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1. |
| 3:42 | 
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Hey girl,
You know our economy's in the toilet But I'm still going to treat you right I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah Tater tots, Cold Duck on ice And we can clip coupons all night And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like) I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah Take you out for dinner, anywhere that you please Like Burger King or Mickey Ds And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like) I said you can even have the large fry (large fry) yeah, yeah Baby, you should know I am really quite a sweet guy When I buy you bathroom tissue I always get the two-ply Want it, you can get it, my dear I got my Costco membership card right here, yeah You like Top Ramen, need Top Ramen Got a cupboard full of 'em, I'll keep 'em coming You want it, I got it, go get it, just heat it Dump the flavor packet on it and eat it Pork and beans and Minute Rice And we can play Cribbage all night And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like) I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah I can take you to the laundromat downtown And watch all the clothes go round and round And baby we can go wherever you like (if you like) I said we can go wherever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah Hottest shorty I know, if you had some lipo You could be second-runner-up Miss Ohio Seven dollar bills rolled Up inside my plastic billfold Buy you a bagel even if it isn't day old And you never ever gotta wear your sister's old clothes As long as I'm still assistant manager at Kinko's Cut your hair with scissors and a soup bowl You ain't got to pay me, that's the way that I roll My chick can have want she want At Wal-mart she can pick out anything she want I know girl you ain't never had a man like that Who doesn't make you buy generic brand like that, Yeah You like my Hyundai, see my Hyundai I can take you to see your cousin Phil next Sunday But that's kind of far and I'm not made of cash Do you think you could chip in for gas? Mac and Cheese would be all right But let's send out for pizza tonight And you can order any toppings you like (if you like) I said you can even have the last slice (the last slice) yeah, yeah Ran myself a cable from my neighbor next do' Now I can get free HBO And baby you can watch whatever you like (if you like) I said you can watch whatever you like (if you like) yeah And you can always ride the city bus Got a stack of tokens just for us Yo, my wallet's fat and full of ones It's all about the Washingtons, that's right You want White Castle, need White Castle Long as you got me it won't be no hassle You want it, we'll get it, just don't be a hater If I grab a bunch of napkins for later Thrift store jeans on sale half-price The underwear at Goodwill is nice And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like) I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah Baby, I can give you anything you please Even share my government cheese And baby you can have as much as you like (if you like) I said you can have as much as you like (if you like) yeah, yeah |
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| 2. |
| 4:53 |
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Whoa, yeah!
You've got a 65 Chevy Malibu With automatic drive, a custom paint job too I'll trade you for my old wheelbarrow And a slightly-used sombrero And I'll even throw in a stapler, if you insist Craigslist I'm on Craigslist, baby, come on Yeah Well, we shared a quick glance Saturday at the mall I never took a chance, never approached you at all You were a blonde half-Asian with a bad case of gas I was wearin' red Speedos and a hockey mask Come on, let's find that love connection that we missed On Craigslist Yeah, Craigslist, come on I'm on Craigslist, baby Maybe you are too Bee bomp a chonk a donk bim bang boo An open letter to the snotty barista At the Coffee Bean on San Vicente Boulevard: I know there were 20 people behind me in line But I was on a cell phone call with my mother Didn't you see me hold up my index finger? That means I'll order my soy decaf hazelnut latte in just a couple minutes So what's with the attitude, lady? No tip for you Got a trash can of Styrofoam peanuts, you can have em for free You can drop by on the weekend and pick em up from me But the trash can ain't part of the deal Only givin' you the peanuts, get real Don't have no Hefty bags, so bring your own Don't bug me with questions on the phone Don't ask for help, don't waste my time And don't complain, cause they won't cost you a dime Just ask yourself Do you want my Styrofoam peanuts? You can have my Styrofoam peanuts Do you want my Styrofoam peanuts? You can have 'em all They're on Craigslist, yeah Craigslist, oh baby, come on I'm on Craigslist, Craigslist, Craigslist I'm on Craigslist, Craigslist, Craigslist now Craigslist |
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| 3. |
| 4:02 |
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I starred in every high school play
Blew every drama teacher away I graduated first in my class at Juilliard Took every acting workshop I could And I dreamed of Hollywood While I read my Uta Hagen and studied the Bard Hit the boards and paid my dues And got phenomenal rave reviews I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt I was sure that Tarantino would be callin' me on the phone Annie Leibovitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone But the years have come and gone And I'm sorry to say that's not the way that it's all worked out I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride Skipper Dan is the name And I'm doin' 34 shows every day And every time it's the same Look at those hippos, they're wigglin' their ears Just like they've done for the last 50 years Now I'm laughin' at my own jokes but I'm cryin' inside Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride Oh, the critics, they used to say I was the new Olivier Thought I'd be the toast of Sundance or maybe Cannes Aw, but don't bother tryin' to IMDB me The only place you might possibly see me Is ridin' my little boat around Adventureland It ain't exactly what I planned But I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride Skipper Dan is the name And I'm doin 34 shows every day And every time it's the same I would've killed if I'd been in "Speed The Plow" But what's the difference, that's all behind me now Cause I'm payin' the rent and I'm swallowin my pride And I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride I should be there on Broadway Knockin' 'em dead in "12 Angry Men" But instead I'm here tellin' these lame jokes Again and again and again and again and again and again and again Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet! That's an African bull elephant... And there it is, the backside of water! What have I done with my life?! I shoulda listened when my grandfather said "Why don't you major in business instead?" Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died And I'll probably work forever as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride Skipper Dan is the name And I'm doin' 34 shows every day And every time it's the same Look at those hippos, they're wigglin their ears Somebody shoot me cause I'm bored to tears Always said I'd be famous... I guess that I lied Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride I'm still workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride |
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| 4. |
| 3:22 |
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Charles Nelson Reilly was a mighty man
The kind of man you'd never disrespect He stood eight feet tall, wore glasses, and had a third nipple on the back of his neck He ate his own weight in coal, excreted diamonds everyday He could throw you down a flight of stairs, but you still would love him anyway Yeah, you know you'd love him anyway Charles Nelson Reilly won the Tour de France with two flat tires and a missing chain He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry, I'm telling you the man was insane He could rip out your beating heart, and show it to you before you died Everyday he' make the host of Match Game give him a piggyback ride Yeah, two hour piggyback ride, giddy up Gene Ninja warrior, master of disguise He could melt your brain with his laser-beam eyes, Oh yeah Oh yeah He had his own line at the DMV He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee Oh yeah Oh yeah, that was something to see, I tell ya Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion, but he never ever told a soul I've seen the man unhinge his jaw, and swallow a Volkswagen whole He'd bash your face in with a shovel if you didn't treat him like a star You could spit at the wind, or tug at Superman's cape But Lord knows you don't mess around with CNR No, no, no Talkin' about CNR |
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| 5. |
| 3:25 |
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Once, not very long ago, I was respected, I was popular (popular, ooh)
But now I hang my head in shame (ahh, ooh) My life is filled with such regret A bad mistake I can't forget And now I'll never be the same Ringtone Why did I buy this stupid ringtone? I just can't imagine now what I was thinking at all (What was I thinking?) My friends all stare at me whenever I get a call Well, everybody (everybody) Everybody (everybody) Everybody in the world really hates my ringtone When my phone goes off at work I look like the biggest jerk Total strangers wanna slap me around When it's ringin' on the terrace My neighbors get embarrassed They're beggin' me to move outta town Well, it made my wife so sick She smashed my iPhone with a brick But I had it fixed, and now it's just fine It's a pain, I sure don't need it And I probably should delete it But for me that would be crossin' the line 'Cause I hate to waste a buck ninety nine Hey, I paid good money for this... Ringtone Why did I buy this stupid ringtone? I just can't imagine now what I was thinking at all (Really, what was I thinking?) My friends all stare at me whenever I get a call Well, everybody (everybody) Everybody (everybody) Everybody in the world really hates my ringtone Ringtone Ringtone Ahh, ooh Chinese factory workers (they hate my ringtone) Muslim women in burqas (really hate my ringtone) Starvin' kids in Angola (they hate my ringtone) Even folks with Ebola (just hate my ringtone) All the nuns and nannies (all the welfare mothers) All the Pakistanis (all the Wayans brothers) Everyone on the land, everyone on the sea Every single person everywhere unanimously Everybody (everybody) Everybody (everybody) Everybody in the whole wide world really hates my Ringtone... ringtone... ringtone... ringtone... ringtone... ringtone... |
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