Primus - They Can'T All Be Zingers / Standard Version (2006) by Primus (보컬) on maniadb.com

What if Christmas didn't come this year
And no one paid for Christmas cheer?
Who would cry the biggest tear,
The child or the store?
Why do brides wear virgin white?
Most do not deserve that right.
But to choose a color of their delight
Would surely bring on the frowns.
To defy the laws of tradition
Is a crusade only of the brave.
Suppose the taxman, he comes to town,
And you don't lay your money down.
Yet Mr. Jones he killed Mr. Brown the other day.
Well I wonder, who's gonna go to hell.

TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE BEING SHOT IN THE DARK.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE TRAINED NOT TO BARK.
AT THE SIGHT OF BLOOD THAT MUST BE SPILLED SO THAT WE MAY MAINTAIN OUR OIL FIELDS.
TOO MANY PUPPIES.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE TAUGHT TO KILL.
ON THE COMMAND OF MEN WEARING MONEY BELTS THAT BUY MISTRESSES SLEEK ANIMAL PELTS.
TOO MANY PUPPIES.

TOO MANY PUPPIES WITH GUNS IN THEIR HANDS.
TOO MANY PUPPIES IN FOREIGN LANDS.
ARE DRESSED UP SHARP IN SUIT OF GREEN AND PLACED UPON THE WAR MACHINE.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE JUST LIKE ME.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE AFRAID TO SEE.
THE VISIONS OF THE PAST BROUGHT TO LIFE AGAIN.
TOO MANY PUPPIES.
TOO MANY DEAD MEN.

Too many puppies are being shot in the dark.
Too many puppies are trained not to bark.
At the sight of blood that must be spilled so that we may maintain
Our oil fields.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies are taught to heal.
Too many puppies are trained to kill.
On the command of men wearing money belts that buy mistresses
Sleek animal pelts.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Skinny was born in a bathtub
And he grew so incredibly thin
Even the tide from the eyedropper sucked him in
Skinny never knew any questions
Skinny never looked alike
Skinny sold somethin' every single night
Skinny sold a soldier to me
Skinny sold the wife
Skinny sold a suction cup and a knife
Skinny found a hello dolly record in the house.
Sold it to a truck driver in the night.
Too many puppies with guns in their hands.
Too many puppies in foreign lands.
Are dressed up sharp in suits of green and placed upon the war machine.
Too many puppies are just like me.
Too many puppies are afraid to see.
The visions of the past brought to life again,
Too many puppies, too many dead men.

Jerry was a race car driver
And he drove so goddamned fast
He never did win no checkered flag
But he never did come in last
Jerry was a race car driver
He'd say "El solo number one"
With a bocephus sticker
On his 442 he'd light 'em up
Just for fun
Captain Pierce was a fireman
Richmond engine

I've seen them out at Soco
They're pounding sixteen penny nails
The truckers on the interstate
Have been known to ride the rails
The sweat is beating on the brow
Can't keep these fellas down
'Cause those damned blue-collared tweekers
Are runnin' this here town

I knew a man who hung drywall
He hung it mighty quick
A trip or two to the blue room
Would help him do the trick
His foreman would pat him on the back
Whenever he would come around
'Cause these dammed blue-collar tweekers
Are beloved in this here town

Now the union boys are there
To protect us from all the corporate type
While curious George's drug patrol
Is out here hunting snipe
Now they try to tell me different
But you know I ain't no clown
'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers
Are the backbone of this town

Now the flame that burns twice as bright
Burns only half as long
My eyes are growing weary
As I finalize this song
So sit back and have a cup o' joe
And watch the wheels go round
'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers
Have always run this town

Said Tommy the Cat as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter
may have nestled its way into his mighty throat.
Many a fat alley rat had met its demise while staring point blank down
the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine.
Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator.
Tommy the cat had many a story to tell,
But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did.
She came slidin' down the alleyway like butter drippin' off a hot biscuit.
The aroma, the mean scent, was enough to arouse suspicion in even the
oldest of Tigers that hung around the hot spot in those days.
The sight was beyond belief.
Many a head snapped for double - even triple - takes as this vivacious
feline made her her way into the delta of the alleyway where the most
virile of the young tabbys were known to hang out.
They hung in droves. Such a multitude of masculinity could only be
found in one place...
And that was O'malley's Alley.
The air was thick with cat calls (no pun intended),
But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch as she sauntered up into
the heart of the alleyway.
She knew what she wanted.
She was lookin' for that stud bull, the he cat.
And that was me.
Tommy the Cat is my name and I say unto thee...
Say baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby do you wanna lay down by my side
Ah baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby?...Say baby

My name is Mud
Not to be confused with Bill or Jack or Pete or Dennis
My name is mud and it's always been
'Cause I'm the most boring sons-a-bitch you've ever seen
I dress in blue-yes navy blue
)From head to toe I'm rather drab except my patent shoes
I make 'em shine, well most the time
'Cept today my feet are troddin' on by this friend of mine
Six foort two and rude as hell
I got to get him in the ground before he starts to smell
My name is Mud

My name is Mud, but call me Alowishus Devadander Abercrombie
That's long for Mud so I've been told
Told that by this sonsabitch that lies before me bloated blue and cold
I've got my pride, I drink my wine
I'd drink the finest except I haven't earned a dime in several months
Or were it years
The breath on that fat bastard could bring any man to tears
We had our words, a common spat
So I kissed him upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat
My name is Mud

Hello Mr. Krinkle
How are you today?
Seems the rumors are about your team might move away
Now, me I'm sentimental
But I'm not one to cry

Say there Mr. Krinkle let's cruise the Bastard boat
Damn then sonsabitches with their gill-nets set afloat
I flip on my tele and I watch the waters die
C'mon Mr. Krinkle tell me why

Hey ho Mr. Krinkle have you heard the brand new sound
It's a cross between Jimi Hendrix
Bocephus, Cher and James Brown
It's called "Heavy Hometown"
New Wave, cold-filtered, low-calorie dry
C'mon Mr. Krinkle tell me why

I've been to hell. I spell it, I spell it DMV
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
Stood there and I've waited and choked back the urge to scream
And if I had my druthers I'd screw a chimpanzee-call it pointless

When I need relief I spell it THC
perhaps you may know vaguely what I mean
I sit back and smoke away huge chunks of memory
As I slowly inflict upon myself a full lobotomy-call it pointless

Barbecues, tea kettles, gobs of axle grease
There comes a time for every man to sail the seas of cheese
Now, life's a bowl of bagel dogs, but there are unpleasantries
Cold toilet seats, dentist chairs and trips to DMV-call it pointless

I've been to hell. I spell it, I spell it DMV
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
I've stood in line and waited near an hour and fifteen
And if I had my druthers I'd screw that chimpanzee-call it pointless

They headed southward from San Francisco,
To be with Chuckles and the others.
With electric in the air and peroxide in their hair,
They looked like golden brothers.
They drove a Datsun, an automatic,
The radio blaring static,
He made a face into the light
and burst out laughing at the sight.
The hysteria ensuing would dominate the night.
From all the candy, the seats were sticky,
As they were drawn into the grapevine.
Then "Introduce Yourself" came on
as they barreled through the fog.
The demon puffing madly on a mentholated log.
They were tired, they were sleepy,
So they parked behind the Roxy.
Adam left to use the phone, so he sat there all alone,
When Adam's voice come beaming through on the radio,
He started laughing...

Wynona's got herself a big brown beaver
And she shows him off to all her friends
One day, you know, that beaver tried to leave her,
So she caged him up with cyclone fence

Along came Lou with the old baboon
And said "Recognize that smell?
Smells like seven layers,
That beaver eats Taco Bell"
(Come on)

Now Rex was a Texan out of New Orleans
And he travelled with the carnival shows
He ran bumper cars, sucked cheap cigars
And he candied up his nose

He got wind of the big brown beaver
So he though he'd take himself a peek,
But the beaver was quick
And grabbed him by the kiwis
And he ain't pissed for a week
(And a half!)

Now Wynona took her big brown beaver
And she stuck him up in the air
Said "I sure do love this big brown beaver
And I wish I did have a pair"

Now the beaver once slept for seven days
And it gave us all an awful fright
So I tickled his chin and I gave him a pinch
And the bastard tried to bite me

Wynona loved her big brown beaver
And she stroked him all the time
She pricked her finger one day and it
Occurred to her she might have a porcupine
(Come on)

Quite a surprise
What an ingenious device
Boredom encompasses my time
I don't know what I should do

Indulging a moment of your time
Seldom the breeder of lies
But you won't believe that it's true
They take to the sky

Southbound Pachyderm

Pinholes through cardboard
At the Sun
Passing the bucks by one by one
Leaving nothing in return

Watching the majest blow past
Speculating which will be the last
Savoring my piece of pie

And there is no reprise
They're filling the sky
Southbound Pachyderm

They broke out in laughter again
His lip beaded with sweat as they strapped him in
And he stood by and waited to be called

The talk was of times that'd gone by
And the quantity and quality of women they lie
His eyes welled with wet and his mouth had gone dry

As he stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited like the others before
For his turn to go over the falls

He got up and tried it again
For lack of persistence is surely a sin
As he stood by and waited to be called

He looked to the lightning with glee
And admired his vessel for it's symmetry
Feeling twelve units shy of a bachelor's degree

As he stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited like the others before
For his turn to go over the falls

There's a time for lies
And a time for truth
I say, eye for an eye
Eye for a tooth

When I roamed young
I'd scavenge around
Every nook and cranny
Of our little town

It's nice, so nice, to be

Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
SHAKE HANDS WITH BEEF

She's so fine
She's so sweet
Mom and Pop they raised her
On huge slabs of meat

She's fine

A man of nine
Water derby day
Twenty six pumps
On a Crossman
And it's time to play

It's nice, so nice, to be

Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
SHAKE HANDS WITH BEEF

He wasn't lookin' for fanfare or fame
but it all came around just the same.
He then met a girl with desire in her eye,
he gave her love, she took his name.

The times they were good, the times they were bad,
most times it was just in between.
The hard pill he swallowed was the times that they had,
she put on display for all to be seen.

Some find their solace in work or the lord,
she was quite content in her dream.
When his eyes they burned from the bright lime light,
he found comfort in the bottle of Ol' Jimmy Beam.

One day from the depths of his deep darkened hole,
he reached out for something to feel.
She offered back nothin' but lack of respect
so he left himself out with two barrels of steel.

She cried in the day, she cried in the night.
She cried loudest when someone was near.
Whether crying for him or she cried for herself,
the bigger the camera, the bigger the tear.

Most folks agree that she was living a hell
and publicly she showed her pain.
And never once was there a thought for herself,
and the ever-growing slices of fortune and fame.

Now on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride
on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride.
On the coattails of a dead man she'll ride she'll ride,
on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride she'll ride high.

I once had an icecube
Purty little icecube
Now it's gone
Now it's gone

Her name was Mary
Purty little ice cube
Now she's gone
Now she's gone

She was so shiny,
My purty little icecube
Now she's gone
Where she gone?
She's gone with the others
The shiny little icecubes
Movin' on. Movin' on.

She's gone
Doesn't nothin' ever last forever?

I miss my icecube
Purty little icecube
Since she's withdrawn

I held her in my hand
My chilly little icecube
Was it wrong? Was it wrong?

She slipped away
My moist little icecube
To oblivion, oblivion

She left me standing
With tears on my face
On the lawn
So I wrote this song

Purty little icecube
Where have you gone?

Doesn't nothing ever last forever?

Now she's gone
Nothing ever lasts forever

Doesn't nothing ever last forever?

It's been declared
That it's not wise
To prize something too much
I just wish to find something to
Flaunt the right to
Touch so gently

Doesn't nothing ever last forever?