| Disc 1 | ||||||
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| 1. |
| 3:26 | 
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I almost got drunk at school, at fourteen
Where I almost made out with the Homecoming Queen Who almost went on to be Miss Texas But lost to a slut, with much bigger breast-es I almost dropped out to move to LA Where I was almost famous for almost a day And I almost had you But I guess that doesn't cut it Almost loved you I almost wished you would've loved me too I almost held up a grocery store Where I almost did five years and then seven more Cause I almost got bopped for a fight with a thug Cause he almost made off with a bunch of the drugs That I almost got hooked on cause you ran away And I wish I would've had the nerve to ask you to stay And I almost had you But I guess that doesn't cut it Almost had you And I didn't even know it You kept me guessin' and now I'm destined To spend my time missing you I almost wish you would've loved me too Here I go, thinking 'bout all the things I could've done I'm gonna need a forklift, cause all the baggage weighs a ton (baggage weighs a ton) I know we've had our problems, I can't remember one I almost forgot to say something else And if I can't fit it in, I'll keep it all to myself I almost wrote a song about you today But I tore it all up and then I threw it away And I almost had you But I guess that doesn't cut it Almost had you And I didn't even know it You kept me guessin' and now I'm destined To spend my time missing you And I almost had you (almost had you) Almost had you I almost wish you would've loved me too |
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| 2. |
| 3:01 |
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This is the song that reminds me of my trucker hat
That I used to wear not to block out the sun With a john deere logo and a stain on the back From where you laid me out flat one look I was done And all these things mean nothing to me When I’m with you I’ve got everything I could want and I could need Even God he would agree You and I were meant to be It’s easy to see I’ll never go out of style on you And nothing really feels the way you do Nothing in the world could ever make me look as good When you fit me like you do This is the verse about the Parachute pants That I learned to break dance in and thought I was good So much for believing the fat guy doesn’t win get the girl in the end I never thought that I could And all these things mean nothing to me When I’m with you I’ve got everything I could want and I could need Even God he would agree You and I were meant to be It’s easy to see I’ll never go out of style on you And nothing really feels the way you do Nothing in the world could ever make me look as good When you fit me like you do I’m not the perfect guy a little slow but I’ve Got perfect timing with you Got perfect timing with you Take a look around Outside the in crowd There aint nothing we cant do [3X] I’ll never go out of style on you And nothing really feels the way you do Nothing in the world could ever make me look as good When you fit me like you do |
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| 3. |
| 3:13 |
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Woohoohoo
Woohoohoo Debbie just hit the wall She never had it all One Prozac a day Husbands a CPA Her dreams went out the door When she turned twenty four Only been with one man What happened to her plan? She was gonna be an actress She was gonna be a star She was gonna shake her ass On the hood of white snake’s car Her yellow SUV is now the enemy Looks at her average life And nothing has been alright since Bruce Springstien, Madonna Way before Nirvana There was U2 and Blondie And music still on MTV Her two kids in high school They tell her that she’s uncool Cuz she's still preoccupied With 19, 19, 1985 Woohoohoo (1985) Woohoohoo She’s seen all the classics She knows every line Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink Even Saint Elmo’s Fire She rocked out to Wham Not a big Limp Bizkit fan Thought she’d get a hand On a member of Duran Duran Where’s the mini-skirt made of snake skin And who’s the other guy that's singing in Van Halen When did reality become T.V. What ever happened to sitcoms, game shows (Schrynoized voice) on the radio was Springsteen, Madonna Way before Nirvana There was U2 and Blondie And music still on MTV Her two kids in high school They tell her that she’s uncool Cuz she's still preoccupied With 19, 19, 1985 Woohoohoo She hates time make it stop When did Motley Crue become classic rock? And when did Ozzy become an actor? Please make this stop Stop! Stop! And bring back.... Springsteen, Madonna Way before Nirvana There was U2 and Blondie And music still on MTV Her two kids in high school They tell her that she’s uncool Cuz she's still preoccupied With 1985 Woohoohoo Wohoo Bruce Springsteen, Madonna Way before Nirvana There was U2 and Blondie And music still on MTV (woohoohoo) Her two kids in high school They tell her that she’s uncool Cuz she's still preoccupied With 19, 19, 1985 |
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| 4. |
| 2:57 |
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She packed her shit and she left for the city
On the 8:10 train and I still can't believe it Man, I don't even know how we could let this happen She slammed the door and she gave me the finger And we fell so fast I still can't remember You can read it yourself, it's all in the letter Man, I don't even know how we could let this happen Maybe you're right we've had a good time I'll sit around, you get yourself a new life Go get your spot, go find your smile and get happy Heard your back did you find what was missing? Was it just that easy or were you mistaken Man, I don't even know how we could let this happen I don't even know how we could let this happen Maybe you're right We've had a good time I'll sit around you get yourself a new life Go get your spot, go find your smile And just let it shine tonight wherever you are I hope there's a spot (hope there's a spot) Save me a smile And get happy, yeah Happy, yeah Happy, yeah Maybe you're right We've had a good time I'll sit around you get yourself a new life Go get your spot, go find your smile And just let it shine tonight wherever you are I hope there's a spot (hope there's a spot) And save me a smile And get happy Get happy, yeah Get happy, yeah Packed her shit and she left me (find your smile) Slammed the door and she gave me (find your smile) Guess she's back in the city (find your smile) Man, I just hope you're happy |
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| 5. |
| 3:51 |
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She said she needed a break
A little time to think But then she went to Cleveland With some guy named Leland That she met at the bank. Theres nothing wrong with Ohio Except the snow and the rain. I really like Drew Carey And i'd love to see The Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame. So when your done Doing whatever And when you're through Doing whoever You know Denton county Will be right here waiting for you. Come back to Texas It's just not the same Since you went away Before you lose your accent And forget all about The Lonestar state There's a seat for you at the rodeo And i've got every slow dance saved Besides the Mexican food sucks North of here anyway. I think I made a mistake It's not that easy to take She went to make a deposit Then she cleaned out her closet Guess i'll sit here and wait For her to come back home (I wish she'd come back home) It shouldnt take very long (So long, so long) I bet she misses the sunrise and Mrs. Baird's fruit pies (but I could be wrong) So when youre done Doing whatever And when you're through Doing whoever You know Denton county Will be right here waiting for you. Come back to Texas It's just not the same Since you went away I bet you missed your exit And drove right on through the Lonestar state There's a seat for you at the rodeo And i've got every slow dance saved Besides the Mexican food sucks north of here anyway Troy Aikmen wants you back Willie Nelson wants you back NASA wants you back And the Bush twins want you back Pantera wants you back And Bluebell wants you back I got a premonition I'm taking a petition And the whole state's gonna sign (Come back to Texas It's just not the same Since you went away Before you lose your accent And forget all about The Lonestar state There's a seat for you at the rodeo And i've got every slow dance saved) Come back to Texas It's just not the same Since you went away Before you lose your accent And forget all about The Lonestar state There's a seat for you at the rodeo And i've got every slow dance saved Besides the Mexican food sucks North of here anyway. Besides the Mexican food sucks North of here anyway Besides the Mexican food sucks North of here anyway, yeah. |
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| 6. |
| 3:58 |
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Try not to talk when there's nothing to say.
Kept bottled up, we get carried away. Then I fall, then I fall down. Then we fall down. And you know that it makes me feel so ridiculous. A pocket full of posies.. We fall down on the inside; pretty on the outside. Turn it around, can we turn it around? Try to make a comeback with nowhere to start from now. But it's looking up. A second chance, a much better day. A sunset that just won't go away. Then I fall, then I fall down. We all fall down. And you know that it makes me feel so ridiculous. A pocket full of posies.. We fall down on the inside; pretty on the outside. Turn it around, can we turn it around? Try to make a comeback with nowhere to start from now. But it's looking up. And you know you said you'd never end up this way. Close the door behind you, i just wanna stay for a while. We all fall down, we all fall down, we all fall.. Down on the inside; pretty on the outside. Turn it around, can we turn it around? Try to make a comeback with nowhere to start from now. But it's looking up. Down on the inside; pretty on the outside. Turn it around, can we turn it around? Try to make a comeback with nowhere to start from now. But it's looking up. |
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| 7. |
| 4:03 |
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Its not the end of the world
In fact its not even the end of the summer But thank god the tv is on Cuz theres no way we could know Anything that’s goin down Or how were supposed to be feeling about it I cant tell you how much I wish we could shut up and smile, yeah Sail around the world and tell them all to keep singing it la la la la la la all we needs a harmony and we’ll convince the world to sing la la la la la la throw your arms around someone (throw your arms around someone) maybe spread a little love I know it sounds a little dumb (or maybe I’m a little drunk) But all we need is some ice cream and a hug Take a good look around Does life really suck Are we just complaining I hope that this mic is on (testing 1, 2) Cuz im on a roll here I hope this is making some sense I hope that you’ll throw up your hands and sing it And tell all the haters that they should just shut up and smile, yeah Sail around the world and tell them all to keep singing it la la la la la la all we needs a harmony and we’ll convince the world to sing la la la la la la throw your arms around someone (throw your arms around someone) maybe spread a little love I know it sounds a little dumb (or maybe I’m a little drunk) But all we need is some ice cream All we need is love and beer And old school metal and holiday cheer TO be happy (All you need is someone near) like ben and jerry (to hold you close and pretend that they care) can we all just, get along now we found something that we all have in common now we can hold hands, do keg stands water skiing sounds great to me now Sail around the world and tell them all to keep singing it la la la la la la all we needs a harmony and we’ll convince the world to sing la la la la la la throw your arms around someone (throw your arms around someone) maybe spread a little love I know it sounds a little dumb (or maybe we’re a little drunk) But all we need is some ice cream and a hug (Chanting “All we need is love and beer”) all we need is some ice cream and a hug all we need is some ice cream and a hug all we need is some ice cream and a hug |
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| 8. |
| 3:32 |
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You, you called me out You said your done with me But I can't seem to remember anything at 3am Am I that guy? The one that's happy hanging with my friends And 5 drinks in I'm in love again So if I get drunk and call u up Don't get pissed and don't hang up I know it's late but it's never too late to be Another last call casualty I can't remember what I said But I swear I meant no harm I tried to knock on your window But I set off your alarm And the days dragged on like a tail pipe band The nights they ain't so long And the taxi cab I'm riding in is blaring our favorite song again So if I get drunk and call u up Don't get pissed and don't hang up I know it's late but it's never too late to be Another last call casualty I'm sorry a guy picked up the phone My mind couldn't leave well enough alone And after the seventh time he hit *69 He said if he finds me I'll be dead But im already in my head Since he's the one that's lying with you in your bed So if I get drunk and call u up Don't get pissed and don't hang up I know it's late but it's never too late to be Another last call casualty So if I get drunk and call u up Don't get pissed and don't hang up (another last call casualty) I know it's late but it's never too late to be Another last call casualty Another last call casualty So if I get drunk and call u up Don't get pissed and don't hang up (another last call casualty) So if I get drunk and call u up Don't get pissed and don't hang up (another last call casualty) So if I get drunk and call u up Don't get pissed and don't hang up (another last call casualty)
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| 9. |
| 3:26 |
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I don’t wanna meet your dad
Don’t wanna hump your sister Don’t wanna do it to your best friend either I don’t want you messin around and givin me a blister And leave me illin for the penicillin When you walk out I don’t wanna feel left out Cuz sooner or later its just over, over I don’t wanna get inside your mind or your pants I don’t wanna waste my time with love and romance I want my next-ex-girlfriend, my next-ex-girlfriend I don’t want the fairy tale and I don’t want the girl from hell Don't wanna be your biggest mistake You can be my next-ex-girlfriend, my next-ex-girlfriend I don’t wanna learn to dance don’t wanna rent the limo I know your thinking I’m a weirdo I just want the bragging rights I want to let the world know Convince my friends I’m not a homo When you walk out I don’t wanna feel left out Cuz sooner or later its just over, over I don’t wanna get inside your mind or your pants I don’t wanna waste my time with love and romance I want my next-ex-girlfriend, my next-ex-girlfriend I don’t want the fairy tale and I don’t want the girl from hell Don't wanna be your biggest mistake You can be my next-ex-girlfriend, my next-ex-girlfriend Tell everyone im good in the sack But all your friends were giving you flack And you just couldn’t put up with that So no your never taking me back I don’t wanna get inside your mind or your pants I don’t wanna waste my time with love and romance I want my next-ex-girlfriend, my next-ex-girlfriend I don’t want the fairy tale and I don’t want the girl from hell And I don’t want to spend the time And I don’t need no valentine My next-ex-girl friend, my next-ex-girlfriend |
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| 10. |
| 3:57 |
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When I came home my stuff was on the lawn
I thought she was happy, but I was wrong The note she left it took me by surprise Said I’ve turned into, some other guy The things she said that she gave up for me She says it was a waste of time Guess I don’t really know, what I was thinking Would’ve thought we would float, but we kept sinking Things were so good But you were in love, with some other guy He looked just like me, but I make you cry, You know I don’t mean to, I’m just an asshole sometimes I never saw myself as being alone And maybe that was my problem, cuz now she’s gone And I can’t help but think of how things could be (how things could be) And I hope she’s happy, happy with out me And all the things she gave up for me, I took for granted time after time Guess I don’t really know, what I was thinking Would’ve thought we would float, but we kept sinking Things were so good But you were in love, with some other guy He looked just like me, but I make you cry, You know I don’t mean to, I’m just an asshole sometimes And please don’t think I’m complaining I was just happy to have her for a time And if you see her tell her I said ”hello and that I’m doing just fine” Guess I don’t really know, what I was thinking Would’ve thought we would float, but we kept sinking Things were so good But you were in love, with some other guy He looked just like me, but I make you cry, You know I don’t mean to, no You know I don’t mean to I’m just an asshole sometimes Guess I don’t really know I’m just an asshole sometimes Guess I don’t really know I’m just an asshole sometimes Guess I don’t really know Guess I’m an asshole sometimes |
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| 11. |
| 3:02 |
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...2...3...
This song goes out to my good friends Especially the ones I had before the Grammy Nominations in 2003 And to all the girls from back in high school Who actually spoke to me even though I was a fat kid and a marching band geek I hope this song finds you well And I hope that you're doin' fuckin' swell I hope that you're back up if you've ever been down And I hope you got the fuck out of our hometown! Here comes a shout-out to the professor Who said, "Son, pick a path and stay the same, cause charisma is the key to opportunity." And to all the clubs that let us play To our family and friends and the music stores for giving us gear when we couldn't pay. I hope this song finds you well And I hope that you're doin' fuckin' swell I hope that you're back up if you've ever been down And I hope you got the fuck out of our hometown! You know I can't count how many times I've heard people say (heard people say) Be proud of where you're from, you're gonna put us on the map But where the hell were you back in the day? (back in the day) No one came to see us so we got the hell out of there, so there. You have a d-d-d-d-d-d this song goes out to my big brother For putting up with me following you around And for making me smile when things at home weren't great And for not getting pissed when I humped your girlfriend For letting me take your car to the prom For beating up the guys that hung my bike in a tree For hand-me-down albums and guitar with no strings And for never beating the shit outta me! I hope this song finds you well And I hope that you're doin' fuckin' swell I hope that you're back up cause I know you've been down I just wish you'd get the fuck out of our hometown! I hope you get the fuck out of our hometown! I'm so glad I got the fuck out of our hometown! You know what I'm talking about, dontcha? Dammit! |
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| 12. |
| 4:02 |
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She don't even know exactly where she wants to go
Is that a double negative oh never mind let's go To the next line of the story I met her at the smoothie king she said Seattle's best She may be right think I remember coffee on her breathe She smoked cigarettes, I chewed bubble gum I know I shouldn't take it but I think I kind of like it When she tells me that I'm dumb And this may sound pathetic but I think that we can make it We'll go on and on and on and on Love songs suck and fairy tales aren't true And happy ending Hollywood is not for me and you So add it up and break it down It's not that hard to figure out You're crazy and I'm crazy about you Everyone around me says she brings a brother down And mommy thinks she's great but then again she's not around To see her throw a fit, borderlining conniption And all this only matters if we listen anyway And she's all I can think about so I must not be gay I'm a lunatic and she's my psychopath I know I shouldn't take it but I think I kind of like it When she tells me that I'm dumb And this may sound pathetic but I think that we can make it We'll go on and on and on and on Love songs suck and fairy tales aren't true And happy ending Hollywood is not for me and you So add it up and break it down It's not that hard to figure out You're crazy and I'm crazy about you And we are the lucky ones we'll get matching tee shirts airbrushed at the mall Hang out at the pretzel stand and make fun of people and laugh if someone falls Watch everyone else hold hands and try so hard and maybe we'll start to see That you and me we're not so crazy Michael Bolton (never liked him) Celine dion Air Supply And now… ME Love songs suck and fairy tales aren't true (Love songs make me sick cuz they're not true) And happy ending Hollywood is not for me and you Hollywood California So add it up and break it down (add it up and break it down) It's not that hard to figure out You're crazy and I'm crazy about you Love songs make me sick cuz they're not true You're crazy and I'm crazy about you Crazy cuz im crazy about you Your crazy and im crazy about you… yeah |
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| 13. |
| 2:26 |
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Alright, this is sad, sad, situation. 1…2……..3
Hitched a ride I was so messed up But I sure was glad to meet ya You took my heart like they towed my car And they're both still broken down Oh well it looked pretty good on paper And I've come to find out later that you're insane Turn me off I've had enough I'm better off without anyone I was wrong Maybe you should stay. Away. You came to stay cause they were painting your house And you're still here six months later You spent my money on god knows what But it sure did cost a lot Well it's a sad, sad situation Now I need a goddamned vacation Cause you're insane Turn me off I've had enough I'm better off without anyone I was wrong Maybe you should stay. Away. I'm self absorbed (self absorbed) And shallow too (he's shallow too) And all I wanted was to sleep with you A basket case, with a pretty face And I can't take this shit no more. Anymore Turn me off I've had enough I'm better off without anyone I was wrong Maybe you should stay Turn me off I've had enough I'm better off without anyone I was wrong Maybe you should stay. Away. Away Away |
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| 14. |
| 3:43 |
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(Maybe I'll get through it)
Not much to lean on, I'll get through it You know I do it to myself anyway She's got my calls blocked and she's through with it You know I do it to myself anyway You know I think it might be time To give myself a rise and shine And I'll be happy and my couch is gonna miss me And all the girls will wanna kiss me Gotta get my shit together (Gotta get my shit together) Cause this is dragging on and on And I can't wait around forever (I can't wait around forever) I'm starting to think she really might be gone (Yeah) She's got a boyfriend, I'm looking through it And I can't do it to myself anyway And I won't slam her cause I blew it You know I do it to myself anyway And maybe she doesn't have the time To deal with issues such as mine And she'll be happy but I swear she's gonna miss me Cause all the girls will wanna kiss me Gotta get my shit together (Gotta get my shit together) Cause this is dragging on and on And I can't wait around forever (I can't wait around forever) I'm starting to think she really might be gone And I Didn't want us to say I didn't want us to say (Yeah) And I I'm better off this way I'm better off this way without you anyway Gotta get my shit together (It's dragging on) Cause this is dragging on and on And I can't wait around forever (She might be gone) I'm starting to think she really might be gone Gotta get my shit together (Gotta get my shit together) I've gotta get my shit together (I can't wait around forever) Gotta get my shit together (She might be gone) Yea! Oh! C'mon! (Yeah that is BS) |
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| 15. |
| 3:37 |
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(Ladies and Gentlemen!
In this corner, weighing in at 131 pounds... I'm sorry, correction, 126 pounds, It's the girl that broke my heart! Isn't she lovely folks? Just look at that smile! Draws me in every time...) Someone call a medic, cause I think she's gonna strike again, She slammed down the phone and gave the finger to the nightstand, That holds the picture in the heart-shaped frame we bought at Target, Yes I think we got a problem but I can't put my finger on it. It seems like you told me I'm in over my head, But all I remember is making out constantly, If I don't get out then I'll probably end up dead, She's the undisputed champ of my world. Down for the count, Over and out, Toss in the towel cause she really got the best of me. I can't hang around, get kicked while I'm down, What was that sound? I just wish, the f-ing bell would ring. (Let's get ready for verse number 2!) The message on the cell says she's wating on the call for me, To tell her that I'm sorry, I can come back if I crawl. But I got bad knees, and I can't say that I'm sorry, 'Cept I'm sorry that I met you, now my guard's up and I'm fightin' dirty. (Wooh!) It seems like you told me I'm in over my head, But all I remember is making out constantly, If I don't get out then I'll probably end up dead, She's the undisputed champ of my world. Down for the count, Over and out, Toss in the towel cause she really got the best of me. I can't hang around, get kicked while I'm down, What was that sound? I just wish, the f-ing bell would ring. (7...8...9...10! Knockout!) It seems like you told me I'm in over my head, But all I remember is making out constantly, If I don't get out then I'll probably end up dead, She's the undisputed champ of my world. Undisputed champ of my world, and I'm begging to be Down for the count, Over and out, Toss in the towel cause she really got the best of me. I can't hang around, get kicked while I'm down, What was that sound? I just wish, the f-ing bell would ring. (Phone Message) |
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| 16. |
| 3:55 |
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I wanna wake up in your arms
I wanna set off your alarm I wanna break into your car and I wanna take out the back seat The one where you told me everything I thought I'd always wanted to hear The one where you told me that it's over And everytime you look in your rear view mirror I hope you see me And all the stuff we did when we were back there together, uh huh I hope you like your two-seater, no radio Keymarks parallel to the pinstripes Windows broken, your t-top's stolen Now it's one of a kind, thanks for the ride I gotta get the hell out of dodge I just spent the whole night avoiding the cops And I just don't think I'll go to the clink Just 'cause I took out the backseat Remember you told me everything I thought I always wanted to hear And that's where you told me that it's over And everytime you look in your rear view mirror I hope you see me And all the stuff we did when we were back there together, uh huh I hope you like your two-seater, no radio Keymarks parallel to the pinstripes Windows broken, your t-top's stolen Now it's one of a kind, thanks for the ride Can you hear your radio? I bet you can't hear your radio So you'll never know I wrote this song (for you) Sorry that your tires are flat No, you really weren't expecting that Guess I got a little carried away So when you look in your rear view mirror I hope you see me there I hope you like your two-seater, no radio Keymarks parallel to the pinstripes Windows broken, your t-top's stolen Now it's one of a kind, thanks for the ride (No radio) Two-seater, (No radio) thanks for the ride Two-seater, thanks for the ride Two-seater, thanks for the ride |
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| 17. |
| 2:23 |
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1...2...1,2,3 Well it's been ugly but we've made it this far Some have gone but i forget who they are Now the hangovers are worse, but we get through them fine Sleeping late but we're not lazy Getting older but we're still crazy I'm so glad that I have these friends of mine It started out in a coffee shop in a most unlikely town And there were causualties but we made it out anyhow We stuck together through the good and bad times Bump fiction blazing saddles and fast times I'm so glad that I have these friends of mine Jobs, girls, and obstacles did all but break us down Night clubs and broken vans in every major town And I've got your back, and you've got mine Like Johnny Cash said I'll walk the line And you can always count on me for one last beer We saw the world and the world seems smaller We're getting wider but not getting no taller And oh, we've grown up just a little at a time We're sleeping late but we're not lazy We're getting older but we're still crazy Im so glad that i have these friends of mine So glad that I have these friends of mine So glad that I have these friends of mine |
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