Osker

heartbroken,
i watched the rain beat on the sidewalk.
complete with grey skies and headlights
and puddles on the sidewalk,
everybody's ruined like me...

it's weird now, when i look back.
each day spent careful is still consumed over time.
i think it's worse to be aware
and know this change than to go on every day unknowing...

i'm having trouble with realizations.
why does it have to be a regretful mess.
if i could have one day back now,
i swear i'd use it well...
oh 13, where did you go?
you're gone when i needed you the most.
i know that from here it's downhill.
make the best of a slow death.
people change, yeah.
and that can never be good.
i liked it that way, why did you stray?
maybe i'm unhealthy.
oh won't you stop and stay frozen in time with me...
i'm having trouble with realizations.
why does it have to be a regretful mess.
if i could have one day back now,
i swear i'd use it well...
oh 13, where did you go?
you're gone when i needed you the most.
i know that from here it's downhill.
make the best of a slow death.

I'm uncomfortable with myself,
And your put-downs just do not help.
The outcome is I feel like shit.
Don't you know when to quit?
And I am not doing alright...
I always end up feeling bad.
So why don't you get off my back?
If I knew that this is what friends were for, I'd never made any.
None of this makes sense,
They don't support me because they're too busy judging.
It's all so unimportant.
It makes me feel sorry for them.

Cristina, I'm tired of being so far away.
Yeah, I'm still here; I'm not going.
What if I try and stop?
I'm responsible for you.
Until the anchor breaks.
Four years ahead.
What are you thinking?
I feel so together.
I need you now.
You have faith, but I know that I won't last.
Aren't we so tired of waiting for days to end?
How do we tread on when these fuckers are making our plans?
Dear everyone, I've been thinking.
I feel misrepresented.


Things are moving too slow; I want the control of this.
"There's got to be some kind of way out of here."
It's a lie to only yourself.
When people have you figured, carvings that read, "idle will kill."
Goddamn, it gets so hard not knowing what's going on.
All the while I carry your cross.
Who owns these desires?
You haven't said a word but I understand.

Tension's up like fists in a fight.
You should've called me.
It would've meant something.
This is my mind on your recorder; this is my soul that, that you're hearing.
I used to have my own songs.

If I don't mind, then this problem remains my own.
When thinkin outloud just makes you turn away.
Your silence is crushing.
All I want, Animal!

Damn, your friends were wrong.
With all of the things you know, with what little grace you show.
Just "send a list of instructions to the factory and upon its return we'll


embrace it...
Only if it's gold, only if it's gold"
It's sickening in stereo.

If I dont mind, then this probem remains my own.
When holding things down, just makes you turn away.
The silence is crushing.
All I want, Animal!

i guess you don't understand.
you meant a lot to me.
more than you think...
you are now where i was then.
how the fuck does it feel?
it's a pity because i tried so hard.
and now that you want to whatever's convenient for you...
when i needed you most,
you hung up the phone.
what kind of friend would leave me alone?

Save your pride.
If you could separate your fears from your beliefs,
then I think you'd see how you are no more alone than a million others could be.
If we stay alive just by changing, then from what are you made?
Of all the things I didn't tell you, I never lied.
What's you connection?
Omission or failure to confide.
The plan's to hit me with all the force of energy I've saved.
If she only knew my wrongs, things would be going right.
Speak so slowly.
How can this be happening?


Sharing air with the enemy.
I read a fucking joke on a storage room wall that robbed more girls than it was ever meant to.
More than one's too much.
She looked at me and told me we were only human beings,
and she explained how we fit perfectly.

thanks for being a fuck.
i hope you drowned in your own vomit.
you really proved yourself to me,
and you really gave me something to remember you by...
i guess i changed a lot through the eyes of a jealous mind...
i won't forget your dumb face.
and to think all this time you were just a fake,
for the sake of humanity kill yourself and that would tide me over fine...

Watch your expectations crumble.
I hear the things are the same things you never,
never knew that you never wanted.
I take those things with me to sleep.
I'm not the one you want.
There is no time.
I don't think I can.
How hard can you push on me,
and how can I indifferently without making this something more than I want to
put up with.
I won't let a heartbreak happen.
I can see the harm; I had a net for August.
It's safe, let's not slow it down, we won't wear it out.
We time-travel.
I'm not the one you want.
There is no time.
I don't think I can.
How hard can you push on me,


and how can I indifferently without making this something more than I want to
put up with.
I'm not the one you want.
There is no time.
I don't think I can.
How hard can you push on me,
and how can I indifferently without making this something more than I want to
put up with.
How hard can you push on me,
And how indifferent can I be without making this something more than I want to
put up with.

Every time I hear your name, it bears an uncanny resemblance to defeat.
I never wanna touch base, because it's hard to face the things we've been.
I don't remember the precious things,
remember the ways you showed your worth.
All of this breathing in
And never, breathing out
When hope you feel the pull, it'll bring down to where I go,
and that's what I know of life, 'cause it was all a joke.
What I know now, I could never go back to you.
Disconnected, disconnected, disconnect.
Your heart attack, it comes right back, right where we left off.
I point the gun too much.
You're fucking such, an easy target.
I couldn't carry a goddamn thing, but you, but you gave it anyway.
Half-flattered you believed in me, half-sorry you made a mistake.
When you feel the pull, it'll bring you down to where i go and that's what i
know of life, 'cause it was all a joke.
What i know now, I could never go back to you.


Disconnected, disconnected, disconnect..

I hope it's cold in your room, let the warmth lure you home.
I hope it's cold in your room, and like a magnet it'll bring you home.

When you feel the pull, it'll bring you down to where i go and that's what i
know of life, 'cause it was all a joke.
What i know now, I could never go back to you.
Disconnected, disconnected, disconnect..
What i know now, I could never go back to you.
Disconnected, disconnected, disconnect..

i know myself,
i know i think im so sick of people and i dont know why.
see, i just dont have patience for them,
and i really think i can make it on my own,

lies... you hide words to keep from hurting me,
i would rather know than be happy,

while youre smiling, were all dying,
with everyday that we go, we are just geting old,
while youre dying, were all fighting,
with everyday we go,
i know better than to get caught up in words of boredom,
of no importance to me,
so why do people keep talking? when all i wanna do is hear myself.

the more im awake, the more i wanna sleep,
what a shame to want it that way,
but what a shame to be in this,
"your life is such a bore, and me i feel so fucking alive",
LIES... every breath uttered a self re-assurance,
i wouldn't trust me much if i were you,
but you choose...

knew this fit together too perfectly.
i struggled with some problems that were made by me.
i knew it was too good to be true.
so why am i not surprised it started with you?
why are you so difficult?
i only wanted you there and no one else.
i'm getting tired of these moods.
and no, i don't follow you.
it all fell apart right in my hands,
and i'm waiting for you to change your mind again.
though i'd like to be happy all the time.
dave would like to think otherwise.
it wasn't about fun,
as it changed for the worst,
and you fought no one.

do what you want just go home.
i'd take advice coming from anyone but you.
don't see how you could say that shit.
no matter what things will always stay the same.
i can't think clear with you by my side.
you make me disturbed and i act all uptight.
i think i could do without the stress,
so why are you here?
i think you pry too much.
i think you hear what your ears are not to hear.
i think you need to stay the fuck away from my friends.

And then I tried what I knew I couldn't do
I got frustrated when I couldn't talk to you
And all these plans well they couldn't fall through
It's disturbing knowing that I'm losing you

I cannot, I cannot
I can't do anything at all
I cannot, I cannot
I can't do anything at all

And then I was who I never though I'd be
And when I spoke I was happy
Someone who was listening
Had so many doubts I
Wether I made it
With no help from you
I succeeded

I cannot, I cannot
I can't do anything at all
I cannot, I cannot
I can't do anything at all

I cannot, I cannot
I can't do anything at all
I cannot, I cannot
I can't do anything at all

And then I was who I never though I'd be
And when I spoke I was happy
Someone who was listening
Had so many doubts I
Wether I made it
With no help from you
I succeeded

Through the strength of your arms, I realized I was off the mark.
All I really wanted was a pair of interested ears.
I learned that for every pause, I was almost guaranteed more time to speak.
It's always the selfish who say that life is way too short.
I'm not looking to get old, but I bet it'll happen anyway.
Now I look at my hands they don't move the same as two years ago.
At a slow steady pace, I made my way back home.
At least there I won't be ashamed.
Earlier today I felt the warmth as the skin it held the heat,
now the city surrounds me in different tones of gray.
Those are the same cries that make my bones shake...
Those are the same assholes that take more than they can handle.


I'm alone, but I'm not lonely.
I have kinetic energy.
The dividing line will separate us all.
Sometimes it's those nights,
where I'm all I have is really all I need...

woke up today, won't be the same,
I'll cope with this flaw that's my life
and that's ok it's not depressing it just takes a little work.
i try a little harder,
try a little harder than everyone else...
i don't want your pity.
i'm happy with what i am.
if you don't like how i act then you don't have to be around me.
if i could just grow up then everything would be just fine.
why does my life suck?
today i broke a mirror with some grace.
seven years of bad luck don't seem so bad.
just an extension of what i already had.

waking up every day in the same bed for nine long years and it all goes by.
i'm glad with what i got so you won't hear one word of regret coming out of my mouth.
i've wasted so much goddamn precious time worrying and complaining.
i'm so spoiled my eyes sewn shut.
i thought i was caught in a rut,
but i'm in no danger.
yeah, i'm lucky.
some people are more dull than me.
i'm so afraid of turning into a blank face.
did you get lost on the drive?
how does it feel to be completely unnerved by the repetitive pounding of every day?
and every fucking day you're doing something,
how does it feel to go nowhere?
where will you be 15 years from now?
because accomplishments are nothing but instant gratification.
and were all gonna rot...

I'm bleeding misery.
Oh, eternal discontent- how consistent.
The only thing stable in my life is how I try...
To still this beating mind, so that I can finally rest.
The essence of my character is that I'm unable to be without worrying.
The words of dead humans seem so much more sincere
than the half-signed contracts that tend to occupy the open air.
Still this beating mind, so that I can finally rest.


The essence of my character is that I'm unable to be without worrying.

don't look at me you idiot.
your evil eyes and your sneer don't make me feel like shit.
go back to where you belong,
where you can be amused by your empty-minded peers...
why anyone likes you.
no one will ever know.
what the fuck are you gonna do?
i hate the way you are...
you are a numbskull.
yeah, you.
and everyone knows it...
you're like a joke that every one keeps repeating.
it goes on and on and it's far past it's meaning.
i'm tired of dealing with you,
i'm tired of looking at you...

Pick up the pieces.
Listen until it sinks in, or at least until you go crazy again.
Anything to show you understand.
The more you have a fit, the more I back away.
Tie those loose ends up.
The ones that you seemed to have cut.
Why don't you fucking go?
Why don't you show me how strong you are?
Hey, am I out of touch?
The things I do to keep your mouth shut.
I have watched mistakes they take the shape of flesh and blood, and even a name.
It's the truth that would tear your heart right out.


You know, I calle dlast night just to tell you I tied those loose ends up,
the ones that you seemed to have cut.
Every moment you bitch, know that this is your shit.
The pointed-finger play affects me less
not that I understand it doesn't have to be someone stringing someone else along.
I'll minimize all I want.

i got this clot that says that i can't do a thing,
and it kills me that what i love i can't do.
my mind is torn,
my life is smashed up.
and i know it's right and i feel it's time to kill...
i'm in panic because i can't breathe...
i have this feeling in my gut to the point of nausea and i feel so,
so fucking empty.

Patience is nothing worth holding onto.
Bite my tongue?
Why should I when you never did it for me?
When were you schooled in technicalities?
I didn't know I made friends with fucking rock critics.
As the days go by I've forgooten my limbs.
Days pass like we're running out of time.
Show me some scars.
What good is this when I don't remember?
I'm not gonna let myself be
Concerned with something so distant.
Hold tight, and maybe I will survive.
Hold tight
Hold tight, and maybe I will survive.
Hold Tight
Hold Tight, and maybe some part of me...

What can you do when you feel like growing up is catching up on you?
I feel replace in a place I'm not a part of in a way I can't erase.
Piece by piece watch it break off.
This morning streets were lined with enemies
and I never wanted to leave so badly.
To you this promise I'll make, without you I'd never sleep.
I've changed as much as I can.

you're all i've got.
i explained to electronics and it understood.
the fucking radio takes my mind off of everything...
tonight i'll stare at everything and see nothing,
and i can't believe that this is me.
pitch black and no one isn't that what i always wanted,
and it's been all i've had for so long,
it'll be all i need until the day i die...

hey shitface.
weren't you the one who told me i couldn't do anything?
hey shitface.
weren't you the one who put me down?
isn't it funny that you're still around?
i find it awkward that you're here now.

i shout so listen.
actions always uneffective.
one last try before giving up.
this cycle i'm caught in fucks me up,
why does this happen?
when i reached up for air,
i felt nothing, so i sank...
someday i will be just fine.
so if it's all in my mind,
why can't i ignore it?
the things they say can be fixed are fucked up things that just exist.
you can't control the things out of your hands,
so don't even try...
nothing ever turns out right...
to trust i guess i learned the hard way.
don't believe anything they say to me.
don't forget what you've done to me,
i won't let it get to me.

i'll always have that weak spot
and you'll always hit me there.
and i know, i know, i know you'll use it against me...
why do you wanna ruin what i got?
because you've never done anything.
so let's trip over that speedbump just so that we can say we did it.
i know we'll quit then...

I feel strangled
I feel torn in two
Insufficient amounts of two
Is this a sign of what I'm made of or how I allow myself?
Grab the wrists, pull away, I don't want to die today, and so I won't
Can't believe this is me
Well, you're drowning me with my own hate so I won't

Do you feel they're laughin' at you through the TV?
I know I do
And do you wonder how they get away with that shit they say?
Is this a sign of what I'm made of or how I allow myself to be treated?
Grab the wrists, pull away, I don't want to die today, and so I won't
I can't believe this is me
Well you're drowning me with my own hate
So I...

I was the glue that held us together
I'll be that fucking stitch forever


When you feel like there's nothing left inside of you
Just remember I wanted something I could hold on to
Are the metal restraints a good replacement for me?

Is this a sign of what I'm made of or how I allow myself... to be treated?
Grab the wrists, pull away, I don't wanna die today, so I won't
Can't believe this is me
Well you're drowning me with my own hate, so I...

Such a pretty sound
Ear to the ground
No no
(2x)

Conversations haunt me like the body that wouldn't think.
If I could I'd take back some things that I have said.
I put a lot on you, it was good for sympathy,
but the truth is that I was as bad.
when i say nothing, when i do nothing.
all the things I sit with come flying out.
Try responsibility, not pacifism.
Don't take comfort in that you are damaged, just find a way.
Find a way to release the excess.
You'll find yourself better off.
Jump in. Don't slow down.
You don't think of me.
I won't retract what I've done for her, on behalf of her.


Don't take that away. I won't deny the time of it.
Someone said, "Take the past. You're not a reactionary."
I never had it hard
you held that to me
as a warrant of
perpetual happiness

so how was i supposed to know that people are evil naturally?
all the time we shared.
it's like it wasn't there.
that we didn't exist.
emotions were shit.
i'm pissed that you,
you were so selfish...
take a look at myself and realize i'm just like you.
that's maybe why i hate myself inside
because every stupid thing that i do reminds me of what,
what i learned from you...
you are not who i thought.
looks like you're two-faced like the rest.
now just to spite you i destroy the things that you hold dear.
everything you hate makes me feel great
and i feel so good when you draw a tear.
so i'm out of line, but i tell you i don't care...
i will find you and show you how i'm happy you're gone.
when you're feeling down.
don't turn around,
because i'll hit you when you are hurt the most
and then we'll see who's the real friend...

no heart, no time,
i cant even fucking try and speak,
a notion not of your own is only taken as a threat,
why wont you pay any attention?
no hope, no change,
its like this every single day,
why talk when we could listen?
why do i bother going outside,
interaction is my first mistake,

im trying to be of use, but how can i help, if you keep telling me to get away,

can psychology reason your abusive mannerisms?
i dont have time to pay sympathy to tragedy,
high maintenance, problematic,
if im the asshole why do you still call me?
this stupid fucking chase serves only to consume energy.