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"Oh god, oh god.
Dumping so early in the evening. I really didn't mean that. I really didn't mean that." Above the ground, I'm lifted to the sky, and down like a tumbling weed I found myself stranded high and dry. A circus ride, oh, it only costs a dime, but if you wanna see the fireworks you might have to pay a lifetime. 'Cause love is a carnival with lots of laughs, wonderful rides and danger. But it feels so good. With rockets shootin' in your head, 'round and 'round and 'round you go. Bang, you're dead, baby. Bang, you're dead, baby. Like a boomerang keeps twisting, twisting in your heart. You know the funny part of it is, you always end up where you start. You're headed for big clouds. Got the silver lining. But you're in for a big surprise. There's a river of tears behind it. 'Cause love is a carnival with lots of baubles, bangles and beads. Beware, beware, beware. It feels so good, feels so good. With rockets shootin' in your head, 'round and 'round and 'round you go. Bang, you're dead, baby. Bang, you're dead, baby. Above the ground I'm lifted. Spininng, spinning, spinning out of control. Higher, higher, higher, higher, higher! Above the ground I'm lifted, yeah, to the sky. And down like a tumbling weed I found myself stranded high and dry. A circus ride, you know it, it only costs a dime, but if you wanna see the fireworks you might have to pay. Hey, yeah, yeah, to the sky, high. And down like a tumbling weed I found myself stranded, stranded. Bang, you're dead! |
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"Oh, that's so heavy. We're goanna do a, a Neil Young song. Neil is so heavy. Neil is so mellow and laid back. I'm trying my best to be mellow and laid back. You know, I have even gone organic. Last week I ate an Earth Shoe. Oh, did I sing the ballad yet? Was it wonderful? Oh, did I sing it? I didn't sing it, did I. Oh, so sorry."
Lover, there will be another one to hover over you beneath the sun. Tomorrow, see the things that never come today. And you see me fly away without you. My shadow on the things you know. My feathers fall all around you, they show you the way to go. It's over, baby. I say, it's over, baby. Nestle in your wings my little one. The special morning brings another sun. Tomorrow, see the things that do not come today. And you see me fly away without you. My shadow falling on the things you know. My feathers, they fall all around you, they show you the way to go. Hey, baby. It's over, baby. It's over, baby. I got to fly away. I got to fly away. Gonna close my eyes and I will fly away. You believe it now, fly away. I'm goin' to the sun, to fly away. I'm gonna close my eyes and I will fly away. Oh, one more time. Fly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fly away. Close my eyes and I will fly away. It's over, baby. It's over, baby. My lover, there will be another one to hover over you beneath the sun. Tomorrow, see the things that do not come today. She will show you the way to go. It's over. Thank god, it's over. I'm gonna close my eyes and I will fly away. |
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Oh God, Oh God, life is real life
is when you wanna sing Polly-Wally-Doodle all the day, Well you know, I may well be a sequel to Jaws, in which a shark is attacked by a great white woman, Actually I'm not going to do the sequel to Jaws at all, I'm making the sequel to 'Emanuelle', I call it 'Temple Emanuelle'. Actually it's not dirty at all, it's just a lot of kissing and mezzuzas. And er, one singular sub-plot, in which a woman who has an un-natural relationship with a Kreplach. I know there must be one or two of you out there, who haven't got the vaguest idea what the hell is a Kreplach, and to both of you I say... A Kreplach is a person from Kreplachia, which is a very small fishing nation wedged between Estonia and Latvia, You don't hear from them too much since the iron curtain fell! But every now and again, one or two Kreplach's manage to escape... But NEVER to Cleveland! (Audience Member:) YES! (Audeince Member:) Not True! What!? There we have one Kreplach. Who one Kreplach that managed to get to Cleveland! In fact, I venture to say that was the Kreplach that ate Cleveland! (Audience Member:) Are you sure!? No, Belle Barth used to say: 'Shut your hole honey, mines making money!' (Audience Member:) OH! Ooh, she didn't say that! I never said that, I didn't say that, I never said that! Oh did you hear the news!? You haven't heard the news, I must tell you the news, I am the harbinger of news here. I slept with Jack kennedy (Bette Laughs) You wanna know what else!? They slept with Jack Kennedy! (Points to the Harlette's) Talk about your bad pigs! Really. Oh, I'm sorry Girls. Oh my God, Oh God, Oh God, Alright, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Alright, Alright, Alright! Please forgive me everyone! Please forgive me! Just a little yolk, Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke! |
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Jumping with my boy, Sid
right here in the city. Don't you know that is was grand? Really grand, so grand. And then you came along, then you came along, boy. And sang your groovy song, sang a song and I asked: Mr. Whatchacallem, whatcha doing tonight? Hope you're in the mood because I'm feeling just right. How's about a corner with a table for two? Where the music's mellow is a gay rendezvous. There's no chance romancing with a blue attitude. You know you got to do some dancing to get in the mood. Mr. Watchacallem, I'm indebted to you. You're here. It goes to show what good influence can do. Never felt so happy or so fully alive. He's a jam a jumpin', it's a powerful jive! Swing-a-roo is giving me a new attitude. My heart is full of rhythm and I'm in the mood. In the mood (oh boy) be mine forever. In the groove (that boy) and leave me never. In the mood (oh joy) give me some kissing. You know it won't be long before you're in the mood! Don't be rude, I love you madly. It's up to you, I'll take you gladly. Love is blind, my vision's hazy. It didn't take me long to say I'm in the mood! Do ba do ba do bop boo da da day. Ba da-n-da da-n do da-n do day. Who's that guy with the beautiful eyes? 'N' look at those lips, I'd try 'em for size. Hey! Swing with me! What a wing it'd be! May I intrude? It's time to dance and I'm in the mood! Oh, hold me darling, let's dance. What a dreamy romance. It's a quarter to three. There's a mess-o-that moon. Let's share it with me. You know, I think it's rude to keep me this way when I'm in the mood. I'm in the mood, in the groove! In the mood, ah, ah, ah! Man-oh-man, wow! Now you really got me lookin'. Oh, and you really got me cookin', oh! My heart went flip, my brain went skip. I said c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon. I'm hot now! I love you madly! Right now! I'll take you gladly! Tight now! I'll be in! And now I'm really in the mood, boy! Rompin'! Stompin'! Smokin'! Why don't we go somewhere and smooch, boy? It's got to be right now! It's gotta be right now! It's got to be right now! I'm only saying that it didn't take me long, didn't take me long, didn't take me long to say I'm in the mood. Your flat foot floozy wants a good boy! |
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Hurry on down to my house, honey,
ain't nobody home but me. Hurry on down to my house, baby. Oh, I'm blue as I can be. I love you. You love me. A-hurry through the alley so the neighbors don't see. Hurry on down to my house, honey, ain't nobody home but me. Oooh. hurry on down to my house, baby, ain't nobody home but me. Hurry on down to my house, baby. I'm blue as I can be. Oh, blue when the clock a-went tick-tock-tick. ooh, c'mon, honey, quick, quick, quick. Hurry on down to my house, baby, ain't nobody home but me. Say, hurry, hurry, a-nobody's home. Hurry on down, baby, I'm blue as I can be. Oh, please come down just as soon as you can. If you don't come down, I got to call Sam! You know the man is crazy about me. Ain't nobody home but me . . . ow! "Well, what's goin' on with the three of yous? C'mon, c'mon, make it snappy. C'mon, c'mon, work out, work out! Go, babe, get down, get down! Oh, lord! Nobody's home!" Say, hurry on down to my house, baby, ain't nobody home. Haul it down, drag it down, any way to get it down. I'm blue as I can be. Ashes-to-ashes. Dust-to-dust. C'mon, honey, you must, you must! Hurry on down to my house, baby, ain't nobody home but me. Hurry, hurry. A-nobody's home. Haul it down and drag it down. You know I can't stand to be alone. Operator, get me hillside, 409. A-don't stop ringin' 'til you get that baby's line! He's gonna haul it down! Ain't nobody home but, you believe it, there's nobody home but me! Wo! |
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We'll, I'm leaving my family
I'm leaving all my freinds My body's at home, but my heart's in the wind And the clouds are like headlines Upon a new frontpage sky My tears are saltwater, the moon's full and high And I know Joe Comrad Would be proud of me Many before me 'been called by the say: 'To be up in the crow's nest, Singing my sayin': Shiver me timbers, let's all sail away' And the fog's lifting, the sand's shifting I'm drifting on out Old captain Ahab's got nothing on me Swallow me, don't follow me I'm travelling alone The water's my daughter I'll skip like a stone And the fog's lifting, the sand's shifting I'm drifting on out Old captain Ahab's got nothing on me Swallow me, don't follow me I'm travelling alone The water, she is my daughter I'll skip like a stone Won't you please call my family? Tell 'em not to cry My goodbyes are written by the moon in the sky Say, nobody knows me I got no reason to stay.. Shiver me timbers.1 I'm sailing.. Away |
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I stayed out late one night and you moved in
I didn't mind 'cause of the state you were in May I remind you that it's been a year since then? Today the landlady, she said to me "Your lonely friend just made a pass at me" Perhaps you might enjoy a cottage by the sea So pack your toys away Your pretty boys away Your forty-fives away Your alibis away Your silly lies away Your old tie-dyes away Your one more tries away You're moving out today Your nasty habits aren't confined to bed The grocer told me what you do with bread Why don't you take up with the Baker's wife instead of me? Pack up your rubber duck I'd like to wish you luck Your funny cigarettes Your sixty-one cassettes Pack all your clothes away Your rubber hose away Your old day glows away You're movin' out today I hate to do it You gotta I hate to do it You gotta Hate to do it You gotta Hate to do it You gotta You gotta You gotta Pack up you dirty looks Your songs that have no hooks Your stacks of Modern Screen Your portrait of the queen Your mangy cat away Your baby fat away You're headed that away You're moving out today Pack up your fork and spoon But leave my Lorna Doones Your map of Mozambique Your water bed that leaks La la la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la The reason I'm singing la la is Because I'm so happy you're going Gosh, you've made me miserable I don't think I've ever been so unhappy As I've been this last year with you You are really a dirty, dirty guy Did anyone ever tell you that? Oh, uh, by the way, would you Uh, take off that coat you're wearing? That's my coat you're wearing Ah, yes, thank you, oh, goodbye Parting is such sweet sorrow |
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She was forty-one and her daddy still called her baby.
Everyone in Brownsville thinks she's crazy, 'cause she walks to the station with a suitcase in her hand. And she's looking for a mysterious dark-haired man. In her younger days they called her Delta Dawn. Prettiest woman you ever laid eyes on. But a man of low degree stood by her side, and he promised he would take her for his bride. Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? Did I hear you say he was meeting you here today to take you to his mansion in the sky? Delta Dawn, what's that flower you got on? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? Did I hear you say he was meeting you here today to take you to his mansion in the sky? Delta Dawn, what's that flower you got on? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? Did I hear you say he was meeting you right here today? He's gonna take you to his mansion in the sky. Delta Dawn, oh, what is that flower that you've got on? Could it be, could it be just a faded rose from one of those days gone by? Well, did I hear you say that he was gonna meet you right here, right here today? He's gonna take you to his mansion in the sky. To take you to his mansion in the sky. He's gonna take you, he's gonna take you. Oh, he's gonna take you and you and you and you. Oh, gonna take you, take you to that mansion. He's got to, gonna take you to that mansion. He's gonna take you and you and you and you, oh, you and you and you. Take you to his mansion in the sky. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Gonna take you. Oh, oh. He's gonna take you, gonna take you, he's gonna, he's gonna take you to that mansion, he's gonna take you and you and you, oh . . . |
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"Doctor Long John. My dreams are full of Doctor Long John."
I got a dentist who's over seven feet tall. I have a dentist who's over seven feet tall. His name is Doctor Long John and he answers every call. You know, I went to Long Joh's office. I said, "Doctor, the pain is killing me." I went to Long John's office. I said, "Doctor, the pain is killing." He said, "Don't worry, baby. It's just your cavity needs a little filling." He took out his trusty drill. Told me to open wide. He said he wouldn't hurt me, but he filled my whole inside. Long John, Long John, don't you ever go away. No. 'Cause you thrill me when you drill me, and I don't need no novocain today. Oh, when he got done drilin' he said, "Now, Miss Midler, that is going to cost you ten." "I was prepared to pay twenty" Yeah, yeah, when he got done drillin' he said, "Baby, that is going to cost you ten. But if it ever starts in to throbbing, come back and see old Long John again and again and again and again and again. Oh, yeah. Yow! "Long John. I sold my heart to Doctor Long John and I will never, never be the same. Oh, that's so heavy I just gotta lay back." |
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I was in the woods last night with my boyfriend Ernie, and he said to me "Soph",(he always called me Soph),he said to me "Soph, these woods sure are dark I sure wish I had a flash light", I said to him "so do I Ernie. You have been munching grass for the last ten minutes."
I will never forget it. It was on the occasion of Ernie's eightieth birthday and in honor of the occasion he married a twenty year old girl. And he rang me up the very next day and he said to me "Soph, Soph, I have just married myself a twenty year old girl, what do you think of that". And I said to him "Ernie when I am eighty years old I shall marry myself a twenty year old boy, and let me tell you something Ernie twenty goes into eighty a hell of a lot more than eighty goes into twenty." I was in bed last night with my boyfriend Ernie, and he said to me "Soph, you got no tits and a tight box". I said to him "Ernie get off my back." |
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I was walking down 42nd street one day,
I wasn't workin'42nd street I was walkin 42nd street. And this amazing thing happened to me. It was July it was about 89 degrees. It was hot, hot for New York You know and I was walking east and this humungous person was coming west. And she had this big blue house dress on peppered all over with little white daisies. She was almost bald but sitting on top of her head, forehead you know on her forehead was this fried egg. Which I thought was really unusual. Because in New York City the ladies with the fried eggs on their heads don't generally come out until September or October you know. Here was this lady this demented lady with a little fried egg on her head in the middle of July. God what a sight and ever, ever since I saw that lady not one day goes by that I don't think of her and I say to myself "Oh God, don't let me wake up tomorrow and want to put a fried egg on my head. Oh God." Then I say real fast I say "Oh God, If by chance I should wind up with a fried egg on my head"; cause sometimes you can't help those things you know, you can't. I say to myself "Don't let anybody notice." And then I say real fast after that "if they do notice that I'm carrying something that, that's not quite right and they want to talk about it, let 'em talk about it but don't let 'em talk so I can hear I don't want to hear it." Cause the truth about fried eggs, you can call it a fried egg, you can call it anything you like, but everybody gets one, some people wear 'em on the outside, some people they wear 'em on the inside. |
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We had an aprtment in the city
Me and my husband liked living there it's been years since the kids have grown A life of their own left us alone John and Linda live in Omaha Joe is somewhere on the road We lost Davie in the korean War I still don't know what for Don't matter anymore You know that old trees just grwo stronger and old rivers grwo wilder everyday But old people they just grow lonesome Waiting for someone to say hello in there Hello Me and my husband we don't talk much anymore He sits and stares through the backdoor screen And all the news just repeats itself Like some gorgotten dream that we've both seen Someday I'll go and call up Judy We worked together at the factory Ah, but what would I say When she asks what's new Say "Nothing what 's with you?" Nothing much to do You know that old trees just grow stronger And old rivers grow wilder everyday But old people they just grow lonesome Waiting for someone to say hello in there Hello So if you're walking down the street sometime And you should spot some hollow ancient eye Don't you pass htem by and stare As if you didn't care say "Hello in there!" Hello |
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