
So good

Adam Sandler: "That clappin's messing my head up man. I appreciate it. But I was trying to think of the next line and all I hear
is clapping. Here we go... Thanks anyways"

Turkey for me
Turkey for you
Let's eat the turkey
In my big brown shoe
Love to eat the turkey
At the table
I once saw a movie
With Betty Grable
Eat that turkey
All night long
Fifty million Elvis fans
Can't be wrong
Turkey lurkey doo and
Turkey lurkey dap
I eat that turkey
Then I take a nap

Thanksgiving is a special night
Jimmy Walker used to say Dynomite
That's right
Turkey with gravy and cranberry
Can't believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry
Turkey for you and
Turkey for me
Can't believe Tyson
Gave that girl V.D.

White meat, dark meat
You just can't lose
I fell off my moped
And I got a bruise
Turkey in the oven
And the buns in the toaster
I'll never take down
My Cheryl Tiegs poster
Wrap the turkey up
In aluminum foil
My brother likes to masturbate
With baby oil
Turkey and sweet potato pie
Sammy Davis Jr.
Only had one eye

Turkey for the girls and
Turkey for the boys
My favorite kind of pants
Are corduroys
Gobble gobble goo and
Gobble gobble gickel
I wish turkey
Only cost a nickel
Oh I love turkey on Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

And now, the sever beating of a high school bus driver.

[Kids getting on the bus]
"How are ya, Bryan?"
"Good morning, Lisa."
"Good to see ya, Tommy!"
"Hey, good morning, Cyle! Nice new backpack!"
"Watch your step now, Joseph."

"Uhh, young man. Can I help you? Can I see your bus pass, please?"
[Beating sounds]
"Sir, please!"
[Beating sounds]
"I drive with that hand!"
[Beating sounds]
"Children! Call for help!"
[Beating sounds]
"Holy geez, no!"
[Beating sounds]
"That's me! Oh yes, oh!"
[Beating sounds]
[Final crack, horn sounding]

Silverware clicking]
M1: "Can you pass the beats please?"
F1: "Here you go"
M1: "Thanks"
Brad: "Hey Mom, guess what? I got invited to a party tonight! And I'm
gonna go if that's ok with you."
Mom: "NOOO!!"
Brad: "Why not Mom?"
F1: "Yeah, why mom? He should go."
Brad: "It's gonna be fun. I'll get to meet new people..."
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
Brad: "Oh mom..."
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
F1: "Don't wory Brad."

F2: "Hey mom, I saw this great skirt at the mall today, but it was $34,
which isn't that high of a price, but I was nervous to buy it. What do
you think?
Mom: "NOOO!!"
F2: "Really? I really like it..."
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
F2: "Oh mom, who is?"
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
F2: "Mom, you're so paranoid."
Mom: "NOOO!!"

M3: "Hey mom, I gotta get up pretty early tommorrow for Little League
try-outs."
Mom: "NOOO!!"
M3: "Yeah, I have to be at the field at 9 o'clock..."
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
M3: "Do you think you could drop me off there?..."
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
M3: "How am I gonna get there?"
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
M3: "I'll walk I guess."
Mom: "NOOO!!"

Cindy: "Mom, can you pass the salad dressing?"
Mom: "NOOO!!"
Cindy: "Please?"
Mom: "NOOO!!"
Cindy: "Come on, mom."
Mom: "NOOO!!"
Brad: "I'll get it for you Cindy."
Cindy: "Thanks Brad."
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
Cindy: "Thanks for the tip, Ma."
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"

Brad: "Hey everyone, let's just go out for ice cream."
Mom: "NOOO!!"
Brad: "Why are we eating inside? It's a beautiful night. We need to get
out more."
Mom: "NOOO!!"
Cindy: "Mother, Brad is right."
Mom: "NOOO!!"
Cindy: "We should go out, it'll be fun."
Mom: "NOOO!!"
Cindy: "Come on, let's go, I could go for some Maple Walnut."
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
M3: "Yeah, we haven't gone out together in a long time."
Mom: "NOOO!!"
Cindy: "You wanna come Dave?"
Mom: "NOOO!!"
Dave: "No, I'll hang out with mom."
M1: "You sure?"
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
Dave: "Yeah, go without me."
M3: "All right, see you guys later."
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"

Dave: "How are you, mom? Great meal tonight. Sure is... You sure know
how to cook! Boy, oh boy, you're quite a lady. Say mom, uhm, can I go
canoeing next weekend with my friend Barry?"
Mom: "NOOO!!"
Dave: "Please?"
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
Dave: "Mom, you're over reacting!"
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
Dave: "Why are you so overprotective!?"
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
Dave: "Mom! I'm going to the ice cream place! You're just so set in your
ways it drives me crazy!"
[Bangs on the table, gets up]
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
[Screen door closes]
Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at him

[Talking quietly]
M1: "Ms. Murphy is such a pain, man."
M2: "We just had a test a week ago. Now we gotta take another one tommorrow. This sucks!"
M1: "And it counts for 80 percent of our grade."
M2: "Well we better study our butts off."
M1: "Well we came to the right place, the ever so quiet library."
M2: "Ok, enough talking, let's study!"
M1: "All right."
[Turning pages]

[Heavy steps]
M2: "Uh oh"
M1: "Oh no! Fatty McGee is coming. We'll never get any studying done with him in the library."
[Heavy steps continue]
M2: "Oh god, he's taking the stairs! That means he's going to be way out of breath!"

[Fatty whining, try to catch breath]
M1: "Oh no, he's going to sit with us."
Fatty: [Annoying whining voice] "Hey fellas, studying for the big test?"
M1: "Uh, yes Fatty, we were."
Fatty: [Still trying to catch breath] "Great! I'll join ya."
[Fatty pulls out chair and falls into it, still whining horribly]
M2: "Hey Fatty, why don't you go to the bathroom 'till you catch your breath?"
Fatty: "No, no, I'm catching it!"
[Fatty continuing to whine and snort]
M1: "Ok, ok Fatty, but try to keep the wheezing level down, we're trying to concentrate."
Fatty: [Continuing to wheeze and whine louder] "Sure, no problem."
M1: "Oh man."
Fatty: [Still snorting and whining loudly] "This test counts for eighty percent of our grade, you know."
[Whining continues even louder]
M1: "Yes Fatty, we know, we just said that."
[Wheezing continues a little softer]
M2: "Fatty! Please keep it down!"

[Fatty makes snoring/whining sounds]

M2: "Is he sleeping!?"
M1: "No, it's his deviated sceptum. Seriously Fatty, keep the breathing down." [Snoring stops, more weird noise starts]
M2: "Ahh geez Fatty, what's wrong with you!?"
Fatty: [Pausing, snorting] "I'm trying."
[Whining continues]
M1: "Fatty, you know what's going to happen! Stop breathing so heavy! Please we gotta study!"
[Whining gets higher and higher until it's continuous]
M2: "Oh no, that one's going to do it!"

[Fire alarm sounding, fire trucks honking their horns, sirens reeling]
M2: "Fatty, the fire department thinks the fire alarm went off again!"
Fatty: [Continuing his LOUD annoying whine] "I'm sorry!"
Fireman Ray: "Fire! Man the building!"
M1: "Sorry Fireman Ray, it's not the fire alarm."
Fireman Ray: "Fatty McGee, is that you again!?"
Fatty: [Stillin whining annoyingly] "Yes." [Snort] "Sorry." [Snort]
Fireman Ray: "Didn't we tell you not to take the stairs anymore!?"
Fatty: [Whiney voice] "But I like the stairs!"
Fireman Ray: [annoyed] "Why!?"
Fatty: [Still whining horribly] "They're fun!"
Fireman Ray: "Oh Fatty McGee, you're the fattest!"
[Everyone laughing at stupid joke]
[Raspberry]

Put your arms around me babe,
Can't you see I need you so?
Hold me close against your skin,
'Cause I'm about to begin
Lovin' you.

Spit on your hand and stroke my cock at a medium pace.
Play with my balls and tell me how big they are.
Honey rub your beaver up and down my face.
Now sit on the corner of the bed and watch me whack off.

You see that shampoo bottle?
Now, stick it up my ass.
Push it in and out at a medium pace.
Talk about your old boyfriend's dick and how big it was.
Now shave off my pubs and punch me in the face.

Darling, make me push my dick and balls back between my legs.
Call me an ugly woman and
Take my picture to show all the people you work with.

Now pull up my scrotum and
Take that shampoo bottle out of my ass.
Pretend I'm the pizza delivery guy and
Watch me whack off.
Strap on a dildo and make me give you head.
Now tell me slow down and do it at a medium pace.

I feel so humiliated.
I'm about to blow my load.
You tell it's time to make love but
I can't 'cuz I spewed all over myself.
Then you look into my eyes, then you realize
How much I enjoy loving you. oh.
I'm so sorry I spunked all over my stomach.
Maybe next time I'll be better at loving you

And now the severe beating of a high school science teacher."

[Lecturing]
"Zinc is by far the best element."
"I also like plutonium."
"It's just fun to say."
"Plutonium."
[Sound of someonee walking towards him]
"How's your plutonium?"
"Good, thank you."

"Excuse me!"
"Hello! The office is closed. So, if you wouldn't mind,.. Sir, what are
you doing?"
"Hey! Get off of me!"
[Beating sounds]
"You're breaking the beakers!"
[Beating sounds]
"Those are my best goggles!"
[Beating sounds

Sound of pom-poms]
Cheerleader: [With annoying feminine voice] "Ok you guys, let's hear
some spirit!"
[Performing cheer]
Cheerleader: "United, we are united.. We'll be 'cause we're the Tigers,
we're out for vic-tor-y
- Yeah!"
[No response]
Cheerleader: "Come on you guys! I wanna hear you!"
[Still no response]
Cheerleader: "Come on! The girls volleyball team's got a big game
tonight! And we're gonna win 'cause we're the -"
Guy in crowd: "Sit down!"
Cheerleader: "You guys are assholes!" [Whining] "You think this is easy
being a cheerleader!? Let's see you come down here and try it!"
Guy: "Shut up!"
Cheerleader: "You're the one who should be shutting up! This is my
senior year of cheerleading and you're ruining it! I paid for my
pom-poms with my own money." [Half-crying]
Guy: "You suck!"
Cheerleader: [Hurt] "I was gonna do a split for you guys, but now I'm
not gonna cuz you
guys don't appreciate anything."
[Something hurled and hit Cheerleader]
Cheerleader: "Owwww! Who threw that!? I'm gonna get a bruise now! I hate
my school!"
[Whining]
[Crowd cheering softly in background]
Guy: "We're sorry."
[Pause]
Guy: "Just kidding, you suck!"
Cheerleader: [Half-crying] "Ahhaw..No.

[Sound of crickets. Guy walks across grass]
[Joe:] "Hey pal! How ya doin?"
[M2:] "I'm so wasted, man."
[Joe:] "Yeah, you are, oh ho ho!"
[M2:] "Thanks man."
[Joe:] "It's good party, huh?"
[M2:] "Oh, it's great man."
[Joe:] "Hey that's some good acid, huh?"
[M2:] "Oh, killer man."
[Joe:] "Hey, my pleasure."
[M2:] "I've never been higher."
[Joe:] "Oh ho, you must be freaking out."
[M2:] "Acid's great man."
[Joe:] "It's the best."
[M2:] "Everytime I do acid man, I'm so high."
[Joe:] "Yeah, oh, you must be flipping out right now."
[M2:] "This is the best acid, man."
[Joe:] "What are you seein, man?"
[M2:] "Oh, I, that cloud up there, man."
[Joe:] "Whoa"
[M2:] "It's got a vein in it."
[Joe:] "Oh-Holy Cow! Really!?"
[M2:] "And it's bleeding on me, man."
[Joe:] "It's bleeding on ya? Well watch out!"
[M2:] "Look at my hand, man."
[Joe:] "Yeah?"
[M2:] "It-It's moving, but it's not moving."
[Joe:] "It's not?"
[M2:] "It's still there, but it looks like it's moving."
[Joe:] "Hey, yeah to you it is."
[M2:] "I'm so high."
[Joe:] "Yeah, you must be flipping out."
[M2:] "I'm flipping out off it."
[Joe:] "Hallucinations, man."
[M2:] "Acid..right."
[Joe:] "Hey, I got some news fer ya."
[M2:] "I'm seeing stuff, man."
[Joe:] "Yeah, yer seeing stuff."
[M2:] "RIght."
[Joe:] "Well, that's what happens when you take acid, but you know what?"
[M2:] "What man?"
[Joe:] "Uhhh, that really wasn't acid.
That was just a little piece of paper I ripped off of my notebook."
[Silence]

[M2:] "Wha? It's probly this weed I'm smokin', man."
[Joe:] "Oh, that weed."
[M2:] "That Thai bud, man."
[Jo

This is a song...
"This is uhh, This is a new song..."
"It's through the eyes of one of the greatest people alive, I feel..."
"The Lunchlady"
[Laughing]

Woke up in the morning
Put on my new plastic glove
Served some reheated salisbury steak
With a little slice of love
Got no clue what the chicken pot pie is made of
Just know everything's doing fine
Down here in Lunchlady Land

Well I wear this net on my head
'Cause my red hair is fallin' out
I wear these brown orthopedic shoes
'Cause I got a bad case of the gout
I know you want seconds on the corndogs
But there's no reason to shout
Everybody gets enough food
Down here in Lunchlady Land

Well yesterday's meatloaf is today's sloppy joes
And my breath reeks of tuna
And there's lots of black hairs coming out of my nose
In Lunchlady Land your dreams come true
Clouds made of carrots and peas
Mountains built of shepherds pie
And rivers made of macaroni and cheese
But don't forget to return your trays
And try to ignore my gum disease
No student can escape the magic of Lunchlady Land

Hoagies & grinders, hoagies & grinders
Hoagies & grinders, hoagies & grinders
Navy beans, navy beans, navy beans
Hoagies & grinders, hoagies & grinders
Navy beans, navy beans
Meatloaf sandwich
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe

Well I dreamt one morning
That I woke up to see
All the pepperoni pizza
Was a-looking at me
It screamed, why do you burn me
And serve me up cold
I said I got the spatula
Just do what you're told
Then the liver & onions
Started joining the fight
And the chocolate pudding
Pushed me with all its might
And the chop suey slapped me
And it kicked me in the head
It's called revenge Lunchlady
Said the garlic bread
I said what did I do
To make you all so mad
They said you got flabby arms
And your breath is bad
Then the green beans said
You better run and hide
But then my friend sloppy joe came
And joined my side
He said if it wasn't for the Lunchlady
The kids wouldn't eatcha
You should be shakin' her hand
And sayin' please to meet ya
She gives you a purpose
And she gives you a goal
You should be kissin' her feet
And kissin' her mole
Now all the angry foods
Just leave me alone
And we all live together
In a happy home

Thanks to
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe

[Spoken]
Well me & sloppy joe got married
We got six kids and we're doing' just fine
Down in Lunchlady Land

And now the severe beating of a high school spanish teacher.

[Lecturing]
[Writing on chalk board]
"Juan es muy guapo."
[Door opens, walking towards her]

"Hola."
"Senor?"
"Hay problema?"
"Mi casa es su casa."
[Scream]
[Beating sounds]
"Ayuda! Ayudame!"
[Beating sounds]
"Ayudame!"
[Beating sounds]
"Bibliotecha!"
[Beating sounds]
"No!"
[Beating sounds]
[Beating sounds]
[Falls to the floor]

Car approaches]
Toll Booth Willie: "Welcome to Worchester. Dollar twenty-five please."
M1: "Hey, how ya doin' Toll Booth Willie?"
Toll Booth Willie: "Good! Thanks fer askin, pop!"
M1: "Aww, that's great, you know, considering yer a fuckin' idiot!"
[Pays toll and drives off]
Toll Booth Willie: "Go fuck yourself you son of a bitch! I'll come right
outta the booth and fuckin' whack ya, you fuckin' prick!"

[Another car approaches]
M2: "Hey, hey, Willie! Hows it going?"
Toll Booth Willie: "Hey, can't complain, pop. Hows 'bout you?"
M2: "Oh, great, great. How much?"
Toll Booth Willie: "The state charges a dollar twenty-five, pop."
M2: "That's fine. Now should I give you the money, or should I shove the
quarters directly up your fat ass!?"

[Pays toll and drives off]
Toll Booth Willie: "Why you fuckin' hard on! I'll fucking Carlton Fisk
yer fuckin' head with a Louise-ville fuckin' slugger! Whadya think of
that ass fuck!?"

[Another car approaches]
F1: "Hi Willie."
Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, nice to see ya M'am. Not a bad day, huh?"
F1: "Well, I'm a little lost. Could you help me out? I hear your the
best with directions."
Toll Booth Willie: "Well I know my way around New England. I can tell ya
that much. So where ya headed?"
F1: "Well, I was just wondering exactly which is the best way to drive
up your ass. You know, if you'd tell me, I'd appreciate it, you fuckin'
prick."
[Drives off]
Toll Booth Willie: "You fuckin' bitch! Fuck you! You forgot to pay the
fuckin' toll you dirty whore! I'll fuckin' drop you with a boot to the
fuckin' skull you cum guzzling queen!"

[Another car approaches]
M3: "Hey Willie."
Toll Booth Willie: "Hey, how are ya?"
M3: "Here's a dollar twenty-five, and go fuck yourself."
[Pays toll and drives off]
Toll Booth Willie: "Dah, you fuckin' prick! I hope you choke on a
fuckin' bottle cap, ya fuckin' son of a fuck! Eat shit! Eat my shit!"

[Another car approaches]
Bishop Nelson: "Hello Willie. Good to see you."
Toll Booth Willie: "Ahhh, Bishop Nelson. Nice to see ya. That was quite
a sermon you had the other day."
Bishop Nelson: "Hey, well I do my best."
Toll Booth Willie: "Dollar twenty-five, Bishop."
Bishop Nelson: "Dollar twenty-five, Willie. Isn't that the same price
your mother charges for a blow job, you piece of dog shit!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
Toll Booth Willie: "Ohhh! Have another one, you fuckin' lush! It's not
my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya fuckin' douche bag!"

[Another car approaches]
M5: "Hey!"
Toll Booth Willie: "Well hey!"
M5: "Yeah, do you want the money, or should I just shove the quarters
directly up your fat ass!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
Toll Booth Willie: "Well, I already heard that one you fuckin'
unoriginal bastard! Go suck a
corn you fuckin' piece of repeatin' shit!"

[Another car approaches]
F2: "Hi."
Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, hi. How are ya?"
F2: "Fine, thank you. How much is the toll please?"
Toll Booth Willie: "For you sweetheart, it's a dollar twenty-five."
F2: "Here ya go."
[Pays toll]
F2: "Thank you."
[Begins to drive off]
Toll Booth Willie: "Hey! Hey! Honey! Would you like a receipt with
that?"
F2: "Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you so much."
[Toll Booth Willie scribbling a receipt for her]
Toll Booth Willie: "And here ya are."
F2: "Umm, do you think you could sign it?"
Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, uh.. sign it?"
F2: "Yeah, sign Toll Booth Willie was here."
Toll Booth Willie: "Ok, sure. Uhh, by the way, what is this for?"
[Signing receipt]
F2: "Just so I could have proof for my friends that I met the biggest
fuckin' dip shit with the smallest dick alive. You understand."
[Drives off]
[Crumples up paper]
Toll Booth Willie: "Fuck you, you fuckin' upity bitch! I'll fuckin' fuck
you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front of your fuckin'
mothers! You're gonna die, bitch! I'm comin' outta the booth!" [Opens
the door and runs out of the booth]

[Car screeches and hits him]
Toll Booth Willie: "Ooooh! My fuckin' leg!"
M6: "Hey! You ran over Toll Booth Willie!"
M7: "Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over
a dried up stinky dick licker."
Toll Booth Willie: "Why you fuckin' pricks. I fuckin' hear every fuckin'
word yer saying!
When this fuckin' leg heals, I'm gonna kick you guys new fuckin'
assholes!

[Everyone cussing eachother out

Richie: "So ya doin' good?"
Samantha: "Ya, I'm fine, how 'bout you?"
Richie: "How good could I be? I haven't seen you in three hours."
Samantha: "Ohhh, Richie. Hey Richie, my dad's down the hall, and he
doesn't want me on the
phone. So if I hang up on you, it's just because he's coming."
Richie: "Ok. So look, uh, do you wanna meet at the Spring Fling Dance
thi..."
[She hangs up phone]

[Phone rings]
Richie: "Hello?"
Samantha: "Sorry, I thought he was coming."
Richie: "That's ok. So, about the dance. Do you wanna meet
Samantha: "Umm, well my brother gets the car on Friday nights."
Richie: "Well that's ok, I'll come by and get you. Lets say around..."
[She hangs up phone]
Richie: "Come on.."

[Phone rings]
Richie: "Hey."
Samantha: "Sorry. I guess he was just going to the bathroom."
Richie: "That's ok. Well look, uh.. what was I saying? Oh yeah, should I
pick you up at like
seven-thirty or maybe do you wanna go later when the dance is really
kickin.."
[She hangs up the phone again]
Richie: "Give me a break..."

[Phone rings]
Richie: "Hello."
Samantha: "Sorry. It was just my dog."
Richie: "Hey, what's your dad's problem anyways!? Why can't we talk?"
Samantha: "He just thinks I'm on the phone too much. Oh my God, uh, I
gotta go."
Richie: "Don't hang up!"
Samantha: "Richie, I can't talk!"
Richie: "No, I'm sick of this! Put your dad on the phone! I wanna talk
to him."
Samantha: "It's not my dad."
Richie: "What? Well, who's there? Why can't you talk?"
Samantha: "Uh, just look Richie, someone is here."
Richie: "Who's there? Is it a guy!?"
Samantha: "Richie!"
Richie: "I knew it! I'll kill him! Put him on the phone!"
Samantha: "oh.. it's just.. hold on."

[Hands phone to guy]
Richie: "Hey man! What the hell are you doing there!? Samantha's my
girl!
You'd better stay away from her or I'll make you wish you were never
born!"
Buffoon: "Fuckin' shit!"
Richie: "Yeah, fuckin' shit is right buddy! Don't think I'm kidding
around, man! I'm crazy! I'll
smash your head in! I swear to God!"
Buffoon: "One time I saw my Grandmother in the shower. Her bush starts
above her belly
button."
Richie: "Yeah, well that's too bad! But I'm still gonna come over there
and beat your face in!"
[Richie slams down phone]

Samantha: "What happened? Was he mad?"
Buffoon: "My neighbor's dog has a four inch clit!"
Samantha: "Oh Buffoon, you're the coolest." [Whispering] "I love you.

When I'm feeling down
And feeling sad
You come around
And make me glad
I got you
Oh, my little chicken

I love your feet
I love your breasts
I love the way you eat gravel
To help you digest
Oh, my little chicken

People say you're using me
In your heart you're a killer
But I know the worst
I should fear is
A slight case of salmonella
So lie right back
Don't you cry
If an egg can fit in there
Why can't I.....mmmmmmm
Oh my little

Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawk
Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawk
Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawking Bawk,
Bawk, Bawk, Bawking Bawk

You're my love
My little chicken likes
To wear garter belts