Neil Hannon [보컬,기타]

Bernice bobs her hair in the barber's in the square
All her new-found friends are there to see it done
Bernice bobs her hair she's been driven to despair
'Cause her cousin doesn't care about anyone
Her hair was long, her hair was dark
Her hair fell down her back
And now it lies upon the floor
Bernice runs out the door

Marjorie had told her what to wear to the parties
Marjorie had told her what to say to the boys
Now Marjorie was jealous of her social advances
And presented her with this choice
Bernice, bob your hair
You've persistently declared this intention
Do you dare to disagree?
So Bernice bobs her hair and is instantly ensnared
In a trap so well prepared by Marjorie
Her hair was long, her hair was dark
Her hair fell down her back
The mirror tells of her mistake
Her heart is fit to break
So when it's dark and her cousin sleeps
Into the room she creeps
Marjorie's curls come down like rain
Bernice runs for her train

My father says there's only one perfect view -and that's the view of the sky over our headsI expect your father has been reading DanteSee my solitude, where once was truth now only doubtTouch my tortured skin, torn from within and f

Hello What would you like to know?
What would you like to hear?
What if I just disappear inside myself?
Hello What would you like to know?
Who would you like to see?
Who would you like me to be if not myself?
And the Europop (pop) makes me dizzy
And I just can't stop (stop) 'til it's finished
And I don't know what (what) you find funny
'Bout the Europop and the love of money

Hello Where is it cool to go?
When is it cool to leave?
What is it cool to breathe inside myself?
Hello Don't tell me what I already know
Don't show me what I've already seen
Don't take me where I've already been inside myself
And the Europop (pop) makes me dizzy
And I just can't stop (stop) 'til it's finished
And I don't know what (what) you find funny
'Bout the Europop and the love of money
Financial gain is a very pleasant thing
But the transitory pleasure that it brings
Counts for nothing

So What is there left to know?
What is there left to say?
Nothing

And the Europop (pop) makes me dizzy
And I just can't stop (stop) 'til it's finished
And I don't know what (what) you find funny
'Bout the Europop and the love of money
And I thank God that you're aware
Oh thank God that you're aware
Of the earth and of the air
And of the girls making like they don't care
But they are blessed and you are cursed
With the conscience of a universe
Of the mind and of the soul
And reduction science digging itself a hole
And I thank God that you're aware
Oh thank your God that you're aware
It's taken time but I'll think you'll find
That everything is alright

An ordinary day down on Festive Road
The children will play and never will know
That when Mr Benn of No.52
Walks in through that door peculiar events will ensue

The shopkeeper peers through spectacles round
As Benn wanders in and shuts out the town
The shopkeeper wears his customary grin
'Cause he knows when they go to try on his clothes
Each fantasy chosen begin...

I... I was born yesterday
And I believe all that you say
I have no choice
I must obey you
Is this the first or the second day
Of the rest of my life
Well hey
Why should I care either way
If what you say is true?
Saturday morning, 18th of December
I cannot remember
The last time that I saw such a young ballerina
In love with the loveless
In tune with a tuneless old upright piano
Standing en pointe
Going through each position with gentle precision
She measures each movement
Her classical features and elegant waistline
Are going to waste while she pleases her parents
I... I was born yesterday
And I believe all that you say
I have no choice
I must obey you
Is this the first or the second day
Of the rest of my life
Well hey
Why should I care either way
If what you say is true?
What if they die on the road to Rathmines
Where a dog in two minds times his run to perfection
An orphan at last,
She'd be sick in the loo-bowl
Then go to the funeral and cry by the graveside
And then sleep with the first man she sees
And she'd catch some disease
Which she would give to her doctor
She'd cook her own breakfast, and she'd cook his as well
And both get on swell
Even though he was married

You are a part of me
I am a part of you
Why should I let you walk all over me?
All over me

I travelled among unknown men
In lands beyond the sea;
Nor, England did I know till then
What love I bore to thee.
'Tis past, that melancholy dream!
Nor will I quit thy shore
A second time; for I still seem
To love thee more and more.
Among thy mountains did I feel
The joy of my desire;
And she I cherished turned her wheel
Beside an English fire.
By mornings showed, by nights concealed
The bowers where Lucy played;
And thine too is the last green field
That Lucy's eye surveyed.

She dwelt among the untrodden ways
Beside the springs of Dove,
A Maid whom there were none to praise
And very few to love:
A violet by a mossy stone
Half hidden from the eye
Fair as a star, when only one
Is shining in the sky.

She lived unknown, and few could know
When Lucy ceased to be;
But she is in her grave and, oh
The difference to me
A slumber did my spirit seal;
I had no human fears.
She seemed a thing that could not feel
The touch of earthly eyes.
No motion has she now, no force;
She neither hears nor sees;
Rolled round in earth's diurnal course,
With rocks, and stones, and trees.

Please don't look at me that way
You'll only make me want to say
Something I will regret
You are April you are May
What a stupid thing to say
Just forgive me and forget
That I ever opened my mouth
And let it all come out, let it all flood out
I am worried for your health

Put something warm around yourself
Don't let your feet get wet
I'm in love and I'm in pain
If I say something stupid again
Oh just forgive me and forget
That I ever opened my mouth
And let it all come out
Let it all flood out
Queen of the South
She has opened my mouth
And let it all come out, let it all flood out

chorus
Something is getting in the way
What it is I cannot say
I wish we had never met
chorus

Are you ready?
OK let's do it 1, 2, 3, 4 Woo, ah ha, yeah
ba ba da ba da ba da ba da oh yeah

Laugh at the tears you're crying
Smile while your head explodes
Y' don't have to take this lying down
So blow your nose baby
And just get your fingers clicking
To the rhythm and the rhyme
Otherwise you'll just be kicking around
And that's a crime

How can you talk that way on such a lovely day?
When sunshine comes your way it's time to make some hay

I fall for this season every time
When it's hot and everybody smiles
I can't help myself
I'm in love with the summertime
Even when I get hay-fever I find
I may sneeze but I don't really mind
As long as I'm in love with the summertime

Ah, stop your belly-aching
We all know what it's like
There ain't a pill I haven't taken I guess
But that's alright baby
'Cause your Daddy's car is waiting
To take us to the sea
She feels like celebrating life
And so should we

How can you talk that way on such a lovely day?
When sunshine comes your way it's time to make some hay

I fall for this season every time
When it's hot and everybody smiles
I can't help myself
I'm in love with the summertime
Even when I get hay-fever I find
I may sneeze but I don't really mind
As long as I'm in love with the summertime
CLAP YOUR HANDS!
- 간주중 -
I fall for this season every time
When it's hot and everybody smiles
I can't help myself
I'm in love with the summertime
Even when I get hay-fever I find
I may sneeze but I don't really mind
As long as I'm in love with the summertime
summertime

This Autumn breeze shall strip the trees
And freeze me to the bone
Why must these three sisters tease
Their lonely brother so?
Knowledge is a curse
But ignorance is worse I fear

Knowledge is a curse
But ignorance is worse I fear
Would you agree my dear?
I have watched you grow
From the same seed as my own shall grow
And they will never know how
How this autumn breeze shall strip the trees
And freeze me to the bone
Why must these three sisters tease
Their lonely brother so?
I don't know I don't know
Pleasure is a sin
And abstinence shall win this day
And that's the way it's gonna stay
Black Parisian lace
Your salvation - my disgrace
My God where did you go wrong?
This Autumn breeze shall strip the trees
And freeze me to the bone
Why must these three sisters tease
Their lonely brother so?
I don't know if I can stop my eyes
From drifting slowly over holy terrors of the soul
No self control

That Autumn chill is with me still

When I fall asleep it could be forever
So I'll never fall asleep again
When I fall apart put me back together
And my life will be complete
Maybe it's tonight
Maybe tomorrow night
Next week, next month, next year
We've only time to fear
When I fall behind in the quest for pleasure
I shall treasure this short time with you
We shall not be chained
We shall not be tethered
And we'll never be unkind
Maybe it's tonight
Maybe tomorrow night
Next week, next month, next year
We've only time to fear

If I fall in love it could be forever
So I'll never fall in love
But the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I might fall in love with you, fall in love with you

Who's that boy you're leaning on
(Victoria ceases to care)
You're not the only one
(Virginia creeps through her hair)
Summer evening, summer sun
(Virago will publish her diaries when she's dead)
To the world
(Unlocking the dreams in her head)
And the world is blind
(Unstable unhinged and unfed)
She'll wed the summertime
(Unable to answer the questions of her life)
I don't believe you, I don't believe
I don't really need to, I don't really need Victoria
I won't let Victoria fall
When the night has come and gone
(His ghostly perfection remains)
Melting in the morning sun
(His pale saint complexion unchanged)
Lovers go and lovers come
(And some stay for longer but never long enough)
His shadow lingers on
(Victoria ceases to care)
His shadow fades like a pop song
(Virginia creeps through her hair)
Death to the supernatural one
(Virago will publish the story of her life)
Queen of the South
I don't believe you, I don't believe
I don't really need to, I don't really need Victoria
I won't let Victoria fall
I don't defend you (I don't defend you)
I don't recommend you but (I don't recommend Victoria)
I won't let Victoria fall away (Victoria)

We took your Daddy's car
And drove it to the sea
We fooled around for hours
And then when we got tired and it got dark
We found a place to park
And we watched the sun set fire to the sea
Can you feel the sadness in our love?
It's the only kind we're worthy of
Can you feel the madness in our hearts
As the key turns and the engine starts?
We took your Daddy's car
And drove it into town
We steamed into a bar
And we bought the biggest bottle of champagne
And driving through the rain we sang
'God bless this car, and all who sail in her!'
Can you feel the sadness in our love?
It's the only kind we're worthy of
Can you feel the madness in our hearts
As the key turns and the engine starts?
We took your Daddy's car
And wrapped it round a tree
We didn't know what for
We didn't feel like driving any more
It was so good we got bored
And we are driving from the day we are born

Can you feel the sadness in our love?
It's the only kind we're worthy of
Can you feel the madness in our hearts
As the key turns and the engine starts?
Can you feel lengine starts

My parents knew these people
who for all their faults were very nice
They owned a farm whose old world
charm earned it the name of Paradise
We came to stay one holiyda,
we played crocquet and burned our arms
But I was charmed and lost for words
when I first heard the birds of paradise farm

Singing their songs all the day long
Making love to the dinner gong
Wondering when their human friends
Would come to feed them

I looked in the trees and in the air
I searched the eves of disused barns
Till finally, to my despair,
I found the caged birds of paradise farm

Singing their songs all the day long
Making love to the dinner gong
Wondering why their tiny lives
should be spent behind iron bars

Now Leonardo da Vinci, St Francis of Assisi
But Neil Hannon of the Seahouse, Fivemiletown
It doesn't sound quite right, somehow

Singing their songs all the day long
Making love to the dinner gong
Wondering when their human friend
Would come to free them

When the last day came I took my time
they called my name and read the card
"When Nature Calls You Must Reply"
They laughed waving goodbye to paradise farm.

I told the stars above about the one I love
I told the morning sun, yeah I'm telling everyone
I told my mum and dad, they seemed to understand
And I'll get through to you if it's the last thing that I do

Everybody knows that I love you
Everybody knows that I need you
Everybody knows that I do except you

I told all of my friends again and again and again
I drove them round the bend so now you're my only friend
I told the passers by, I made a small boy cry
And I'll get through to you if it's the last thing that I do

Everybody knows I live for you
Everybody knows I adore you
Everybody knows that it's true except you

Don't look a horse in the mouth
Don't let a frog get you down
Dragging you round like a dog on a lead
I'm all you need

Baby I'm in love with you
And my love could go on and on
Maybe you could love me too
And our love could go on and on

So don't look a horse in the mouth
Don't let a frog get you down
Dragging you round like a dog on a lead
I'm all you need

Baby I'm in love with you
And my love could go on and on
Maybe you could love me too
And our love could go on and on

But don't look a horse in the mouth
Don't let a frog get you down
Dragging you round like a dog on a lead
I'm all you need

Baby I'm in love with you
And my love could go on and on
Maybe you could love me too
And our love could go on and on and on and on...

If I were you I'd look at me
And fail to see the things I see in you
If I were you and if I were you
I wouldn't let the shit you get
From me get the better of you
If I were you

Don't you ever wonder why
I could never make you cry?

Well, if I were you I'd ride away
To a pasture new where I could graze
On the grass so succulent and sweet
If I were you
I'd be through with me

If I were you I wouldn't need
To always read the magazines that I do
Huh, they make me blue!
So if I were you I'd make the break
Before I take my frustrations out on you
Just break on through

Don't you ever, in your dreams
Take a lover and make her scream?

Well, if I were you I'd ride away
To a pasture new where I could graze
On the grass so succulent and sweet
If I were you
I'd be through with me

Well, if I were you I'd ride away
To a pasture new where I could graze
On the green, green grass
Of virgin country
I'd live real fast and die real young
You see if I were you I'd end my days
In a field of stupid sheep just grazing
The grass so succulent and sweet
If I were you
I'd be through with me

If you were the road
I'd go all the way
If you were the night
I'd sleep in the day
If you were the day
I'd cry in the night
'Cause you are the way
The truth and the light
If you were a tree
I could put my arms around you
And you could not complain
If you were a tree
I could carve my name into your side
And you would not cry,
'Cos trees don't cry

If you were a man
I would still love you
If you were a drink
I'd drink my fill of you
If you were attacked
I would kill for you
If your name was Jack
I'd change mine to Jill for you
If you were a horse
I'd clean the crap out of your stable
And never once complain
If you were a horse
I could ride you through the fields at dawn
Through the day until the day was gone
I could sing about you in my songs
As we rode away into the setting sun

If you were my little girl
I would find it hard to let you go
If you were my sister
I would find it doubly so
If you were a dog
I'd feed you scraps from off the table
Though my wife complains
If you were my dog
I am sure you'd like it better
Then you'd be my loyal four legged friend
You'd never have to think again
And we could be together till the end

Hey, I'm not the type
To say one thing and do another
And if it's all right I'd kind
Of like to be your lover
'Cos when you're with me I can't help but be
So desperately
Uncontrollably Happy!

And hey, I'm not the kind
To fall in love without good reason
And if that's a crime
Then baby I'm committing high treason
'Cos when you're with me
I'm absolutely
And totally
Quite uncontrollably Happy!

And hey, I'm not so blind
That I can't see where we're all going
And it's no fault of mine
If humankind reaps what it is sowing
Just as long as we are together
Forever
I'll never be anything other than Happy!

Hey, don't be suprised, if millions die in plague and murder
True happiness lies beyond your fries and happy burger

Little acts of kindness
Make us all feel better
Unexpected flowers
Unrequested letters, yeah

So when somebody calls you
Give a friendly answer.
And when somebody fails to call
Remember that we have all been there before

Little acts of kindness
Ill-conceived and reckless
Stay in bed this morning
Let me make you breakfast

So when somebody needs you
Do your best to help them
And when somebody needs your help
Remember well, we've all been there before.

We have all been there before
We have all been there before
We have all been there before
We have all been there before

When somebody needs you
Do your best for them

Little acts of kindness
Little things you can do
Helping those with blindness
Saying please and thank you

Making cups of coffee
Give your friends your rolos
Going to the offie
feeding horses polos

Keeping your bedroom neat
Giving children Dairylea
Putting down the loo seat
Doing your work for charity.....

They sit and watch the clouds go by
The London Irish
The London Irish
And they believe it's Irish sky
The London Irish
The London Irish

They love the sun but pray for rain
The London Irish
Yeah, the London Irish
They drink to take away the pain
The London Irish
The London Irish

The London streets are paved with gold
For the London Irish
Oh, the London Irish
You gain the world and you lose your soul
Well if you'll picture a scene
On every magazine
And every TV screen
Will there be anything left of the
London Irish
London Irish

They say they will return again
The London Irish
Mmm, the London Irish
But they won't say exactly when

The London Irish
The London Irish
The London Irish
The London Irish

Radioactivity
Is in the air for you and me
Radioactivity
Discovered by Madame Curie

Radioactivity
Tune in to the melody
Radioactivity
Is in the air for you and me

(Morse:
Radioactivity is in the air for you and me
Radioactivity discovered by madame curie
Radioactivity tune in to the ... Kraftwerk)

Radio Aktivität
Für dich und mich in All entsteht
Radio Aktivität
Strahlt Wellen zum Empfangsgerät

Radio Aktivität
Wenn's um unsere Zukunft geht
Morse:
Radioactivity is in the air for you and me
Radioactivity discovered by madame curie
Radioactivity tune in to the ... Kraftwerk

Radioactivity
Is in the air for you and me
Radioactivity
Discovered by Madame Curie

Radioactivity
Tune in to the melody
Radioactivity
Is in the air for you and me

Someone I once knew
Told someone like you
"Love is just a word"
Now I'm not so sure that's true

Someone made me see
How someone like me
Needn't be so closed
Just 'cos they once chose to be

I need to be someone's somebody

Someone heard my call
When I was all at sea
Someone rescued me
When my life was all but through

Someone made me feel
Like someone really cares
I hardly even dare
To believe it's real, it's really true

I need to be somebody's somebody

When I fall asleep it could be forever
So I'll never fall asleep again
When I fall apart put me back together
And my life will be complete

Maybe it's tonight
Maybe tomorrow night
Next week
Next month
Next year
We've only time to fear

When I fall behind in the quest for pleasure
I shall treasure this short time with you
We shall not be chained
We shall not be tethered
And we'll never be unkind

If I fall in love it could be forever
So I'll never fall in love
But the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I might fall in love with you
Fall in love with you

First you look so strong,
Then you fade away.
The sun will burn my eyes,
I love you anyway.
Thirsting for your smile
I watched you for a while.
You are a vapour trail
In a deep blue sky

La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la

Tremble with a sigh,
Glitter in your eye,
You seem to come and go
I never seem to know.
And all my time
Is yours as much as mine.
We never have enough
Time to share our lives.

La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la

Moons in June
I’ve given up on that stuff
Alms and charms
But I’ve no hope of falling in love
The rest of life pales in significance
I’m looking for somebody
With whom to dance

With whom to dance
With whom to dance
I’m looking for somebody
With whom to dance

Rings and strings
What use have I for these things?
Bells and carousels
Oh, I’d just be fooling myself
The rest of life pales in significance
I’m looking for somebody
With whom to dance

With whom to dance
With whom to dance
I’m looking for somebody
With whom to dance

And you, you look like heaven
An angel who stepped from a dream
Seven hundred and seventy seven times lovelier
Than anything I’ve ever seen
The rest of life pales in significance
I’m looking for somebody with whom to dance

With whom to dance
With whom to dance
I’m looking for somebody
With whom to dance

Freezing Monday morning
She is waiting for her train to come
I brush past her, smell her perfume
Watch her hair move as she turns to go
She doesn't know I exist
I'm gonna keep it like this
I'm not gonna take any risks this time

She's not like the others
With their papers and their headphones on
She reads novels by French authors with loose morals
She can do no wrong
I wouldn't say I'm obsessed
I don't wanna see her undressed
We can be prince and princess in my dream
And we're dancing
Through the evening
‘Til the morning

She doesn't know I exist
I'm gonna keep it like this
I'm not gonna take any risks this time

Julius Caesar came, saw, conquered, went away
‘Cause it rained here all the time
Too many sniffs and colds
Got up his Roman nose
So he left it all behind for Eric the gardener to find
Eric the gardener
Eric the gardener will find Eric the gardener

Julius Caesar knew that when his life was through
Something of him would stay behind
Not in a Roman tomb or an Italian womb
But buried deep in English slime
For Eric the gardener to find
Eric the gardener
Eric the gardener will find Eric the gardener

Julius Caesar sleeps soundly beneath your feet
With the rest of humankind
Dig deep and dig some more
Dig to the planet's core
Dig 'til you've gone out of your mind
But all you will ever find is Eric the gardener
All you can ever hope to find is Eric the gardener

Generation sex respects the rights of girls
Who want to take their clothes off
As long as we can all watch that's o.k.
And generation sex elects the type of guys
You wouldn't leave your kids with
And shouts”off with their heads” if they get laid

Lovers watch their backs as hacks in macs
Take snaps through telephoto lenses
Chase Mercedes Benz' through the night
A mourning nation weeps and wails
But keeps the the sales of evil tabloids healthy
The poor protect the wealthy in this world

Generation sex injects the sperm of worms
Into the eggs of field-mice
So you can look real nice for the boys
And generation sex is me and you
And we should really all know better
It doesn't really matter what you say

Here comes the flood
Rivers of mud, baby
Here comes the quake
Evacuate while you still can
Here comes the fire
Our funeral pyre, baby
Here comes the flood
Here comes the blood bath

Here comes the fly
Fifty foot high, baby
Here comes the war
More blood and gore
Than you can stand
Here comes the race
From outer space, baby
It's all over
We're all gonna die

If the good Lord had intended me to live in L.A. he'd given me a machine gun. Still, here I am, just another worried little citizen of this modern-day Pompeii waiting for the melt-down, the show-down, the great American close-down. When that fault-line that runs right through society's fabric finally snaps and the whole damn thing starts unravelling. Why watch the sports channel when you can watch C.N.N.? Ladies and Gentlemen, the greatest race in history, the race to end all races, in fact the race to end history. In lane one - the San Andreas Fault, in lane two - Global Recession, in three - El Nino, in four -Chemical War, lane five - Inter-Racial Conflict, lane six - Auto Immune Deficiency Syndrome. On your marks. Get Set. Wait for it………. Go!

Here comes the flood
Rivers of blood, baby
Here comes the bomb
It won't be long
‘Til we're all gone
Here comes the sun
Run baby run, baby
If you believe all that you read
You'll know the end is nigh
We're gonna die!!

Build your coffin of balsa wood
Spend all that you earn
When you go you are gone for good
Never to return
Always to thine own self be true
Not to fools like me
Who'll change their minds
For the sake of rhyming schemes
Au revoir joi, bonjour tristesse
Good times come and go
Life owes nobody hapiness
Only pain and sorrow
So don't rely on the starry skies
Screw the universe
You'd ought to try to live your life on Earth

So au revoir joi, bonjour tristesse
Good times come and they go
This life owes nobody happiness
Only pain and sorrow
So don't rely on the starry skies
Screw the universe
You'd ought to try to live your life on earth
I'm gonna try to live my life on earth

Take the National Express when your life's in a mess
It'll make you smile
All human life is here
From the feeble old dear to the screaming child
From the student who knows that to have one of those
Would be suicide
To the family man
Manhandling the pram with paternal pride
And everybody sings ‘ba ba ba da……….'
We're going where the air is free

On the National Express there's a jolly hostess
Selling crisps and tea
She'l provide you with drinks and theatrical winks
For a sky-high fee
Mini-skirts were in style when she danced down the aisle
Back in ‘63 (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
But it's hard to get by when your arse is the size
Of a small country
And everybody sings ‘ba ba ba da…..'
We're going where the air is free
Tomorrow belongs to me

When you're sad and feeling blue
With nothing better to do
Don't just sit ther feeling stressed
Take a trip on the National Express

I was born in Londonderry
I was born in Derry City too
Oh what a special child
To see such things and still to smile
I knew that there was something wrong
But I kept my head down and carried on

I grew up in Enniskillen
I grew up in Inis Ceathlain too
Oh what a clever boy
To watch your hometown be destroyed
I knew that I would not stay long
So I kept my head down and carried on

Who cares where national borders lie?
Who cares whose laws you're governed by?
Who cares what name you call a town?
Who'll care when you're six feet beneath the ground?

From the corner of my eye
A hint of blue in the black sky
A ray of hope, a beam of light
An end to thirty years of night
The church-bells ring, the children sing
“What is this strange and beautiful thing?”
It's the sunrise
Can you see the sunrise?
I can see the sunrise
It's the sun rising

I would like to live in Sweden
When my work is done
Where the snow lies crisp and even
‘Neath the midnight sun
Safe and clean and green and modern
Bright and breezy, free and easy
Sweden, Sweden, Sweden, in Sweden

I am gonna live in Sweden
Please don't ask me why
For if I were to give a reason
It would be a lie
Tall and strong and blonde and blue eyed
Pure and healthy, very wealthy
Sweden, Sweden, Sweden, in Sweden

I'll grow wings and fly to Sweden
When my time is come
Then at last my eyes shall see them
Heroes everyone
Ingmar Bergman
Henrik Ibsen
Karin Larsson
Nina Persson
Sweden, Sweden, Sweden
In Sweden

A butterfly flies through the forest rain
And turns the wind to the hurricane
I know that it will happen
‘Cause I believe in the certainty of chance

A schoolboy yawns, sits back and hits return
While round the world computers crash and burn
I know that it will happen
‘Cause I believe in the certainty of chance

And I believe
I can see it all so clearly now

You must go and I must set you free
‘Cause only that will bring you back to me
I know that it will happen
I'm sure that it must happen
Oh I know that it's gonna happen
Because I believe in the certainty of chance

When you hang by a thread
Strange things go through your head
What was in that woodshed?
Will death be gentle?
"Better to live one day like a lion
Than a thousand sheepishly"
Say dead oriental
I'm a thrillseeker honey - I can't help it
I would kill for that feeling now I've felt it
I'm a thrillseeker

If you live by the sword
You will reap your reward
Death by faulty rip-cord or loose karabiner
But it's my absolute right
To kill myself if I like
And now it looks like I might have finally succeeded
And I don't care

When they finally come
I'll be stuck there like gum
Frying under the sun "eggs over easy"
But it's my triumph of will
Just to stay alive 'til
They've spent several million trying to save me
Albeit vainly
I don't want your money
I'm a thrillseeker honey - I can't help it
I'd kill for that feeling now I've felt it
It's the cruelest of hands but I've been dealt it
I can see it, I can feel it, I hear it
Here it comes……

When she was just a girl
She became a woman of the world
Soon there wasn't room enough for her
In between the bosoms of her family
She popped the cork, got on the Greyhound to New York
Small-talked her way round just the sort
Of playboys' playground she'd once dreamed about

Maybe I love her, but I'm jealous of her
She's a woman of the world

She's a fake!?sure, but she's a real fake
On the make!?making up for lost time
Just you wait!?hey, give the girl a break
And a fifty dollar bill will see to that
Heh, that ain't enough to feed the cat
Serve up the rats and super rats
Well they just get fatter while she fades away

Maybe I love her, but I'm jealous of her
She's a woman of the world
Maybe I hate her, 'cause I didn't create her
It's human nature, girl
Maybe I'll suffer, just to be her lover
Just to be part of her world
Maybe I need her, because I want to be her baby, can I be your girl?
Maybe I'll kill her, just trying to thrill her if she don't kill me first

We're making eye-contact
Oh those hypnotic eyes attract
Such philanthropic flies?that's that.
You cannot stop it, so why the devil do you try?

Are you all settled in? Right, then we can begin. My name is...
ALFIE!

Once there was a time
When my mind lay on higher things
And once there was a time
I could find pretty words to sing
But now, well now I find
It saves time to say what you mean
I know it seems so unrefined
but it's time to let off some steam

Oh come on!
Everybody knows that No means Yes
Just like glasses come free on the N.H.S.
But the more I look through them the more I see
I'm becoming more like Alfie

Once there was a time
When a kind word could be enough
And once there was a time
I could blindfold myself with love
But not now?now I'm resigned
To the kind of life I had reserved
For other guys less smart than I
Y'know?the kind who will always end up with the girls

And besides
Everybody knows that No means Yes
Just like glasses come free on the N.H.S.
But the more I look through them the more I see
I'm becoming more like Alfie

Oh come on!

Ladysmith wants you forthwith to come to her relief
Burn your briefs you leave for France tonight
Carefully cut the straps of the booby-traps and set the captives free
But don't shoot 'til you see her big blue eyes

Then sound the charge?breath your final breath
And charge into the valley of death
Cannon to the left and cannon to the right
They'll go bang bang bang all night

We'll fight them on the beaches
Yes, we'll fill 'em full of lead
Fighting naked in the open air
We'll fight them in the kitchen, in the bathroom in the garden shed
Fighting the good fight any-fighting-where

So sound the charge?breathe your final breath
And charge into the valley of death
Cannon to the left and cannon to the right
They'll go bang bang bang all night
There'll be a cannon to the left and cannon to the right
They'll go bang bang bang bang bang bang bang all night...

"Baby baby, I love the way you talk sense to me
Especially when you say 'Neil, you got love'
I hear what you're saying...
I have in my hand a piece of paper that says
"Let's make lurrve, not this phoney war-thang"
We goin' over the top -
But you're so sexy when you're angry, honey-chile"

"Roamin' around in no man's land, gettin' caught in your barbed wire
Baby baby, gonna set your village on fire..."

CHARGE?I'm gonna hit you where it hurts
CHARGE?So sound the red alert!
There'll be a cannon to the left...
...And a cannon to the right...
(The hills are alive with the sound of)
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
All night!

"Hello...
What have we here?
A young lady!
To what do I owe this pleasant surprise, my pretty one?
How may I be of service this dark and wintry night?
Ah, I see. You wish me to look into the future... your future.
After GCSEs, A-levels, university...
After your first badly paid job in advertising...
Okay, my pretty, just cross my palm with plastic,
And I'll see what I can do...
Wait!
The fog is lifting!"

I see oriental paper globes
Hanging like decomposing cocoons
While exotic candles overload
The dusty air with their stale perfume
And I see lentils, beans, seaweed and rice
In jars on the windowsill
And it ain't hardly enough to feed the mice
Running behind the lines of allergy pills

All these things will come to pass
When heroes of the middle class
Face up to their responsibilities

I see an Indian fertility God
He's got thirty seven limbs to spare
And tasteless tie-dyed tablecloths
That double up as evening wear
And I see naked bodies twist and turn
On the futon of dreams fulfilled
But their three-year-old kid seems unconcerned
He'd rather swallow all those allergy pills

I see unspeakable vulgarity
Institutionalised mediocrity
Infinite tragedy
Rise up little souls?join the doomed army
Fight the good fight?wage the unwinnable war:
Elegance against ignorance!
Difference against indifference!
Wit against shit!

My words fly up to heaven, my thoughts remain below
Words said without feeling never to heaven go...

All these things will come to pass
When heroes of the middle class
Face up, repent, and pay the price
For accidentally creating life
An oversight for which they must atone
And sacrifice their own

She said "There's something in the woodshed
And I can hear it breathing -
It's such an eerie feeling, darling."
He said "There's nothing in the woodshed -
It's your imagination
End of the conversation, darling."

Something in his heart told him to come clean
He was not who he claimed to be
Something in his genes told him to pretend
'Twas something for the weekend

But she said "There's something in the woodshed
I know because I saw it
I can't simply ignore it, darling."
So he said "Now baby, don't be stupid
Get this into your sweet head
There ain't nothing in the woodshed (except maybe some wood)."

Something in his heart told him to come clean
He was not who he claimed to be
Something in his jeans told him to pretend
'Twas something for the weekend

"I'll go all the way with you, if you'll only do the same for me ? go and see
If it's nothing like you say, then you can have your wicked way with me"

He went down to the woodshed
They came down hard on his head
Gagged and bound and left for dead
When he woke she was gone with his car and all of his money

Pale, pubescent beasts
Roam through the streets
And coffee shops
Their prey gather in herds
Of stiff knee-length skirts
And white ankle socks
But while they search for a mate
My type hibernate
In bedrooms above
Composing their songs of love

Young, uniform minds
In uniform lines
And uniform ties
Run round with trousers on fire
And signs of desire
They cannot disguise
While I try to find words
As light as the birds
That circle above
To put in my songs of love

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
So sing while you have time
Let the sun shine down from above
And fill you with songs of love
Take me

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
So let's sing while we still can
While the sun hangs high up above
Wonderful songs of love
Beautiful songs of love

I met a girl, she was a frog princess
I guess I ought to make it clear
That I saw nothing through her see-through dress
Until she whispered in my ear

"You don't really love me and I don't really mind
'Cause I don't love anybody,
That stuff is just a waste of time
Your place or mine?"

I met a girl, she was a complete mess
I should've left her well alone?but oh no, not me!
I had to see if underneath that dress
Her heart was really made of stone

I met a girl, she was a frog princess
And yes I do regret it now
But how was I to know that just one kiss
Could turn my frog into a cow?

And now I'm rid of her I must confess
To thinking 'bout what might have been
And I can visualise my frog princess
Beneath a shining guillotine

You don't really love me and I don't really mind
'Cause I don't love anybody,
I come and go through people's love lives
Your place or mine?

"The Divine Comedy's Casanova?a collection of songs for bass baritone and ensemble, inspired by the writings of the eighteenth century Venetian gambler, eroticist and spy; and performed for us there by the composer, Neil Hannon. He was accompanied in that 1995 recording by a specially assembled group of young musicians, under the baton of Dr. Joby Talbot. The programme was devised by The Divine Comedy, and was produced in our London studios by Darren Allison.

Now, as we're running a little ahead of schedule, there's just time for one extra item. So I'll leave you with the haunting strains of Theme From Casanova..."

Through a long and sleepless night
I thought upon the jury's plight
If what is wrong can feel so right
Then life's no longer black and white
It's four o'clock and all's not well
In my private circle of hell
I contemplate my navel hair
And slowly slide into despair
This rut has fast become a trench
This smell has turned into the stench
Of rotten dreams and stale ideals
The past is snapping at my heels
Oh Danny Boy the pipes are blocked
With bedtime blues and future shock
I know the best is yet to come
But does it always take this long?

I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes
But I'll always be the bridegroom and never the bride

You deserve to be horse-whipped
But I've no horse, that joke's so shit
And whips would only make it worse
Don't tempt the lonely and perverse
The casualties of casual sex
The child of three with X-ray specs
The conman low in self esteem
The Casanova in your dreams
I'll scream and scream and scream until
I've made myself critically ill
In hospital, in case you're there
In uniform, intensive care
I know you'll be the death of me
But what a cool death that would be
I'd rather die than be deprived
Of Wonderbras and thunder thighs

I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes
But I'll always be the bridegroom and never the bride

Bored of normality? why not go daft?
It's easy to do if you try
Slide right back down that self-confident path
You've just so laboriously climbed
Pickle your liver and addle your brain
Live the Bohemian life
Die young and penniless somewhere in Spain
Then again you could try just to live your own life
In the way that you find most amusing
I DON'T REALLY CARE!

I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes
But I will always be the bridegroom and I will never be the bride
Never be the bride

Back at the house
A bottle is found
And opened in honour of those who have drowned,
While we who have not are stricken with guilt
And dutifully see that not one drop is spilt;
We're drinking to life,
We're drinking to death -
We're drinking 'til none of our livers are left!
We're wending our way down to the spirit store,
We'll drink 'til we just can't drink anymore!
Raise your glasses high,
Drink the cellar dry!
Well, bloody my nose
And blacken my eye!
If it ain't some young Turk in search of a fight -
And Chanticleer's chest is sagging with pride,
For honour has yet to be satisfied.
Well, heaven be thanked
We live in an age
When no man need bother
(Except on the stage)
With 'Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori' -
And definitely not tonight!
I can still remember
When I was just a kid -
I was free to do what I wanted to,
But I never, ever did...
So now with years of discretion reached,
May we not forget
Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite
For there's life in the old world yet!
There'll always be an England (oh yes there will),
An Ireland and a France (indubitably),
A Liechtenstein and Finland (absolutely right, completely undeniable),
And we have only one chance...
Earnest young man with an unhealthy tan
Puts a drink in my hand and says:
"I understand
You're in search of the place
To continue the chase
Of the heavenly taste?
I suggest in that case
You all come with me
To my place by the sea
Where the glasses shall be overflowing with free
Alcoholic delights -
And free love if you like -
For what point has this life
If you can't realise you're dreams?!"
Oh, raise your glasses high,
And drink the town dry!
We'll drink beyond the boundaries of sense!
We'll drink 'til we start to see lovely pink elephants
Inside our heads, inside our beds -
Inside the threads of our pyjama legs -
So don't shoot til you see the reds of our eyes
And an army of elephants marching behind!
>From the day I was born 'til the night I will die
All my lovers will be pink and elephantine!

"Who'll have a fishy
On a little dishy?
Who will have a fishy
When the boat comes..."

And then he says
"With our glasses both raised in a toast
Let's sing for those in peril on the sea
Who cater ceaselessly
To thy every wish
With every fish
As fresh as fish can be
You see, I'm into my oysters
My king prawns and caviar
No matter how far away they are
I'll be there!"

And then she says,
"Now with our glasses both raised in this toast
Let's sing for those in peril on the sea
Who labour tirelessly
In their tiny boats
Off John O' Groats
Their socks soaked for me
You see, I do like my lobster
My hake, skate and rainbow trout
And if there's a fishy smell about
I'll be there! And then
And then we'll sing for those in peril on the sea...

Don't be frightened
Don't be scared
Chop off their heads
And little legs
Then peel away the shell
And open up your senses to the smell
The sound and colour
Touch and taste

Of crab, cod, clams and kippers
Scampi, squid, sole, shark and scallop
Winkles, whelks, whale and whiting
Seaweed, swordfish, sardines and sea urchin

Haddock, halibut, herrings and eel
Cockles, mussels, mackerel and veal
Pilchard, plankton, St Peter's fish and plaice
Octopussy jellyfishy
And dolphin's an aquired taste

"Who will have a fishy
On a little dishy?
I will have a fishy
When the boat comes in..."

Time, like an ever-rolling stream, bears all its sons away;
They fly, forgotten, as a dream dies at the op'ning day.

Rub-a-dub-dub
It's time for a scrub
So through clouds of steam
To a cracked and faded cream
Bath-tub wanders frail
Aphrodite, so pale
Pink and white
She is naked as sin
Wearing nothing but a grin
And a pin in her hair
Will she be drowned?
Found
With her hair tied behind
Shoulders back
And head inclined
To the sound of music
Playing above
Bathing her in love
But darkness and fear
Will disappear like the soap
When she opens her eyes.

She throws back her dormer windows
Morning light shows Ophelia raised
From her watery grave in a brave new world.

While they have been eating
The rain has started falling,
Gradually gathering in strength;
What began a drizzle
Has now become torrential,
And doesn't look like coming to an end.

The two bedraggled figures
That huddle in the doorway,
With nothing vaguely waterproof to wear,
Are now secretly wishing
They'd listened to their mothers
When being told to always be prepared.

Screaming
'Geronimo!',
They run for it down the road;
With an arm around her waist
He leads her to a place
He knows.

Soaked through, but happy,
They squelch up to the landing;
The room before them
Makes a welcome sight.
The coal fire is throwing
Strange shapes upon the hearthrug,
And crying out to be knelt down beside.

She pulls off her jumper
And flings it in the corner;
He picks it up and hangs it on a chair.
She puts on a record
And sings into her coffee;
He puts a blanket round her,
Sits her down
And dries her beautiful hair.

One butterfly
Spies a glint in his eye,
Birds sing as he cycles by.
Oh! Why should he feel sad?
This world's not so bad, and besides,
Woe betide he who would frown
When natural beauty abounds.
And now with wheels spinning free
He's picking up speed.

Two butterflies
Tie knots in his stomach,
They love it when he goes too fast.
Wind whistles past,
Whilst oceans of air
That will mess up his hair,
Though he no longer cares any more
For overindulgence and vanity,
Vacuous vice!
Just once or twice,
Thrice,
Four times in five we forget we're alive
And neglect to remind ourselves.

Three butterflies
Realise when it's time to depart,
They have tickled his ribs
They have fluttered his heart,
But the starting is easy compared to the stop
And the bottom is hard when compared to the top.

Oh la la la la la etc...

Ten
Apes turn into men
and grapes turn into wine
How we made it to nine
I'll never know

Eight
Man looks for a mate
but fate plays cruel tricks
And seven turns to six
still he's alone

Along comes number five
Eureka I'm alive
I think therefore I am
a lucky man

Three
From this balcony
the two of us can see
The place where we first met
one wet sunday

"This book deals with epiphenomenalism, which has to do with consciousness as a mere accessory of physiological processes whose presence or absence... makes no difference... whatever are you doing?"

Aphra Benn: Hello
Cervantes: Donkey
Daniel Defoe: To christen the day!
Samuel Richardson: Hello
Henry Fielding: Tittle-tattle Tittle-tattle...
Lawrence Sterne: Hello
Mary Wolstencraft: Vindicated!
Jane Austen: Here I am!
Sir Walter Scott: We're all doomed!
Leo Tolstoy: Yes!
Honore de Balzac: Oui...
Edgar Allen Poe: Aaaarrrggghhhh!
Charlotte Bronte: Hello...
Emily Bronte: Hello...
Anne Bronte: Hellooo..?
Nikolai Gogol: Vas chi
Gustav Flaubert: Oui
William Makepeace Thackeray: Call me 'William Makepeace Thackeray'
Nathaniel Hawthorne: The letter 'A'
Herman Melville: Ahoy there!
Charles Dickens: London is so beautiful this time of year...
Anthony Trollope: good-good-good-good evening!
Fyodor Dostoevsky: Here come the sleepers...
Mark Twain: I can't even spell 'Mississippi'!
George Eliot: George reads German
Emile Zola: J'accuse
Henry James: Howdy Miss Wharton!
Thomas Hardy: Ooo-arrr!
Joseph Conrad: I'm a bloody boring writer...
Katherine Mansfield: (cough cough)
Edith Wharton: Well hello, Mr James!
DH Lawrence: Never heard of it
EM Forster: Never heard of it!

Happy the man, and happy he alone who in all honesty can call today his own;
He who has life and strength enough to say 'Yesterday's dead & gone - I want to live today'

James Joyce: Hello there!
Virginia Woolf: I'm losing my mind!
Marcel Proust: Je me'en souviens plus
F Scott Fitzgerald: baa bababa baa
Ernest Hemingway: I forgot the....
Hermann Hesse: Oh es ist alle so haßlich
Evelyn Waugh: Whoooaarr!
William Faulkner: Tu connait William Faulkner?
Anaïs Nin: The strand of pearls
Ford Maddox Ford: Any colour, as long as it's black!
Jean-Paul Sartre: Let's go to the dome, Simone!
Simone de Beauvoir: C'est exact present
Albert Camus: The beach... the beach
Franz Kafka: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!
Thomas Mann: Mam
Graham Greene: Call me 'pinky', lovely
Jack Kerouac: Me car's broken down...
William S Burroughs: Wowwww!

Happy the man, and happy he alone who in all honesty can call today his own;
He who has life and strength enough to say 'Yesterday's dead & gone - I want to live today'

Kingsley Amis: (cough)
Doris Lessing: I hate men!
Vladimir Nabokov: Hello, little girl...
William Golding: Achtung Busby!
JG Ballard: Instrument binnacle
Richard Brautigan: How are you doing?
Milan Kundera: I don't do interviews
Ivy Compton Burnett: Hello...
Paul Theroux: Have a nice day!
Gunter Grass: I've found snails!
Gore Vidal: Oh, it makes me mad!
John Updike: Run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run...
Kazuro Ishiguro: Ah so, old chap!
Malcolm Bradbury: stroke John Steinbeck, stroke JD Salinger
Iain Banks: Too orangey for crows!
AS Byatt: Nine tenths of the law, you know...
Martin Amis: (burp)
Brett Easton Ellis: Aaaaarrrggghhh!
Umberto Eco: I don't understand this either...
Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Mi casa es su casa
Roddy Doyle: ha ha ha!
Salman Rushdie: Names will live forever...

Do you remember
The way it used to be?
June to September
In a cottage by the sea
Distant cousins, local kids
We climbed every tree together
And it never, ever rained
Till we climbed back on the train
That would take us so far away
From the village and the bay
And the summer house
Where we found new games to play

Do you remember
Sunday lunch on the lawn?
Daring escapes at midnight
And costumeless bathes at dawn
You were only 9 years old
And I was barely 10
It's kind of weird
To be back here again
Ooh, ooh, ooh

Do you remember the summer house?
The summer house
Do you remember
The summer house?
Our summer house
My summer house
Our summer house
Summer house, summer house, summer house

Over the houses
The streets and the trees
Over the dogs down below
They'll bark at our shadows
As we float by on the breeze

Tonight we fly
Over the chimney tops
Skylights and slates -
Looking into all your lives
And wondering why
Happiness is so hard to find

Over the doctor, over the soldier
Over the farmer, over the poacher
Over the preacher, over the gambler
Over the teacher, over the rambler
Over the lawyer, over the dancer
Over the voyeur,over the builder and the destroyer,
Over the hills and far away

Tonight we fly
Over the mountains
The beach and the sea
Over the friends that we've known
And those that we now know
And those who we've yet to meet

And when we die
Oh, will we be
That disappointed
Or sad
If heaven doesn't exist
What will we have missed
This life is the best we've ever had

Twilight turns from amethyst
To deep and deeper blue
We've got an hour or two
Before it's time to go
Let's go see a movie show

Jeanne can't choose
Between the two
'Cos Jules is hip
And Jim is cool
And so they live together
With the trees and birds
And little girls
Who play upon
Poor Jean-Claude's nerves
Till finally
He strokes Claire's knee
And when she asks
Of his ambition
Jean-Pierre replies
"My mission
Is to become eternal
And to die..."
Heaven knows the reason why...

When the lights go out
All over Europe
I forget about old Hollywood,
'Cos Doris Day could never
Make me cheer up
Quite the way those French girls always could
Jean Seberg: Et puisque je suis mechante avec toi c'est la preuve que je ne suis pas amoureuse de toi
Jean Paul Belmondo: On dit qu'il n'y a pas d'amour heureux
Jean Seberg: Si je t'aimais... oh c'est trop complice
Jean Paul Belmondo: Au contraire, il n'y a pas d'amour malheureux
Jean Seberg: Je veux que les gens s'occupant pas de moi et puis je suis independente... Peut etre que tu m'aimes?
Jean Paul Belmondo: C'est ce que lu crois, mais tu ne l'ai pas
Jean Seberg: C'est pour ca que je t'ai denonce
Jean Paul Belmondo: Je te suis superieur
Jean Seberg: Maintenant tu es force de partir
Jean Paul Belmondo: Tu es single, c'est lamentable comme raisonnment...
When the lights go out
All over Europe
I forget about old MGM
'Cos Paramount
Was never Universal
And Warners went out
Way back when
Those lights go out
All over Europe
I forget about old Hollywood,
'Cos Doris Day could never
Make me cheer up
Quite the way those French girls
Always could.

When she was just a girl
She became a woman of the world
Soon there wasn't room enough for her
In between the bosoms of her family
She popped the cork, got on the Greyhound to New York
Small-talked her way round just the sort
Of playboys' playground she'd once dreamed about

Maybe I love her, but I'm jealous of her
She's a woman of the world

She's a fake!?sure, but she's a real fake
On the make!?making up for lost time
Just you wait!?hey, give the girl a break
And a fifty dollar bill will see to that
Heh, that ain't enough to feed the cat
Serve up the rats and super rats
Well they just get fatter while she fades away

Maybe I love her, but I'm jealous of her
She's a woman of the world
Maybe I hate her, 'cause I didn't create her
It's human nature, girl
Maybe I'll suffer, just to be her lover
Just to be part of her world
Maybe I need her, because I want to be her baby, can I be your girl?
Maybe I'll kill her, just trying to thrill her if she don't kill me first

We're making eye-contact
Oh those hypnotic eyes attract
Such philanthropic flies?that's that.
You cannot stop it, so why the devil do you try?

I travelled among unknown men,
In lands beyond the sea;
Nor, England did I know till then
What love I bore to thee.

'Tis past, that melancholy dream!
Nor will I quit thy shore
A second time; for still I seem
To love thee more and more.

Among thy mountains did I feel
The joy of my desire;
And she I cherished turned her wheel
Beside an English fire.

Thy mornings showed, thy nights concealed,
The bowers where Lucy played;
And thine too is the last green field
That Lucy's eyes surveyed.

She dwelt among the untrodden ways
Beside the springs of Dove,
A Maid whom there were none to praise
And very few to love:

A violet by a mossy stone
Half hidden from the eye
-Fair as a star, when only one
Is shining in the sky.

She lived unknown, and few could know
When Lucy ceased to be;
But she is in her grave and, oh,
The difference to me

A slumber did my spirit seal;
I had no human fears;
She seemed a thing that could not feel
The touch of earthly years.

No motion has she now, no force;
She neither hears nor sees;
Rolled around in earth's diurnal course,
With rocks, and stones, and trees.

Daybreak on the motorway to Damascus
A heavenly angel flagged me down
And asked for a ride into town
For God's sake, on the motorway to Damascus
This heavenly angel, wise and pure, proceeded with a guided tour:
"Behold! A shining city of silver grey and white,
Of solar-panelled rooftops glinting in the light
And wind-power generators turning soundlessly through the night"

Mid-day on the motorway to Damascus
The heavenly angel flapped its wings
And told me more exciting things
Like how one day this motorway to Damascus
Would disappear without trace, the unsustainable replaced
"Behold! The new New Forest in four hundred shades of green
Stretching out before us where it always should have been
A botanical thesaurus for as far as the eye can see"

Nightfall on the motorway to Damascus
The heavenly angel looked at me
And said "Well, what's it gonna be?
The long haul, or the shorter way to Damascus?
Choose with care and you will find that one day there will come a time
When the silhouetted ruins of the crumbling cooling towers
Are but ivy-clad reminders of a long-forgotten power"
Must the monkeys leave Gibraltar's rock and ravens flee the Tower
Before we look and see ourselves for what we really are?

I met a girl, she was a frog princess
I guess I ought to make it clear
That I saw nothing through her see-through dress
Until she whispered in my ear

"You don't really love me and I don't really mind
'Cause I don't love anybody,
That stuff is just a waste of time
Your place or mine?"

I met a girl, she was a complete mess
I should've left her well alone?but oh no, not me!
I had to see if underneath that dress
Her heart was really made of stone

I met a girl, she was a frog princess
And yes I do regret it now
But how was I to know that just one kiss
Could turn my frog into a cow?

And now I'm rid of her I must confess
To thinking 'bout what might have been
And I can visualise my frog princess
Beneath a shining guillotine

You don't really love me and I don't really mind
'Cause I don't love anybody,
I come and go through people's love lives
Your place or mine?

William wakes with his clothes on
The morning call has been and gone
And he might not make the flight
But he will try, yeah
Bit by bit, it comes back to him
A bunch of Belgian businessmen
And a strange drinking game
Oh, God, why?

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird

He hails a cab but the driver sucks
He drives so slowly, and he talks so much
That it hurts Billy Bird's aching brain, yeah
He runs from the cab to the check-in desk
She says "no way," but William begs
On his knees, "please, please, please"
"Well, okay"

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird

Drenched in sweat he finds his seat
And with the luggage squeezed down beneath his feet
He begins to think that things can't get no worse (Can't get no worse)
But then a voice says, "Bags that can't be stowed
In the overhead lockers must go below
In the hold, please let go, thank you, sir"

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird
Come home, William, come home

He runs on past the carousel
Screaming, "Damn my luggage all to hell
I can buy a new shirt and tie any day"
He rides from the airport into town
To the high school football ground
Where his son has just begun his big football game

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home, William)
International business traveler (Come home, William)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home, William)
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home, come home)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home to where you once belonged)
International business traveler (Come home)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home)
Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler

Idaho, let me go.
I feel so very far from home

Your folks are kind,
If a little crazy -
Not unlike my own sweet lady.

Well the hotel's clean, not too noisy;
The trouble is, it's in Boise, Idaho.

Idaho, I suppose
You look quite pretty all suede in snow.

But just right now, I'd rather be
Sitting on my sofa with a cup of tea,
Watching premiership football, the proper kind-
Something that y'all just can't find in Idaho....

Idaho.

Idaho, I'm down so low.
I wanna pack my things and go.

Find a flight, make a connection
It terrifies me but I'll make an exception

Just to hold my child and say,
"Shh, what's that noise?"
She wants her daddy but he's in Boise, Idaho.

Idaho.

Idaho, this I know
It's time ten times warmer in New Mexico
But, may I say,
It's plain that you are ten times cooler
Than the state of Utah

Well I miss my girl, hey,
That's my choice, see?
Without her, this whole world is Boise, Idaho.

Idaho.

Absent Friends
Absent friends, here's to them
And happy days, we thought that they would never end.
Here's to absent friends.

Little Jean Seberg seemed
So full of life, but in those eyes such troubled dreams.
Poor little Jean.

Woodbine Willie couldn't rest until he'd
Given every bloke a final smoke before the killing.
Old Woodbine Willie.

Steve McQueen jumped the first one clean
But the great escape he'd tried to make was not to be.
Maybe next time Steve.

Laika flew through inky blue
'Til Laika neared the atmosphere and Laika knew
Laika's life was through.

Oscar Wilde was a lonely child.
He fought and won acceptance from the world.
They smiled, they laughed, they praised,
They drove poor Oscar to his grave.

Absent friends, here's to them,
And happy days, we thought that they would never end,
But they always end.

Raise your glasses then to absent friends.

When I hold you in my arms
And look back on my charmed life
My charmed life
I hope, I hope if nothing more
That one day you'll call your life
A charmed life

Well, I never really worried that much
About making lots of money and such
And I always seemed to land upon my feet
And though there's been some difficult times
The good times were never far behind
I snatched all of my victories from the jaws of defeat

When I hold you in my arms
And look back on my charmed life
My charmed life
I hope, dear
Baby, I hope if nothing more
That one day you'll call your life
A charmed life

Well, the course of true love never ran smooth
They broke my heart, and I broke theirs, too
And breaking up was so very hard to do
But I knew I'd find the one
And sure enough, she came along
And not long after that, along came you

Well, sometimes this life is like being afloat
On a raging sea in a little rowboat
Just trying not to be washed overboard
But if you take your chances and you ride your luck
And you never, never, never, never, never give up
Well, those waves will see you safely to a friendly shore

When I hold you in my arms
I know that this is a charmed life
A charmed life

William wakes with his clothes on
The morning call has been and gone
And he might not make the flight
But he will try, yeah
Bit by bit, it comes back to him
A bunch of Belgian businessmen
And a strange drinking game
Oh, God, why?

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird

He hails a cab but the driver sucks
He drives so slowly, and he talks so much
That it hurts Billy Bird's aching brain, yeah
He runs from the cab to the check-in desk
She says "no way," but William begs
On his knees, "please, please, please"
"Well, okay"

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird

Drenched in sweat he finds his seat
And with the luggage squeezed down beneath his feet
He begins to think that things can't get no worse (Can't get no worse)
But then a voice says, "Bags that can't be stowed
In the overhead lockers must go below
In the hold, please let go, thank you, sir"

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird
Come home, William, come home

He runs on past the carousel
Screaming, "Damn my luggage all to hell
I can buy a new shirt and tie any day"
He rides from the airport into town
To the high school football ground
Where his son has just begun his big football game

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home, William)
International business traveler (Come home, William)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home, William)
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home, come home)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home to where you once belonged)
International business traveler (Come home)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home)
Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler

It's early morning on I-19.
I ain't got much for company,
A pick-up truck, a brown Volvo,
And a couple of jokers on the radio.

I wish that it could stay like this,
But soon I'll have to put up with
The whole world and his Uncle Joe
Cluttering up my freedom road.

When I was a boy I'd fantasize
About the freedom road. I'd drive
A thousand miles before sundown,
Father a child in every town.

But a hundred thousand miles have passed
Between me and iconoclastic images
Of the freedom road.
I wanna shed this heavy load.

Well I've seen the power of the lightning storm,
I've seen the endless ears of corn,
I've seen the lakes at the break of day,
And that shit takes my breath away.

But if I were to even start
To tell them how it melts my heart,
Never more would my truck-stop friends
Look me in the eye again.

It's early morning on I-19,
A dreamer's waking from his dream,
A driver who has lost his way
Parks up his rig and walks away.

So suddenly awake.
No light from yonder window breaks, no crowing cock,
Just my old clock, please make it stop.
I try to wrestle free,
But like the dew she clings to me,
"No way Jose, you don't get away that easily".

Leaving today, leaving today, leaving today.

"Release me let me go.
I love you more that you could know.
All I can do is promise to come home to you".
I tip-toe from the bed
And put my head around the nursery door to say good-bye.
It breaks my heart every single time.

I'm leaving today, I'm leaving today, I'm leaving today.

I would stay if you asked me, so for God's sake don't ask me to stay.
My taxi has arrived. Good-bye sweet simple life, good-bye.

The city's waking up.
Dreams fizzle out like raindrops racing down the glass.
They blur the street-lamps as we pass.

Would you like to meet my little friend?
Don't try to shake his hand, he's just pretend
His is Benjamin, that's his name
My mama said, "You're insane,
Boy, you really are the end
You and your imaginary friend"

Daddy drives the mobile library
He works peripatetically
He doesn't get much time to play with us
So we just read and make up stuff
And it drives him round the bend
Me and my imaginary friend

One day we're gonna play hide and seek
And then he'll be up the creek
Never to be seen again
He'll disappear the day that childhood ends
And reality descends
I'll never forget you, my imaginary friend

No matter how I try,
I just can't get her out of my mind
And I when I sleep I visualize her.

I saw her in the pub,
I met her later at the nightclub.
A mutual friend introduced us
We talked about the noise
And how its hard to hear your own voice
Above the beat and the sub-bass.
We talked and talked for hours,
We talked in the back of our friend's car
As we all went back to his place.

On our friend's settee,
she told me that she really liked me
And I said: "Cool, the feeling's mutual."
We played old 45s
And said it's like the soundtrack to our lives
And she said: "True, it's not unusual."
Then privately we danced
We couldn't seem to keep our balance
A drunken haze had come upon us.
We sank down to the floor
And we sang a song that I can't sing anymore
And then we kissed and fell unconscious.

I woke up the next day
All alone but for a headache.
I stumbled out to find the bathroom
But all I found was her
Wrapped around another lover.
No longer then is he our mutual friend.

"The lonely road you choose to travel on,
It must seem awfully long.
Innocence all gone,
It must be wrong to hide your lovely face away.

That music you play, I'm not saying it's bad,
It just seems terribly sad.
Is everything all right?
I'd like to think you'd tell me if something was wrong".

Well her clothes are blacker than the blackest cloth
And her face is whiter than the snows of Hoth.
She wears Dr. Martens and a heavy cross,
But on the inside she's a happy goth.

"Don't worry Mum, don't worry Dad.
The hours that I spend alone are the happiest I've ever had".

That's what she'd say if she ever spoke to you,
But it's something she can never do.
'Cos it's only by herself
That she'll find out what makes her different from the rest.

Well her clothes are blacker than the blackest cloth
And her face is whiter than the snows of Hoth.
She wears Dr. Martens and a heavy cross,
But on the inside she's a happy goth.

When the Beautiful set sail,
Back in nineteen seventy,
She was wtate of the art
The flagship of our navy.
But the salt sea took its toll
And the rust began to show,
And with a heavy heart
We took her to the breaker's yard.
I thought I heard her call,
Maybe I heard nothing at all.
I thought I heard her call
From the wreck of the Beautiful.
But like the fattened cow
Can smell the butcher's knife,
She knew where she was bound:
A sad end to a proud life.
That's when I heard her cry
And the waves rose five miles high,
And the men who did not drown
Watched as the Beautiful went down.
I thought I heard her call,
Maybe I heard nothing at all.
I thought I heard her call
From the wreck of the Beautiful.
From the wreck of the Beautiful.

Absent Friends
Absent friends, here's to them
And happy days, we thought that they would never end.
Here's to absent friends.

Little Jean Seberg seemed
So full of life, but in those eyes such troubled dreams.
Poor little Jean.

Woodbine Willie couldn't rest until he'd
Given every bloke a final smoke before the killing.
Old Woodbine Willie.

Steve McQueen jumped the first one clean
But the great escape he'd tried to make was not to be.
Maybe next time Steve.

Laika flew through inky blue
'Til Laika neared the atmosphere and Laika knew
Laika's life was through.

Oscar Wilde was a lonely child.
He fought and won acceptance from the world.
They smiled, they laughed, they praised,
They drove poor Oscar to his grave.

Absent friends, here's to them,
And happy days, we thought that they would never end,
But they always end.

Raise your glasses then to absent friends.