Dave Ball [Protocol Harum]

There's too many women and not enough wine
Too many poets and not enough rhyme
Too many glasses and not enough time
Draw your own conclusions

My old dog's a good old dog
My old man's a silly old sod
The human face is a terrible place
Choose your own examples

Went to the river, but I could not swim
Knew I'd drown if I went in
Lost my faith in a terrible race
Rest-in-peace hereafter

There's too many women and not enough wine
Too many poets and not enough rhyme
Too many glasses and not enough time
Draw your own conclusions

My old dog's a good old dog
My old man's a silly old sod
The human face is a terrible place
Choose your own examples

Went to the river, but I could not swim
Knew I'd drown if I went in
Lost my faith in a terrible race
Rest-in-peace hereafter

(Fisher / Reid)

We'll hoist a hand, becalmed upon a troubled sea
'make haste to your funeral,' cries the valkyrie
We'll hoist a hand or drown amidst this stormy sea
'here lies a coffin,' cries the cemetery, it calls to me
And all for nothing quite in vain was hope forever tossed
No thoughts explained, no moments gained, all hope forever lost
One moment's space, one moment's final fall from grace
Burnt by fire, blind in sight, lost in ire

We'll hoist a hand, becalmed upon a troubled sea
I fear a mighty wave is threatening me
We'll hoist a hand, or drown amidst this stormy sea
'come follow after,' cry the humble, 'you will surely see ...'
But still for nothing quite in vain was hope forever tossed
No moments gained, no thoughts explained, all hope forever lost
One moment's space, one moment's final fall from grace
Burnt by fire, blind in sight, lost in ire

(Fisher / Reid)

We'll hoist a hand, becalmed upon a troubled sea
'make haste to your funeral,' cries the valkyrie
We'll hoist a hand or drown amidst this stormy sea
'here lies a coffin,' cries the cemetery, it calls to me
And all for nothing quite in vain was hope forever tossed
No thoughts explained, no moments gained, all hope forever lost
One moment's space, one moment's final fall from grace
Burnt by fire, blind in sight, lost in ire

We'll hoist a hand, becalmed upon a troubled sea
I fear a mighty wave is threatening me
We'll hoist a hand, or drown amidst this stormy sea
'come follow after,' cry the humble, 'you will surely see ...'
But still for nothing quite in vain was hope forever tossed
No moments gained, no thoughts explained, all hope forever lost
One moment's space, one moment's final fall from grace
Burnt by fire, blind in sight, lost in ire

I'm going downstairs to be a poet
Got a great idea: gonna write a sonnet
A verse or two of fearless prose
A priceless quip to gild the rose
I'll make my fortune overnight
My work will set the world alight

Just a line is all I need
Just a thought to sow the seed
Just a word to start me out.
The rest will come without a doubt

I'm going downstairs to write a book
Got a great idea's gonna really cook
A rattling good yarn with an ironic twist
A riveting ending that's not to be missed
Makesure the presses are ready to steam
This book is a scorcher, a publisher's dream

Just the first part's all I need
The rest will come with lightning speed
Just a line to set the stage.
My pen will dance across the page

I'm going downstairs to write a play
Got a great idea gonna make it pay
This serious drama won't be understood
The critics will love it and say that it's good
"at last a new writer, a true nouvelle vague"
In no time at all I'll be king of the stage

Just a story's all I need.
Just a thought to sow the seed
Just a line to start me out .
The rest will come without a doubt

You know I caught a glimpse, thought I understood
But I left it all far behind
Now if I'd known then what I know now
Do you think I would've been so blind?
Gonna take myself down to a wishing well
I'm gonna make myself one last wish
And if you follow me there, better bring what you've found
'Cause my night has come and I'm going down

Gonna buy myself a big rockin' chair
And when I'm sittin' in that, then no one will peek
And if my friends will come, they'll see what I'm suffering from
I wish, I wish, I could rock myself to sleep
Gonna take myself down to a wishing well
Gonna make myself one last wish
If you follow me there, better bring what you've found
'Cause my night has come and I'm going down
......

You know I caught a glimpse, thought I understood
But I left it all far behind
Now if I'd known then what I know now
Do you think I would've been so blind?
Gonna take myself down to a wishing well
I'm gonna make myself one last wish
And if you follow me there, better bring what you've found
'Cause my night has come and I'm going down

Gonna buy myself a big rockin' chair
And when I'm sittin' in that, then no one will peek
And if my friends will come, they'll see what I'm suffering from
I wish, I wish, I could rock myself to sleep
Gonna take myself down to a wishing well
Gonna make myself one last wish
If you follow me there, better bring what you've found
'Cause my night has come and I'm going down
......

we skipped the light fandango
and turned cart wheels cross the floor
I was feeling kind of sea sick
but the crowd called out for more
the room was humming harder
as the ceiling flew a way
when we called out for an other drink
the waiter brought a tray
and so it was that later
as the miller told his tale
that her face at frist just ghostly
Turned a whiter shade of pale

she said there is no reason
and the truth is plain to see
But I wandered through my playing cards
and would not let her be
One of sixteen vestal virgins
who were leaving for the coast
and al though my eyes were open
they might just have well been closed
and so it was that later
as the miller told his tale
that her face at first just ghostly
turned a whiter shade of pale

we skipped the light fandango
and turned cart wheels cross the floor
I was feeling kind of sea sick
but the crowd called out for more
the room was humming harder
as the ceiling flew a way
when we called out for an other drink
the waiter brought a tray
and so it was that later
as the miller told his tale
that her face at frist just ghostly
Turned a whiter shade of pale

she said there is no reason
and the truth is plain to see
But I wandered through my playing cards
and would not let her be
One of sixteen vestal virgins
who were leaving for the coast
and al though my eyes were open
they might just have well been closed
and so it was that later
as the miller told his tale
that her face at first just ghostly
turned a whiter shade of pale

Ain't gonna ride that whisky train
Ain't gonna burn up no more flame
Throw away my bottle down the drain
Ain't gonna ride that whisky train

To think that I could be so wrong
To be so sick and still go on
The way I drink it's been too long
Don't see much point in carrying on

I'm gonna lose these drinking blues


I'm gonna find a girl to make me choose
Between lovin' her and drinking booze
I'm gonna lose these drinking blues

Ain't gonna ride that whisky train
I'm tired of burning in the flame
Throw away my bottle down the drain
Ain't gonna ride that whisky train

Pailing well after sixteen days, a mammoth task was set
Sack the town, and rob the tower, and steal the alphabet
Close the door and bar the gate, but keep the windows clean
God's alive inside a movie! Watch the silver screen!

Rum was served to all the traitors; pygmies held themselves in check
Bloodhounds nosed around the houses, down dark alleys sailors crept
Six bells struck, the pot was boiling - soup spilled out on passers-by
Angels mumbled incantations, closely watched by God on high

Lightning struck out - fire and brimstone! Boiling oil and shrieking steam!
Darkness struck with molten fury, flashbulbs glorified the scene
Not a man who had a finger, not a man who could be seen
Nothing called (not name nor number) - Echo stormed its final scream

Daybreak washed with sands of gladness, rotting all it rotted clean
Windows peeped out on their neighbors, inside fireside bedsides gleam
SHALIMAR, the trumpets chorused, angels wholly all shall take
Those alive will meet the prophets, those at peace shall see their wake

Pailing well after sixteen days, a mammoth task was set
Sack the town, and rob the tower, and steal the alphabet
Close the door and bar the gate, but keep the windows clean
God's alive inside a movie! Watch the silver screen!

Rum was served to all the traitors; pygmies held themselves in check
Bloodhounds nosed around the houses, down dark alleys sailors crept
Six bells struck, the pot was boiling - soup spilled out on passers-by
Angels mumbled incantations, closely watched by God on high

Lightning struck out - fire and brimstone! Boiling oil and shrieking steam!
Darkness struck with molten fury, flashbulbs glorified the scene
Not a man who had a finger, not a man who could be seen
Nothing called (not name nor number) - Echo stormed its final scream

Daybreak washed with sands of gladness, rotting all it rotted clean
Windows peeped out on their neighbors, inside fireside bedsides gleam
SHALIMAR, the trumpets chorused, angels wholly all shall take
Those alive will meet the prophets, those at peace shall see their wake

Typewriter torment, dreadful disease
Caught it the first day I touched the keys
You wear down your fingers and churn out your pap
It eats up your life like a dose of the clap

Typewriter torment it tortures me still
If only my doctor could see that I'm ill

Typewriter fever gives birth to a flood
It sweeps through your body and curdles your blood
You curse and discurse but you're damned for all time
The moment your fingers give birth to a rhyme

Typewriter fever it harries me still
If only my doctor would give me a pill

Typewriter fever I'm worn to a stub
I've dumped my Thesaurus and pulled out the plug
I'm rending my ribbon and bending my spool
Don't bother rewinding: I'm done with it all

But why can't my doctor just say that I'm ill?
Typewriter fever is paying his bill.

Typewriter fever it harries me still
If only my doctor would give me a pill

She took all the pleasure and none of the pain
All of the credit and none of the blame
I came home to an empty flat
She'd left me a note and taken the cat

The cord that they knotted to keep us apart
Could never be broken: it was tied to my heart
She grew thin and I grew fat
She left me and that was that

I'm thinking of renting a villa in France
A French girl has offered to give me a chance
Or maybe I'll take an excursion to Spain
And buy a revolver and blow out my brains

There's you, you're sleeping over there
Whilst me I'm sitting here
With so much sea between us
I can't make it much more clear
There'll be no time for crying
We won't make it more than six
I could change my plea to guilty
But I don't think it would stick
Still those other ratings far too easy to despise
You've said so much in silence now I truly am disguised

Let him who fears his heart alone
Stand up and make a speech
For him perhaps an emperor's throne
If he could only speak
Far too few and far to follow
For shame I'll heed the cry
Be with me when I need a drink
Be with me when I die
Still those other ratings far too easy to despise
You've said so much in silence now indeed I am disguised

There's you, you're sleeping over there
Whilst me I'm sitting here
With so much sea between us
I can't make it much more clear
There'll be no time for crying
We won't make it more than six
I could change my plea to guilty
But I don't think it would stick
Still those other ratings far too easy to despise
You've said so much in silence now I truly am disguised

Let him who fears his heart alone
Stand up and make a speech
For him perhaps an emperor's throne
If he could only speak
Far too few and far to follow
For shame I'll heed the cry
Be with me when I need a drink
Be with me when I die
Still those other ratings far too easy to despise
You've said so much in silence now indeed I am disguised

> We were young, we were brave, we were true, we were strong
Far away the bombs an' the buildings explodin'
there was no way out
It was black, it was white, we had so much to say
Right or wrong... The truth won't fade away
We had our hopes, we had our dreams, we were young, we were old
We saw our future self-destructing: there were roles that we played
Some were good, some were bad: there was so much to say
Right or wrong... The truth won't fade away

(g.brooker / k.reid / m.noble)

One into one won't go
Two out of three don't know
Time and tide in man's affairs
Trouble always comes in pairs
Wonder where the picture went?
What we got ain't worth a cent
What we got ain't worth a damn
Someone's screwed the master plan

The pursuit of happiness
It's a common goal
The pursuit of happiness
Doing what we're told
The pursuit of happiness
To the very end
It goes 'round and 'round and 'round and 'round again



Bite the bullet in the dust
Got to take their word on thrust
No use counting down your prayers
All god's children running scared
No use howling at the moon
Planet earth is going soon
Starving children stand on line
Living now on borrowed time

The pursuit of happiness
It's a common goal
The pursuit of happiness
Doing what we're told
The pursuit of happiness
To the very end
It goes 'round and 'round and 'round and 'round again

When you knew that I had given all the kindness that I had
Did you think that it might be time to stop?
When you knew that I was through
That I'd done all I could do
Did you really have to milk the final drop?
Not content with my mistake
You behaved just like a snake
And you left me for a wasp without a sting
Tell all my friends back home
That I did it on my own
And that to their well-worn cares they should cling

When you knew that I had given all the kindness that I had
Did you feel you had to break that lonely vow?
When you knew that I was through
That I'd done all I could do
Did you really have to sow that final plough?
Not content with my mistake, you behaved just like a snake
And you left me for a wasp without a sting
Tell all the folks back home that he did it on his own
And that to their well-worn cares they should cling

When you knew that I had given all the kindness that I had
Did you think that it might be time to stop?
When you knew that I was through
That I'd done all I could do
Did you really have to milk the final drop?
Not content with my mistake
You behaved just like a snake
And you left me for a wasp without a sting
Tell all my friends back home
That I did it on my own
And that to their well-worn cares they should cling

When you knew that I had given all the kindness that I had
Did you feel you had to break that lonely vow?
When you knew that I was through
That I'd done all I could do
Did you really have to sow that final plough?
Not content with my mistake, you behaved just like a snake
And you left me for a wasp without a sting
Tell all the folks back home that he did it on his own
And that to their well-worn cares they should cling

A question of judgement decided in haste
A case of malfunction an error of taste
A moment of madness occasioned by stress
A classic misjudgment a god-awful mess

The moment of panic preceding the crash
The sickening terror the defeating smash
A loud wail of sirens descend on the scene
The camera dissolves a crescendo of screams

The memory's imprinted like some dreadful sore


The fearful reminder: the mark of the claw

A question of judgement concerned in the case
The method of access regarding the place
The possible motive the absence of blood
The theories unanswered regarding the thud

The outcome was certain the jury was hung
Their verdict resolved by ruling of thumb
The judgement was mercy: they tendered the plea
The judge raised his hand and the prisoner was free

(g.brooker / k.reid / m.noble)

There was trouble in the air
Just a subtle hint of danger
And a woman dressed in black
Out lookin' for a stranger
Well she took me to her room
Where she offered me a wager
She promised me the moon
So I took a chance

Yes I played the king of hearts
Put my cards out on the table
I thought the odds were in my favour
But she laid the ace of spades
An' I wound up where I started
The king of hearts no more
But the king of the broken-hearted



She cut the deck one more
By the light of thirteen candles
She said, "the winner takes it all --
Is that too much for you to handle?
So I wandered through my playing cards
And tried to understand her
I was lookin' for a face
It was right there in my hand

Yes I played the king of hearts
Put my cards out on the table
I thought the odds were in my favour
But she laid the ace of spades
An' I wound up where I started
The king of hearts no more
But the king of the broken-hearted

(g.brooker / k.reid / c.thompson)

When you're out in the dark
Nothing to believe in
And you can't find a way back home
There's a man with a secret
There's a visionary sister
Who knows what's right or wrong?
Little by little I turn to the light
And one day I'll be satisfied

Like the hand that rocks the cradle
I gotta be gentle and strong
The hand that rocks the cradle
Gonna be the lucky one



When the wind blows cold
And you lose your resistance
Slipping down on the darkest side
You can push too hard
You can run too fast
Don't get lost in the looking glass
Little by little the wheel turns around
And one day I'll be satisfied

Like the hand that rocks the cradle
I gotta be gentle and strong
The hand that rocks the cradle
Gonna be the lucky one

The Devil came from Kansas.
Where he went to I can't say
Though I teach I'm not a preacher,
And I aim to stay that way
There's a monkey riding on my back,
Been there for some time
He says he knows me very well
But he's no friend of mine

I am not a humble pilgrim
There's no need to scrape and squeeze
And don't beg for silver paper
When I'm trying to sell you cheese

The Devil came from Kansas.
Where he went to I can't say
If you really are my brother
Then you'd better start to pray
For the sins of those departed
And the ones about to go
There's a dark cloud just above us,
Don't tell me 'cos I know

I am not a humble pilgrim
There's no need to scrape and squeeze
And don't beg for silver paper
When I'm trying to sell you cheese

No I never came from Kansas,
Don't forget to thank the cook
Which reminds me of my duty:
I was lost and now I look
For the turning and the signpost
And the road which takes you down
To that pool inside the forest
In whose waters I shall drown

I am not a humble pilgrim
There's no need to scrape and squeeze
And don't beg for silver paper
When I'm trying to sell you cheese

The Devil came from Kansas.
Where he went to I can't say
Though I teach I'm not a preacher,
And I aim to stay that way
There's a monkey riding on my back,
Been there for some time
He says he knows me very well
But he's no friend of mine

I am not a humble pilgrim
There's no need to scrape and squeeze
And don't beg for silver paper
When I'm trying to sell you cheese

The Devil came from Kansas.
Where he went to I can't say
If you really are my brother
Then you'd better start to pray
For the sins of those departed
And the ones about to go
There's a dark cloud just above us,
Don't tell me 'cos I know

I am not a humble pilgrim
There's no need to scrape and squeeze
And don't beg for silver paper
When I'm trying to sell you cheese

No I never came from Kansas,
Don't forget to thank the cook
Which reminds me of my duty:
I was lost and now I look
For the turning and the signpost
And the road which takes you down
To that pool inside the forest
In whose waters I shall drown

I am not a humble pilgrim
There's no need to scrape and squeeze
And don't beg for silver paper
When I'm trying to sell you cheese

As I lay down dying, a floor for my bed
And a bundle of newspaper under my head
I dreamed a dream, as strange as could be
Concerning myself, and somebody like me
We were in some city, the stranger and me
The houses were open, and the streets empty
The windows were bare, and the pavements dirty
I asked where I was; my companion ignored me
We entered a graveyard and searched for a tombstone
The graves were disturbed, and the coffins wide open
And the coprses were rotten, yet each one was living
Their eyes were alive with maggots crawling
I cried out in fear, but my voice had left me
My legs were deformed, yet I moved quite freely
My head was on fire, yet my hands were icy
And everywhere light, yet darkness engulfed me
I managed to scream and woke from my slumber
I thought of my dream and lay there and wondered
Where had I been? What could it mean?
It was dark in the deathroom as I slithered under

I was standing on the mountain top staring at the sun
I was trying to act the hero's part not fooling anyone
I was living for the moment but the moment never came
Taking notes and stealing quotes, trying to make a name
My time's been taken with taking my time
By making my mind up, yes to make up my mind

I was living in the country: I was trying not to freeze
I was working on the cabbage plants, chopping down the trees
I was learning how to cook the goose and how to milk the cow
Taking out the dog for walks, teaching him how to bow
My time's been taken, yes, with taking my time
Oh, I'm making my mind up to make up my mind, yes

Yes, my time's been taken, oh, with taking my time, yeah
I'm making my mind up, yeah to make up my mind oh....

Strangers in space
passing through time
Travellers in haste
Partners in crime
Trace of a feeling
Trace of regret
Hard to remember
Hard to forget
Something uncovered
Something unsaid
Strangely repeated
long ago dead
Hard to remember
Hard to forget

Strangers in space
Travellers in time
passing in haste
Partners in crime
Trace of a feeling
Trace of regret
Hard to remember
Hard to forget
Fruits of discovery
some distant form
Something repeated
Something reborn
trace of a feeling
Trace of regret
Hard to remember
Hard to forget

I'll bathe my eyes in a river of salt
I'll grow myself right up to the sky
I'll sing in the forest, tear down the trees
I'll foul all the fountains and trample the leaves
I'll blacken your Christmas and piss on your door
You'll cry out for mercy, but still there'll be more

I'll put a blight in the orchard
I'll run wild through the fields
I'll waylay your daughter and kidnap your wife
Savage her sexless and burn out her eyes
I'll blacken your Christmas and piss on your door
You'll cry out for mercy, but still there'll be more

I will meet you on the other side of the moon
The doctors say they must operate soon
But there's no knowing what they'll find when they open up the wound
I will meet you on the other side of the moon
I will meet you at the bottom of the sea
We will lie inside the ocean and scheme
Our friend the arab will guide us while we dream
I will meet you at the bottom of the sea

In the centre of the storm
something magic being born
When the world is torn apart
by the beating of a heart
Like a dam about to burst
Like a drunkard's crazy thirst
In the centre of the storm
something magic being born

It's the dark hours of the soul
when the nightmares take their toll
when the shadows come to mock
against the ticking of the clock
When the demons of the night
come like vultures for their bite
In the dark hours of the soul
when the nightmares take their toll

It's the dawning of the day
night-time's panic swept away
When the clouds which seemed so dark
are exchanged for morning's lark
When the stars which burnt so bright
are exchanged for morning light
In the dawning of the day
Nightime's panic swept away

While standing at the junction on 42nd Street
I idly kick a pebble lying near my feet
I hear a weird noise, take a look up and down
The cause of the commotion is right there on the ground
Imagine my surprise, thought I'd left it at home
but there's no doubt about it, it's my own tombstone

I went into a shop, and bought a loaf of bread
I sank my teeth into it, thought I'd bust my head
I dashed to the dentist, said, 'I've got an awful pain!'
The man looks in my mouth and screams, 'This boy is insane!'
Imagine my surprise, thought I'd left it at home
but there's a lump in my mouth of my own tombstone

I went to see a movie, got the only empty seat
I tried to stretch out in it, something blocking my feet
Finally the lights came up, and I could clearly see
a slab of engraved marble, just staring up at me
Imagine my surprise, thought I'd left it at home
but there's no doubt I'm sitting on my own tombstone

While standing at the junction on 42nd Street
I idly kick a pebble lying near my feet
I hear a weird noise, take a look up and down
The cause of the commotion is right there on the ground
Imagine my surprise, thought I'd left it at home
but there's no doubt about it, it's my own tombstone

I went into a shop, and bought a loaf of bread
I sank my teeth into it, thought I'd bust my head
I dashed to the dentist, said, 'I've got an awful pain!'
The man looks in my mouth and screams, 'This boy is insane!'
Imagine my surprise, thought I'd left it at home
but there's a lump in my mouth of my own tombstone

I went to see a movie, got the only empty seat
I tried to stretch out in it, something blocking my feet
Finally the lights came up, and I could clearly see
a slab of engraved marble, just staring up at me
Imagine my surprise, thought I'd left it at home
but there's no doubt I'm sitting on my own tombstone

(brooker / reid)

Skip softly, my moonbeams, avoid being seen
Pretend that perhaps you are part of a dream
Which (seen by some other such person as me)
Would only glow smiling and nod and agree

Skip softly, my moonbeams, for I have heard tell
That the stairs up to heaven lead straight down to hell
That pride is the last thing which comes before fall
I'd as soon talk to you as make love to a wall

(brooker / reid)

Skip softly, my moonbeams, avoid being seen
Pretend that perhaps you are part of a dream
Which (seen by some other such person as me)
Would only glow smiling and nod and agree

Skip softly, my moonbeams, for I have heard tell
That the stairs up to heaven lead straight down to hell
That pride is the last thing which comes before fall
I'd as soon talk to you as make love to a wall

You were the player
And you played it cool
I was the stranger
And I played the fool
You were the teacher
And you were the best
I was the seeker
And I failed the test

We were always skating on thin ice
Shaking the wrong dice
Swimming against the tide
Playing on the wrong side

Yes you were the player
And you were so cool


I was the greenhorn
King of the fools
Painting the picture
To fit with the frame
Changing the players
To fit with the game

You were the searcher
Out for the sky
I was the traveller
Just passing by
You were the taker
And you gave the call
I was the faker
And I dropped the ball

Simple sister
Got whooping cough
Have to burn her toys
Take her treats
Eat her sweets
Scare off all the boys

Simple sister
Got whooping cough
Have to put her out
Wear her clothes
Steal her bows


Tell her that she's stout

Simple sister
Got whooping cough
Lock her in a cell
Throw the key
Into the sea
Hope she never gets well

Simple sister
Got whooping cough
Have to burn her toys
Take her treats
Eat her sweets
Scare off all the boys

Simple sister
Got whooping cough
Have to put her out
Wear her clothes
Steal her bows


Tell her that she's stout

Simple sister
Got whooping cough
Lock her in a cell
Throw the key
Into the sea
Hope she never gets well

My Prussian-blue electric clock's
alarm bell rings, it will not stop
and I can see no end in sight
and search in vain by candlelight
for some long road that goes nowhere
for some signpost that is not there
And even my befuddled brain
is shining brightly, quite insane

The chandelier is in full swing
as gifts for me the three kings bring
of myrrh and frankincense, I'm told,
and fat old Buddhas carved in gold
And though it seems they smile with glee
I know in truth they envy me
and watch as my befuddled brain


shines on brightly quite insane

Above all else confusion reigns
And though I ask no-one explains
My eunuch friend has been and gone
He said that I must soldier on
And though the Ferris wheel spins round
my tongue it seems has run aground
and croaks as my befuddled brain
shines on brightly, quite insane

My Prussian-blue electric clock's
alarm bell rings, it will not stop
and I can see no end in sight
and search in vain by candlelight
for some long road that goes nowhere
for some signpost that is not there
And even my befuddled brain
is shining brightly, quite insane

The chandelier is in full swing
as gifts for me the three kings bring
of myrrh and frankincense, I'm told,
and fat old Buddhas carved in gold
And though it seems they smile with glee
I know in truth they envy me
and watch as my befuddled brain


shines on brightly quite insane

Above all else confusion reigns
And though I ask no-one explains
My eunuch friend has been and gone
He said that I must soldier on
And though the Ferris wheel spins round
my tongue it seems has run aground
and croaks as my befuddled brain
shines on brightly, quite insane

She wandered through the garden fence
and said, 'I've brought at great expense
a potion guaranteed to bring
relief from all your suffering.'
And though I said, 'You don't exist,'
she grasped me firmly by the wrist
and threw me down upon my back
and strapped me to her torture rack
And, without further argument
I found my mind was also bent
upon a course so devious
it only made my torment worse

She said, 'I see you cannot speak
is it your voice that is too weak?
Is it your tongue that is to blame?
Maybe you cannot speak for shame.
Or has your brain been idle too,
and now it will not think for you?'
I hastened to make my reply
but found that I could only lie
And like a fool I believed myself
and thought I was somebody else
But she could see what I was then
and left me on my own again

She wandered through the garden fence
and said, 'I've brought at great expense
a potion guaranteed to bring
relief from all your suffering.'
And though I said, 'You don't exist,'
she grasped me firmly by the wrist
and threw me down upon my back
and strapped me to her torture rack

And, without further argument
I found my mind was also bent
upon a course so devious
it only made my torment worse

She said, 'I see you cannot speak
is it your voice that is too weak?
Is it your tongue that is to blame?
Maybe you cannot speak for shame.
Or has your brain been idle too,
and now it will not think for you?'
I hastened to make my reply
but found that I could only lie

And like a fool I believed myself
and thought I was somebody else
But she could see what I was then
and left me on my own again

The landlord's knocking on my door, he says he wants the rent
I'm sitting in the kitchen wondering where the money's spent
A whole lot of people treating me unkind
I seem to have the blues most all the time

I'm lying in my bed hatching million-dollar schemes
The cops are using radar trying to intercept my dreams
A whole lot of people treating me unkind
I seem to have the blues most all the time

I went to get a job 'cos I badly needed the pay
I got a warm reception: they said 'Bum! Go away!'
A whole lot of people treating me unkind
I seem to have the blues most all the time

Well I owed a lot of money; I was weak and easily led
I tried to rob a bank: the cashier shot me dead
A whole lot of people treating me unkind
But it don't matter now, 'cos I got peace of mind
Nothing matters now 'cos I got peace of mind.

You come to me at midnight and say, 'It's dark in here.'
You know you robbed me of my sight, and light is what I fear
I tell you that I can not see but you persist in showing me
those bangles that I paid for long ago

And though my face is smiling I'm really feeling low
and though you say you're with me I know that it's not so

Your skin crawls up an octave, your teeth have lost their gleam
The peaches snuggle closer down into the clotted cream
and for some unknown reason my watch begins to chime
and though I beg and plead with you, you tell me it's not time

And though my face is smiling I'm really feeling low
and though you say you're with me I know that it's not so

The sun seeps through the window to see if we're still dead
to try to throw some light upon the gloom around our bed
At quarter past the doorbell rings, the water faucet drips and sings
and still my reason will not rhyme, and still you tell me it's not time

And though my face is smiling I'm really feeling low
and though you say you're with me I know that it's not so

You really know that it's not so

You come to me at midnight and say, 'It's dark in here.'
You know you robbed me of my sight, and light is what I fear
I tell you that I can not see but you persist in showing me
those bangles that I paid for long ago

And though my face is smiling I'm really feeling low
and though you say you're with me I know that it's not so

Your skin crawls up an octave, your teeth have lost their gleam
The peaches snuggle closer down into the clotted cream
and for some unknown reason my watch begins to chime
and though I beg and plead with you, you tell me it's not time

And though my face is smiling I'm really feeling low
and though you say you're with me I know that it's not so

The sun seeps through the window to see if we're still dead
to try to throw some light upon the gloom around our bed
At quarter past the doorbell rings, the water faucet drips and sings
and still my reason will not rhyme, and still you tell me it's not time

And though my face is smiling I'm really feeling low
and though you say you're with me I know that it's not so

You really know that it's not so

You come to me at midnight and say, 'It's dark in here.'
You know you robbed me of my sight, and light is what I fear
I tell you that I can not see but you persist in showing me
those bangles that I paid for long ago

And though my face is smiling I'm really feeling low
and though you say you're with me I know that it's not so
Your skin crawls up an octave, your teeth have lost their gleam
The peaches snuggle closer down into the clotted cream
and for some unknown reason my watch begins to chime
and though I beg and plead with you, you tell me it's not time

And though my face is smiling I'm really feeling low
and though you say you're with me I know that it's not so
The sun seeps through the window to see if we're still dead
to try to throw some light upon the gloom around our bed
At quarter past the doorbell rings, the water faucet drips and sings
and still my reason will not rhyme, and still you tell me it's not time

And though my face is smiling I'm really feeling low
and though you say you're with me I know that it's not so
You really know that it's not so

Doctor where's your remedy?
I've got enough to pay the fee
Can't you see I'm awful sick?
I'll pay you well to do the trick

Doctor where's your magic box
There's no one here to count the cost


Name your price and make the sale
There's no-one here to tell the tale

Doctor please don't lock your door
I've never troubled you before
Just a pinch to ease the pain
I'll never trouble you again

Doctor where's your remedy?
I've got enough to pay the fee
Can't you see I'm awful sick?
I'll pay you well to do the trick

Doctor where's your magic box
There's no one here to count the cost


Name your price and make the sale
There's no-one here to tell the tale

Doctor please don't lock your door
I've never troubled you before
Just a pinch to ease the pain
I'll never trouble you again

A local picture house
Was showing a Batman movie
You see this guy fly up in the sky
Thought to myself, "Why shouldn't I?"
Bought a pair of wings
Went upon the wall
Was about to jump into the air
When a man from the street called, he said:

"Hey wait a minute!
Don't you realize the danger?
What do you think you are
Some kind of angel?"

I considered for a minute
Thought "He only speaks the truth"
For the barbells on my eyelids
Only emphasized my youth
And the sawdust in my plimsolls
Means the same to him as me
But that's neither here nor further
So I spoke considerately

"If you understand
Just what I'm trying to say,
Whatever you do, don't grin,
You'll give the game away!"

By now a crowd had gathered
And it seemed that all was lost
In the anger of the moment
I had diced with death and lost
It seemed to me the time was right
So I burst into song
In the anger of the moment
The crowd began to sing along
I could not see a way out of this predicament
Just then a breeze
Cruised through the trees
And up in the air I went

I must have flown a mile
Or maybe it was eight
Thought to myself pretty soon
I'd hit the Golden Gate
Just then a passing bird
For no reason I could see
Took a peck at my wings
And that was the end of me
I went down, hit the ground
Faster than the speed of sound
Luckily I broke no bones
Only tore my underclothes
...
(fades, returns, fades again...)

A local picture house
Was showing a Batman movie
You see this guy fly up in the sky
Thought to myself, "Why shouldn't I?"
Bought a pair of wings
Went upon the wall
Was about to jump into the air
When a man from the street called, he said:

"Hey wait a minute!
Don't you realize the danger?
What do you think you are
Some kind of angel?"

I considered for a minute
Thought "He only speaks the truth"
For the barbells on my eyelids
Only emphasized my youth
And the sawdust in my plimsolls
Means the same to him as me
But that's neither here nor further
So I spoke considerately

"If you understand
Just what I'm trying to say,
Whatever you do, don't grin,
You'll give the game away!"

By now a crowd had gathered
And it seemed that all was lost
In the anger of the moment
I had diced with death and lost
It seemed to me the time was right
So I burst into song
In the anger of the moment
The crowd began to sing along
I could not see a way out of this predicament
Just then a breeze
Cruised through the trees
And up in the air I went

I must have flown a mile
Or maybe it was eight
Thought to myself pretty soon
I'd hit the Golden Gate
Just then a passing bird
For no reason I could see
Took a peck at my wings
And that was the end of me
I went down, hit the ground
Faster than the speed of sound
Luckily I broke no bones
Only tore my underclothes
...
(fades, returns, fades again...)

For you (whose eyes were opened wide whilst mine refused to see)
I'm sore in need of saving grace. Be kind and humour me
I'm lost amidst a sea of wheat
where people speak but seldom meet
And grief and laughter, strange but true
Although they die, they seldom cry

An ode by any other name I know might read more sweet
Perhaps the sun will never shine upon my field of wheat


But still in closing, let me say
for those too sick, too sick to see
though nothing shows, yes, someone knows
I wish that one was me

Climbing out of open windows
Crashing down from broken stairs
Keeping watch on smoking cinders
Falling over burning chairs

Tossed and crossed and screwed in transit
broken , splintered, bruised and thrown
Badly shattered, gale force frighty
Rrushed across and shown alone

Speech reduced by poor relations
Strung from weeks of self abuse
Chopped up, churned out weeks of greazy
Spark plugs burned up, power's fused

Poor Mohammed at the peep show
Kick the beggar down the stairs
Can't keep guard, he's old and feeble
Steal his books, burn his prayers

Poor Mohammed at the keyhole
Sit him by the kitchen door
Slop his food all around the table
Let him lick it off the floor

Put Mohammed in the cellar
Keep him there 'til half past ten
Ties some bacon to his beard
Let the rats out on him there

Skeptic at the feast in ashes
Huntsmen at the voyeurs' ball
Funeral parlour guests invited
Mourning poorly worn by all

Old and mouldy words of passion
Savage Rose destroyed them all
Wrote her fate in neon captions
Slender sender made me crawl

Playmate of the Mouth expected
Passionata bless the small
Baby sandwich soaped for comfort
Slippery sliding ten feet tall

Playmate of the Mouth expected
Passionata bless the small
Baby sandwich soaped for comfort
Slippery sliding ten feet tall

I sat me down to write a simple story
Which maybe in the end became a song
In trying to find the words which might begin it
I found these were the thoughts I brought along

At first I took my weight to be an anchor
And gathered up my fears to guide me round
But then I clearly saw my own delusion
And found my struggles further bogged me down

In starting out I thought to go exploring
And set my foot upon the nearest road
In vain I looked to find the promised turning
But only saw how far I was from home

In searching I forsook the paths of learning
And sought instead to find some pirate's gold
In fighting I did hurt those dearest to me
And still no hidden truths could I unfold

I sat me down to write a simple story
Which maybe in the end became a song
The words have all been writ by one before me
We're taking turns in trying to pass them on
Oh, we're taking turns in trying to pass them on

(originally Wash Yourself)

Wash yourself and see your sorrow, make every pitcher clean
Take a mop to swab the floor and destroy the evil dream
Counting houses full of lead, the evil eye on high
The streets awash with blood and pus, the new moon's in the sky
God's aloft, the winds are raging
God's aloft, the winds are cold
After leaving I was weeping - count it out in tolls
Watch the book, the page is turning - how the tale unfolds
Inside every cancered spectre,
inside-outside find your own
God's aloft, the winds are raging - God's aloft, the winds are cold

(originally Wash Yourself)

Wash yourself and see your sorrow, make every pitcher clean
Take a mop to swab the floor and destroy the evil dream
Counting houses full of lead, the evil eye on high
The streets awash with blood and pus, the new moon's in the sky
God's aloft, the winds are raging
God's aloft, the winds are cold
After leaving I was weeping - count it out in tolls
Watch the book, the page is turning - how the tale unfolds
Inside every cancered spectre,
inside-outside find your own
God's aloft, the winds are raging - God's aloft, the winds are cold

(g.brooker / k.reid / m.noble)

Rings around the crescent moon
Passions rise from basement rooms
Fountains play and worlds collide
We gently swing and sway from side to side

Dancers in perpetual motion
Slip an' sliding across the floor
Ships our on a moonlit ocean
Sailin' t'ward a distant shore

Star-crossed lovers they spoon and swim
The laughing gods they just reel them in
Hostages they're tempting fate
See them wait down on the line to take the bait

Dancers in perpetual motion
Slip an' sliding across the floor
Ships our on a moonlit ocean
Sailin' t'ward a distant shore



The simple stuff we build our dreams upon
Waxing, waning, now it's almost gone
Passion plays the sweetest tune
These velvet days are gone far too soon

Dancers in perpetual motion
Slip an' sliding across the floor
Ships our on a moonlit ocean
Sailin' t'ward a distant shore

We spend our nights on silken sheets
We play for gold but not for keeps
Dancers in perpetual motion
Slip an' sliding across the floor
Ships our on a moonlit ocean
Sailin' t'ward a distant shore

While horsemen ride across the green
And Snow White still remains unseen.
Pegasus, the winged horse,
Relays his messages by Morse.
And like some pirate sailor
We crossed the Spanish Main
And brought our magic carpet
To a marble staircased plain.

While Handel plays his melody
Doctors cause uncertainty
And though I know the lifeguard's brave
There is no one for him to save.
And like some pirate sailor
We crossed the Spanish Main
And brought our magic carpet
To a marble staircased plain.

Cock Robin views his frozen feet
And wraps them in a winding sheet
And calls out for his favourite drink
The Persian that's as warm as mink.
And like some pirate sailor
We crossed the Spanish Main
And brought our magic carpet
To a marble staircased plain.

Good to get your message
So you're coming back home again
Just can't wait to see you
No need to explain
A friend of mine told me
That you've found yourself a new man
I'm feelin' really good for you
Hope you understand
I've still got your picture
I'm sure you know
We had something special
Where did it go?

One more time
Let's remember how good it felt
One more time
Remember what we meant
One more time
Can't help wondering where it went
One more time
Just one more time

I wonder if you finished


Workin' on that book
Maybe I could come 'round sometime
'n take a look
A friend of mine told me
That you've changed your hair
They say you're really different now
I remember how you were
I've still got your picture
I'm sure you know
We had something special
Where did it go?

One more time
Let's remember how good it felt
One more time
Remember what we meant
One more time
Can't help wondering where it went
One more time
Just one more time

Did you hear what happened to Jenny Droe?
Couldn't believe it, but it's true
Twenty-six, and now she's dead
I wish that I could've died instead

Did you hear what happened to Jenny Droe?
Did you see how thin and pale she grew?
So much suffering, could not hide
Endless heartache until she died

Did you hear what happened to Jenny Droe?
Strike me dead, make it a truce
Strike me dead, let me go
Nothing that I didn't know

Did you hear what happened to Jenny Droe?
Couldn't believe it, but it's true
Twenty-six, and now she's dead
I wish that I could've died instead

It seems as clear as yesterday
We saw it in a dream
but dream became insanity
an awful gaping scream
So sad to see such emptiness
So sad to see such tears
And heaped up leaves of bitterness
turned mouldy down the years

Nothing but the truth.
Common words in use
Hard to find excuse
Harder than the truth

Like Icarus we flew too high
We flew too near the sun
They caught us in that awful glare
Our hapless throats were strung
But just before the final stroke
They took us victims of the rope
And cast us far beyond the deep
To lie in never ending sleep

It seems as clear as yesterday
They cast us in the deep
We lie in darkest night for good
Never ending sleep
A never ending bitter gloom
Whose darkness seldom clears
A God forsaken emptiness
Which fills our hearts with tears

The end of the evening, unable to cope
Unique entertainment no longer a joke
The close of the picture, the end of the show
Merciless torment, torturous blow

New lamps for old
Bright shiny gold
Innocent youth
Falsehood for truth

The eye of the needle, the loss of the thread
Triumphant victor, glorious dead
The cause becomes duty; duty's the blow
Which kills the picture: death of the show

The bell on my door rang this morning
From the kitchen I called "Who's that there?"
Through the letter box came a grappling hook
Which grappled me right out of my chair!
Stretched out on the floor I lay helpless
Of my limbs I had lost all command
When into my ear instilling fear
Said a voice "I am Monsieur Armand"

"Monsieur Armand you are not!
That's an incredible thing to say
For I personally attended his funeral
which was twelve months to this very day!"
A rat flew down from the ceiling
Alighted upon my right ear
said "If Monsieur Armand is safe under the sod
Then why are you shaking with fear!"

"My name is not Scrooge" I said faintly
"and from ghosts I have nothing to fear!
But if you are Armand returned from the dead
Then what are you wanting here?"
From nowhere I heard a mad cackle
From nowhere a voice to me cried
"Stop calling me Monsieur Armand you fool!
My name's Jekyll and you're Mr. Hyde!"

Cellar full of diamonds, turret full of gold
All for a mermaid's locket, too much to hold
Drink the seals' blood from the ocean,
Drink the whole ocean dry
Steal the moonshine from the night-time,
Steal the sun from the sky

Black-skinned warrior, Zulu Queen
Sold for a silver dollar, shipped across the sea
Worked like a Mexican donkey,
Used like a hole in the ground
Branded her skin like she didn't feel a thing
Crying without a sound

I'm a dog in a manger
A cat with a mouse
I'm the prodigal stranger
I'll burn down the house
I'm a self-educator
A collector of news
I'm the cool liberator
Any topic you choose

I'm a man with a mission
I'm a shooting star
I've got no inhibitions
I don't care who you are

Got my eye on the future
And my hand on the pulse
There's a whole world of people
In the back of the bus
There's a man on a tightrope
Who's got nothing to share
Just a whole lot of secrets
And a head full of air

I'm a man with a mission
I'm a shooting star
I've got no inhibitions
I don't care who you are

It's the Tropic of Cancer
The meaning of soul
There's a change in the weather
To have and to hold
The method of access
A handful of dust
It's just par for the course, boy
Get back on the bus

I'm a man with a mission
I'm a shooting star
I've got no inhibitions
I don't care who you are

Though I know the night has fallen and the suns sailed out to sea
I will wait here for the band to play the trumpet voluntary
And with one foot on the seashore and the other in the sand
I will stand here plaiting daisies whilst you play the piano-grand

Caprice, your bugle blew away the cobwebs from my ears
And for once I stood quite naked. unashamed, I wept the tears
Which I tried to hide inside myself from me, I mean from you
But the shame I found too painful and the pain it only grew

(Magdalene, my regal zonophone)

Though I know the night has fallen and the suns sailed out to sea
I will wait here for the band to play the trumpet voluntary
And with one foot on the seashore and the other in the sand
I will stand here plaiting daisies whilst you play the piano-grand

Caprice, your bugle blew away the cobwebs from my ears
And for once I stood quite naked. unashamed, I wept the tears
Which I tried to hide inside myself from me, I mean from you
But the shame I found too painful and the pain it only grew

(Magdalene, my regal zonophone)

Don't eat green meat it ain't good for you
you know it killed your brother, killed your sister too
even fresh fried chicken on new-mown sand
can't beat red beans eaten outa your hand

Oh Mabel, Mabel! You know I love you gal but I'm not able
Mabel, oh Mabel, please get off the kitchen table
Don't slice no onions, don't peel no grape
dream about banana slice nor sniff around short cake
and if on a winter's day you find your sundial's wrong
you'll know the weather is what's brought it on

Oh Mabel, Mabel! You know I love you gal but I'm not able
Mabel, oh Mabel, please get off the kitchen table
Put the peas in the pot, put the pot on the hot
In the cellar lies my wife, in my wife there's a knife
so tote that hammer, lift that pick
and banish inhibition with a pogo stick

Oh Mabel, Mabel! You know I love you gal but I'm not able
Mabel, oh Mabel, please get off the kitchen table

Don't eat green meat it ain't good for you
you know it killed your brother, killed your sister too
even fresh fried chicken on new-mown sand
can't beat red beans eaten outa your hand

Oh Mabel, Mabel! You know I love you gal but I'm not able
Mabel, oh Mabel, please get off the kitchen table

Don't slice no onions, don't peel no grape
dream about banana slice nor sniff around short cake
and if on a winter's day you find your sundial's wrong
you'll know the weather is what's brought it on

Oh Mabel, Mabel! You know I love you gal but I'm not able
Mabel, oh Mabel, please get off the kitchen table

Put the peas in the pot, put the pot on the hot
In the cellar lies my wife, in my wife there's a knife
so tote that hammer, lift that pick
and banish inhibition with a pogo stick

Oh Mabel, Mabel! You know I love you gal but I'm not able
Mabel, oh Mabel, please get off the kitchen table

Don't eat green meat it ain't good for you
you know it killed your brother, killed your sister too
even fresh fried chicken on new-mown sand
can't beat red beans eaten outa your hand

Oh Mabel, Mabel! You know I love you gal but I'm not able
Mabel, oh Mabel, please get off the kitchen table

Don't slice no onions, don't peel no grape
dream about banana slice nor sniff around short cake
and if on a winter's day you find your sundial's wrong
you'll know the weather is what's brought it on

Oh Mabel, Mabel! You know I love you gal but I'm not able
Mabel, oh Mabel, please get off the kitchen table

Put the peas in the pot, put the pot on the hot
In the cellar lies my wife, in my wife there's a knife
so tote that hammer, lift that pick
and banish inhibition with a pogo stick

Oh Mabel, Mabel! You know I love you gal but I'm not able
Mabel, oh Mabel, please get off the kitchen table

Tulips lips oh Luskus Delph
Your baking breath breeds body 'x'
With silken measures try to gauge
The inside sweetness of your cave.

Peach preserve your simmering jewel
Hid away like orphans' gruel
Help me find the widow's crack
Make me stick like ceiling wax

Almond eyed my turkish pearl
Burn me up sweet oyster girl
Shove me in your steaming vat
Make me split like chicken fat

Lime Street in the afternoon
everybody crazy as a coon
I'm running round in my underpants
trying to find some kinda romance

Quarter past three [sic] on Lime Street
I got whipped right offa my feet
Didn't realize that I'd been caught
till I found myself in the County Court

'Mr Judge,' I said, 'Won't you please be kind
Have pity on me, a poor orphan child?'
Mr Judge he says with a long mean frown
'Orphan or not, you're going down!'

Well I screamed on my knees in the witness box,
'Lord have mercy on my golden locks.'
The judge I could see that he was snide
He says, 'The only kind of blonde you are's a peroxide!'

Oh Lime Street, Lime Street
Lime Street, that's where we meet

Lime Street in the afternoon
everybody crazy as a coon
I'm running round in my underpants
trying to find some kinda romance

Quarter past three [sic] on Lime Street
I got whipped right offa my feet
Didn't realize that I'd been caught
till I found myself in the County Court

'Mr Judge,' I said, 'Won't you please be kind
Have pity on me, a poor orphan child?'
Mr Judge he says with a long mean frown
'Orphan or not, you're going down!'

Well I screamed on my knees in the witness box,
'Lord have mercy on my golden locks.'
The judge I could see that he was snide
He says, 'The only kind of blonde you are's a peroxide!'

Oh Lime Street, Lime Street
Lime Street, that's where we meet