Piano Magic

We sail on the bad tide
We sail on the bad sea
From your heart to my heart with sails cut from mercy
From your heart to my heart
From Summer to Spring
We row through the Dead Sea to the deader within

Heading south so i can go north
Guided by birds but drifting off-course
Read the tide-table before starting out
Bbut 30 years old with chapters torn out
You, waking up from a dream of the sea
Safe in the harbour from sailors like me
You, in the kitchen, waiting on tea
Whilst i lose the compass to a trick of the sea
Bearing east so i can blow west
Guided by wreckage of the marie celeste
(read) sombrero fallout whilst waiting for calm
Carved chapter 13 in script on my arm
You, waking up from a dream of the sea
Safe in the harbour from sailors like me
You, in the kitchen, waiting on tea
Whilst i lose the compass to a trick of the sea

In travel, there are traps
When I'm writing in the back
Beneath the rain, between the maps
My diary bears this out but memory has it wrong
I loved you when you loved me and then we were done
There's a silence on the railway
There's a bad curse on the land
And this season writes a rainstorm like a poem in the sand
You told me I depressed you, that I withered in your hand
And that sentence cut my loveline when you left me as you planned
In travel, there are traps when I'm writing in the back
Beneath the rain, between the maps
My diary bears this out but memory has it wrong
I loved you when you loved me and then we were gone
In travel, there are traps when I'm writing in the back

Amongst the books, an angel i've not met
And time hasn't touched her yet
From a to m to z she swans, as if avoiding bed
Pigtails instead of wings
I strung her harp with my heart strings
And i would ask this spring for her
If i knew what the right words were

There's rain on the line between his ear and mine
Lost in translation, bad patient
I'm a terrier, a black sheep, half-relation
He's French, a hack, white, Caucasian
We fuck in sadness, a cold frustration
Then we're fine for a while, our hearts adjacent
He types, I read and we clash on the keys
He corrects, I direct the bones of the text
But he's silent, too ill, too fragile, too still and I'm violent and rash, slow down for the crash

There are more people alive now than have ever lived
I read that somewhere and instantly thought it impossible but if it were to be true
I wonder that, if we keep living this fast, no-one will have time to die
I've met people whose lovers died in war and i've wondered what this helplessness could be like
One minute there's a whole life entwined with yours and the next, just a space and scattered clues
When I watch old films in which animals appear
I get sad because those animals are certainly dead now
And that certainty prompts my private epitaph and I have to say it out loud
"That dog is dead, that cat is dead, that horse is dead..."

Came to London to find myself
but in ten million people
Where do you start?
Drunk at a party
You asked me if I was someone else and I say
Yeah, if it helps you, I won't be myself
Like Japanese poets who capture a Summer
in only three lines
With just one kiss
I want to tell you but it takes all night
You just can't wait for the right time
because like comets
It could be the last time
You should always tell them you love them
In case you never see them again .......

Look at that rich girl twitch - like me she can't sit still
How would you want it seen?
Just like when you were ill?
When you hear the way they talk - the rosy cheeks of the ruling classes
You can argue all you like - they swear by early nights
Never meant to be like this - a lot colder but the people were warm
If anyone was coming to get you - armed only with a sugar bowl
Used to leave your back doors
Used to leave your back doors open
Used to leave your back doors
Used to leave your back doors open
All the houses on the Crown Estate all look the same
That nut from four doors down wandered in by mistake again
And said to your old mum, "I think it's best that you sit down
I'll make a cup of tea and you can show me what a woman looks like
With her head turned inside out"
Used to leave the backdoors, etc

The night settles down on the water
The feathers of sun gathering
The trees wave their way to the morning
The birds think about what they'll sing
I have dreams in which you're a nightmare
I have dreams in which you're unfair
But angels still dance in your garden and flowers still grow in your hair

My tears leave a skull on the pillow
My tooth leaves my blood on the sheet
My heart sways the way of the willow
My heart sways the way of the wheat
But you are the queen of the lowlands
You have the crown of the lost
I found you broke up like a shipwreck
I found you broke up on the rocks

The horses come in from the cliff tops, their shadows upsetting the sea
The waves swim their way to the bottom and stay there until they're forgotten
And you know about birds when they're dying
How they know that they're going to die
How they hide in the heart of the forest and sleep until death chances by
You know that
You know that

Get me an ugly wife - no man will look twice
I can fall asleep at night and dream of someone else
I found an ugly wife and she'd led an ugly life

Take my hand, this ray of hope, crawl out of this hole
She weaved her spell on me and I fell hopelessly
I swore to put it right - I blessed her every night
Tried to put the truth away - cruel water finds it's line
Cruel mouths are open wide, dark secrets look for light

I ran back to the flat and found her hanging there
Silk nightdress, fallen chair
I found her hanging there

Wait til the end turns white
I closed my eyelids tight
Here comes the blinding light
This light will guide my life

You're life's like a comic book
All shadows and childhood fantasy
The people you love, disguised
In a velvet glove biography
But i recognize what's going on:
Deleted scenes
And when your eyes go out
You play them back, as broken dreams

I don't get you anymore
I don't get you anymore
I don't get you anymore
I can't respect you anymore

You got a letter from an old friend
Asking why you never spoke again
You leave your lovers cast in amber past
And those times you can't evoke again

I don't get you anymore
I don't get you anymore
I don't get you anymore
I can't respect you anymore

You're in denial, you're not on trial

You're life's like a comic book
All shadows and childhood fantasy
The people you love, disguised
In a velvet glove biography
But i recognize what's going on:
Deleted scenes
And when your eyes go out
You play them back, as broken dreams

I don't get you anymore
I don't get you anymore
I don't get you anymore
I can't respect you anymore

You got a letter from an old friend
Asking why you never spoke again
You leave your lovers cast in amber past
And those times you can't evoke again

I don't get you anymore
I don't get you anymore
I don't get you anymore
I can't respect you anymore

You're in denial, you're not on trial

Anything can happen in life
Especially nothing, mainly nothing
Once you know that, you're fine
Once you know that, you can retire
Set your clock by your heart
Work's overrated and it will kill you
Finish nothing you start
And start nothing you think you'll continue

I'm disaffected now
I'm disaffected now

And to this model i've kept
I surface at 3 in the clothes that i slept in
And though i'm drowning in debt
I'm richer through all the things i'm rejecting
And in a rare, certain light
I have a strange charm, i think you'd like me
And the rain brings me out
The rain makes me happy

I'm disaffected now
I'm disaffected now

Set your clock by your heart
Work's overrated and it will kill you

England's dreaming, winter absent
I take my books back, change my accent
First in the library
You queue up behind me, frost-bitten in french mittens
Take care on the corner
Sliding on white grass
I catch up with your shadow but you're walking too fast

I'm in my halloween boat with a hole in my heart the size of a girl
Pacific postman, 30 west by 50 east on a black sea that joins up countries
My life is one second slow ' says here on my watch ' that's how i know
I'm a map-pin on a dead sea marking out 30 west by 50 east
On the off-chance that anyone should wish to know
A trail of letters waltz on the tide back to maritime plaza from my halloween boat
And it's so cold, you can hear the moon
My life is one second slow ' says here on my watch ' that's how i know
There's a hole in my heart the size of a girl ' 30 by 50
In my pocket, a letter ' a "let's make it better" note
But i'm all out at sea, asking the harbour to come this way, closer, to swallow me
And there's a hole in this boat the size of a star that i plug with the letter
The "let's make it better." a peep show for jesus. He looks through the stars

Outside, the fairground in snow,
revolves like a waltz, funeral slow
And summer has gone, collapsed like a chair
Like the heart of a bird, a bell on the air
...

Inside, the wireless in snow
The orchestra drowns, funeral slow
And autumn has gone and with it the bloom -
the harvest of stars, like moths to the moon
Help me warm this frozen heart ......

I am the sub-librarian, come in on the council bus
Chalk Farm to Highgate Woods, sportsbag of borrowed books
A steady diet of Brautigan, 'Tapestry' on the walkman
Paranormal ill-health from dusting off the top shelf
I am the sub-librarian, counter girl, tea-maker
I am the sub-librarian, swan feeder, spectacle breaker
I am the sub-librarian

I came to your party dressed as a shadow and you never knew, you never knew
I rolled through the halls like a velvet wave, as quiet as an empty stage
I blackened your eyes and stole the light from your glass
But in the cold calm of the morning, lay like a death-kite on your lawn
I came to your party dressed as a shadow, without invitation, without a motive
I parked three streets from the moonlight - the soft walk to your house on a silver string
You were dancing in the backyard to a biscuit-tin beat
I slunk between the notes, posting them off to the night
This is symptomatic of you and me : i have jars full of your breath
I have shelves of your words but you have nothing of me but a space where i would be

I must leave london
It is bad for my soul
It's making a hole
That will erode me
I cannot subscribe
I cannot tow the line
And robert elms,
You're selectively blind

She shall not miss me
And i care not
Cos she's doing me in
And she's wearing me thin

A last goodbye to the boundary estate
You stole my heart in summer rain
A last goodbye to the boundary estate
You stole my nerve but never again

She shall not miss me
And i care not
Cos she's doing me in
And she's wearing me out
Where the queen makes way
For the burger king
Goodbye to the stench
Goodbye to the din

It's the same dream that lasts all night but I can only keep this: it's Halloween and I'm chasing you round the other kids on a moonlit lawn in a skull mask and a ghost cape
And you are sometimes and sometimes you are just a shadow

Tonight, I can't sleep, the heart's all wires
The moon is widowed, the stars, retired
i'll never travel and I'm always tired but I still love you and I can't lie
Don't you ever go home?

He lived a boy's life
He loved his "Camp Mohawk" on Viele's Creek
And he loved to work on problems, drifting in his canoe
Lightning days
He hated formalities in dressing
He would welcome also god himself, in his red bathing suit
Lightning days
The doors of his house were usually electrified

It's the night of the hunter
It's the night of the long knives
It's the night of the hunter
And you can justify all you like

Sleep tight, this snowy night
For spring, you will never see again
Say goodbye to your awful wives
Bid farewell to your awful friends

I'm twenty steps from the jugular
I'm twenty steps from the death
I'm twenty steps from the funeral
I'm twenty steps from your last breath

The shadow falls on the abbatoir gates
As you leave with the stench on your hands
I am here with a cigarette bait
I am here to asphyxiate

It's the night of the hunter
It's the night of the long knives
It's the night of the hunter
And you can justify all you like

The laugh you spew on this landscape
As you erase it of the gentle hare
Will be your last on this landscape
Will be your last anywhere

Matador, bear baiter,
Butcher, hare courser
Value your life while you can

On the forecourts of French libraries from Reignac to Marseilles
The rain rattles small cars, clouds drape over backseats
I am a photograph in your satchel, between a paperback and cigarettes
I am the dead bird on the gravel, neck snapped from last night's Northwesterly
But no peace, no closure
But no peace, no closure
Beside these roads that halt like jetties, beneath circling murders are leafless trees
Drowning at the knees; some burnt to the fingertips
And here my tracks sink, end, return as I walked in and out of you
And here my tracks sink, end, return as I walked in and out of you
But no peace, no closure
But no peace, no closure
Driving back through the town
The road map-pinned by Pharmacie signs winking up-road
The cars slice the afternoon with a guillotine slush
As it bleeds into a night peppered by stars and planes to Japan
And the changing of gears jilts the cats from the walls
The truth lives with you
The truth lives with you
But no peace, no closure
But no peace, no closure
But no peace, no closure
But no peace, no closure

I've got the snow on my side - i've got no doubts about that
And though this city grows wider, i always know where i'm at
I got your letter this morning
I know you mean what you say
And though the stations are closed down, i've got to get away
I'm somewhere off the compass
I'm somewhere lower than hell
And when you say you're beyond this, i say, "i've been there as well"

Run away when you see me coming
And I can only say, "Not fair - this is not fair"
Miles away, reading, writing books
Look outside with imagination - I'm here and I'm sad
I' here and I'm sad

My password is a dead aunt's name
A monument, a testament
My password is a dead aunt's name
A cenotaph, a shallow grave
I'm thirty one and fading fast
Forget the past, repeat the past
I'm thirty two and fading fast
I started last and I finished last

I was a postal worker from May until July
I left because of allergies - the letters made me cry
8am on Fridays, 6am the rest
Postal for the two months
Coastal for the rest
I kept the last day's letters

Out of season, out of heart,
I cross you off beneath the stars
Autumn leaves a nasty scar
and with the leaves, the heart departs
You're off the map, you've left the book
I'm off my head and treading luck
And it's too late to call you up
The heart migrates, it comes unstuck
I light a candle for Saint Marie,
in the hope she never brings you back to me
I light a candle for Saint Marie,
in the hope she never brings you back to me

Breaking Winter up by shooting numbers from the clock
The cat sleeps on the atlas in Alsace Lorraine, dreaming long grass and birds on the wire
I have memories no deeper than this glass and some besides that stretch history twice
In a super 8 film colour haze, a scratched nostalgia that runs through my cogs - shot through the fog; time taking care of whatever I cared about
So you are lost somewhere in here - your body, a raft,spinning towards the falls
Your death claimed me too - there were two throats in the noose but mine now swallows whiskey, mine is not now bruised
The black mouth of this month, bruised lips, black ice, forms a sickly smile across London's sky

Joanne comes around with a radio and absinthe
We start the afternoon with polish xmas songs on shortwave
She laughs as we burn the first shot, the green flame
I love joanne
We've been friends for 12 years
We used to be lovers but now a hug can be just a hug
I followed her from derbyshire to london
She's the sub-librarian, the swan feeder, spectacle breaker
I wanted to buy her a bicycle this xmas but she said it was too much
She can close me down like i let no-one else do
We watch the green flame in the window
And it somehow makes me think of Amsterdam or Paris
Rain beneath canal bridges in neon cafe light
The phone rings but it's not for me
The answering machine catches it and holds it and holds it and holds it

Three on the backseat as we drive home from rehearsal
There's snow on the drums
The snare shudders like a cold ghost between my mittens
In the trunk, guitars slide like dead over dead
It's stopped snowing
We think we see foxes
I breathe a canvas on the window to write your name on the landscape
The sky is a grey flint from coast to coast with birds frozen in
Magic Trees share the dashboard with a Playdoh Jesus
Grapelli and Reinhardt lock horns on the radio
I draw a black skull on my jeans, not thinking, through to the skin
The headlamps come on at five
I miss you bad

Rain starts on you as your goodbye runs me through
Goodbye is nothing new but it's last breath when said by you
And this world shrinks to a room - weather inside snowfall soon
No bookcase can rescue a man - only a letter of sorry can
Handle with care if only you dare
I'm sensitive, touch sensitive
Handle with care if only you are
I'm sensitive, touch sensitive
I have a photograph - mid-heaven, post-laughter
Eyes shine ridiculous - illuminate the both of us
In the fold of a camera's eye, in the time it takes to sigh
I open up an ashen heart, pour out a thousand whys
Handle with care if only you dare, etc
Write or i'll die
Handle with care...

Geography, be kind to me, for the miles apart are killing me
Tonight I would die to be by her side so speed the road, rush the lights
Speed the road, rush the lights
Even bad girls sleep tonight
Even bad girls sleep tonight
Their aspirin white legs, scarred by young lust's overbite
Even bad girls sleep tonight
Even bad girls dream tonight
Their aspirin white legs, scarred by young lust's overbite
The snapped Ratner's chain glints cold in the night
The snapped ankle chain glints cold in the night
Caution is thrown to the wind and it does not blow back
Caution is thrown to the wind and it does not blow back
Geography, please be kind to me for the miles apart are killing me
Tonight I would die to be by her side so speed the road, rush the lights
Speed the road, rush the lights

She said, "it's ok - you'll feel better every day and all memory of this will fade away"
And that's the biggest lie and i just wonder why when love dissolves we don't all just die
I sat by the lake when everyone had gone home, nothing on my body but the sadness i had on
I felt death's elbow nudging at my ribs, telling me to let go - i don't deserve to live
She said, "it's ok - you'll feel better every day and all memory of this will fade away"
And that's the biggest lie and i just wonder why when love dissolves we don't all just die, liar

The canadian brought us snow and lucky strikes for john to smoke
A thursday night with powercuts, in mountain socks, burning books
We watched the jetsons for too long -saw robots in our sleep
Naval lights from amsterdam through the kettle steam
The jesus glow of calor gas illuminates the frosted glass
The windowsill, a battle scene of airfix kits and disney queens
Born too early, wake up too late
Minds of chomsky but low birth weight
Sleeping beside, treat us like eggs
Box-jellyfish light; tinsel legs

Could it be that you drove me into your fleet of hand-melt candy
Could it be that you sent me falling off the roof backwards, gently
Do not let my words depress you - I'm here to uplift you now (I'm here to uplift you now)
Her eyes have gone south - terrible lies she denies
Could it be that you broke me into a sheet of rain swept sideways?
Could it be that you wrote me a dead attempt?
It just plain scares me
Do not let my words distract you from all the fun you demand - from the fun of the century
No more glistening wet poems in your honour, captain of alienation, New York, money, compassion

Could it be that you drove me into your fleet of hand-melt candy
Could it be that you sent me falling off the roof backwards, gently
Do not let my words depress you - I'm here to uplift you now (I'm here to uplift you now)
Her eyes have gone south - terrible lies she denies
Could it be that you broke me into a sheet of rain swept sideways?
Could it be that you wrote me a dead attempt?
It just plain scares me
Do not let my words distract you from all the fun you demand - from the fun of the century
No more glistening wet poems in your honour, captain of alienation, New York, money, compassion

I have thought about you in your Summer abode
In your lunatic smock, in chronicle mode
The typewriter smack as you nail in the words
And the turntable's drunk reflection occurs
I have thought about you in your grasshopper pose
And the cigarette smoke carving trails through your clothes
Your Spanish guitar pins your bed to the floor
So your dreams can't escape and they're yours evermore
Paris, she bleeds night into her cup
As you index the birds and you label them up

I can't get on, i can't get on
Because i live in the past
And it's too strong
I can't get on, i can't get on
Because i live in the past
And it's too strong

And the present is imperfect
And the future, well, it's conditional
And the past's a foreign land
That i'm trying to understand

And all the girls are framed
In the order that they came
And the best friends do their worst
To remind me that i'm cursed

And i'd just like to say
That i'm sorry to everyone
That just wants to get on
That just wants to get on
But i...

The season is long and i've got the chills
The city steps back, replaced by the hills
There's snow on my heart and snow on my pills
The season is long and this season kills
Don't you ever think that you might love me?
The season is long and I'm coming home
I captured your ghost in the throat of the phone
There's snow on my heart and snow on my pills
The season is long and this season kills
Don't you ever think that you might love me?

It's just out of reach
Can't think of nothing else
Gathering the nerve
Something's in the air
It's just out of reach and i'm on the ground
I have energy
Talking to myself

The tollbooth martyrs, 21 - 56
Leave their lives at the gate and beneath the standard issue crucifix
Push their summers to the side of the plate
Live their lives through diaries, can't get jobs in libraries
Live their lives through diaries, can't get jobs in libraries
The calendar model, long-retired, expecting her third, joined a choir
The saucer of coins marks off the years from college to dole to tollbooth cashier
Live their lives through diaries, can't get jobs in libraries
Live their lives through diaries, can't get jobs in libraries

You turn on your side like you have to face North
Or else you can't sleep : the unwritten law
But how can you sleep with my heart so loud?
Like a scream in a jar, like the sound of a crowd
And way out at sea, the waves and the masts know that they've lost
That they're heading for rocks
But the captain's adrift in dreams of dry land
Of the view from the lighthouse, of my name in the sand

I've a theory of ghosts and i'm a monster to girls
I stick in their heart like a rusty spur
But i've a theory of ghosts:
They're alive and we're all dead;
That they're trying to tell us is that it's this way around

And i've a theory of girls
They always seem to leave in the spring
As if they know that it hurts more
To carry a heartbreak through the summer

In the calender storm, i circled a day and tried to hold on
And in the last powercut,
I whispered her name 'til the lights came on
Smoked my indian pipe
Listened to the static, the snow on the wire
Smoked my indian pipe
Listened to the static, the snow on the wire

I have one photograph that captures her smile
But i don't have a tape of her laugh

Watercolors can't help me

What does not destroy me can only make me stronger