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Any old iron? Any old iron?
Any, any, any old iron? You look neat. Talk about a treat! You look so dapper from your napper to your feet Dressed in style, brand-new tile And your father's old green tie on But I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch and chain Old iron, old iron!“ Just a week or two ago my dear old Uncle Bill He went and kicked the bucket and he left me in his will So I went around the road to see my Auntie Jane She said: ?Your Uncle Bill has left you a watch and chain!“ So I put it on right across my derby kell The sun was shining on it and it made me look a swell I went out, strolling round about A crowd of kiddies followed me and they began to shout: ?Any old iron? Any old iron? Any, any, any old iron? You look neat. Talk about a treat! You look so dapper from your napper to your feet Dressed in style, brand-new tile And your father's old green tie on But I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch and chain Old iron, old iron!“ I won't forget the day I went to London on the spree I saw the mayor of London there. That's who I went to see He came along in a carriage and a pair I shouted: ?Come on, boys! All throw your hats up in the air!“ Just then the mayor, he began to smile Pointed to my face and said: ?Lor Lummy, what a dial!“ Started Lord-a-mayoring, and then to my dismay He pointed to my watch and chain and shouted to me: ?Hey Any old iron? Any old iron? Any, any, any old iron? You look neat. Talk about a treat! You look so dapper from your napper to your feet Dressed in style, brand-new tile And your father's old green tie on But I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch and chain Old iron, old iron!“ I shan't forget the day I married Miss Elisa Brown The way the people laughed at me, it made me feel a clown I arrived in a carriage called a hack When I suddenly discovered I'd my trousers front to back So I walked down the aisle, dressed in style The vicar took a look at me and then began to smile The organ started playing. The bells began to ring The people started laughing and the choir began to sing: ?Any old iron? Any old iron? Any, any, any old iron? You look neat. Talk about a treat! You look so dapper from your napper to your feet Dressed in style, brand-new tile And your father's old green tie on But I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch and chain Old iron, old iron!“ |
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Spoken in the style of Laurence Olivier's interpretation of Richard III:
It's been a hard day's night And I've been working like a dog It's been a hard day's night I should be sleeping like a log But when I get home to you I find the things that you do Will make me feel allright You know I work all day To get you money to buy you things And it's worth it just to hear you say You're give me everything So why on earth should I moan? 'Cos when I get you alone You know I'll feel okay When I'm home Everything seems to be right When I'm home Feeling you holding me tight Tight It's been a hard day's night And I've been working like a dog It's been a hard day's night I should be sleeping like a log But when I get home to you I find the things that you do Will make me feel allright |
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Her:
Oh doctor, I'm in trouble Him: Well, goodness gracious me! Her: For every time a certain man Is standing next to me Him: Mmm? Her: A flush comes to my face And my pulse begins to race It goes boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom Him: Oh! Her: Boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom Him: Well, goodness gracious me! Him: How often does this happen? When did the trouble start? You see, my stethoscope is bobbing To the throbbing of your heart Her: What kind of man is he To create this allergy? It goes boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom Him: Oh! Her: Boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom Him: Well, goodness gracious me! Him: From New Delhi to Darjeeling I have done my share of healing And I've never yet been beaten or outboxed I remember that with one jab Of my needle in the Punjab How I cleared up beriberi And the dreaded dysentery But your complaint has got me really foxed! Her: Oh! Her: Oh doctor, touch my fingers! Him: Well, goodness gracious me! Her: You may be very clever But however Can't you see My heart beats much too much At a certain tender touch It goes boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom Him: I like it! Her: Boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom Him: Well, goodness gracious me! Him: Can I see your tongue? Her: Aaah Him: Nothing the matter with it, put it away please Her: Maybe it's my back Him: Maybe it is Her: Shall I lie down? Him: Yes! Her: Ahhh . . . Him: My initial diagnosis Rules out measles and thrombosis Sleeping sickness and, as far as I can tell Influenza, inflammation Whooping cough and night starvation And you'll be so glad to hear That both your eyeballs are so clear That I can positively swear That you are well Ja-ja, ja-ja-ja-ja! Her: Put two and two together Him: Four Her: If you have eyes to see The face that makes my pulses race Is right in front of me Him: Oh, there is nothing I can do For my heart is jumping too Both: Oh, we go boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom Her: Goodness gracious! Him: How audacious! Her: Goodness gracious! Him: How flirtatious! Her: Goodness gracious! Him: It is me! Her: It is you? Him: Ah, I'm sorry, it is us! Both: Ahhh! |
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