Elvis Costello & The Attractions

Photographs of fancy tricks to get your kicks at sixty-six
He thinks of all the lips that he licks
And all the girls that he's going to fix
She gave a little flirt, gave herself a little cuddle
But there's no place here for the mini-skirt waddle
Capital punishment, she's last year's model
They call her Natasha when she looks like Elsie
I don't want to go to Chelsea

Oh no it does not move me
Even though I've seen the movie
I don't want to check your pulse
I don't want nobody else
I don't want to go to Chelsea

Everybody's got new orders
Be a nice girl and kiss the warders
Now the teacher is away
All the kids begin to play

Men come screaming, dressed in white coats
Shake you very gently by the throat
One's named Gus, one's named Alfie
I don't want to go to Chelsea

Oh no it does not move me
Even though I've seen the movie
I don't want to check your pulse
I don't want nobody else
I don't want to go to Chelsea

Photographs of fancy tricks to get your kicks at sixty-six
He thinks of all the lips that he licks
And all the girls that he's going to fix
She gave a little flirt, gave herself a little cuddle
But there's no place here for the mini-skirt waddle
Capital punishment, she's last year's model
They call her Natasha when she looks like Elsie
I don't want to go to Chelsea

Oh no it does not move me
Even though I've seen the movie
I don't want to check your pulse
I don't want nobody else
I don't want to go to Chelsea

Calling Mr. Oswald with the swastika tattoo
There is a vacancy waiting in the English hoodoo
Carving 'V' for vandal on the guilty boy's head
When he's had enough maybe you'll take him to bed
To teach him he's alive 'fore he wishes he was dead

Turn up the TV no one listening will suspect
Even your mother won't detect it, so your father won't know
They think that I've got no respect
But everything means less than zero
Hey
Oh hey
Hey
Oh hey

Oswald and his sister are doing it again
They've got the finest home movies that you have ever seen
They've got a thousand variations, every service with a smile
They're gonna take a little break and they'll be back after a while
Well I hear that South America is coming into style

Turn up the TV no one listening will suspect
Even your mother won't detect it, so your father won't know
They think that I've got no respect
But everything means less than zero
Hey
Oh hey
Hey
Oh hey

Pistol was still smoking, a man lay on the floor
Mr. Oswald said he had an understanding with the law
He said he heard about a couple living in the USA
He said they traded their baby for a Chevrolet
Let's talk about the future now we've put the past away

Turn up the TV no one listening will suspect
Even your mother won't detect it
So your father won't know
They think that I've got no respect
But everything means less than zero
Hey
Oh hey
Hey
Oh hey
Hey
Oh hey
...

You left the motor running
But I know you're so attractive
Getting in some sharp practice
You better not do anything reckless

But everybody is going through the motions
Everybody is going through the motions
Are you really only going through the motions?

Lip service is all you'll ever get from me
Lip service is all you'll ever get from me
Lip service is all you'll ever get from me
But if you change your mind, you can send it in a letter to me

Don't make any sudden movements
These are dangerous amusements
When did you become so choosy?
Don't act like you're above me
Just look at your shoes

But everybody is going through the motions
Everybody is going through the motions
Are you really only going through the motions?

Lip service is all you'll ever get from me
Lip service is all you'll ever get from me
Lip service is all you'll ever get from me
But if you change your mind, you can send it in a letter to me
But if you change your mind, you can send it in a letter to me
But if you change your mind, you can send a little letter to me

Don't say you love me when it's just a rumor
Don't say a word if there is any doubt
Sometimes I think that love is just a tumor
You've got to cut it out

You say you're sorry for the things that you've done
You say you're sorry but you know you don't mean it
I wouldn't worry, I had so much fun
Sometimes I almost feel just like a human being

It's you, not just another mouth in the lipstick vogue
It's you, not just another mouth in the lipstick vogue
Oh yeah

Get to the slot machine, almost dead on arrival
Just hit me one more time with that live wire
Maybe they told you you were only a girl in a million
You say I've got no feelings, this is a good way to kill them

Select the control and then insert the token
You want to throw me away but I'm not broken
You've got a lot to say--well, I'm not joking
There are some words they don't allow to be spoken
Sometimes I almost feel just like a human being

It's you, not just another mouth in the lipstick vogue

Little triggers that you pull with your tongue
Little triggers, I don't want to be hung up, strung up
When you don't call up

[Chorus:]
Little sniggers on your lips
Little triggers in your grip
Little triggers--my hand on your hip

Thinkin' all about those censored sequences
Worryin' about the consequences
Waiting until I come to my senses
Better put it all in present tenses

[Chorus:]

Worryin' about the common decency
When it is only a question of frequency
When you say OK but you've got cheek to be
Sayin' you're tired of me when you don't even weaken these
Little sniggers on your lips
Little triggers in your grip
Little triggers--my hand on your hip

You never asked me what I wanted
You only asked me why
I never thought that so much trouble
Was a-rested on my reply

I could say it was the nights when I was lonely
And you were the only one who'd talk
I could tell you that I like your sensitivity
When you know it's the way that you walk

Why do you have to say that there's always someone
Who can do it better than I can?
But don't you think that I know that walking on the water
Won't make me a miracle man?

Baby's gotta have the things she wants
You know she's got to have the things she loves
She's got a ten-inch bamboo cigarette holder
And her black patent leather gloves

And I'm doing everything just trying to please her
Even crawling around on all fours
Oh, I thought by now that it was gonna be easy
But she still seems to want for more

Why do you have to say that there's always someone
Who can do it better than I can?
Don't you think that I know that walking on the water
Won't make me a miracle man?

Oh yeah

I hear they're giving you a bad reputation
Just because you've never been denied
You try to say you've done it all before
Baby, you know that you just get tired

Yet everybody loves you so much, girl
I just don't know how you stand the strain
Oh, I, I'm the one who's here tonight
And I don't wanna do it all in vain

Why do you have to say that there's always someone
Who can do it better than I can?
But don't you think that I know that walking on the water
Won't make me a miracle man?

Oh yeah

A miracle man
A miracle man
A miracle man
...

Romeo was restless, he was ready to kill
He jumped out the window 'cause he couldn't sit still
Juliet was waiting with a safety net
He said, "Don't bury me 'cause I'm not dead yet"

Why don't you tell me 'bout the mystery dance?
I wanna know about the mystery dance
Why don't you show me 'cause I've tried and I've tried and I'm still mystified
I can't do it anymore and I'm not satisfied

Well, I remember when the lights went out
And I was tryin' to make it look like it was never in doubt
She thought that I knew and I thought that she knew
So both of us were willing but we didn't know how to do it

Why don't you tell me 'bout the mystery dance?
I wanna know about the mystery dance
Why don't you show me 'cause I've tried and I've tried and I'm still mystified
I can't do it anymore and I'm not satisfied

Well, I was down under the covers in the middle of the night
Tryin' to discover my left foot from my right
You can see those pictures in any magazine
But what's the use of looking when you don't know what they mean?

Why don't you tell me 'bout the mystery dance?
I wanna know about the mystery dance
Why don't you show me 'cause I've tried and I've tried and I'm still mystified
I can't do it anymore and I'm not satisfied
I can't do it anymore and I'm not satisfied
I can't do it anymore and I'm not satisfied
...

I've been on tenterhooks, ending in dirty looks
List'ning to the Muzak, thinking 'bout this 'n' that
She said, "That's that, I don't wanna chitter chat"
Turn it down a little bit or turn it down flat

Pump it up when you don't really need it
Pump it up until you can feel it

Down in the pleasure center, hell bent or heaven sent
listen to the propaganda, listen to the latest slander
There's nothing underhand that she wouldn't understand

Pump it up until you can feel it
Pump it up when you don't really need it

She's been a bad girl, she's like a chemical
Though you try to stop it, she's like a narcotic
You wanna torture her, you wanna talk to her
All the things you bought for her, puttin' up your temp'rature

Pump it up until you can feel it
Pump it up when you don't really need it

Out in the fashion show, down in the bargain bin
You put your passion out under the pressure pin
Fall into submission, hit and run transmission
No use wishin' now for any other sin

Pump it up until you can feel it
Pump it up when you don't really need it

Pump it up until you can feel it
Pump it up when you don't really need it

Pump it up until you can feel it
Pump it up when you don't really need it

Don't really need it
Don't really need it
Don't really need it

I was tuning in the shine on the light night dial
Doing anything my radio advised
With every one of those late night stations
Playing songs bringing tears to my eyes
I was seriously thinking about hiding the receiver
When the switch broke 'cause it's old
They're saying things that I can hardly believe
They really think we're getting out of control

(CHORUS) Radio is a sound salvation
Radio is cleaning up the nation
They say you better listen to the voice of reason
But they don't give you any choice 'cause they think that it's treason
So you had better do as you are told
You better listen to the radio

I wanna bite the hand that feeds me
I wanna bite that hand so badly
I want to make them wish they'd never seen me

Some of my friends sit around every evening
And they worry about the times ahead
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference
And the promise of an early bed
You either shut up or get cut up, they don't wanna hear about it
It's only inches on the reel-to-reel
And the radio is in the hands of such a lot of fools
Tryin' to anaesthetise the way that you feel

(REPEAT CHORUS)

Wonderful radio
Marvelous radio
Wonderful radio
Radio, radio
(FADE)

We're all going on a summer holiday
Vigilante's coming out to follow me
Heard somebody say, they're out to collar me
Anybody wanna swallow me?

Takes two to tumble, it takes two to tango
Speak up, don't mumble if you're in the combo

On the beat, on the beat
Till a man comes along and he says
"Have you been a good boy, never played with your toy?
Though you never enjoy, such a pleasure to employ"

See your friends in the state their in
See your friends getting under their skin
See your friends getting taken in

Well, if you only knew the things you do to me
I'd do anything to confuse the enemy
There's only one thing wrong with you befriending me
Take it easy, I think you're bending me

I've been a bad boy with the standard leader
My neighbor's revving up his Vaux hall Viva

On the beat, on the earth beat
Till a man comes along and he says
"Have you been a good boy, never played with your toy?
Though you never enjoy, such a pleasure to employ"

See your friends walking down the street
See your friends never quite complete
See your friends getting under their feet

Oh, I don't want to disease you
But I'm no good with machinery
Oh, I don't wanna freeze you
Stop looking at the scenery

I keep thinkin' about your mother
Oh, I don't wanna lick them
I don't wanna be a lover
I just wanna be your victim

I don't go out much at night
I don't go out much at all
Did you think you were the only one
Who was waiting for a call?

On the beat, on the beat, on the earth beat
Till a man comes along and he says
"Have you been a good boy, never played with your toy?
Though you never enjoy, such a pleasure to employ"

See your friends treat me like a stranger
See your friends despite all the arrangements
See your friends, nothing here has changed
Just the beat, just the beat, just the beat, just the beat

The man from the television crawled into the train
I wonder who he's gonna stick it in this time
Everyone was looking for a little entertainment
So they'll probably pull his hands off when they find out his name
And then they shut down the power all along the line
And we got stuck in the tunnel where no lights shine
They got to touching all the girls who were too scared to call out
Nobody was saying anything at all

We were waiting for the end of the world
Waiting for the end of the world
Waiting for the end of the world
Dear Lord, I sincerely hope you're coming
'Cause you really started something

Things got back to normal as the train began to roll again
We got to the station about twenty minutes later

The legendary hitchhiker says that he knows where it's at
Now he'd like to go to Spain or somewhere like that
With his two-tone Bible and his funny cigarettes
His suntan lotion and his castanets

He was waiting for the end of the world
Waiting for the end of the world
Waiting for the end of the world
Dear Lord, I sincerely hope you're coming
'Cause you really started something

And then the bride, the groom, the congregation and the priest
All got onto the train when we were three stations east, yeah

Hiding from a scandal in the national press
They had been trying to get married since they stole the wedding dress
You may see them drowning as you stroll along the beach
But don't throw out the lifeline 'til they're clean out of reach

Waiting for the end of the world
Waiting for the end of the world
Waiting for the end of the world
...

Nice girls, not one with a defect
Cellophane shrink-wrapped, so correct
Red dogs under illegal legs
She looks so good that he gets down and begs

[Chorus:]
She is watching the detectives
"Ooh, he's so cute"
She is watching the detectives
When they shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot
They beat him up until the teardrops start
But he can't be wounded 'cause he's got no heart

Long shot at that jumping sign
Invisible shivers running down my spine
Cut to baby taking off her clothes
Close-up of the sign that says "We never close"
He snatches at you and you match his cigarette
She pulls the eyes out with a face like a magnet
I don't know how much more of this I can take
She's filing her nails while they're dragging the lake

[Chorus:]

You think you're alone until you realize you're in it
Now fear is here to stay, love is here for a visit
They call it instant justice when it's past the legal limit
Someone's scratching at the window, I wonder who is it?
The detectives come to check if you belong to the parents
Who are ready to hear the worst about their daughter's disappearance
Though it nearly took a miracle to get you to stay
It only took my little fingers to blow you away

Just like watching the detectives
Don't get cute
It's just like watching the detectives
I get so angry when the teardrops start
But he can't be wounded 'cause he's got no heart

Watching the detectives
It's just like watching the detectives
Watching the detectives
Watching the detectives...

Now that your picture's in the paper being rhythmically admired
And you can have anyone that you have ever desired
All you gotta tell me now is why, why, why, why

Welcome to the working week
Oh I know it don't thrill you, I hope it don't kill you
Welcome to the working week
You gotta do it 'til you're through it so you better get to it

All of your family had to kill to survive
And they're still waitin' for their big day to arrive
But if they knew how I felt, they'd bury me alive

Welcome to the working week
Oh I know it don't thrill you, I hope it don't kill you
Welcome to the working week
You gotta do it 'til you're through it so you better get to it

I hear you saying, "Hey, the city's alright"
When you only read about it in books
Spend all your money getting so convinced
That you never even bother to look

Sometimes I wonder if we're living in the same land
Why do you wanna be my friend
When I feel like a juggler running out of hands?

Welcome to the working week
Oh, welcome to the working week

What are you girls gonna tell your mother?
I don't want to hear another word about young lovers
Or hiding your boyfriend in the cupboard
She's been to see the doctor, so you hope that she recovers

You act dumb, you say you're so numb
You say you don't come under his thumb

Don't want to be a goody-goody
I don't want just anybody
No, I don't want anybody
Saying "You belong to me, you belong to me"

Your eyes are absent, your mouth is silent
Pumping it like a fire hydrant
Things you say are getting hard to swallow
You're easily led, but you're much too scared to follow

You've been warned, you're going to get torn
No uniform is gonna keep you warm

We were dancing together
To a dreamy melody
When they called out "change partners"
And you waltzed away from me
Now my arms feel so empty
As I gaze around the floor
And I'll keep on changing partners
Till I hold you once more

Though we danced for one moment
And too soon we had to part
In that wonderful moment
Something happened to my heart
So I'll keep changing partners
Till you're in my arms again
Oh my darling I may never
Change partners again

Though we danced for one moment
And too soon we had to part
In that wonderful moment
Something happened to my heart
So I'll keep changing partners
Till you're in my arms again
Oh my darling I will never
Change partners again

Oh my darling I will never
Change partners again

Well you know your time has come and you're sorry for what you've done
You should've never have been playing with a gun
In those Complicated Shadows
Well there's a line that you must toe
and it'll soon be time to go
but it's darker than you know in those Complicated Shadows
All you gangsters and rude clowns
Who were shooting up the town
When you should have found someone to put the blame on
Though the fury's hot and hard
I still see that cold graveyard
There's a solitary stone that's got your name on

You don't have to take it from me
But I know what I spake
You think you're like iron and steel
But iron and steel will bend and break
In those Complicated Shadows

Go!

Sometimes justice you will find
Is just dumb not colour-blind
And your poor shattered mind can't take it all in
All those phantoms and those shades
Should Jump up on Judgement Day
And say to the Almighty "I'm still stinking of sin"

But the jury was dismissed
Took his neck and they give it a twist
So you see you won't be missed in those Complicated Shadows

You can say just what you like in a voice like a John Ford film
Take the law into your hands
You will soon get tired of killing
In those Complicated Shadows
Complicated Shadows
Complicated Shadows
Complicated Shadows

Go!

Down among the wines and spirits
Where a man gets what he merits
Once he was written in letters of nine feet tall
Now he finds how far he's fallen

Since he set his mind on her completely
Oh well, I guess that you mustn't have seen him lately
Walking around with a pain that never ceases
He starts to speak and then he falls to pieces

Down among the wines and spirits
Where a man gets what he merits
Lives with the echoing words of their final quarrel
The vacant chamber and the empty barrel

But as he picks himself up from a sawdust floor
Clicks his fingers to that swinging door
Suddenly he's calling out more, more, more
I'm twice the foolish man I was before
Down among the wines and spirits

Bubbles escaping from him from the rim of a glass of grape
She sails through his memory just like a ship of chaplet
As it started to sink, he was drinking to drown his sorrows
That fill his nights and they empty his tomorrows

But as he picks himself up from a sawdust floor
Clicks his fingers to that swinging door
Suddenly he's calling out more, more, more

Speaks of invisible things he hardly credits
Down among, down among
Down among the wines and spirits

I'm sorry to say that you don't know me
I'm sad in ways you never understood
Each time I try to tell the ugly truth
You always let it pass you by
You said I 'd never tell you a lie
Just because I could
Did you really think I was a bad man?
You always said that that should be my middle name
But you don't know the half of it
You don't know how that name fits
You don't know my hidden shame

Hidden shame, shame, shame
That I can't get free
From the blame and the torture
And the misery
Must it be my secret for eternity?
Till you know my hidden shame you really don't know me

Well, there's a different kind of prison
And it don't even have to look much like a cell
It's already on your mind
Boy, we can see it in your eyes
So, here's the bars and walls as well

Well, you know I'm never coming home, babe
You said you'd stand by me until I cleared my name
Sure it's easy to be strong
When you know the charge is wrong
But the days and weeks get long
When you've got a hidden shame

Hidden shame, shame, shame
That I can't get free
From the blame and the torture
And the misery
Must it be my secret for eternity?
Till you know my hidden shame you really don't know me

I had a friend when I was just a boy
We were like brothers, we would run and hide
And we went walking on a high hillside
And I really don't how it happened
He turned to me and had this strange look in his eye
And not a single word was spoken
I must have pushed him, but I don't remember why
And all at once, he lay there broken
And I walked down without him and I didn't even sigh

Hidden shame, shame, shame
That I can't get free
From the blame and the torture
And the misery
Must it be my secret for eternity?
Till you know my hidden shame you really don't know me

They say you always hurt the one you love
And I'm not saying if I did or if I didn't
But like my shame, that kind of love is always hidden
They locked me up here for the ideas in my head
They never got me for the thing I really did

Hidden shame, shame, shame
That I can't get free
From the blame and the torture
And the misery
Must it be my secret for eternity?
Till you know my hidden shame you really don't know me

Is this is not a pretty tale?
Is this not a riddle?
A bow shoots arrows through the air
A bow drags notes from a fiddle
But who is the beau of poor girl's dreams?
That a king may send to battle

Is this not a pretty tale?
Is this not a riddle?
If red is the breast of soldier's tunic hung with a silver medal
And red is the thorn that protects the rose, a deeper red than the petal
How deep is the red our redeemer bled, the debt of our sins to settle?
How deep is the red?
How deep is the red?
How deep is the red our redeemer bled?
How deep is the red?

I dreamed of my old lover last night
I wonder if I spoke out loud
And if by chance my husband overheard
He put my face back in the crowd

His eyes were clear and gentle then
He kissed the troubles from my brow
I long to fall to sleep again
And I wonder how he would look now

Would our kids grow sullen or grow strong?
Would their limbs bronze in solitude and sun?
I like the way it feels but then
I rarely dream of anyone

In the songs of shame and the tales of dread
Where they seal the lovers' lips with lead
And all the vines wind through their eyes
Oh, but no one knows this passion now
Oh, no one knows this passion now

So I keep this fancy to myself
I keep my lipstick twisted tight
I long to fall to sleep again
I dreamed of my old lover last night
I long to fall to sleep again
'Cause I dreamed of my old lover last night

Well, there's a difference in the way that you kissed me
And there's a sadness in your eyes that you can't hide
Why do you tremble when I hold you?
I wonder if you feel the same
I felt the chill before the winter came

But it's easy to say that I won't give in again
I was just tempted for a moment and then some
But it's so easy when you love to lose to control
Now look here if you will
At the faithful man you stole

I felt the chill before the winter came
I suffered the guilt and then accepted the blame
I wanted you before you ever spoke my name

But I knew that we would go wrong
Just as they do in all in those old tragic songs
Did that melody haunt your mind?
Just like a linger of perfume
Now you're in someone else's arms, locked up in another room

Is there's a difference in the way that he loves you
Is there still sadness in your eyes, you can't deny?
Do you tremble and sigh when he holds you just like I do?
What were you thinking of to throw away our love?
And it's easy to say that you won't give in again
You were just tempted for a moment and half
But it's so hard when you desire to lose control
I don't know what this feeling is but it sure seems cold

I felt the chill before the winter came
I suffered the pain and then accepted the shame
I will have lost your love by end of this sad refrain?

I felt the cold creeping over my skin...
Still as the air until the wind rushed in
Still in control, holding on to my heart and soul
Only inches from sin

When I was away I needed you so
And now coming I'm home to stay
I won't wake in the night and reach for you
And turn on the light and to my dismay

You're not there
You're never around
Or is it me?
It's so hard to see
I flick off the switch
And stare in dark
And wait for you to appear

You're My All-Time Doll
I'm out of control
It's broken my mind
But that's not all that you stole

You're My All-Time Doll
You're all I adore
I'd swear to it now it but I already swore

My eyes are blinded with tears
But it's all my own fault
My lips taste of cruel words
My eyes sting with salt
But you can take the way I feel about you
And put it in a vault

You're My All-Time Doll

From near and from far
I've known many a girl,
Now... I'm closing in
My heart is beating
Like a whip on a hide
It's raining outside

You're My All-Time Doll
I'm out of control
It's broken my mind
That's not all that you stole

You're My All-Time Doll
You're all I adore
I'd swear to it now it but I already swore

Every time I rant and rail
Every time I try and fail
Any time I want to quit
And say, "That's the end of it"
When I stand and start to leave
You cool my brow, you tug my sleeve

You're My All-Time Doll

I'm walking, I'm pacing, my heart is racing
I swear that clock is running slow
It only speeds up for a moment or so
Each time it's time for me to go

You're My All-Time Doll
I'm out of control
It's broken my mind
That's not all that you stole

You're My All-Time Doll
You're all I adore
I'd swear to it now it but I already swore

In the far flung cry of a closing saloon
On the blank back side of that poisonous moon
I tried not to think about you
I thought I was immune..

You're My All-Time Doll

I'm cutting up her pure white dress
That I dyed red
That I dyed red
I'm putting scraps in cheap tin lockets
What time erases and memory mocks
I'll send them over the ocean foam
Right into those gentle European homes

The slave ship "Blessing" slipped from Liverpool
Over the waves the Royal Navy rules
To go and plunder the Kingdom of Benin
Where certain history ends and shame begins
Dahomey traders paid in powder and shot
Line up their prisoners and they sell them in lots
They packed them tight inside those coffin ships
And took them to the brand new world of
auction blocks and whips

I'm cutting up her pure white dress
That I dyed red
That I dyed red
I'm putting scraps in cheap tin lockets
What time erases and memory mocks
I'll send them over the ocean foam
Right into those gentle European homes

White is the sheet on your fine linen bed
The blood stained red on each cotton thread
Merchants will gather at St. George's Hall
To unveil the kneeling slave who is carved upon the wall
So picture the scene on the Old Salt House docks
Where they loaded the iron shackles and locks
Between a sandstone crocodile, a barrel and a bale
You will see the nameless faces they were offering for sale

So, I sing the praises of God's glory
As a blue cetacean floats in the basement
An elephant on the second storey
They queue all day to see him
In my American Museum

But the Lord will judge us with fire and thunder
As man continues in all his blunders
It's only money
It's only numbers
Maybe it is time to put aside these fictitious wonders

But man is feeble
Man is puny
And if it should divide the Union
There is no man that should own another
When he can't even recognise his sister and his brother

She handed me a mirror
That she had gazed upon
The glass still held an image
The glass still held an image
But it was of a man
I turned from the reflection
To see who it might be
Is that poor vanity quite how she pictures me?

She handed me a mirror
Rather than tell me "no"
She let slip her handkerchief
Gentle laughter flowed
Just as her lips bestowed
The dashing word like "brother"
The crushing word like "friend"
If there was no beginning
How could this be the end?

She handed me mirror
So I could recognise
The distance from my heart to hers
The distance from my heart to hers
The pity in her eyes
She liked my pretty story
I thanked her for her song
And then I wrote a tale not very long to tell
"You are much more than pretty. You are beautiful."

She handed me mirror and I saw her instead
She handed me a mirror
She handed me a mirror
And that is all she did?

She could be no good, I'm telling you
Gather round boys for a tale that is tragic and true
On the Mississippi riverboat, "Magnolia"
No one onboard was smelling too sweet
That precious one must have been stamping her feet
Dictating demands all well and fine
A few rods west of the Bridgeport line
But the veil was drawn and the halo slipped
Tippling tinctures and reciting scripture

Faces where slapped just as kid gloves were suffered
Vile threats were uttered and challenges offered
On the Cumberland riverboat, "E.W. Stephens"
Daggers were drawn on pistols pulled
Staggering 'til dawn filled up with whiskey and rum
And several drunken players ran amok
Rampaging with the crew around the deck

And I received a blow that was unkind
It turned my cheek to the colour of gentian violet
I wouldn't say that this journey had quite been the highlight
Of the All-American Tour
Teetering on the edge of war
Out of the genteel Northern prosceniums
Filled up with imitation Europeans
Down along the river of rough damnations
By the blood-stained cotton and the slave plantations

It's not very far from Sulphur to Sugarcane
Everywhere I travel the pretty girls call my name
I give them a squeeze and they shoot me a wink
I buy their hard-headed husbands a long cool drink
You better come up smelling sweet 'cos you're a long time stinking
It's a little too late to complain
It's not very far from Sulphur to Sugarcane

Now if you catch my eye and you find that it runs down your leg
It's like striking a match pretty hard upon a powder keg
They tell you from the borders to the waters of the gulf
If you take all the sugar you will end up in the sulphur
And you're burning
Hello baby I'm pleased to meet you
I wouldn't do you wrong, honey
I wouldn't cheat you, honey
When can I see you again?
Wrap you up in cellophane
It's not very far from Sulphur to Sugarcane

It's not very far from Sulphur to Sugarcane
When your eyes fill up with brine
'Cause you're drowning in wine
It's like the last days of Rome
With the despots and divine
And there's no place like home for a little doll from China
It's a little too late to complain
It's not very far from Sulphur to Sugarcane

You can go west to Texas
Go east to Mississippi
You can run out of money
You can run out of pity
Throw open your purse until you're crying for mercy
Go to Alabama
Escape Louisiana
I'm digging like a miner North and South Carolina
And then if you continue you will end up in Virginia

The women in Poughkeepsie
Take their clothes off when they're tipsy
But in Albany, New York
They love the filthy way I talk
Until they gargle with the finest champagne
They can't get the grape and the grain
It's not very far from Sulphur to Sugarcane

It's not very far from Sulphur to Sugarcane
If I could find a piano
Here in Bloomington, Indiana
I would play it with my toes
Until the girls all take their clothes off
The women knock upon my door in odd and even numbers
But none of them as wild as I've discovered in Columbus
I gave up married women 'cause I heard it was a sin
But now I'm back in Pittsburgh, I might take it up again
Because they gargle with the finest champagne
They can't get the grape and the grain
It's not very far from Sulphur to Sugarcane

It's not very far from Sulphur to Sugarcane
Up in Syracuse
I was falsely accused
But I'm not here to hurt you
I'm here to steal your virtue
Down in Bridgeport
The women will kill you for sport
But in Worcester, Massachusetts
They love my sauce

The women in Poughkeepsie
Take their clothes off when they're tipsy
But I hear in Ypsilanti
They don't wear any panties
Once they gargle with the finest champagne
They hitch up their skirts and exclaim
It's not very far, sugar
It's not very far, sugar
Pour a little sugar on me, sugar
It's not very far from Sulphur to Sugarcane

Life isn't a game won or tied
Lost by either side
Then some people's idea
Of the straight and narrow didn't appeal to me

If you were my life's companion
As it seems you may turn out to be
I'm contemplating
How I hope I'll find you waiting
At the very end of this crooked line

Love isn't a trial of strength and weakness
Through light into darkness
Then some people remark
The worthwhile fire never started without that spark

If you were my life's companion
As it seems you may turn out to be
I'm contemplating
How I hope I'll find you waiting
At the very end of this crooked line

I've got troubled thoughts
And self esteem to match
What a catch
What a catch whoa oh

You'll never catch us
So just let me be
Instead I'll be fine
Till the hospital
Or american embasy
Miss Flack
Said I still want you back
Yeah
Miss flack said
I still want you back
I've got troubled thoughts
And self esteem to match
What a catch
What a catch
And all I can think of
Is the way
I'm the one who charmed
The one who gave up on you
Who gave up on you

They say the captain
goes down with the ship
So when the world ends
Will God go down with it
Miss flack said
I still want you back
Yeah
Miss flack said
I still want you ba a ack
I've got troubled thoughts
And Self esteem to match
What a catch
What a catch
And all I can think of is the way
I'm the one who charmed
The one who gave up on you
Who gave up on you
Na na nanana na na nanana
Na na nanana na na
What a catch
what a catch what a catch

I will never end up like him
Behind my back I already am
Keep a calender
This way you will always know
I've got troubled thoughts
and self esteem to match
What a catch what a catch
And all I can think of is the way
I'm the one who charmed
The one who gave up on you
Who gave up on you
Where is your boy tonight
I hope he is a gentleman
maybe he wont
Down down in an
earlier round sugar
Dance dance we're
falling apart to half time
dance dance these
This aint a scene
it's a goddamn arms race
this aint a scene it's a
One more night and one more time
thanks for the memories even
Growing up growing up

I've got troubled thoughts and
Self esteem to match
What a catch
What a catch

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed with all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
Cuz that's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
So don't you bring me down today

No matter what we do
No matter what we say
We're the song inside the tune full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go
The sun will always shine
Tomorrow we might wake upon the other side or the other time

We are beautiful in every single way
Words can't bring us down
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring us down
So don't you bring me down today