Chris Rock

(feat. Lil' Kim)

[All snippets of Monica's +responses+ are Lil' Kim record samples]

[Chris Rock]
Thanks for the interview Monica
Now Monica, everyone seems to think they know ALL there is to know
about Monica Lewinsky -- but Monica, could you tell us one thing
that people would be surprised to know about you?

I used to be scared of the dick; now I throw lips to the shit
Handle it, like a real bitch..

[Chris Rock]
Very interesting! Now Monica, there seems to be a lot of demands
on your time. Could you tell us what a quiet evening with
Monica Lewinsky would be like?

Got buffoons eatin my pussy while I watch cartoons..

[Chris Rock]
Hmm, sounds like fun!
Now Monica, who were your role models?

Zsa Zsa Gabor, Demi Moore, Prince Diane and all them rich bitches..

[Chris Rock]
Now in the transcript, you refer to the President as Butthead
Did the President have any nicknames for you?

Poon-poon nanny-nanny, punanni danni..

[Chris Rock]
Ahh, cute!
Now Monica, you and the President had a lot of phone sex.
What was the one thing that you would say to the President
that would make him acheive orgasm?

Before you nut, I'ma dribble down your buttcheek
Make you wiggle, then giggle just a little..

[Chris Rock]
Now Vernon Jordan helped you get a job
What's the first thing you said when you met Vernon Jordan?

It's on nigga what? Pussy greased up
Stack the G's up, keeps the knees up..

[Chris Rock]
So are you saying you had an affair with Vernon Jordan too?

I made my intro, gettin fucked in the Pinto..

[Chris Rock]
Monica you appear to be having sex with everybody
How do the interns treat you?

They be suckin blackberry molasses out my asses..

[Chris Rock]
Now now that we're on it, how come you never had sex with Al Gore?

I got no patience for little dick tastin..

[Chris Rock]
What about Ken Starr?

He be lookin fruity, but you still can eat the booty..

[Chris Rock]
Now Monica, do you have any regrets about your relationship
with the President?

Somethin I wanted, but I never was pushy
The motherfucker never ate my pussy..

[Chris Rock]
Hey, here's the President right now, Bill Clinton!
Now Mr. President, before we go,
is there anything you'd like to say to Monica Lewinsky?

[Eazy-E sample]
Bitch shut the fuck up!
Get the fuck out of here!

(feat. BizMarkie)

[BizMarkie]
Yes indeed people
This is me and my man
And this is OUR rendition of this, Rolling Stones classic
And it go like this..

[Biz: singing]
I just wanna get a table dance
Every sister in the place won't give me a chance
Strobelight, blow-by, they've been front bout all night
Give me any woman, just as long as she's white

WHITE BITCHES!! How come you look so good?
WHITE BITCHES!! Do shit no sister would!
I sho' like some milk
Milk is NATURAL baby
As we continue on, I'ma tell you how much I LIKE my white woman baby
So check it out, WOWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Halle and Tyra just put me to sleep
Give me Sharon Stone, Pamela Lee and Meryl Streep
Go tell Oprah that I know what I like
Give me any woman, just as long as she's white

WHITE BITCHES!! How come you look so good?
WHITE BITCHES!! Do shit no sister would!
Yeah, y'all know what I'm talkin about baby
They so good! Yes indeedy sweetie!
I'm not greedy, I gives to the needy
White woman OWWWWWWW I love ya!

WHITE BITCHES!! How come you look so good?
WHITE BITCHES!! Do shit no sister would!
WHITE BITCHES!! How come you look so good?
Yeahhh, yeahhh, yeahhh, WHOO!!!!
Do shit no sister would! White bitches sing!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, WHOO!!
How come you look so good?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, WHOO!!
Yeahhh baby!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, WHOO!!
WHITE BITCHES!! I'm not talkin bout no REGGIE White
Yeah, yeah, yeah, WHOO!!
I'm not talkin bout no BARRY White
WHITE BITCHES!! I'm not talkin bout SNAPPY White
I'm talkin bout Vanna White, Bette White, and SNOW White
Yeah, yeah, yeah, WHOO!!

YEAH BAYBEEEEE!
(White bitches, oahahaohhhh, oahahhhhyeahhh)

Hey, how'd you get in here?
You better let the doorknob hitcha befo' me and Chris getcha

Alright, fellas that was Ashley on the main stage
And right now Deja Vu
It's time for the Deja Vu
One for two
Buy one, get two table dances
Now you know what to do
Fellas, here come the ladies
Here come the ladies

Hey baby, hey baby
Hey light-skinned
Light-skinned, light-skinned sister
Won't you come here
Come on over here
And give a brotha
Give a brotha a dance
Uh, I already got a customer

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Dark-skinned sister, dark-skinned sister
Why don't ya come here, come 'er here give a brotha a dance
Come on give a brotha a dance, come give a brotha a dance
My shift is over
Well why don't you work some overtime then?
Shit
Okay, I understand ya shit

Hey baby, come here, come here
Won't ya give a brotha a dance
Come here, come here
Come here, cornrowed sister
Cornrowed sister, give a brotha a dance
Give a brotha a dance
I'm a waitress
Oh okay, okay

Damn!
What am I glass?
I think I'll sing
Ladies of Deja Vu
What must I do to get with you?
I got a role of twenties buried in my pants
So here's one little question that I'd like to ask

Can a nigga get a table dance?
Shake it up! Shake it up! Woo! Shake that thang
Can a nigga get a table dance?
Shake it up! Shake it up! Woo! Shake that thang
Can a nigga get a table dance?
Shake it up! Shake it up! Woo! Shake that thang
Can a nigga get a table dance?
Shake it up! Shake it up! Woo! Shake that thang

I been workin' all week, for the money I got
Lookin' for a place to bend this nut
In attendin' in my Benzo
Lookin' for a place to find some mackin' hoes
But that shit don't thrill me
So I head to the mad city to get on, G
I don't dance just start fun
I'm lookin' for a place that gonna move some

Know what I'm sayin'? Know what I'm talkin' about?
The type of bitch that turn the party out
I met a bitch named Dynasty
With so much back, she made a blind man see
What's really happenin'?
Too many clothes, not enough booty slappin'
Now I don't need romance, all I need to know is

Can a nigga get a table dance?
Shake it up! Shake it up! Woo! Shake that thang
Can a nigga get a table dance?
Shake it up! Shake it up! Woo! Shake that thang

I'll give you a table dance
But you're white
And you're cute
This is a great table dance
Hey, you like that?
I love it!
This table dance makes me wanna
Makes me wanna sing

Time's rollin' forward
I'm gettin' bored
Layin' on my back
I'm loozin' track
Shifting patterns
And nothin' matters
'Cause there's no one here
And I've lost my fear
Well I've got no place left to hide
I'm running out of time
Moving slowly
The walls are closing
In on me
I can not see
Appearing fine, well
That's all a lie
'Cause I am not alright
Extinct inside
I'm runnin' out of time
My mother says I'm fine
A teenage suicide
No place to hide
Well I've got no place left to hide
No place to hide
I'm runnin' out of time
No place to hide
Ya, I've got no place left to hide
No place to hide
A teenage suicide

You ain't gotta lie ta kick it

I know ya like to see me doin' bad
But i'm doin' good, fuck the police that's rollin' thru my
neighborhood
Fuckin' peaker wood see me in the five speed
I don't care if his motherfuckin' eyes bleed (yeah yeah!)
This is my weed, this is my world
Don't get mad when you see them hundred spokes twirl
Candied out while you spit yo' last on the pearl
The Don Daada, i'm hotta than holly watta
Wish i was your baby fatha, cuz i got a fuckin' head on my shoulder
And lead in my holster, face on the poster
The kinda nigga that you wanna get close ta'
But you can't so you start the lyin'
Just like that nigga that think he dyin'
Get ta cryin', snitchin' and testifyin'
To all my people if i'm talkin 'bout your baby mama
When she meet Ice Cube tell her save the drama

Yo Cube, im goan have all da biches here

--You ain't got to lie ta kick it--

Yo man fuck dem bitches, dey ain't call me back
But i just paged my auntie

--You ain't got to lie ta kick it--

Tell your mama, tell your daddy, tell your auntie

--You ain't got to lie ta kick it--

Tell your cousin, tell your sister, if she want me

--You ain't got to lie ta kick it--

I'm a be as real as I can with this
Not just the fake analyst on canabis, who only say that the world is
Scandalist, without findin' out a way to handle this
Dismantle this, either with the rhyme or the fist
How the fuck we get in the belly of this bitch?
I be rich if it wasn't for the snitch
Lyin' to the enemies, wild conspiracies
I'm a say this 'till the day that I die
Seven thirty fives bring on bitches lies
While you bullshitin', I'm hard hittin' like
2pac, I keep spittin' 'till my heart stop
Young niggas tryin' to tell me that i'm played
Once they say you played, nigga you must be payed (HA HA! huh ha)
Pushin' weight since the tenth grade do my thing
Got more plaques than Jordan got rings, nigga sayin'

Yo Cube, i got the new Biz 9000

--You ain't got to lie ta kick it--

I got the Playstation in the windshield nigga!

--You ain't got to lie ta kick it--

Tell your mama, tell your daddy, tell your auntie

--You ain't got to lie ta kick it--

Tell your cousin, tell your sister, if she want me

--You ain't got to lie ta kick it--

I hate to see your ass comin' (yep), with your mouth runnin'
Talkin' 'bout somethin' (what?), that ain't meanin' nothin'
'Bout your second cousin (hmm), who be always buzzin'
Where she was or wasn't, who she now fuckin'
Stories by the dozen Punch you got the sequel (what?)
To let you tell it Randy Moss is your people
It's evident, your ass lie like the president
But stretch marks on your mouth is the evidence (ha ha)
How the fuck can your friends be the benjamins?! (punk)
And your little ass car's full of fender benz
There you go on the stand with your hand up (lyin')
Testifyin' about a man that's in handcuffs
We should do you like the Mack said
And if he lie like a crackhead pop 'em like a black head
Let him ooze, let him loose
Let him lie by his motherfuckin' ass on the news (yeah yeah)

Yo Cube, check out this ring, 69 karots

--You ain't got to lie ta kick it--

It's Kryptonite nigga, Kryptonite!

--You ain't got to lie ta kick it--

Tell your mama, tell your daddy, tell your auntie

--You ain't got to lie ta kick it--

Tell your cousin, tell your sister, if she want me

--You ain't got to lie ta kick it--

{repeat last 4 lines}

[Chris Rock - ad lib outro...]