East is east and west is west And the wrong one I have chose Let's go where they keep on wearin' Those frills and flowers and buttons and bows Rings and things and buttons and bows.
Don't bury me in this prairie Take me where the cement grows Let's move down to some big town Where they love a gal by the cut o' her clothes And you'll stand out, in buttons and bows.
I'll love you in buckskin Or skirts that you've homespun But I'll love ya' longer, stronger Where yer friends don't tote a gun
My bones denounce the buckboard bounce And the cactus hurts my toes Let's vamoose where gals keep a-usin' Those silks and satins and linen that shows And I'm all yours in buttons and bows.
Gimme eastern trimmin' where women are women In high silk hose and peek-a-boo clothes And French perfume that rocks the room And I'm all yours in buttons and bows.
I don't care where I'm going Just as long as I'm with you Put it there, pal. Put it there
I'll be just like your horses And I'll stick to you like glue Put it there, pal. Put it there
I'm glad you're fooling Pepsodent (oh, that happy snow) Stealing all that cash I hear your show on Thursdays (nice, huh?) What a lot of eggs you smash
Well at least I don't depend upon Cologne's big moustache (oh, he gave me the brush) You're faithful and you're fair Put it there (skin me Dad, skin me)
You've got that something in your voice So right for selling cheese (hustle a lot of the stuff) Put it there, pal. Put it there (put that back in the bowl)
You know, I think your jokes are great (really?) It's just that folks are hard to please (they're just snobs, that all) Put it there, pal. Put it there
Your face could make a fortune Just your nose should make a lot (how do you siphon?) I like the way you wear those gaudy-colored shirts you've got, boy The only time a rainbow ever covered up a pot You're such a perfect square (oh-oh, is that on the paper?) (Where? Where?)
Shall we dance Sorry, I have my heavy underwear on Oh, just to once around, to the adrenalin, huh Well, OK, if I lead
My colleague, my crony, my cohort, my friend Companions, confederates, chums to the end Like meat and potatoes, or salt and tomatoes Boy, what a blend
Don't put it in the paper (don't worry about me) Don't put it on the air (I'll finish it) Don't put it in your pipe Put it there
Confidentially, do you like this as well as singing Leave your name with the girl when you go out We may get to you for some crowd noises Be sure and call me All right