Frankie Howerd

Mean Mr. Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark
Trying to save paper
Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy him some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose
Such a mean old man (Yes, a mean old man!)
Such a mean old man (I agree, a mean old man!)

Such a mean old man
Such a mean old man

Such a mean old man
Such a mean old man

His sister Pam works in a shop
She never stops
She's a go-getter
Takes him out to look at the Queen
Only place that he's ever been
Always shouts out something obscene
Such a dirty old man (Dirty old man?)
Such a dirty old man (Yes, a dirty old man!)
Such a dirty old man
Such a dirty old man

Now when I get older
Losing my hair
Many years from now
Will you still be sending me a Valentine?
Birthday greeting, bottle of wine?

If I'd been out
'Til quarter to three
Would you lock the door?
Oh, will you still need me
Will you still feed me
When I'm sixty-four?

You'll be older too, jealous?
(And if you say the word
I could stay with you)

Believe me, I could be handy
Mending a fuse
When your lights have gone
You can knit a sweater by the fireside
Sunday morning, go for a ride

Doin' the garden
Diggin' the weeds
Who could ask for more? (Who indeed?)
Will you still need me
Will you still feed me
When I'm sixty-four?

Every summer we can rent a cottage
In the Isle of Wight (If it's not too dear)
We shall scrimp and save (Oh, never stop)
Grandchildren on your knee (Oh, yes, yes!)
Vera, (Huh!) Chuck, (Oh!) and Dave (Oh, do go on!)

Send me a postcard
Drop me a line (Alright)
Stating point of view (Mm-hm)
Indicate precisely what you mean to say (You don't know?!)
Yours sincerely wasting away

Give me your answer
Fill in a form
Mine for evermore
Will you still need me (Oh)
Will you still feed me (Oh)
When I'm sixty-four?
Oh (Oh), yo ooh!