Neil Hannon [보컬,기타]

I wanna chill, I wanna sit real still
I wanna sleep like the dead on a bed of roses
Me and my lovely wife
We're in the prime of life
I wanna feel real, I wanna free-wheel
I wanna steal the show from under their noses
I wanna get you off
Ain't that enough?
I'm gonna abseil down my ivory tower
And buy myself a Jaguar

I'm a bad ambassador for that elusive place you're searching for
I wanna show you so much more... but maybe some other time

I wanna play with the big boys
I wanna ride with the tough guys on a Japanese motorbike
I wanna hold your hand
Hey, what's your favourite band?
I wanna look like they looked
I wanna shake like they shook, I wanna take what they took
I wanna get you high
Don't ask me why
It's just something I've got to do
I'll try to make it up to you

I'm a bad ambassador for that elusive place you're searching for
I wanna show you so much more... but maybe some other time

I'm not the Pope and I don't wanna be the Archbishop of Canterbury

I'm a bad ambassador for that elusive place you're searching for
I wanna show you so much more
Yeah I could show you so much more
But I'm a bad ambassador

Well, maybe some other time...

You've got a personality
We'll throw you in the sea and watch you drown
Dumb it down
Your concentration span's too long
It's longer than this song, that's not allowed
Dumb it down
You don't need books to know what's what
We'll pile them up and burn them to the ground
Dumb it down
And if you say that we're corrupt
We'll round you up and run you out of town
Dumb it down

Down and down and down it goes
Where it stops nobody knows
And not a lot of people seem to care
Well it's so crazy, it's so great
We can all communicate
But no one's saying anything out there
Is there anybody out there?

Intelligence is dangerous
A virus of the brain you pass around
Dumb it down
We'll vaccinate each boy and girl
Lobotomise the world through sight and sound
Dumb it down
No one can tell you what to think
And if you think that's true then you're a clown
Dumb it down
'Cause freedom's wasted on the free
You just don't see the beauty all around
Dumb it down

Down and down and down we slide
It's too tricky to decide
Between channels one and sixty-three
'Cause everything is mindless fluff
Like this world's not dumb enough
Does anybody feel the same as me?
Is there anybody listening?

They say that you'll hear him if you're really listening
And pray for that feeling of grace
But that's what I'm doing, why doesn't he answer?
I've prayed 'til I'm blue in the face

The cars in the churchyard are shiny and German
Distinctly at odds with the theme of the sermon
And during communion I study the people
Threading themselves through the eye of the needle
I know that it's wrong for the faithful to seek it
But sometimes I long for a sign, anything
Something to wake up the whole congregation
And finally make up my mind

The cars in the churchyard are shiny and German
Completely at odds with the theme of the sermon
And all through communion I stare at the people
Squeezing themselves through the eye of the needle

Postcards and letters
T-shirts and sweaters
Passports and Parkas
Mobiles and chargers
Two tennis rackets
Blue Rizla packets
A new sheep-skin jacket
I lost it all

All through my life there have been
Many rare and precious things
I have tried to call mine
But I just cannot seem
To keep hold of anything
For more than a short time
Possessions of a sentimental kind
They were mine, now they're not

Gym-kits and trainers
Asthma inhalers
Silk-cuts and Bennies
Ten-packs and twenties
C-class narcotics
Antibiotics
The holes in my pockets
I lost it all

All that I'd like is to know
Just where do those lost things go?
When they slip from my hands
Then one night in a dream
I passed through a sheepskin screen
To a green, pleasant land
I found them all piled up into the sky
And I cried tears of joy

Living isn't easy
No need to make it harder
Stretch yourself until you snap
Ditch your superstitions
Lose your inhibitions
Tell them you're not coming back

If you want it, you can have it
If you need it, go and get it
Whatever it is you've got to love it

Everybody's running
Round and round in circles
What is it they're trying to prove?
Exercise your freedom
Exorcise those demons
You have got to love what you do

If you want it, you can have it
If you need it, go and get it
Whatever it is you've got to love it

Every pupil in the classroom will answer the same if you ask them
Every mouth shout the message out as one
Every girl weeps like the willow, every boy cries into his pillow
Every tear disappears in the morning sun
You don't need an indie song to figure out what's going on

Tell me that I'm normal, tell me that I'm sane
Tell me that you feel this too
All the dreams that we have had are gonna prove that we're not mad to you

Every nose is a vacuum cleaner in the loved-up London arena
Every eye flies a dollar sign for me
Every tongue will wag if you want it, every lung has a shadow on it
Every heart comes apart at the seams
You don't need a mastermind to read between the long white lines
Tell me that I'm normal, tell me that I'm sane
Tell me that you feel this too
All the dreams that we have had are gonna prove that we're not mad to you

Well we all need reassurance as we play life's game of endurance
Like a nice cup of tea or a cigarette
But don't lean too long on your crutches or you'll fall straight into the clutches
Of those who see free expression as a threat
You don't need a law degree to set your mind and spirit free
So tell me what the hell is normal and who the hell is sane?
And why the hell care anyway?
All the dreams that we have had are gonna prove that we're all mad and that's OK

Monday
Restate my assumptions
Heaven and hell
Do not exist
Tuesday
Restate my assumptions
If you die you do so
At your own risk

Into the heart of darkness
Beyond the point of no return

Wednesday
Restate my assumptions
Beauty is not
The same thing as youth
Thursday
Restate my assumptions
Only one thing beautiful
That's the truth

Into the heart of darkness
Beyond the point of no return

What the fuck is happening?
Where has everybody gone?
What the hell is going on?
There is nothing as frightening as being alone

Friday
Restate my assumptions
The writer writes for himself
Not for you
Saturday
Restate my assumptions
A song is not a song
Until it's listened to

Give me your love
And I'll give you the perfect lovesong
With a divine Beatles bassline
And a big old Beach Boys sound
I'll match you pound for pound
Like heavy-weights in the final round
We'll hold on to each other
So we don't fall down

Give me a wink
And I'll give you what I think you're after
With just one kiss I will whisk you away
To where angels often tread
We'll paint this planet red
We'll stumble back to our hotel bed
And make love to each other
'Til we're half dead

Maybe now you can see
Just what you mean to me

Give me your love
And I'll give you the perfect lovesong
Give me your word
That you'll be true to me always come what may
Forever and a day
No matter what other people may say
We'll hold on to each other
'Til we're old and grey

Old worlds seen through new eyes
Just you and I and the sheltering sky
The battle is over but the war's not yet won
It's only just begun

We'll walk the razor's edge
The highest ledge of the worlds highest window
The first lap is finished but the race isn't run
It's only just begun

Where will we run to?
Where will we hide?
Where will we rest our heads tonight?
Where is the party?
And who will be there?
Angels or devils, we don't care
We don't care

New forms - new formulae
X plus Y equals new life
They'll tell you it's over, just tell them they're wrong
'Cause it's only just...
It's only just begun

Beat stress and rebalance your life
Make those dreams come true
Impress all your colleagues and friends
With the brand new you
So many lives condemned for no need
'Cause people don't buy the right magazine
Take a look in the mirror and see
Exactly how worthless you are

In a rut? Can't get out? Don't know why?
It's time to make that change
Cover up all the pain in your life
With our new product range
So please don't feel blue - let us show you how
To talk yourself into a good mood right now
Feeling sad is no longer allowed
No matter how worthless you are

And if your life depresses you
Just live it through your favourite movie star

Beat stress and rebalance your life
All you need to do
Is forget all the useless advice
And live your life for you
Don't let them sell you impossible dreams
Don't be a slave to the beauty regime
Look again in the mirror and see
Exactly how perfect you are

There's not enough hours in the day
To say all that I want to say
There's not enough days in the week
And weeks go by quicker than drunks knock back liquor
There's not enough weeks in the month
To do all that needs to be done
There's not enough months in the year
And years disappear like the bubbles in my beer

Timestretched
There's not enough lines on the stave
To capture the music I crave
There's not enough strings to my bow
And even the barmen know extracts from Carmen
There's not enough notes in this scale
It feels like I'm chasing my tail
There's not enough beats in the bar
And bars get too busy with folks asking "is he…?"

Back in the day you had been part of the smart set
You'd holidayed with kings, dined out with starlets
From London to New York, Cap Ferrat to Capri
In perfume by Chanel and clothes by Givenchy
You sipped camparis with David and Peter
At Noel's parties by Lake Geneva
Scaling the dizzy heights of high society
Armed only with a cheque-book and a family tree

You chased the sun around the Cote d'Azur
Until the light of youth became obscured
And left you on your own and in the shade
An English lady of a certain age
And if a nice young man would buy you a drink
You'd say with a conspiratorial wink
"You wouldn't think that I was seventy"
And he'd say, "no, you couldn't be!"

You had to marry someone very very rich
So that you might be kept in the style to which
You had all of your life been accustomed to
But that the socialists had taxed away from you
You gave him children, a girl and a boy
To keep your sanity a nanny was employed
And when the time came they were sent away
Well that was simply what you did in those days

You chased the sun around the Cote d'Azur
Until the light of youth became obscured
And left you on your own and in the shade
An English lady of a certain age
And if a nice young man would buy you a drink
You'd say with a conspiratorial wink
"You wouldn't think that I was sixty three"
And he'd say, "no, you couldn't be!"

Your son's in stocks and bonds and lives back in Surrey
Flies down once in a while and leaves in a hurry
Your daughter never finished her finishing school
Married a strange young man of whom you don't approve
Your husband's hollow heart gave out one Christmas Day
He left the villa to his mistress in Marseilles
And so you come here to escape your little flat
Hoping someone will fill your glass and let you chat about how

You chased the sun around the Cote d'Azur
Until the light of youth became obscured
And left you all alone and in the shade
An English lady of a certain age
And if a nice young man would buy you a drink
You'd say with a conspiratorial wink
"You wouldn't think that I was fifty three"
And he'd say, "no, you couldn't be!"

Do you remember that old T.V. show
Arthur C. Clarke's Mysterious World?
Well if I.T.V. make a new series
They ought to come take a look at my girl

I don't understand her
She doesn't make any sense to me
I don't understand her
It's like she's speaking in Swahili.

Do you remember that girl in the early eighties
Allergic to everything
Everywhere that she went in her plastic tent
The doctors tried but they couldn't begin

To even understand her
And it's exactly the same for me
I don't understand her
She is as deep as the Baltic Sea.

Well it's no big deal, I'm not complaining
Sometimes things don't need explaining
She's my angel, that's the main thing
And that is never changing.
She's a mass of contradictions
A pick'n'mix of strange convictions
It can be a source of friction
But there are worse afflictions
Love doesn't make distinctions.

Now to make matters worse she claims the universe
Is expanding like a balloon
But baby if it's meant to be infinite
Then where is it expanding to?!

I don't understand you
You just don't make any sense to me
I don't understand you
You are completely logic free
I don't understand her, no no
She is uncharted territory
I don't understand her
But she's as lovely as she can be

Below the Po rolls slow from Alps to Adriatic Sea
Blow old bellows, blow
Take us where you will
Padua, Genoa, Corsica, Catalonia, O Segovia
O unfathomable firmament.

That we should set a course between the two
Clinging only to our orb of blue and red
Like Romanovs to a Faberge egg
Push Sisyphus, push
Heave our sphere into the heavens.

If I'm to die then let it be in summertime
In a manner of my own choosing
To fall from a great height
On a warm July afternoon
Liverwurst, Battenburg, Emmenthall, Syllabub, Muscadet
Throw it all away
We need more height
O Newton, release this apple from its earthly shackles
And live to fight another day.

Go back from whence you came the swallows cry
You've corrupted and befouled the ground you walk upon
And now you come to poison the skies
Please friends, forgive this brief intrusion.

She's a diva lady.
She's a hopeless case.
She needs extra makeup
For her extra face.
She's a hopeless case.

She's a diva lady.
She's got special needs.
She wants chocolate candies
But no blue ones, please
She's got special needs.

She lives in a vacuum.
She has no real home.
Where did diva come from?
Where shall diva go?
She has no real home.

She's got thirty people in her entourage.
Just in case her ego needs a quick massage.
She's got a famous boyfriend
They go out in style.
She makes him look hetero
He helps her profile.

She's a diva lady.
She looks down her nose
at the shoes I'm wearing
and my care worn clothes.
Such a pretty nose.
Such a pretty nose.

She's a diva lady.

It was not that long ago it first occurred to me
That my mother was a person in her own right
Now I realize how very lucky I have been
And there, but for the grace of God, go I

Mother dear - she can see inside
Mother dear - and I've nowhere to hide
Mother dear - did I spoil your plans?
Mother dear - I do the best I can

When I was a teenager I really did believe
That my parents had adopted me
And the way I carried on they must have thought
They'd brought the wrong little baby home from maternity
I'd like to say I'm sorry but my...

Mother dear - she already knows
Mother dear - she'll never let me go
Mother dear - kept me warm and safe
Mother dear - I'll never lose my faith in mother dear

If I ever get arrested by the C.I.A.
Because they take me for a foreign spy
They wonit need no lie-detector, all they'll have to do
Is make me look into my mother's eyes

Mother dear - she can see inside
Mother dear - and I've nowhere to hide
Mother dear - kept me warm and safe
Mother dear - I'll never lose my faith in mother dear

Mother dear - did I spoil your plans?
Mother dear - I do the best I can

I'll have a shower and then phone my brother up
Within the hour I'll smash another cup
Please don't start saying that or I'll start believing you
If I start believing you I'll know that this party fears two

And what if this party fears two?
The alcohol loves you while turning you blue
View it from here from closer to near
Awake me

Don't turn around I won't have to look at you
And what's not found is all that I see in you
My manners are failing me I'm left feeling ugly
And you say it's wonderful to live with I never will

So what if this party fears two?
The alcohol loves you while turning you blue
View it from here from closer to near
Awake me

I'm standing still and you say I dress to well
Still standing still I might but it's hard to tell
Even a slight remark makes nonsense and turns to shark
Have I done something wrong?
What wrongs the wrong that's always in wrong

I'll have a shower
And then phone my brother up
Within the hour
I'll smash another cup

Smoking my six-hundredth last cigarette
Out of the studio sky-light
Watching the ash as it rolls down the roof
Leaving a trail of grey-white

All through its short life it gives of itself
Giving and giving and slowly diminishing
Until there isn't a crumb of it left
It no longer is, it's a snowball in negative

Wandering home along Marlborough Road
I realize in amazement
That I have been, for how long I don't know,
Avoiding the cracks in the pavement

All through this short life we give of ourselves
Giving and giving and slowly diminishing
Leaving a mark that will gradually fade
Ash in the breeze, snowballs in negative

I found a photograph of you and me
Drinking sangria somewhere by the sea
There's laughter in our eyes and dreams in our hearts
Before life waded in and tore it all apart

When there's no more lies to hide behind
And no more tears to cry
I know we'll be alright
'Cause even though the skies above are cold and grey
I'm sure tomorrow we will see the light of day

I found some letters from a happier time
I smelled the scented pages and re-read the lines
Why must the summer always turn into the fall?
Why must we lose love to ever know love at all?

When there's no more lies to hide behind
And no more tears to cry
I know we'll be alright
'Cause even though the skies above are cold and grey
I'm sure tomorrow we will see the light of day

The light of day shining through our window pane

I packed up my suitcase and left the old farm
I promised my papa I'd come to no harm
And I went to the city where I was employed
In a firm of accountants as an office boy.

I fetched and I carried, I watched and I learned
And slowly but surely I rose through the firm.
But then I discovered my colleagues one day
Massaging the figures for personal gain
I said "I'll not wallow in this house of shame"
I'll plough my own furrow, I'll go my own way.

Gravely I listened to Reverend McBride
Down at the mission house each Friday night.
Heavenis salvation for those who know best,
Hell and damnation for all of the rest.

Try as I might I could not understand
Why The Almighty's all-merciful hand
Should cast away those whose only mistake
Was never to know the Christian faith
The stars that we follow can lead us astray

I'll plough my own furrow, I'll go my own way

I fled from the capitalis bourgeois malaise
And trekked through the wilderness for fourteen days
'Til I found the guerillas camped high in the hills
I asked Comrade Diaz whom I should kill.

I crept into town with a knife in my teeth
And entered the home of the Chief of Police
I stood at his bedside and raised up my blade
But then I looked to the crib where his little one lay
You murder tomorrow by killing today

I'll plough my own furrow, I'll go my own way.

Well we've been going together
Since the eighth of November
And though it seems like forever
I very clearly remember
You told me on our first date
What you'd do on my birthday
Well hooray it's my birthday!
And frankly, baby, I can't wait.

I don't want to die a virgin

The other day I discovered
A magazine of my brother's
I read it under the covers
It got me all hot and bothered.
Now every time that I see you
Your uniform becomes see-through
You don't know how much I need you
The "Handy Andys" I've been through

I don't want to die a virgin

The pines and the cedars rejoice in his fall
How are you fallen from heaven?
Oh Hellel, star of the morning

With all the bombs and the bird-flu
We're probably gonna be dead soon
And here we are in your bedroom
Oh did I tell you I love you I love you I love you
I can feel your heart beating
And your breathing increasing
Your folks are out for the evening
I really hope I'm not dreaming

I don't want to die a virgin

Absent Friends
Absent friends, here's to them
And happy days, we thought that they would never end.
Here's to absent friends.

Little Jean Seberg seemed
So full of life, but in those eyes such troubled dreams.
Poor little Jean.

Woodbine Willie couldn't rest until he'd
Given every bloke a final smoke before the killing.
Old Woodbine Willie.

Steve McQueen jumped the first one clean
But the great escape he'd tried to make was not to be.
Maybe next time Steve.

Laika flew through inky blue
'Til Laika neared the atmosphere and Laika knew
Laika's life was through.

Oscar Wilde was a lonely child.
He fought and won acceptance from the world.
They smiled, they laughed, they praised,
They drove poor Oscar to his grave.

Absent friends, here's to them,
And happy days, we thought that they would never end,
But they always end.

Raise your glasses then to absent friends.

Absent Friends
Absent friends, here's to them
And happy days, we thought that they would never end.
Here's to absent friends.

Little Jean Seberg seemed
So full of life, but in those eyes such troubled dreams.
Poor little Jean.

Woodbine Willie couldn't rest until he'd
Given every bloke a final smoke before the killing.
Old Woodbine Willie.

Steve McQueen jumped the first one clean
But the great escape he'd tried to make was not to be.
Maybe next time Steve.

Laika flew through inky blue
'Til Laika neared the atmosphere and Laika knew
Laika's life was through.

Oscar Wilde was a lonely child.
He fought and won acceptance from the world.
They smiled, they laughed, they praised,
They drove poor Oscar to his grave.

Absent friends, here's to them,
And happy days, we thought that they would never end,
But they always end.

Raise your glasses then to absent friends.

When I hold you in my arms
And look back on my charmed life
My charmed life
I hope, I hope if nothing more
That one day you'll call your life
A charmed life

Well, I never really worried that much
About making lots of money and such
And I always seemed to land upon my feet
And though there's been some difficult times
The good times were never far behind
I snatched all of my victories from the jaws of defeat

When I hold you in my arms
And look back on my charmed life
My charmed life
I hope, dear
Baby, I hope if nothing more
That one day you'll call your life
A charmed life

Well, the course of true love never ran smooth
They broke my heart, and I broke theirs, too
And breaking up was so very hard to do
But I knew I'd find the one
And sure enough, she came along
And not long after that, along came you

Well, sometimes this life is like being afloat
On a raging sea in a little rowboat
Just trying not to be washed overboard
But if you take your chances and you ride your luck
And you never, never, never, never, never give up
Well, those waves will see you safely to a friendly shore

When I hold you in my arms
I know that this is a charmed life
A charmed life

William wakes with his clothes on
The morning call has been and gone
And he might not make the flight
But he will try, yeah
Bit by bit, it comes back to him
A bunch of Belgian businessmen
And a strange drinking game
Oh, God, why?

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird

He hails a cab but the driver sucks
He drives so slowly, and he talks so much
That it hurts Billy Bird's aching brain, yeah
He runs from the cab to the check-in desk
She says "no way," but William begs
On his knees, "please, please, please"
"Well, okay"

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird

Drenched in sweat he finds his seat
And with the luggage squeezed down beneath his feet
He begins to think that things can't get no worse (Can't get no worse)
But then a voice says, "Bags that can't be stowed
In the overhead lockers must go below
In the hold, please let go, thank you, sir"

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird
Come home, William, come home

He runs on past the carousel
Screaming, "Damn my luggage all to hell
I can buy a new shirt and tie any day"
He rides from the airport into town
To the high school football ground
Where his son has just begun his big football game

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home, William)
International business traveler (Come home, William)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home, William)
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home, come home)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home to where you once belonged)
International business traveler (Come home)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home)
Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler

It's early morning on I-19.
I ain't got much for company,
A pick-up truck, a brown Volvo,
And a couple of jokers on the radio.

I wish that it could stay like this,
But soon I'll have to put up with
The whole world and his Uncle Joe
Cluttering up my freedom road.

When I was a boy I'd fantasize
About the freedom road. I'd drive
A thousand miles before sundown,
Father a child in every town.

But a hundred thousand miles have passed
Between me and iconoclastic images
Of the freedom road.
I wanna shed this heavy load.

Well I've seen the power of the lightning storm,
I've seen the endless ears of corn,
I've seen the lakes at the break of day,
And that shit takes my breath away.

But if I were to even start
To tell them how it melts my heart,
Never more would my truck-stop friends
Look me in the eye again.

It's early morning on I-19,
A dreamer's waking from his dream,
A driver who has lost his way
Parks up his rig and walks away.

So suddenly awake.
No light from yonder window breaks, no crowing cock,
Just my old clock, please make it stop.
I try to wrestle free,
But like the dew she clings to me,
"No way Jose, you don't get away that easily".

Leaving today, leaving today, leaving today.

"Release me let me go.
I love you more that you could know.
All I can do is promise to come home to you".
I tip-toe from the bed
And put my head around the nursery door to say good-bye.
It breaks my heart every single time.

I'm leaving today, I'm leaving today, I'm leaving today.

I would stay if you asked me, so for God's sake don't ask me to stay.
My taxi has arrived. Good-bye sweet simple life, good-bye.

The city's waking up.
Dreams fizzle out like raindrops racing down the glass.
They blur the street-lamps as we pass.

Would you like to meet my little friend?
Don't try to shake his hand, he's just pretend
His is Benjamin, that's his name
My mama said, "You're insane,
Boy, you really are the end
You and your imaginary friend"

Daddy drives the mobile library
He works peripatetically
He doesn't get much time to play with us
So we just read and make up stuff
And it drives him round the bend
Me and my imaginary friend

One day we're gonna play hide and seek
And then he'll be up the creek
Never to be seen again
He'll disappear the day that childhood ends
And reality descends
I'll never forget you, my imaginary friend

No matter how I try,
I just can't get her out of my mind
And I when I sleep I visualize her.

I saw her in the pub,
I met her later at the nightclub.
A mutual friend introduced us
We talked about the noise
And how its hard to hear your own voice
Above the beat and the sub-bass.
We talked and talked for hours,
We talked in the back of our friend's car
As we all went back to his place.

On our friend's settee,
she told me that she really liked me
And I said: "Cool, the feeling's mutual."
We played old 45s
And said it's like the soundtrack to our lives
And she said: "True, it's not unusual."
Then privately we danced
We couldn't seem to keep our balance
A drunken haze had come upon us.
We sank down to the floor
And we sang a song that I can't sing anymore
And then we kissed and fell unconscious.

I woke up the next day
All alone but for a headache.
I stumbled out to find the bathroom
But all I found was her
Wrapped around another lover.
No longer then is he our mutual friend.

"The lonely road you choose to travel on,
It must seem awfully long.
Innocence all gone,
It must be wrong to hide your lovely face away.

That music you play, I'm not saying it's bad,
It just seems terribly sad.
Is everything all right?
I'd like to think you'd tell me if something was wrong".

Well her clothes are blacker than the blackest cloth
And her face is whiter than the snows of Hoth.
She wears Dr. Martens and a heavy cross,
But on the inside she's a happy goth.

"Don't worry Mum, don't worry Dad.
The hours that I spend alone are the happiest I've ever had".

That's what she'd say if she ever spoke to you,
But it's something she can never do.
'Cos it's only by herself
That she'll find out what makes her different from the rest.

Well her clothes are blacker than the blackest cloth
And her face is whiter than the snows of Hoth.
She wears Dr. Martens and a heavy cross,
But on the inside she's a happy goth.

When the Beautiful set sail,
Back in nineteen seventy,
She was wtate of the art
The flagship of our navy.
But the salt sea took its toll
And the rust began to show,
And with a heavy heart
We took her to the breaker's yard.
I thought I heard her call,
Maybe I heard nothing at all.
I thought I heard her call
From the wreck of the Beautiful.
But like the fattened cow
Can smell the butcher's knife,
She knew where she was bound:
A sad end to a proud life.
That's when I heard her cry
And the waves rose five miles high,
And the men who did not drown
Watched as the Beautiful went down.
I thought I heard her call,
Maybe I heard nothing at all.
I thought I heard her call
From the wreck of the Beautiful.
From the wreck of the Beautiful.

William wakes with his clothes on
The morning call has been and gone
And he might not make the flight
But he will try, yeah
Bit by bit, it comes back to him
A bunch of Belgian businessmen
And a strange drinking game
Oh, God, why?

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird

He hails a cab but the driver sucks
He drives so slowly, and he talks so much
That it hurts Billy Bird's aching brain, yeah
He runs from the cab to the check-in desk
She says "no way," but William begs
On his knees, "please, please, please"
"Well, okay"

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird

Drenched in sweat he finds his seat
And with the luggage squeezed down beneath his feet
He begins to think that things can't get no worse (Can't get no worse)
But then a voice says, "Bags that can't be stowed
In the overhead lockers must go below
In the hold, please let go, thank you, sir"

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird
Come home, William, come home

He runs on past the carousel
Screaming, "Damn my luggage all to hell
I can buy a new shirt and tie any day"
He rides from the airport into town
To the high school football ground
Where his son has just begun his big football game

Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home, William)
International business traveler (Come home, William)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home, William)
International business traveler
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home, come home)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home to where you once belonged)
International business traveler (Come home)
Come home, Billy Bird (Come home)
Come home, Billy Bird
International business traveler

Idaho, let me go.
I feel so very far from home

Your folks are kind,
If a little crazy -
Not unlike my own sweet lady.

Well the hotel's clean, not too noisy;
The trouble is, it's in Boise, Idaho.

Idaho, I suppose
You look quite pretty all suede in snow.

But just right now, I'd rather be
Sitting on my sofa with a cup of tea,
Watching premiership football, the proper kind-
Something that y'all just can't find in Idaho....

Idaho.

Idaho, I'm down so low.
I wanna pack my things and go.

Find a flight, make a connection
It terrifies me but I'll make an exception

Just to hold my child and say,
"Shh, what's that noise?"
She wants her daddy but he's in Boise, Idaho.

Idaho.

Idaho, this I know
It's time ten times warmer in New Mexico
But, may I say,
It's plain that you are ten times cooler
Than the state of Utah

Well I miss my girl, hey,
That's my choice, see?
Without her, this whole world is Boise, Idaho.

Idaho.

When she was just a girl
She became a woman of the world
Soon there wasn't room enough for her
In between the bosoms of her family
She popped the cork, got on the Greyhound to New York
Small-talked her way round just the sort
Of playboys' playground she'd once dreamed about

Maybe I love her, but I'm jealous of her
She's a woman of the world

She's a fake!?sure, but she's a real fake
On the make!?making up for lost time
Just you wait!?hey, give the girl a break
And a fifty dollar bill will see to that
Heh, that ain't enough to feed the cat
Serve up the rats and super rats
Well they just get fatter while she fades away

Maybe I love her, but I'm jealous of her
She's a woman of the world
Maybe I hate her, 'cause I didn't create her
It's human nature, girl
Maybe I'll suffer, just to be her lover
Just to be part of her world
Maybe I need her, because I want to be her baby, can I be your girl?
Maybe I'll kill her, just trying to thrill her if she don't kill me first

We're making eye-contact
Oh those hypnotic eyes attract
Such philanthropic flies?that's that.
You cannot stop it, so why the devil do you try?

Are you all settled in? Right, then we can begin. My name is...
ALFIE!

Once there was a time
When my mind lay on higher things
And once there was a time
I could find pretty words to sing
But now, well now I find
It saves time to say what you mean
I know it seems so unrefined
but it's time to let off some steam

Oh come on!
Everybody knows that No means Yes
Just like glasses come free on the N.H.S.
But the more I look through them the more I see
I'm becoming more like Alfie

Once there was a time
When a kind word could be enough
And once there was a time
I could blindfold myself with love
But not now?now I'm resigned
To the kind of life I had reserved
For other guys less smart than I
Y'know?the kind who will always end up with the girls

And besides
Everybody knows that No means Yes
Just like glasses come free on the N.H.S.
But the more I look through them the more I see
I'm becoming more like Alfie

Oh come on!

Ladysmith wants you forthwith to come to her relief
Burn your briefs you leave for France tonight
Carefully cut the straps of the booby-traps and set the captives free
But don't shoot 'til you see her big blue eyes

Then sound the charge?breath your final breath
And charge into the valley of death
Cannon to the left and cannon to the right
They'll go bang bang bang all night

We'll fight them on the beaches
Yes, we'll fill 'em full of lead
Fighting naked in the open air
We'll fight them in the kitchen, in the bathroom in the garden shed
Fighting the good fight any-fighting-where

So sound the charge?breathe your final breath
And charge into the valley of death
Cannon to the left and cannon to the right
They'll go bang bang bang all night
There'll be a cannon to the left and cannon to the right
They'll go bang bang bang bang bang bang bang all night...

"Baby baby, I love the way you talk sense to me
Especially when you say 'Neil, you got love'
I hear what you're saying...
I have in my hand a piece of paper that says
"Let's make lurrve, not this phoney war-thang"
We goin' over the top -
But you're so sexy when you're angry, honey-chile"

"Roamin' around in no man's land, gettin' caught in your barbed wire
Baby baby, gonna set your village on fire..."

CHARGE?I'm gonna hit you where it hurts
CHARGE?So sound the red alert!
There'll be a cannon to the left...
...And a cannon to the right...
(The hills are alive with the sound of)
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
All night!

"Hello...
What have we here?
A young lady!
To what do I owe this pleasant surprise, my pretty one?
How may I be of service this dark and wintry night?
Ah, I see. You wish me to look into the future... your future.
After GCSEs, A-levels, university...
After your first badly paid job in advertising...
Okay, my pretty, just cross my palm with plastic,
And I'll see what I can do...
Wait!
The fog is lifting!"

I see oriental paper globes
Hanging like decomposing cocoons
While exotic candles overload
The dusty air with their stale perfume
And I see lentils, beans, seaweed and rice
In jars on the windowsill
And it ain't hardly enough to feed the mice
Running behind the lines of allergy pills

All these things will come to pass
When heroes of the middle class
Face up to their responsibilities

I see an Indian fertility God
He's got thirty seven limbs to spare
And tasteless tie-dyed tablecloths
That double up as evening wear
And I see naked bodies twist and turn
On the futon of dreams fulfilled
But their three-year-old kid seems unconcerned
He'd rather swallow all those allergy pills

I see unspeakable vulgarity
Institutionalised mediocrity
Infinite tragedy
Rise up little souls?join the doomed army
Fight the good fight?wage the unwinnable war:
Elegance against ignorance!
Difference against indifference!
Wit against shit!

My words fly up to heaven, my thoughts remain below
Words said without feeling never to heaven go...

All these things will come to pass
When heroes of the middle class
Face up, repent, and pay the price
For accidentally creating life
An oversight for which they must atone
And sacrifice their own

She said "There's something in the woodshed
And I can hear it breathing -
It's such an eerie feeling, darling."
He said "There's nothing in the woodshed -
It's your imagination
End of the conversation, darling."

Something in his heart told him to come clean
He was not who he claimed to be
Something in his genes told him to pretend
'Twas something for the weekend

But she said "There's something in the woodshed
I know because I saw it
I can't simply ignore it, darling."
So he said "Now baby, don't be stupid
Get this into your sweet head
There ain't nothing in the woodshed (except maybe some wood)."

Something in his heart told him to come clean
He was not who he claimed to be
Something in his jeans told him to pretend
'Twas something for the weekend

"I'll go all the way with you, if you'll only do the same for me ? go and see
If it's nothing like you say, then you can have your wicked way with me"

He went down to the woodshed
They came down hard on his head
Gagged and bound and left for dead
When he woke she was gone with his car and all of his money

Pale, pubescent beasts
Roam through the streets
And coffee shops
Their prey gather in herds
Of stiff knee-length skirts
And white ankle socks
But while they search for a mate
My type hibernate
In bedrooms above
Composing their songs of love

Young, uniform minds
In uniform lines
And uniform ties
Run round with trousers on fire
And signs of desire
They cannot disguise
While I try to find words
As light as the birds
That circle above
To put in my songs of love

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
So sing while you have time
Let the sun shine down from above
And fill you with songs of love
Take me

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
So let's sing while we still can
While the sun hangs high up above
Wonderful songs of love
Beautiful songs of love

I met a girl, she was a frog princess
I guess I ought to make it clear
That I saw nothing through her see-through dress
Until she whispered in my ear

"You don't really love me and I don't really mind
'Cause I don't love anybody,
That stuff is just a waste of time
Your place or mine?"

I met a girl, she was a complete mess
I should've left her well alone?but oh no, not me!
I had to see if underneath that dress
Her heart was really made of stone

I met a girl, she was a frog princess
And yes I do regret it now
But how was I to know that just one kiss
Could turn my frog into a cow?

And now I'm rid of her I must confess
To thinking 'bout what might have been
And I can visualise my frog princess
Beneath a shining guillotine

You don't really love me and I don't really mind
'Cause I don't love anybody,
I come and go through people's love lives
Your place or mine?

"The Divine Comedy's Casanova?a collection of songs for bass baritone and ensemble, inspired by the writings of the eighteenth century Venetian gambler, eroticist and spy; and performed for us there by the composer, Neil Hannon. He was accompanied in that 1995 recording by a specially assembled group of young musicians, under the baton of Dr. Joby Talbot. The programme was devised by The Divine Comedy, and was produced in our London studios by Darren Allison.

Now, as we're running a little ahead of schedule, there's just time for one extra item. So I'll leave you with the haunting strains of Theme From Casanova..."

Through a long and sleepless night
I thought upon the jury's plight
If what is wrong can feel so right
Then life's no longer black and white
It's four o'clock and all's not well
In my private circle of hell
I contemplate my navel hair
And slowly slide into despair
This rut has fast become a trench
This smell has turned into the stench
Of rotten dreams and stale ideals
The past is snapping at my heels
Oh Danny Boy the pipes are blocked
With bedtime blues and future shock
I know the best is yet to come
But does it always take this long?

I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes
But I'll always be the bridegroom and never the bride

You deserve to be horse-whipped
But I've no horse, that joke's so shit
And whips would only make it worse
Don't tempt the lonely and perverse
The casualties of casual sex
The child of three with X-ray specs
The conman low in self esteem
The Casanova in your dreams
I'll scream and scream and scream until
I've made myself critically ill
In hospital, in case you're there
In uniform, intensive care
I know you'll be the death of me
But what a cool death that would be
I'd rather die than be deprived
Of Wonderbras and thunder thighs

I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes
But I'll always be the bridegroom and never the bride

Bored of normality? why not go daft?
It's easy to do if you try
Slide right back down that self-confident path
You've just so laboriously climbed
Pickle your liver and addle your brain
Live the Bohemian life
Die young and penniless somewhere in Spain
Then again you could try just to live your own life
In the way that you find most amusing
I DON'T REALLY CARE!

I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes
But I will always be the bridegroom and I will never be the bride
Never be the bride

Back at the house
A bottle is found
And opened in honour of those who have drowned,
While we who have not are stricken with guilt
And dutifully see that not one drop is spilt;
We're drinking to life,
We're drinking to death -
We're drinking 'til none of our livers are left!
We're wending our way down to the spirit store,
We'll drink 'til we just can't drink anymore!
Raise your glasses high,
Drink the cellar dry!
Well, bloody my nose
And blacken my eye!
If it ain't some young Turk in search of a fight -
And Chanticleer's chest is sagging with pride,
For honour has yet to be satisfied.
Well, heaven be thanked
We live in an age
When no man need bother
(Except on the stage)
With 'Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori' -
And definitely not tonight!
I can still remember
When I was just a kid -
I was free to do what I wanted to,
But I never, ever did...
So now with years of discretion reached,
May we not forget
Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite
For there's life in the old world yet!
There'll always be an England (oh yes there will),
An Ireland and a France (indubitably),
A Liechtenstein and Finland (absolutely right, completely undeniable),
And we have only one chance...
Earnest young man with an unhealthy tan
Puts a drink in my hand and says:
"I understand
You're in search of the place
To continue the chase
Of the heavenly taste?
I suggest in that case
You all come with me
To my place by the sea
Where the glasses shall be overflowing with free
Alcoholic delights -
And free love if you like -
For what point has this life
If you can't realise you're dreams?!"
Oh, raise your glasses high,
And drink the town dry!
We'll drink beyond the boundaries of sense!
We'll drink 'til we start to see lovely pink elephants
Inside our heads, inside our beds -
Inside the threads of our pyjama legs -
So don't shoot til you see the reds of our eyes
And an army of elephants marching behind!
>From the day I was born 'til the night I will die
All my lovers will be pink and elephantine!

"Who'll have a fishy
On a little dishy?
Who will have a fishy
When the boat comes..."

And then he says
"With our glasses both raised in a toast
Let's sing for those in peril on the sea
Who cater ceaselessly
To thy every wish
With every fish
As fresh as fish can be
You see, I'm into my oysters
My king prawns and caviar
No matter how far away they are
I'll be there!"

And then she says,
"Now with our glasses both raised in this toast
Let's sing for those in peril on the sea
Who labour tirelessly
In their tiny boats
Off John O' Groats
Their socks soaked for me
You see, I do like my lobster
My hake, skate and rainbow trout
And if there's a fishy smell about
I'll be there! And then
And then we'll sing for those in peril on the sea...

Don't be frightened
Don't be scared
Chop off their heads
And little legs
Then peel away the shell
And open up your senses to the smell
The sound and colour
Touch and taste

Of crab, cod, clams and kippers
Scampi, squid, sole, shark and scallop
Winkles, whelks, whale and whiting
Seaweed, swordfish, sardines and sea urchin

Haddock, halibut, herrings and eel
Cockles, mussels, mackerel and veal
Pilchard, plankton, St Peter's fish and plaice
Octopussy jellyfishy
And dolphin's an aquired taste

"Who will have a fishy
On a little dishy?
I will have a fishy
When the boat comes in..."

Time, like an ever-rolling stream, bears all its sons away;
They fly, forgotten, as a dream dies at the op'ning day.

Rub-a-dub-dub
It's time for a scrub
So through clouds of steam
To a cracked and faded cream
Bath-tub wanders frail
Aphrodite, so pale
Pink and white
She is naked as sin
Wearing nothing but a grin
And a pin in her hair
Will she be drowned?
Found
With her hair tied behind
Shoulders back
And head inclined
To the sound of music
Playing above
Bathing her in love
But darkness and fear
Will disappear like the soap
When she opens her eyes.

She throws back her dormer windows
Morning light shows Ophelia raised
From her watery grave in a brave new world.

While they have been eating
The rain has started falling,
Gradually gathering in strength;
What began a drizzle
Has now become torrential,
And doesn't look like coming to an end.

The two bedraggled figures
That huddle in the doorway,
With nothing vaguely waterproof to wear,
Are now secretly wishing
They'd listened to their mothers
When being told to always be prepared.

Screaming
'Geronimo!',
They run for it down the road;
With an arm around her waist
He leads her to a place
He knows.

Soaked through, but happy,
They squelch up to the landing;
The room before them
Makes a welcome sight.
The coal fire is throwing
Strange shapes upon the hearthrug,
And crying out to be knelt down beside.

She pulls off her jumper
And flings it in the corner;
He picks it up and hangs it on a chair.
She puts on a record
And sings into her coffee;
He puts a blanket round her,
Sits her down
And dries her beautiful hair.

One butterfly
Spies a glint in his eye,
Birds sing as he cycles by.
Oh! Why should he feel sad?
This world's not so bad, and besides,
Woe betide he who would frown
When natural beauty abounds.
And now with wheels spinning free
He's picking up speed.

Two butterflies
Tie knots in his stomach,
They love it when he goes too fast.
Wind whistles past,
Whilst oceans of air
That will mess up his hair,
Though he no longer cares any more
For overindulgence and vanity,
Vacuous vice!
Just once or twice,
Thrice,
Four times in five we forget we're alive
And neglect to remind ourselves.

Three butterflies
Realise when it's time to depart,
They have tickled his ribs
They have fluttered his heart,
But the starting is easy compared to the stop
And the bottom is hard when compared to the top.

Oh la la la la la etc...