The Tiger Lillies

Well as he’d often done before
My neighbour from next door
One fine summer’s day went out
To the shops to walk about

And as he found it hot poor fella
He took with him his green umbrella
When Edward noisy little wag
He came out and waved his flag

And William came in jacket trim
And brought his wooden hoop with him
And Arthur brought his toys
And joined the other bully boys
Well those silly bully boys
They lost all their toys

Well tall Agrippa lives close by
So tall he almost touched the sky
He was giant through and through
He was giant through and through

He called out in an angry tone
To leave my neighbour alone
But they didn’t mind a bit
What tall Agrippa said of it

Well those silly bully boys
They lost more than their toys

Well tall Agrippa foamed with rage
Just look at him on this very page
He seizes Arthur seizes Ned
He smashes all their tiny heads

Then they don’t scream and they don’t call
They are corpses one and all
Three little corpses one two three
They’re all as dead as can be

Well those silly bully boys
They lost more than their toys
Well those silly bully boys
Because Agrippa they annoyed
Well those silly bully boys
They lost more than their toys
Silly bully boys
Because Agrippa they annoyed

Let's see if Philip can
Be a little gentleman
Let's see if Philip's able
To sit at the table

Mama bades Phil behave
And papa he looks very grave
But fidgety Phil he won't sit still
He wriggles and he giggles

Yeah fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil
Fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil
Fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil
Fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil

Well I declare
He rocks backwards and forwards on his chair
Just like it was a rocking horse
Mama's getting very cross

Yeah fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil
Fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil
Fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil
Fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil

Then to make matters worse again
He grabs the tablecloth and then
Down upon the ground he falls
With knives plates forks spoons and all

Mama pulls such a face
At Philip's sad disgrace
And papa pulls such a frown
As Philip goes tumbling down

Fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil
Fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil
Fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil
Fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil

Where is Philip where is he
Oh there he is and he bleeds
There's a bloodstained tablecloth lying on him
Knives and forks they're all stuck in him

There's a knife and there's a fork
Oh Philip this is cruel work
What a terrible to-do
Philip bleeds to death and turns blue

fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil
Fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil
Fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil
Fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil

When the rain comes tumbling down
In the country and the town
All the good little girls and boys
Stay indoors and mind their toys

Robert says no when it pours
It's better out out of doors
Well rain it did and in a minute
Rob Rob was in it

Flying Robert
Flying Robert

Well see the wind how it whistles
Through the flowers and the thistles
See the silly fella
Underneath his green umbrella

Well it has caught caught that umbrella
So up he goes the silly fella
Up he goes into the skies
No one hears his screams and cries

Flying Robert
Flying Robert

See how the rude wind bore him
And it blew his hat before him
Well he's reached such a height
He is nearly out of sight

Where he where he fell
No one yet can tell
But one thing one thing is plain
He was never seen again

Flying Robert
Flying Robert …

As he trudged along to school
It was always Johnny’s rule
To be looking at the sky
And the clouds that floated by

Just before him there did lay
In his in his in his way
Johnny never thought about
So that everyone cried out

Well look at Johnny Johnny there
Little Johnny Johnny Head-In-Air

Running in Johnny’s way
Came a little dog one day
Johnny’s eyes were still astray
In the sky every day

And he never heard them cry
Johnny mind the dog is nigh
Down they fell with such a thump
Johnny and dog in a lump

Once with head as high as ever
Johnny walked beside the river
Johnny watched the swallows trying
Which was the cleverest at flying

Oh what fun oh what fun
Johnny watched the bright round sun
Going in and coming out
That was all he thought about

So he strode on only think
To the river’s river’s very brink
Where the bank was high and steep
And the water water very deep

And the fishes in a row
Stared to see him coming coming so
One more step oh sad to tell
Headlong in Johnny fell

Here are the fishes in dismay
Wagged their tails and ran away
Here lay Johnny on his face
With his little red writing case

And the fishes one two three
Came back again you see
Up they came a moment after
To see Johnny in the here and after

Each popped up his little head
To tease poor Johnny who was dead
Yeah each popped up his little head
To tease poor Johnny who was dead

Just look at him there he stands
With his nasty hair and hands
Anything to me is sweeter
Than Shockheaded Peter

See his nails are never cut
They're as grim as black as soot
Anything to me is sweeter
Than Shockheaded Peter

And this sloven I declare
Has never once combed his hair
Yes this sloven I declare
Has never once combed his hair

So anything to me is sweeter
Than Shockheaded Peter
Anything to me is sweeter
Than Shockheaded Peter …

Shockheaded Peter …

Conrad's mother said Conrad dear
I must go out and leave you here.
but mind now, Conrad, what I say,
don't suck your thumbs while I'm away.

snip! snip

that great tall tailor, he always comes
for naughty boys who suck their thumbs
and ere they wonder what he's about,
he's got his great long scissors out.

snip snip the scissors go
and Conrad cries out oh!
snip snip they go so fast,
and Conrad's thumbs are off at last.

well,mama had scarcely turned her back,
when the thumbs were in , alack! alack!
the door burst open and in he ran,
that great long legged scissor man.

snip snip the scissors go
and Conrad cries out oh!
snip snip they go so fast,
and Conrad's thumbs are off at last.

well, mama comes home and there Conrad stands,
and he looks quite sad as he shows his hands,
Ha! Ha! said mama, I knew he'd come,
for naughty little suck-a-thumb.

CHORUS and Conrad breathes his last.
CHORUS and Conrad bleeds to death at last.

Well it almost makes me cry to tell
What foolish Harriet does befell
Mama and nurse went out one day
And left her all alone to play

Well on the table close at hand
A box of matches chanced to stand
Well mama and nurse had told her
That if she touched them they would scold her

Well Harriet said what a pity
‘Cos when they burn they seem so pretty
They crackle so they spit and flame
Mama and papa do often do the same

So she wouldn't take their advice
She lit a match it was so nice
It crackled so it burnt so clear
Exactly like the picture here

So she jumped for joy and she ran about
And was too pleased to put it out
Well the pussy cats they saw this
They said naughty naughty naughty Miss

Oh miaow miaoh miaow miaoh
She's burning to death we told her so

Well see what a dreadful dreadful thing
The fire has caught her apron string
She burns all over everywhere
She burns her nose and her arms and her hair

‘Til she's got nothing left to lose
Except her little scarlet shoes
And only these only these are found
Amongst her ashes on the ground

Oh miaow miaoh miaow miaoh
She's burnt to death we told her so
Oh miaow miaoh miaow miaoh
She's burnt to death we told her so

The pussy cats they sat beside
Her steaming ashes and they cried
Oh miaow miaoh miaow miaoh
She's burnt to death we told her so
Oh miaow miaoh miaow miaoh
She's burnt to death we told her so

When the children have been good
That is let it be understood
Good at mealtimes good at play
Good all night and all of the day

They shall have the pretty things
Merry Christmas always brings
But naughty romping girls and boys
Who tear their clothes and make a noise

Who spoil their pinafores and their frocks
They deserve no Christmas box
Such as these shall never look
At this pretty picture book

Yes such as these shall never look
At this pretty picture book

Wake up every morning
Take a coffee down
Then it's in the tube train
In the rush hour to drown
Well, your wife she fucks a neighbour
And calls you a jerk
And when you find out you go berserk
You take a poker to her
And you ram it up her arse
Then you wrap it around her skull
And then you laugh
Well, the neighbour knew you did it
And he turns you in
Now you're gonna pay for your sins
The judge calls you an animal
And says if he could
He'd give you the death sentence -
That would be good
Well, the jury don't take long to establish your guilt
After all, you are guilty, guilty, guilty to the hilt
Well, they found you in your prison cell
Hanging by the neck - your life you had wrecked
And your children they forget you when they can
And when they don't forget you, your memory
Your memory they damn
So now you're rotting in the flames of hell
With a poker rammed up your ass
And around your skull as well

You were seventeen, pretty in the head
Sent in some photographs, this is what they said
Open your legs
Open your legs

You wanna be a model, and this could be a start
They're only jealous when they call you a tart
Open your legs
Open your legs

There's a demand, you're the supply
Dry your tears, that's why
Open your legs
Open your legs
Open your legs
Open your legs
Open your legs
Just open your legs

In Polynesia the weather is fine,
the Frenchies experiment all of the time,
we are all full of shit, we know this is true,
but when you ain't got a bumhole, you feel blue.

bumhole, bumhole, give us a bumhole do.

the Rainbow Warrior, they blew it up,
'cause it tried to kick up a terrible fuss,
nuclear testing is all very well,
when you ain't got a bumhole, life can be hell.

bumhole, bumhole, give us a bumhole do.

well we don't care about the size,
we don't care about the shape
but when you haven't got one,
it feels like a mistake.

bumhole, bumhole, give us a bumhole do.
give us a bumhole do..

well, you went to your shrink in Brighton,
he said there's nothing he could do,
you went to the hospital, they hadn't a cure for you.
your mother wants you committed and your father, he does too,
and you live in an underpass, next to Waterloo.

Jesus, Jesus what are you going to do,
Jesus, Jesus how are you going to pull through?
la la la

you're having hallucinations, you're hearing voices too,
the nurses giving you lots of drugs, 'cause they're fucking good for you.
yes, turn this water into wine, you'll be popular if you do,
and you live in an underpass, next to Waterloo.

Jesus, Jesus what are you going to do,
Jesus, Jesus how are you going to pull through?
la la la

they found your body and your body had turned blue,
they found it in an underpass, next to Waterloo.

Jesus, Jesus what are you going to do,
Jesus, Jesus how are you going to pull through?

murder is easy, murder is fun,
it's better than sex, I always come,
I like to stalk those I abuse,
I like them to struggle so I can refuse.

murder is easy, murder is fun,
it's better than sex, I always come.
I like to go prowling on Saturday night,
I like them to struggle and put up a fight.

murder is easy, murder is fun,
it's better than sex, because I always come,
I've murdered so many i have lost count,
the pleasure it gives me is a large amount.

murder is easy, murder is fun,
it's better than sex because I always come,
I murdered the vicar, i murdered his son,
murdered his dad and i murdered his mum.

and I murdered, murdered, murdered, murdered
cats, cats, cats...... as a boy,
then I moved on to dogs, I moved on to dogs, I moved on to dogs
dogs, dogs,dogs.......now it's the McCoy..

murder is easy, murder is fun,
it's better than sex because I always come,
public opinion, it don't swell,
the consensus is I am unwell.

murder is easy, murder is fun.
it's better than sex because I always come,

(repeat)
it's better than sex because i always come (X3) i always come...

On the dockside, of the portside, that's where they go.
to shoot their load, shoot their load.

she's got big tits, for all the gits,
and she hates them so, as they shoot their load, shoot their load.

as you whisper you're a slut, she will hate your guts.
as you shoot your load, shoot your load.

and on a bad night forty rubbers, she does throw,

of your shot load, your shot load, load. just shoot your load. just shoot your load, just shoot your load, shoot your load. just shoot your load.

He’s fucked me up the arse
He’s pulled out every trick
His body smells of sweat
He salivates and licks

Another one night stand
Another rancid dick
Another cheap pick-up
I’m feeling rather sick

So then the morning comes
I mumble a goodbye
Repulsion overwhelms me
I smile at him and lie

So I stagger out
Out of his front door
I make it to the street
And vomit on the floor

So then I make it home
And for a while pretend
That I will not repeat
The chapter’s reached an end

So the cycle spins
The pleasure and the pain
and as the darkness falls
The neon wins again