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7:11 | 
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| from Comedy Club Shootout, Vol. 1 (2009) | |||||
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| from Funny People (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) (퍼니 피플) [omnibus, ost] (2009) | |||||
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| from Funny People (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) (퍼니 피플) [omnibus, ost] (2009) | |||||
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12:31 | 
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from Adam Sandler - Secret (2004)
There's something I know
That no one else does You want me to tell you what it is? But if I did that then it wouldn't be, a secret I've gotta move my body tonight, I'm gonna go dancin' Dreamin' bout the nights at the club, with the fun and romancin' Mommy sees the look in my eyes, she can tell something's different Daddy doesn't understand why, but he can tell something's different I've got a secret, my own little secret No one knows my secret, cause it's a secret. Shhh don't tell, Shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuuu-shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuuu-shhh don't tell And nobody knows that my bush is cut low as I dance and I sing and I put on a show And i'm feeling so free, nothing hanging off me while the bass gets stronger I'm a half an inch longer And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin Fuckin and suckin, Fuckin and suckin! Music if fillin my body from my head to my toes The DJ gives me a smile, maybe he knows I hear whisperin from my left to my right, all over the party i'm the super-star of the night, I did somethin naughty I gave myself a haircut, don't tell I'd like to tell you where but, don't tell I've got a secret, don't tell It's my own secret I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell And I feel so special and so beautiful As I reach down and give my new friend a quick pull I'm scratchy and itchy and a little bit bitchy and if I find scissors i'd trim my friend Ritchie And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin! I can wear my pants extra low tonight My secret's gettin out of control, it's burstin out of me Gotta drop my pants to the floor, so the whole club can see The special way I trim my curlies, so fuzzy and soft Cause when my shrub is short and tight my piggie won't get lost I had a secret, don't tell But now you know my secret, don't tell I gave my bush some haircuts, don't tell To emphasize my bare nuts I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin! |
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3:29 |
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from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004)
When I'm at the bus stop and you drive by in your mom's car
You tell me the bus already left Cause you're my best friend! When I'm at the locker and my shirt's buttoned wrong You tell me to fix it Cause you're my best friend Best friends tell you you got boogers on your nose Best friends don't laugh when you wear your grandpa's clothes You're my best friend! When those guys ripped up my ticket for the Mariah Carey show You told me it wasn't that great Cause you're my best friend (You're my best friend!) When those guys gave me the wrong directions to Mark Hagen's party You told me it wasn't that great Cause you're my best friend! (You're my best friend!) Best friends tell you when you got Cheetos in your teeth Best friends dont ring your doorbell then punch you in the chest You're my best friend! (Best friends!) Dont call you Pit Stains or Marphy (Best friends!) Way back when you waved hello! (Best friends!) Don't hold their nose and point at you (Best friends!) Help you find your hat Oh, you're not just a friend You're my best friend (Take it!) When those mean girls stole my pants and tied me to the front gate of the school You told the teacher I was out there Why? Cause you're my best friend! (You're my best friend!) When Mr. Koocher's dog ran at me and bit me in the stomach You were playing football so you couldn't help but I know you would've Cause you're my best friend (You're my best friend!) (Best friends!) Don't kneel behind you while the other guys push you (Best friends!) Don't step on your sandwiches! (Best friends!) Help you out of the caf. garbage can (Best friends!) Don't tell you that Tracy Garner wants to dance with you Oh, you're not just a friend... you're my best friend! Oh, you're not just a friend! You're my best... friend! Call me back! |
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9:00 |
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from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004)
I'm okay at basketball... baseball was more my thing....
Well, uh, I think they have a pickup game goin on at 10 AM tomorrow morning in the main gym for us freshmen You playin? It's a co-ed game, so it's a good chance to see some hungover chicks run up and down the court, watch their titties bounce, and hopefully have them back up into your morning dick wood while you D up... That could be nice You wanna head over to that frat party and start shotgunning some beers? Just give me a few minutes, I gotta call my family, tell em I'm all situated here... Good deal... I'll be in the bathroom whackin it (phone dials and rings) ...that's because Mrs. Snidel had her eyebrows and babushka lasered off, hello? Hey mom, I'm at school, I'm all moved in, everything's great... Oh, wonderful... what side of the room did you take? You mean left or right or... what do you mean? What side of the room? Did you go window or electrical outlet? There's, like, five outlets and the window's in the middle of me and my roommate... Oh, so everyone wins, how nice... Does your roommate do ecstasy or snort heroine? I didn't ask him, mom... Well, if he does, tell him you're not interested... Not because you're a nerd, but say it gives you bad diareah(?) Okay, ma, sounds good... Yeah! I gotta get goin, there's an orientation party that's mandatory for freshmen to attend... Oh, you should bring cupcakes... When you hand them out to the other kids, you say 'hi, my name's Tyler, here's to a sweet first year at college!' Uh... okay... You won't, but you should I will next time... say hi to everybody for me, mom... You say hello! It'll take you two seconds! They're all at the dinner table dying to talk to you... Everyone, Tyler's on the phone! (background) Man: Hey, hey, hey! Mr. College! Woman:Who's on the phone? Mom:Tyler, mom! Other Man:Let me talk to the superstar! Mom: Okay, here's your brother! Other Man:Thanks, mumsy... Hey shitstains, how's it hangin? Not bad, Pete... It's pretty awesome here... You gettin laid yet? Nah, just unpacked... But I'm sure you found time to smoke a few dicks and lick a few asses, right? Nooo... How's the dining hall? Full of tasty beaver? Yeah, there were a lot of cute girls... and the food wasn't too bad, either.. they actually served chicken parmigian... Why don't you slap some of that parmigian cheese on a big fat pair of college jugs and have them for dinner, you fuckin dickwacker? I'll work on that... DER! Anyways, I talked to a couple of my landscaping buddies and we figured that we got a long weekend with you in early Rocktober, cause Ronnie James Dio is playin up there... Oh, okay... Tell your roommate I got his bed Uh, you can sleep in my bed That's where Fitz is sleepin, you fuckin asshole! Man:Hey, I just wanna say hello! Give me the phone! Pete:Alright, dad! Sorry I didn't go to college like Alfred Einstein here, but I'm a person too! Dad:Just give me the phone, moron... How you doin kiddo? Good, dad... You enjoyin your freedom? Yeah... Don't get anyone pregnant... I won't... Okay... here's your grandma Dad, I don't have time! Dad:Say hello, there... Grandma:Who is it? The ladies from the classical shop? Pete:No grandma, it's the pharmacy Grandma:Oh, good! Hi, Dimitri, did the cream for my vaginal warts come in? Cause, like, we're talkin about they're starting to spread towards the anus... Pete:Hahahahaha! Grandma, it's not Dimitri, it's Tyler... Oh, hi, Bubbie... why aren't you here? We're getting ready to eat! Grandma, we talked this morning, remember? I went away to school... Oh, how marvelous! Well, don't study too much or you'll drive yourself bananas! Take some time for yourself too Thanks, grandma, I will College is supposed to be fun! Yeah... I had my first gal on gal experience in college! Ooh... Dee Snyder was her name... too much hair downstairs... not for me! That's nice, grandma... Alright, don't pierce your nipples! I won't... Pete:You didn't know grandma dyked out before, did ya? No, fortunately she never told me... Have fun gettin that image out of your head tonight when you beat your meat! Thanks... Uh oh, dude! Someone else wants to say hello! (fart) Hahahahaha! Did you hear that beef? Yeah, nice job... Four straight seconds! Let's hear you rip one that long! I can't... Damn right, you can't! Cause they don't teach that in one of your stupid books! You're either born with it or you're not! Yeah, you got the magic... (doorbell) Hold on a second, dildo, someone's at the door... I can't hold on, I have to go! Mom:Coming, just let me put the dog downstairs! Okay! (Door opens) You gotta be kidding me.... Man:Hello, there... Mom:Bernie! What brings you over here? Bernie:I'm just returning the power drill Walter lent me last week Dad:That's not my drill, Bernie! Bernie:Well, I guess it's mine! May I eat now? Mom:Oh, that's why you came over... Bernie:Yes... Dad:Terrific, come join us... Pete, go get Bernie a folding chair from the closet! Pete:Why can't grandma? Dad:Just do it! Bernie:Thank you, Walter... Hello, Yeta, how's your health? Grandma:My labia lips itch, but other than that, I'm fine... knock on wood! Dad:See, Yeta? The fake wood leg comes in handy! Grandma:True dat! (Everyone laughs) Hello? I have to go!!! Pete:Sit down, Mr. Fetterman... but don't crush that big hog of yours! Bernie:Pardon me? Pete:I said Tyler's on the horn from college Bernie:Quickly, give me the phone! (sniff) Why does this phone smell so bad? Pete:I dunno... I didn't fart in it! But I think my grandma crapped herself... Bernie:Oh, okay.. Tyler, it's Mr. Fetterman! Hey, Mr. Fetterman, how you doin? Do you have a roommate, Tyler? Yeah, I do... I must speak to him immediately He's in the bathroom... Go get him and bring him to me, now! Okay... (knock) Hey Brandon! Brandon:Hold on a second! Come on, Oprah... Let me cum in your bellybutton! Ohmygod! Oh! love it... (flush) Yeah? What's up? Could you do me a favor and talk to somebody for a minute? Yeah, sure... Hello? Bernie: Hello to you, my friend! Who dis? The question isn't who I am, the question is who are you? Um... What does that mean? It means you can't escape the truth! What are your plans? To turn Tyler into a giant recording machine so you that you can take my thoughts to your leader? Uh... Come again? What is your real name? Where do you hail from? Uh, Brandon Seikz, Im from Oceanside, Long Island... How dumb do you think I am? Your name is 4-7 and you are a robot made in a factory on the planet Yumnatz! Really? I know this because I too have radar! I see... We can make this easy or we can make this intensely difficult... The choice is yours... Umm... I'll go with not difficult... Fine... then pass this message along to your leader... I know about the pidgeons, so that's not gonna work anymore! I also have buried the blender in the backyard so better luck next time! I am not an amateur! Did not say you were... Let's call it a truce, or let's call it the end of mankind as we know it! Either way, fuck you! Are we clear, 4-7? Oh, I get it... I'm on the radio! Then the message has been sent! Tyler:Just give me the phone, Brandon... Brandon:Nice talkin to yall! Bernie:Die, alien! Tyler:Sorry bout that, dude... Brandon:Not a problem! Tyler:Don't worry, Mr. Fetterman, I got everything under control I know you do, Tyler, and if he causes any trouble just pull his battery pack, that'll take him out of the game... Good deal... Let me just say goodbye to my mother... Right... and remember, no glove no love, alright? Yeah, I'll remember that... Nancy! Pete:Hey, fuckface! Have fun telling ghost stories tonight with your new pussy friends! I will... Suck a hairy nipple! Here, mumsy! Mom:Stop cursing! Pete:I wasn't, mom! Mom:Just go play with your cock and balls... Pete:Right away, mom... Alright, baby, did you remember to bring your dandruff shampoo? Yeah, I did, mom... Take the label off if you're embarrassed for your roommate to see it... I will.. Okay, go have fun at the mixer... call us when you get back to your room Call ya? It's probly gonna be late, ma! That's no problem, we'll all wait up, bye bye! (click) Man, my family aint easy to deal with sometimes... Nobodys is! What, your family's a little nutty also? Oh yes... Ya know? I should actually give them a call, too, let em know I'm okay... You got it, I'll be in the bathroom whackin it to my grandma eating out Dee Snyder... Good deal...(dialing and ringing) Gay Robot: Hello? Hey dad! Hello, son! Did you join a fraternity yet? I'm workin on it Well, when you do, I'll come visit so I can fuck all your new brothers! You're too horny, dad! True dat! Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Good times... Great times... |
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1:17 |
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from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004)
Oh, shit, is that them crazy fucks from across town? They
didn't see me, did they? Fuck it, they headin this way! Damn! Gotta be somewhere to hide around here! No bushes, no trees, what the fuck!? I'll just hide my ass in this garbage can! There we go, safe and sound... No motherfucker's gonna find me here! Shit, I'll just wash my clothes later! (Gangsters) Where'd you run to, you candy ass motherfucker? You can hide all you want, but when we find you we still gonna fuck you up! See you tomorrow, bitch! (gunshots) No you won't, cause I'm gonna stay in my basement all day... I sure fooled them stupid fucks, hehehe... (Woman) I'll be right there honey! Just let me throw these dirty diapers out! (Man) Okay, baby (Woman) Man, they stink! That baby couldn't stop shittin today! (Man) I know, baby I don't care, baby shit don't mean nothin cause I'm safe and sound! Shit, no one can fuck with me in this tin can! I'm a motherfuckin untouchable! Yeah, yeah! |
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4:01 |
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from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004)
Pass the fuckin ball!
What an idiot! Fuck it, I'm gonna go get another beer. You guys want one? Alright... Two Please! Oh boy... Hahahaha (phone rings) Hello?... Yeah, yeah, cool, we're all just hangin out... Alright Bye-bye... Who was that, some chicks? Nah, it was my neighbor, his robot's comin over What? Yeah, he built a robot a while ago and the robot came out gay Yo, we're out of Hunnyduffers so I grabbed a couple of Gooseheads... Okay, that's cool... Wait, so the robot's gay? Gay Robot's comin over? Yep... Oh, dude, you gotta see this, he's insane with football stats No way! (doorbell rings) It's open! Hey guys... what's up? Hey, good to see ya Gay Robot... Gay Robot in the house! Word up... what's the score, fuckers? Giants are eatin shit in the third quarter, it's 24-8 Miami... Don't worry, the Giants have phenominal fourth quarter numbers... Really? They'll come back and win by three Alright! I love it! Fuck you guys! Sorry, buddy... Who's the new guy? Oh, that's my friend John. Hey John... sweet hat! Uh... thanks... what's goin on? You know... just chillin... can I suck your dick? What? No, no, no, no, he's okay, Gay Robot... That was funny... The Gay Robot gets a little horny cause he doesn't know any gay guys around here... Oh, I see... Sorry! hehehe... Oh, I can't believe you dropped that! Do something, Henderson, you fat fuck! Hey! That was very offensive to me! Why? You're not fat... I thought you said fag! No, i wouldn't say that, I said fat... Oh, sorry! hahaha I guess if you fist fuck me, we'll be even! No, I'm not gay, Gay Robot... I thought you said you were? No... You know I never said that... I know, I was just rousing you! Good times! Good times guys! Hahahaha Hey, Gay Robot's havin a good time! So how do you think the Eagles are gonna do this season, Gay Robot? Let's find out! (whirring, beeping noises) Says here, due to injuries and irratic weather patterns, the Eagles will finish a dismal 7-9 What? No way! Deal with it The Gay Robot knows his shit, man Now will someone blow it on my face? Nobody's gay here but you, Gay Robot, so let's just watch some football, alright? Look, I'm not here to bring the party down... It's just... I run on semen... Without it, I could die... Help me to live fellas... Jerk off in my mouth immediatly... Please, my circuits are shorting... Starting to fade already... See a light... Going towards it.... hahahahah You're makin this up, Gay Robot! My bad! You got me! Hahaha... good times! Hahaahaha... So does he eat food like us... human people? Yeah, he can eat food... Ya want some tortilla chips, Gay Robot? Sounds great, John. Can I dip them in your ass? Ooh... I'm all set, thanks Hehehe... What the fuck?! The reception's all fuzzy! Are you kidding me? Don't panic... I can fix it Oh hey! That's right! I love it, work your robot magic, fix that shit! Okay, here's the problem! My man! What is it? Your cock's not in my asshole! Aww.... Maybe you should go home and take a cold shower, Gay Robot... Alright... I'll go... We'll just whack each other off and I'll bail Not gonna happen Please? Goodbye Fuck you Later Gay Robot (fly unzips) Oh no! Look what happened! My robo-cock fell out of my pants! Oh, shit, he's got a boner!! Taste it!!! (spraying sounds) Oh, oh!!! Fuckin asshole!!! Come on, Gay Robot!!! Aww, man! Later fags! (Door opens and closes) (Distant voices) Hey Gay Robot Hey Mr. Chasen... Can I suck your dick? |
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2:38 |
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| from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004) | |||||
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5:16 |
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| from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004) | |||||
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2:02 |
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from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004)
You were cruisin along there, Mr. Pibb
It wasn't too painful a paddle out here to the big waves as you like to call em, Sonny! Didn't look it Actually, it was a nice wake-me-up for my laticerace muscles Water's pretty nice, huh? Boy, oh boy, the Hawaiin sea's like a warm cup of java! Temperaturo perfecto as the Africans might say! Yeah, yeah... So listen to me for a sec, when the set comes in, just stay flat on the board, pointed towards the beach. I'll tell you when to start paddelin, and keep paddelin til the wave grabs you I hear ya! Let Mother Nature do her duty! Right on... Right now! Yeah, right now... Yeah! Then when I say stand up, hop up quick like I showed ya and ride Affirmative, captain! But don't go too far right, there's a lot of nasty coral over there Well here comes a triple overheader right now! Let me tear into that sucker! I dunno, that's comin awfully steep, Pibb No steeper than that tsunami I rode back in 1928 on my grandpappy's TV tray! Let's do this! You're the boss, Pibb... Start paddelin, now! Will do! Paddle! Paddle! Paddle! Paddle, paddle, fiddle faddle! I love it! Okay, okay, you're in it, baby! Stand up! Stand up, Pibb! I'm standin! I'm standin! Whoo hoo, I'm up! Yeah, man! Way to go Pibb! I'm speedin along here! (different man) Hey, old man, you better pull out before you hit that reef! Well, thanks, amigo, but I didn't come out here for no six second ride! Bail out, Pibb! Not until I get the tube! Aaaah!!! (crashing and cracking noises) (different man from before) Oh, nasty brudda! Hang on, Pibb, I'll be right there! Oh my God, that was sick! You okay, Mr. Pibb!? Is there a doctor in the house? Oooooh!!! (another wave hits, more cracking and crashing) |
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6:08 |
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| from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004) | |||||
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3:23 |
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| from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004) | |||||
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2:17 |
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from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004)
Alright, Mr. Pibb, those kneepads on tight enough?
Snug as a bug in a rug playin Dig Dug, my friend! Uh huh... I'm all set to give this skitchboard a whirl! Okay, we should really put a helmet on you first... Well... helmet has the word 'hell' in it, and I don't know about you, sonny, but I ain't no sinner... No, you're not... When my time comes, I'm on my way to heaven, so I won't be puttin one of those demon contraptions on my head! Okay, Pibb... Just remember that the half pipe ain't the easiest thing to do... Never mind all that, boy! It's only half the pipe! Let's be concerned when they got the whole thing here! Right... Now can we get to the skitchboardin? Okay, okay... How bout we just get you on the board? Can do! Make sure you keep your knees bent... Can do do! Good job... Now how bout a little pushky to get me started? Okay, but go easy Hell, this is simple as a pimple! Yeah, yeah, you're doin pretty good there buddy! It's quite similar to my youth when I'd sprinkle my brother's marble collection all over the basement floor, glue a plank to my feet, and skim around all the live long day! Is that right? Oh, how my father detested that sound! I'm sure... Ho, ho Ha, yeah... you better take it down a notch there, Pibb... you're startin to pick up a little too much speed... Nonsense, check this out! Whoo, hoo! You got some air there, Pibb, lookin like a natural! It's all about the balance, and I'm darn good with that! Just ask my banker! Hahaha I'll get right on that... Say, what's the record for loop-de-loos on one of these things? Uh.....rotations? Well, ain't you fancy? Yeah, Tony Hawk did a 900 once, that's two and a half rotations... Oh, I can stick that! Don't try that, Pibb.... Here we go!!! Ahhhh!!!!! (smack!) Shit! Oh, shit! Are you alright, Mr. Pibb? Is there a doctor in the house?! |
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4:42 |
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from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004)
There's something I know
That no one else does You want me to tell you what it is? But if I did that then it wouldn't be, a secret I've gotta move my body tonight, I'm gonna go dancin' Dreamin' bout the nights at the club, with the fun and romancin' Mommy sees the look in my eyes, she can tell something's different Daddy doesn't understand why, but he can tell something's different I've got a secret, my own little secret No one knows my secret, cause it's a secret. Shhh don't tell, Shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuuu-shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuuu-shhh don't tell And nobody knows that my bush is cut low as I dance and I sing and I put on a show And i'm feeling so free, nothing hanging off me while the bass gets stronger I'm a half an inch longer And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin Fuckin and suckin, Fuckin and suckin! Music if fillin my body from my head to my toes The DJ gives me a smile, maybe he knows I hear whisperin from my left to my right, all over the party i'm the super-star of the night, I did somethin naughty I gave myself a haircut, don't tell I'd like to tell you where but, don't tell I've got a secret, don't tell It's my own secret I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell And I feel so special and so beautiful As I reach down and give my new friend a quick pull I'm scratchy and itchy and a little bit bitchy and if I find scissors i'd trim my friend Ritchie And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin! I can wear my pants extra low tonight My secret's gettin out of control, it's burstin out of me Gotta drop my pants to the floor, so the whole club can see The special way I trim my curlies, so fuzzy and soft Cause when my shrub is short and tight my piggie won't get lost I had a secret, don't tell But now you know my secret, don't tell I gave my bush some haircuts, don't tell To emphasize my bare nuts I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin! |
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2:12 |
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from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004)
<i>[telephone rings]</i>
I'll be up in a few! Hello? Hey, Sid, it's Alex. Just callin to wish ya a happy birthday, man. Alex, Alex, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for remembering, thank you. My pleasure. Did you do anything fun today? Nothing special. Amy made lasagna, we had cake, the kids gave me a tie and some socks, terrific. That's awesome, man. Hey, I got a gift comin your way too. I Fedex'ed it so you should probly get it tomorrow. <i>[Gasp]</i> Thank you, thank you, Alex, thank you. What is it? It's pretty cool. You'll see tomorrow. Aww, come on, give me a hint at least. Can I ride it? Can I eat it? Nope. Can I fuck it? Ahaha, no. Can it fuck me? No. Is it hairy? Is it something I can shave? No. Can it blow me? No.... Is it something I can blow? No... Can I fuck it? You already asked me that... If I take it apart, are there individual parts that I can fuck? I don't think so... Fair enough... If I sit on it for a while, will I cum? Noooo.... Is it something Amy can strap on and fuck me with? Sid! No! If I get jizz all over it, will it be ruined? I think... Does it sweat? Noo... Is it something that can be used like... a pussy? That's just another way of asking if you can fuck it... My bad... Does it get big if you touch it? No... Does it get hard if you touch it? Nooo... If my Amy catches me blowing it, will she be mad? Look, you can't blow it, man, we already talked about that... Right, okay... let's say I'm stranded on a desert island with just this item... am I getting a rim job? NO! Can I fuck it? NO, it's a toaster, man, just a toaster! Oh! So I can fuck it? In fact, two people can fuck it at the same time! Alex, ya wanna come over and fuck my toaster this weekend? Don't mind if i doo doo.... Hahaha, oh, Alex Hahaha, oh, Sid... |
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3:50 |
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from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004)
Born in nineteen thirty-five in Brooklyn, NY
Son of Anna and Phil At nineteen years old he married my mother Judy And immediately paid his first Bloomingdale's bill Right away they started on a family Three smart kids popped out of mom's tummy But then one steamy* night dad forgot to wear his raincoat Nine months later out came the dummy But he took care of me Oh, 'Stan the Man' was my hero The coolest guy ever, I swear He stayed up all night making me a clay volcano That's how I won the science fair He was 6'2, 200 and 50 lbs. And as sweet as he was strong He was also known to be pretty well endowed But believe me he didn't pass that one along His fav'rite singers were Leo Red Bone and Johnny Cash His favorite ball players were Koufax and Micky His favorite restaurant was the state's delicatessen His favorite movie was 'Little Nicky' Sorry 'Godfather I and II' Maybe next time Yeah, 'Stan the Man' was my hero With a golf swing that made me cry He'd take their money and put it in his top dresser drawer Then I'd steal it so I could get high... But he ... beat that habit ... out of me So dad, Thanks for letting me stay up late to watch Johny Carson Thanks for coaching all our games in Livingston Park Thanks for telling me to always punch a kid in the face If he made an anti-Semitic remark Yeah, and don't worry 'bout mom We'll always look after her Me, Scott, Val, Liz, and the grandkids And when Jackie and I have children of our own We'll try to raise them just the way you did So say 'hi' to both my grandmas and grandpas Tell my dog, Meatball, I miss him so But most important, take advantage of being in heaven And go bang Marilyn Monroe Mom said it's cool ... just wear a raincoat Oh, 'Stan the Man' was my hero Still is and always will be 'Cause he didn't give too much crap about nothin' Except loving his family Well 'Stan the Man' is gone* But will always live on* |
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4:17 |
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from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004)
When I was just a little wee lad
I hopped on the lap of my dear old dad Something jumped and poked me good 'That' he said 'just me morning wood' A little tin soldier's marchin by Sergeant major unzips his fly Pulls his weapon from his camouflage pants Slaps away til it starts to dance A shootin star's above my bed Changin colors of my mushroom head A rainbow jizz flys across the room Little white spermies meet their doom (Ah!) The amazing Willy Wanker! (Aaaah!) The amazing Willy Wanker! And my scrotum sack he says Lalalalalala, tickle me! Little green men from outer space Here to exterminate the human race Drop their ray guns and retreat to their ships When marshmallow sauce squirts from me tip Like a knight of olden Camelot The goo takes off like an arrow shot Gwynevere drops to her knees and begs For the spittin dragon between me legs I'm using my thing for what it's for Gentle knock upon me door Mumsy drops her cup of tea When she sees my wank standing tall and free (Ah!) The one and only Willy Wanker! (Aaaaah!) Here comes Willy Wanker! And my marble sack he says Lalalalalala, tickle me! Rasberry scones and marmalade! Squeezing my squid in the evening shine! Visions of mermaids in the sky! Shooting my load in me own left eye! Gramps was a hero in the first World War But he ain't got no dick no more Comes home smokin from the corner pub Makes poor old Gramsy kiss his nub The world spins around like a big bass drum Nanny pops a pinkie in the generals bum The Irish dance and the Scotsmem howl Time to clean up with the washroom towel (Ah, yeah!) It's only Willy Wanker, yeah! (Ah!) The lonely Willy Wanker! And my wrinkled sack he says Lalalalalala, tickle me! |
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5:08 |
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from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004)
Louise?
Yes, sir? I want ya in here right now! I'll be right in. Damn straight you'll be right in What do you need, sir? What do I need? You know what I need Uh, no I don't, sir I want you to come on over here, fish my xxxx out of these trousers, and xxxx on it for a while! Sir, I don't think I can do something like that! Oh, you can and you will, bitch! Kneel down, now! What if someone comes in? You think I give a flying xxxx about that shit? You get over here and you start suckin it! Well, alright... Yeah! Yeah, that's it! Reach in there! Reach in there and get yourself some candy Okay... Okay, a little lower, though... Umm... alright... Little... little lower... Yeah? No, to the left! Left? Damn, bitch, do I gotta do everything? Pull down my pants! O.. Okay... Now the tighty whities, pull that xxxx down too Mmmm.... Watch out now, here it comes! Boing! Now what you think of that? What do I think of what? This! My ding-a-ling! Come on, play with the xxxx a little Uh, okay... Lower, baby! Gettin warmer... Okay... Let me pull the fatty rolls apart, spring that xxxx out for ya Yeah, that would help Whoop, there it is! Haha... What the xxxx is that? Play with the shit Okay... That's right, jack it up and down Well... Up and down! Well, it's hard to grab onto! Keep tryin, you thick fingered bitch! Use your pinkies! Oh, okay... I'll try that Yeah, now we got it goin on... Yeah? Let me xxxx those pinkies... Okay... Yeah... Okay... Keep pressure on the sides of it, baby, keep it sprung! Yeah! Tell me how much you love it Ooh, I love it Tell me it makes you horny Ooh, I'm gettin real horny Tell me it's bigger than a Tic Tac But it isn't! I don't give a xxxx if it is or isn't! Say it is! Alright! Your dick is bigger than a Tic Tac! Damn right, Tic Tac, cashew, thumbtack, half a grape, it's bigger than all that shit! All that xxxx put together! Now don't get crazy on me, bitch, let's keep this xxxx semi-real Aw, I like a man who shaves down here! I don't shave that shit, bitch! I'm still waitin on them weeds to bust out and grow and what not! What? You mean you haven't reached puberty? I guess the only way to get you to shutup is to throw a dick in your mouth! Okay... Well, then xxxx on that shit! Uh, okay... Mmmm... yeah, I'm suckin... suckin away here That's a pimple, you dumb twat! Ugg... Move your mouth lower! Mmmmm Oh, oh yeah, now you're on it! You're on it! I'm on it? That's it! Okay! Oh, that feels nice! Okay! Oh, hell yeah! Yeah, there you go! Oh, oh, shit, xxxxx ow!! What's wrong? It's caught between your teeth! Get it out! Get it out! I'm sorry, sir! Don't be flossin with that shit, you gap-toothed bitch! Be careful! Look, maybe I should just lick it then, okay? Do somethin! Im gonna lick it! Cause I love to lick that thing, okay? Yeah... Yeah, baby... Yeah! Yeah, you like that, baby? Oh, yeah! Whoah, whoah, whoah!!! Somethin just spewed all over my face! That was the pimple again! Oh, uh uh... Let me reiterate. Down. Lower. Bitch! Okay, you fat fuck! What's that? I'm just playin with ya, haha... Oh, you better be playin! Oh yeah, that's it, now you're on it! I'm on it? Oh, oh smoke that roast, bitch... Okay... Whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, slow down, not so fast! Oh, okay I got xxxx I wanna do to you, woman! Oh boy... Time to pull your dress off... You're gonna get fucked! I don't know, sir, I mean... is that... is that really possible? Don't give me no lip, bitch! You want me to smack you in the face with this shit? Hahahahaha "Hahaha" you laughin now? Get the xxxxxx dress off! Well, alright, but you have to promise me you're gonna use a condom You know I can't wear that shit! I do, I'm just playin! Hahahaha Condom! You've been watchin too many of those XXX movies, seein that fake dick xxxx those actors have hangin off their real dicks Those aint fake dicks, those are real big dicks! Bitch, I suppose you think Star Wars is real, too! That they really got space ships and Chewbaki and all that shit! Stupid, colorful bitch! Hahahaha! Alright, my panties are off... You gonna try to xxxx me now, or what? Try? I'm gonna xxxx your eyes crossed, you apathetic bitch! Wham, wham, wham! How you like me now, bitch, how you like me now? Is it seriously in? In? You gotta stop xxxxxx all them rhinos and blue whales! Not only is it in, but the shit's about to blow! Ooooh! Mmmm... Hope you're on the pill, bitch, cause I blew that wad all up in ya I.. I got it, it's right on the end of this hair, here Shit, yeah, clean yourself up, bitch. There's a beach towel in my bathroom I'll just use this Q-tip Whatever, just do it and get the xxxx back to work! Okay, BB Dick! What's that? I'm just playin! Bye! Shit, what a life I've got... It's good to be Mr. Peter Bodd... Damn good |
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3:47 |
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from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004)
Yo it's 2004 and all you candy asses thinkin ya'll real pussies
ya'll ain't seen shit yet eh yo man let em know Oh yeah, guess who's back it's the mother fuckin pussy with the little nutsack don't care about cheddar or the paper chase i'm a fuckin grown man with zits on my face a straight up chicken shit a pansy ass punk If i'm if i'm guarding your ass it's an automatic slam dunk while thugs are at the party bustin all ya'lls asses I'm hidin in the corner wonderin where the fuck's my glasses Can't afford no rims my my fuckin dick's so small no bitch can suck it I don't pop 9's i got weak rhymes back in 9 duce i got pissed on 10 times I roll solo i ain't got no crew i say please don't hit me more than a cow says moo afraid of heights i'm a-scared in the dark i walk an extra 3 miles to avoid crazy fucks in the park denied by the bloods, turned down by the crypts my fuckin auntie kicked my ass and she got 2 plastic hips when i step to the club feel free to stare me down because I just got re-elected the mayor of pussytown May-or-of-pus-sy-town When bangers hit the street i stay home and watch tv slumped out on the couch so no one can see unless I hear somebody knockin on my door then you'll see me crawlin cross the mother fuckin floor i've been a fuckin coward every day of my life, that's why I pretend I don't know everyone's banging my wife i won't sit on the porch, i don't want no trouble i'm more afraid of goin out than the fuckin boy in a bubble when the shit goes down i make a break so fast look like a mother fuckin rocket goin past searchin for the sneakiest place to hide straight into the ladies room, ain't got no pride slippin slidin, runnin hidin you know damn well it's a scooter i'm ridin oh no here we go, out come the glocks i take off so fast i pop out my socks you gonna fuck with me, i'll cry then run i called the cops when i got shot with a fuckin squirt gun He clams up he shuts down His pants he almost shits He'll even look the other way if you grab his grandma's tits well I had a little poodle but neighbor's stoled her i'd shoot her with an ak but the kick hurts my shoulder i can't pop no gun and i can't fist fight hell i'm afraid to take out the fuckin garbage at night I use the steps in the pool cause i'm terrified to dive don't fuck with my floaties they's whats keepin me alive, bitch never drank remy never delt crack one time I smoked weed i had a panic attack if you're looking for my dick in the mens locker room just bring your binoculars with a fuckin super zoom naw i'm just playin i don't fuckin change in there the one time I did got my bush sprayed off with nair but did I stick up for myself no fuckin doubt i did what i do best, i broke the fuck out i ain't lookin at you i ain't tryin to front it's aight with me you called my jimmy a cunt freakin sneakin crawlin creepin when the gangs are bangin i'm in the basement sleepin i'm straight from the streets seen trouble in every side when the shit hits the fan i throw on a fuckin disguise fake nose fake wig fake beard it all worked pretty good sometimes I just use a map and a funny accent and pretend I got lost in the hood mother fucker now all you coward mother fuckers out there walkin round with your head hangin low just cause you ate one dick just know my man the mayor, had to suck off his whole high school case closed May-or-of-pus-sy-town |
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3:46 |
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from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004)
My girlfriend left me for a seven foot Indian
My grandma hung herself on a tree in the Caribbean My sister's on the dope and my brother always picks his nose And Daddy's only happy when he's wearing Mama's pantyhose, yeah I just lost my job to a God damn robot (Good times!) Then my dog got in the freeze box, he ate everything I got But I've got my mule He's a very, very nice mule He walks with me home from school Cause he's a very, very nice mule When he was a baby my mother fed him gruel But now he prefers to dine on his own stool He always philosophizes with the rabbis after shul Cause he's a very, very pious mule When he sees a picture of a carrot he has a tendency to druel On Halloween he tries to scare me by dressing up as a ghoul He once challenged someone who stole my hat to a duel Cause he's a very, very Old school mule A needle-nosed plier is his favorite tool He lifeguards on a volunteer basis and the Rec. Center pool When I break down on the side of the road he shows up with unleaded fuel He's a devoted fan of Ms. Paula Abdul And also approves of the recent makeover of former folkie Jewel (coughing) When I told him Halle Berry's husband cheated he just shook his head and said to himself 'what a fool' Cause he's a very, very monogamous mule (snoring) Porkchop! Wake up, man, the session's not over! After several well-publicized arrests for public urination he now drinks exclusively O'Doul And every year he puts on a presentation at the Boys Club to show kids smoking isn't cool His favorite Elvis song is 'Don't be Cruel', no it's 'Hound Dog' I was just kidding you |
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0:21 |
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| from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004) | |||||
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4:33 |
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| from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004) | |||||
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5:06 |
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| from Adam Sandler - Shhh...Don'T Tell (2004) | |||||
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9:05 |
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from Adam Sandler - Secret (2004)
There's something I know
That no one else does You want me to tell you what it is? But if I did that then it wouldn't be, a secret I've gotta move my body tonight, I'm gonna go dancin' Dreamin' bout the nights at the club, with the fun and romancin' Mommy sees the look in my eyes, she can tell something's different Daddy doesn't understand why, but he can tell something's different I've got a secret, my own little secret No one knows my secret, cause it's a secret. Shhh don't tell, Shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuuu-shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuuu-shhh don't tell And nobody knows that my bush is cut low as I dance and I sing and I put on a show And i'm feeling so free, nothing hanging off me while the bass gets stronger I'm a half an inch longer And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin Fuckin and suckin, Fuckin and suckin! Music if fillin my body from my head to my toes The DJ gives me a smile, maybe he knows I hear whisperin from my left to my right, all over the party i'm the super-star of the night, I did somethin naughty I gave myself a haircut, don't tell I'd like to tell you where but, don't tell I've got a secret, don't tell It's my own secret I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell And I feel so special and so beautiful As I reach down and give my new friend a quick pull I'm scratchy and itchy and a little bit bitchy and if I find scissors i'd trim my friend Ritchie And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin! I can wear my pants extra low tonight My secret's gettin out of control, it's burstin out of me Gotta drop my pants to the floor, so the whole club can see The special way I trim my curlies, so fuzzy and soft Cause when my shrub is short and tight my piggie won't get lost I had a secret, don't tell But now you know my secret, don't tell I gave my bush some haircuts, don't tell To emphasize my bare nuts I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin! |
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4:42 |
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from Adam Sandler - Secret (2004)
There's something I know
That no one else does You want me to tell you what it is? But if I did that then it wouldn't be, a secret I've gotta move my body tonight, I'm gonna go dancin' Dreamin' bout the nights at the club, with the fun and romancin' Mommy sees the look in my eyes, she can tell something's different Daddy doesn't understand why, but he can tell something's different I've got a secret, my own little secret No one knows my secret, cause it's a secret. Shhh don't tell, Shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuuu-shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuuu-shhh don't tell And nobody knows that my bush is cut low as I dance and I sing and I put on a show And i'm feeling so free, nothing hanging off me while the bass gets stronger I'm a half an inch longer And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin Fuckin and suckin, Fuckin and suckin! Music if fillin my body from my head to my toes The DJ gives me a smile, maybe he knows I hear whisperin from my left to my right, all over the party i'm the super-star of the night, I did somethin naughty I gave myself a haircut, don't tell I'd like to tell you where but, don't tell I've got a secret, don't tell It's my own secret I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell And I feel so special and so beautiful As I reach down and give my new friend a quick pull I'm scratchy and itchy and a little bit bitchy and if I find scissors i'd trim my friend Ritchie And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin! I can wear my pants extra low tonight My secret's gettin out of control, it's burstin out of me Gotta drop my pants to the floor, so the whole club can see The special way I trim my curlies, so fuzzy and soft Cause when my shrub is short and tight my piggie won't get lost I had a secret, don't tell But now you know my secret, don't tell I gave my bush some haircuts, don't tell To emphasize my bare nuts I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin! |
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2:12 |
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from Adam Sandler - Secret (2004)
<i>[telephone rings]</i>
I'll be up in a few! Hello? Hey, Sid, it's Alex. Just callin to wish ya a happy birthday, man. Alex, Alex, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for remembering, thank you. My pleasure. Did you do anything fun today? Nothing special. Amy made lasagna, we had cake, the kids gave me a tie and some socks, terrific. That's awesome, man. Hey, I got a gift comin your way too. I Fedex'ed it so you should probly get it tomorrow. <i>[Gasp]</i> Thank you, thank you, Alex, thank you. What is it? It's pretty cool. You'll see tomorrow. Aww, come on, give me a hint at least. Can I ride it? Can I eat it? Nope. Can I fuck it? Ahaha, no. Can it fuck me? No. Is it hairy? Is it something I can shave? No. Can it blow me? No.... Is it something I can blow? No... Can I fuck it? You already asked me that... If I take it apart, are there individual parts that I can fuck? I don't think so... Fair enough... If I sit on it for a while, will I cum? Noooo.... Is it something Amy can strap on and fuck me with? Sid! No! If I get jizz all over it, will it be ruined? I think... Does it sweat? Noo... Is it something that can be used like... a pussy? That's just another way of asking if you can fuck it... My bad... Does it get big if you touch it? No... Does it get hard if you touch it? Nooo... If my Amy catches me blowing it, will she be mad? Look, you can't blow it, man, we already talked about that... Right, okay... let's say I'm stranded on a desert island with just this item... am I getting a rim job? NO! Can I fuck it? NO, it's a toaster, man, just a toaster! Oh! So I can fuck it? In fact, two people can fuck it at the same time! Alex, ya wanna come over and fuck my toaster this weekend? Don't mind if i doo doo.... Hahaha, oh, Alex Hahaha, oh, Sid... |
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from 50 First Dates (첫키스만 50번째) [ost] (2004)
The Hukilau was the place
Where I first saw your face We liked each other right away But you didn't remember me the very next day Forgetful Lucy Has got a nice caboose-ie I used to trick you into pulling your car over so we could chat But my favorite time was when you beat the shit out of Ula with a bat Than we drove up to see Dr. Keets And find out why Doug always has to change his sheets Forgetful Lucy Cracked her head like Gary Busey But I still love her so And I'll never let her go Even if while I'm singing this song She's wishing I had Jocko The Walrus's shlong Forgetful Lucy Her lips are so damn juicy How about another first kiss? |
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2:46 |
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| from Eight Crazy Nights (2002) | |||||
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2:19 |
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from Eight Crazy Nights (2002)
Crazy Chinese Resturant Guy:
He dine and dash me! He chew and screw me! He sip and skip me! Police: What? Crazy Chinese Resturant Guy: He no pay for his four Scorpion Bowl. Davey: Oh, boy. I'm the kinda guy that can't stand the holiday So I drink them all away That's me I don't decorate no trees And I won't eat no potato lakees But I'll give this old ladies melons a squeeze That's just who I am Well I'll never spin a dreidel But I'll always throw an egg And I'll charliehorse your leg- for laughs While you're singing your holiday tune I'm acting like the town Bafoon Whipping out my big white scary moon And blowing a beef your way I hate folks who think reindeer are cute to me they're just something to shoot I hate love, I hate you, I hate me Well I'm a snowmobile stealing No 'tis the season' feeling Kind of guy (kind of guy) This time of year sucks So I take my numchucks And make sure every snowman dies Believeing in Santa's all wrong And Chaunaka's eight days too long I hate love, I hate you, I hate me I hate love, I hate you, I hate me |
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from Eight Crazy Nights (2002)
A wont a you a dance wit me at the annual all star a banquet
A will a feel so fancy free at the annual all star a banquet Everyone in town will be lookin their best, Even Mrs. Selman with the one extra breast. Its a kind of a nite when ur feet match When u feel nearly 5 foot 3! They'll laugh and they'll dance and they'll pee in their pants Cuz there's a patch at the all star a banquet waiting for me! |
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from Eight Crazy Nights (2002)
Look you got to understand it's just been me and Eleanor for 67 years
So she gets nervous around strangers I wouldn't show that picture to any one, or they might try to take you 2 guys back to the laboratory UHHH…. Listen we got rules in this house, and you better follow them or you'll find yourself outta of here, Ya ya ya This might be harder then I thought If you're coming from street, with dirty shoes on your feet That's a technical foul If you switch the radio, to some modern music show That's a technical foul If you don't shut the door, after using the fridge-er-a-tor That's a technical foul, A technical foul If you touch the thermostat, (you'll get hit with a bat) Cause that's a technical foul (You'll feel my wrath) If your hair clogs the drain, (you'll know the meaning of pain) Cause that's a technical foul (I'll show you no mercy) Ohh… this is such bull shita Hey… In this house we say bull spit Or it's a technical foul, A technical foul Let me get this straight, you expect me to change my entire life style in one night, because you guys are a couple of psychotic control freaks! You got it bub, Or you can go rot in the gutter it's up to you Yankee Doodle! Well I don't want to do that, but let me run a few questions by you so I don't screw up accidentally. If I don't spray Lysol, after moving a bowel, That's a technical foul. Okay! If I decide to wash my ass with your monogrammed towel, That's a technical foul. We say Hieney. If I make fun of your crazy feeties, Or give sugar cookies to Miss Diabetes, That's not only technical foul... But possibly a homicide… Can I sleep past three? If you do that you'll get a “T?? Take a wiz in those flowers? Ill say hit the showers. Use this horn as a bong, Adios Tommy Chong. Make some long distance calls, You'll get a kick in the balls! (OOPS ) Can I walk around with my morning erection? If you want an automatic ejection, Cause that's a technical foul. BUT ID LIKE TO SEE IT ANY WAY (JUST KIDDIN) There are certain rules which apply in one's life With your sister, friends or imaginary wife (I can't believe I haven't killed myself) ? (Adam Sandler) Respect carries over with me on the court (Here with Wigs Magee, and a furry elf) ? (Adam Sandler) Whether you choose diabetic or especially short (She's neurotic and he's a troll) ? (Adam Sandler) I see she's strange in my royal carry; my imaginary wife is short and hairy (They took my wig; I remember the look in their eyes) ? (Elan) (How did my life get stuck in this shit hole?) ? (Adam Sandler) (Why o why wont someone retrieve my wig wig wig) ? (Elan) (Guess I have to deal with your demands, but please don't touch me with your alien hands!) ? (Adam Sandler) I got no right to growl The whistle she's on the prowl Without my wig, I look like an owl Hoo Hoo (O MY GOD!!!) Don't laugh at her OR IT'S A TECHNICAL FOUL x 3 |
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4:18 |
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| from Eight Crazy Nights (2002) | |||||
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5:25 |
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from Mr. Deeds (미스터 디즈) [ost] (2002)
Ground control to Major Tom
Ground control to Major Tom Take your protein pills and put your helmet on Ground control to Major Tom (10, 9, 8, 7) Commencing countdown, engines on (6, 5, 4, 3) Check ignition, and may God's love be with you (2, 1, liftoff) This is ground control to Major Tom, You've really made the grade And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare This is Major Tom to ground control I'm stepping through the door And I'm floating in the most peculiar way And the stars look very different today For here am I sitting in a tin can Far above the world Planet Earth is blue, and there's nothing I can do Though I'm past 100,000 miles I'm feeling very still And I think my spaceship knows which way to go Tell my wife I love her very much, she knows Ground control to Major Tom, Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong Can you hear me Major Tom? Can you hear me Major Tom? Can you hear me Major Tom? Can you... Here am I floating round my tin can Far above the moon Planet Earth is blue, and there's nothing I can do |
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3:44 |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
I'm the seven foot man, I've commited no crime
Bumping my head into doorways, it happens all the time I'm seven feet tall and I repeat They don't make a ski boot that can fit my feet I'm seven feet tall and I don't play basketball I'm seven feet tall, but I'm still just a man So of course it hurts me a lot when I walk into the ceiling fan Small people say, "I wish I was him" But it's been nine years since I've had a trim The barber said, "I can't reach the top of his head" Seven foot man I cannot hide Seven foot man I know 'cause I've tried Seven foot man My last girlfriend died Because my penis is seven foot wide So the next time you see me walking around And my head's right about to hit a tree branch tell me to duck down And I'll pay you back soon you will see By getting your frisbee down from that tree I do what I can, I'm the seven foot man Seven foot man Seven foot man |
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0:58 |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
-{Sean on the phone with a call-girl.}-
SEAN: What's your name, baby? GIRL #4: Desiree. SEAN: Ohh, what a nice name for a nice girl, such as your self. GIRL #4: What's your name? -{Sean presses 'play' button on tape player}- SEAN: My name's sean, I want to get it on. GIRL #4: Ooh. SEAN: you know what I'm talking about, honey, I want to drop some serious loving on you, mama. GIRL #4: Oh sean, you sound so strong, like you really know what you want. SEAN: Yeah baby, I'm strong as a bear, I want to wrap my big arm around you,-- GIRL #4: Oh my. SEAN: --You want to be spinning around for some more lovin' I got for you? GIRL #4: That's sounds nice, sean. SEAN: You know what else sounds nice, the sound of your clothes slidding off and hitting the floor. that's music to my ears. GIRL #4: I'm already naked, how about you? SEAN: Well, I'm half way there, baby, just let me slip out of these silky boxer shorts of mine. GIRL #4: You must look good you stud, are you hard? SEAN: Baby, my tally-whacker's all revved up and ready to go. GIRL #4: ..."Tally-whacker"? SEAN: No, no, no... I said the sweet-meat. GIRL #4: Oh my god. SEAN: What? GIRL #4: -{To other call girl}- I just heard some fucking idiot call it a tally-whacker. -{Sean groans}- CALL GIRL #2: -{To Girl #4}- your kidding? GIRL #4: -{To other call girl}- And his sweet-meat. CALL GIRL #2: -{To Girl #4}- that's so gross. -{she hangs up}- SEAN: No. She did not just fucking hang up on me for 4 dollars a fucking minute. -{hangs up}- what the fuck is happening -{weeping}- ... I'm horny, goddamn it. Oh, shit. Fucking, this is so un-chill. |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
-{The Sounds of waves crashing-
SEAN:This is quite the chill night.kicking back on the beach with a fine girl such as yourself. GIRL #2:Yeah, the waves are so calming. SEAN:So, is your body.looking like michaelangelo made you or some shit. GIRL #2:Thanks sean, that's so sweet. -{Sean presses 'play' button on tape player- SEAN:Let's see what's going on under this velvet top of yours. GIRL #2:Uh-oh. SEAN:Oh calming, your coming off strong with some beautiful waves of your own there, baby. GIRL #2:Oh sean, you're so cute. SEAN:Why don't we leave the summer skirt on, but let's take those fine panties passed those long, strong legs of yours, hmm? GIRL #2:Oh my god. SEAN:Yeah. GIRL #2:And how about you take off clothes, sean. SEAN:Oh, oh is that right, baby?You want me to show my stuff, too? GIRL #2:My god, you look good, sean. SEAN:Yeah, yeah baby I keep in shape, you know. GIRL #2:Ooh. -{she starts to unbuckle his pants- SEAN:Yeah, unbuckle my pants, move hands on my wet weiner and let's get it swingin'. GIRL #2:What's that? SEAN:Let's get it swingin'. GIRL #2:No, the other thing you said? SEAN:...The wet-weiner? GIRL #2:-{gasps- You know what? SEAN:Yeah? GIRL #2:I'm going to go throw up, now.See you. SEAN:Hmm, leave me all horny here.How-- how you going to get home there, baby? GIRL #2:I'll walk.-{She begins to walk away- SEAN:Mm-hm. I'm-a call you. GIRL #2:Don't. -{She's gone- SEAN:A'ight, A'ight.I'm go in for a swim anyways, you know that baby.-{to self- Going to get this swing-ding wet somehow. Salted off the rubarbs, ain't that a bitch? THE END |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
-{Sean pouring champagne-
SEAN: Yeah.Yeah.That's right.Baby I have to tell you, you looking unbelievably delicious laying there. GIRL #3:Oh Sean, you're so sweet. SEAN:Not as sweet as your silky thighs mama, I tink I want to taste'em. -{He presses the 'play' button on his tape player- I going to start with your scrumptious toes as an appetizers, then I'm going to move up your body with my tongue, 'til I reach those lucious icecream sundaes. GIRL #3:Mm, sounds nice. what else? SEAN:Well, then I'm going to work my way back down, 'cause it's time for the main course.I'm like a bee heading down to your honey pot.But I won't be flying away soon, no I won't. -{she laughs sensually- Ooh, zippity, dippity. -{she takes a sip on the champagne- -{she laughs sensually- GIRL #3:Tell me, what do you want me to do to you? SEAN:Yeah, baby, I got a lot on my menu, but if I could recommend something, it would have to be tonight's special:My pud. GIRL #3:What did you just say? SEAN:I said you going to like tonight's special... GIRL #3:And that's your pud? SEAN:Yeah. GIRL #3:You got to leave. SEAN:Mm-hmm.A'ight.Just let me find my pants and I-- -{looks for pants, finds them, struggles to put them on- I'm leaving. -{zips up pants--{stops tape player, pulls out tape- Could you at least tell me the best way home? |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
-{Sean on the phone with a call-girl.}-
SEAN: What's your name, baby? GIRL #4: Desiree. SEAN: Ohh, what a nice name for a nice girl, such as your self. GIRL #4: What's your name? -{Sean presses 'play' button on tape player}- SEAN: My name's sean, I want to get it on. GIRL #4: Ooh. SEAN: you know what I'm talking about, honey, I want to drop some serious loving on you, mama. GIRL #4: Oh sean, you sound so strong, like you really know what you want. SEAN: Yeah baby, I'm strong as a bear, I want to wrap my big arm around you,-- GIRL #4: Oh my. SEAN: --You want to be spinning around for some more lovin' I got for you? GIRL #4: That's sounds nice, sean. SEAN: You know what else sounds nice, the sound of your clothes slidding off and hitting the floor. that's music to my ears. GIRL #4: I'm already naked, how about you? SEAN: Well, I'm half way there, baby, just let me slip out of these silky boxer shorts of mine. GIRL #4: You must look good you stud, are you hard? SEAN: Baby, my tally-whacker's all revved up and ready to go. GIRL #4: ..."Tally-whacker"? SEAN: No, no, no... I said the sweet-meat. GIRL #4: Oh my god. SEAN: What? GIRL #4: -{To other call girl}- I just heard some f**king idiot call it a tally-whacker. -{Sean groans}- CALL GIRL #2: -{To Girl #4}- your kidding? GIRL #4: -{To other call girl}- And his sweet-meat. CALL GIRL #2: -{To Girl #4}- that's so gross. -{she hangs up}- SEAN: No. She did not just f**king hang up on me for 4 dollars a f**king minute. -{hangs up}- what the f**k is happening -{weeping}- ... I'm horny, goddamn it. Oh, shit. F**king, this is so un-chill. |
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1:37 |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
-{Sean pulling up in his car to a hooker-
GIRL #5:Hey, honey. SEAN:S'up baby?looking all smooth, standing on the corner at 3 in the morning and shit.You cold, baby?You want to use me as a blanket? GIRL #5:I'm just doing my thing. SEAN:Well, does doing your thing mean your tricky?'Cause I'd like to invest some of my hard earned money towards loving you, if you know what I getting at. GIRL #5:Well, how much you got, big man? SEAN:Well, I'm willing to drop 50 dollars on your ass, but there's a condition going on. GIRL #5:What's that? SEAN:You're going to have to put those lucious lips of yours on... my... slub-a-dub. GIRL #5:Ooh, I can do that. SEAN:You can? GIRL #5:Mm-hmm. SEAN:You mean, you ain't going make fun of the fact that I called my gizza-gazza a "slub-a-dub"? GIRL #5:Honey you can call your thing what ever you want to as long as you got 50 bucks. SEAN:oh sna-- well, alright then here's the 50 dollars,-{unzips pants- and here's my flip stick, now start wetting that thing up. GIRL #5:-{Opens his door- Sir, you are under arrest. -{police car pulls up- SEAN:You got to be f**king with mind here. GIRL #5:No, I'm not. COP:Good job denise.we'll take him from here. -{Cop hand cuffs Sean- SEAN:WHAT?!?! You going to arrest my ass for trying to get a ride on my slip 'n' slide?F**k that shit. GIRL #5:Hey honey,when you get to jail, you're going to be on the other end of a slip 'n' slide, and I hope you enjoy yourself. SEAN:WWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT?!?!?! -{cop throws sean in back of police car- COP:Just get in the back, asshole. GIRL #5:-{from outside- You sick f**k. SEAN:Damn!!-{crying- This is a bunch of bullshit!!! PEEPER: Piss on me.-{also in the back of the police car- SEAN:WHAT?! PEEPER:Please, piss me. SEAN:NO!!! PEEPER:Just a tinkle. SEAN:F**k that, keep him away from me. PEEPER:Urine. SEAN:Keep this man away from me. |
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2:59 |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
He said he'd be here at seven
The clock just hit 7:22 It's too cold outside To wait for my ride Watching mama try out a new doo (Bruins) He said he'd be here at seven But it just hit 7:35 (already?) Here in Brockton, Mass., I got my thumb in my ass Mama's combing up a big beehive (Celtics) Where the fuck is he? Where the fuck is he? The bitch doesn't even bother calling Even though it's 7:44 (I fell asleep, pally) I'm feeling kinda antsy Mama's getting fancy Slicking back a wet pompadour (Red Sox) He said he'd be here at seven It's closing in on 8:01 (Trimmin' the ????stache, kid) Me lookin' like a sap In a wool knit cap Mama's next move is a bun (fuckin' Patriots) Where the fuck is he? (My pants are still in the dryer, dude) Where the fuck is he? (I couldn't find my fuckin' snowboots, pal) I wish I had a car (Huge, huge hangover) Oh, no (Massive hailstorm, massive hailstorm, massive) That stupid little punk He's probably fuckin' drunk I bet he drank a case Wanna pop him in the face right now Mama's eyebrow Wicked good Wicked good (Oh, GOD) Wicked good Wicked good (Fuck yeah) Wicked good Wicked good (Pisser?) Well my friend is still a no-show And I'm getting' fucking pissed (Why?) ????Cause I could've gone with Charlie In the side of his Harley Mama's on the phone with a stylist (Fuck Charlie!) So I guess I ain't going out tonight ????Cause the digits say 12:09 (Shit-faced) But call the operator ????Cause one perm later Mama's hair sure do look fine (Heffenreffer!!!) Where the fuck |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
Ryan, tomorrow's the big day your mom's coming home with your new baby sister
"baby sister" That's right ryan, baby sister. Now, we have to go over a few safety rules for when you're around your new baby sister. "safety rules" Alright, rule number one: always wash your hands before touching the baby. "wash hands" Do you know why? "no" Well, because you have germs on your hands, and germs make the baby sick. "germs make baby sick" That's right ryan, germs make baby sick Okay, rule number two: Dont feed the baby anything. "why?" Well, because the baby has to eat special baby food, because other food is bad for the baby. "other food bad for the baby" That's right ryan. Now, rule number three: no hot water near the baby cause hot water will burn the baby. "i don't understand, daddy." Well, that's all I know so far, I'll update you on the rest later. |
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4:30 |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
I'm happily married with a house and three mistresses
Even with the beard I'm not as hairy as my sister is Got a new Hummer, two Ferraris, and some Lexuses And all the girls I know got the big big breasteses I got a ten story mansion on the beach With a swimmin' pool filled up with the drool of Robin Leach Richer than a Twinkie, I got so much cash That to me Paris Hilton is poor white trash I take forty-seven weeks of vacation a year If people piss me off I can make 'em disappear Every time I sneeze I get a feature on the news The reporter says "gesundheit" and hilarity ensues And how did I get to be the man that I am? A god among men, only without the tan It's simple, every time I have to make a choice I just listen to my little inner voice, and he says "Shave all the hair off your butt and glue it to your nostrils" OK "Steal all the milk from all the supermarkets and put it back in the cows" Alright "Find out which species of rodent is the most flammable" OK "Let's see what fun crafts we can make using only a chainsaw and Regis Philbin" Yeah! So how do I explain my little cranial expressions Intuition, premonition, or demonic possession? It could be God, an angel, or my dead uncle Paul Or that nasty purple fuzzy thing that lives in my wall Doesn't matter, and to be honest I don't wanna know 'Cause thanks to him I've never had to deal with an HMO And I can go show off my rocket powered solid gold Benz I tell ya life is no much nicer with invisible friends "Record an all-banjo Falco tribute album" Done, and done. "Put on a tutu, glue two live wiener dogs to your face, and prance around the subway terminal screaming 'Stop looking at me!'" OK "There's no reason not to have sex with a cheese grater." Hmm, no, I suppose not. "Set up a stand outside of K-Mart with a plate full of frozen peas and a sign reading 'Take one!' If anyone asks you what the hell your doing, give them a button that says 'I asked about the peas!'" He's become my best friend, sticks with me to the end Thanks to him I'll never live on Ramen noodles again And he's always by my side, every minute, every hour Though it does get kinda creepy when I'm trying to take a shower Still I can't complain 'cause he made me rich And figured out it was the opossum milk that made me itch If it seems weird remember the voice made me do it I don't question what he says I just get up and get to it "Itemize everything in your cat's litter box for the next seven years and mail a report to the President with a note saying 'Here!'" Good idea "It's time to find out what urinal cakes taste like" If you say so "Get a black and white horizontally striped suit, a mask, and a bowling ball with a small length of rope hanging from it, and tiptoe around the airport." Sounds like fun "How old does a baby need to be before it's too big to fit down the toilet?" I don't know. Let's find out. "Keep swallowing magnets until your farts can erase video tapes." Will do So to that guy in my head I just wanna say thanks For removin' my angst, so I'm no longer shootin' blanks And now I own several banks, plus an inflatable watch And paid Justin Timberlake to let me kick him in the crotch I followed his advice and now I'm makin' major duckets If it wasn't for him I'd still be processing McNuggets So when life makes you feel like you should've stayed in bed Just listen to the voice in your head, and he'll say "Fat people are full of toys. Go get some!" Yeah! "Build a 20 foot tall nude statue of Tony Goldmark licking warm margarine off a malnourished dolphin out of onions, pez, and lint." With pleasure! "If Yanni didn't want to be set on fire and shoved down a flight of stairs, surely he would have said so explicitly by now." Yeah, I guess so. "Go to a McDonald's Playland, tie that big Officier Big Mac thing to the back of your car, and drive away at 90 mph. When a cop pulls you over, roll down the window and indignantly ask 'WHAT?'" You got it! "Move to New Jersey and become a comedy rap artist." Oh... do I have to? |
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1:01 |
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| from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999) | |||||
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4:01 |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
Though I have been a fool for love
I have finally made my score I got a girl, and I don't mean to boast But she loves me the most Even though she's a highly paid whore She'll give head to a sheep She can stuff three cocks in her cheek But she comes home to me She'll do the groom and the best man She'll slap your ass in the back of a van But she comes home to me She could fuck nine guys in a row But still have a tenth for me And I'm the only one who gets to kiss them lips Unless you pay an extra fifty So mister, don't you fall in love Cause I'm the only cat who doesn't wear a glove Since her heart belongs to me She has a throat that just won't quit She can take all of it And still have room for your balls but she shops in the malls for me She'll say twelve then call back and say one But I don't care I know it's just work not fun When she blows you, Jack Don't you think she's not thinking of me She'll go down on a yack, lick a horse's nutsack But strictly for the cash And it's only me who doesn't pay a fee to watch her put a water bottle in her gash (Put a water bottle in her gash) She'll let you suck her nips till they're leakin' But don't you dare try to go antique-ing Cause she does that with me Her pussy's sweet as honey But when she moans, it's just for the money Unless she's sittin' on me She'll cram your asshole with a mouse But she won't do it in our house Tough luck, Jack She knows that don't fly with me She might eat your wife's box But she won't tell ya where you left your socks She rolled up and down your fat prick But it was me who took her to the Meg Ryan flick She's got a face full of nuts And a mouth full of cocks She's done Seal, Larry King, four New Kids on the Block, She blew the Winnepeg Jets right after a game But they never got to know her actual name On your face she will piss On your chest she might poop But she won't prepare her famous vegetable soup That's simply reserved.. Oh she'll bite ya, she'll spank ya But she'll never thank you for free Cause baby... comes home to me. Comin' home!! |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
Gaze upon the stake,
flames will soon start to embrace Condemned, auto da f? she about to fall from grace In the land of the rising sun shadows are falling again The die is cast, the future and past coming to her at last Oh, oh, oh All she needed was a Champion Oh, oh, oh Crying for a saviour to fight for her life Behold, the freedom cries by the dying of the light Too late to justify for vindication upon this night In the land of the rising sun shadows are falling again From out of nowhere, a rider declared to answer her final prayer Oh, oh, oh He stood up to be the Champion Oh, oh, oh He became the saviour that fought for her life Face to face, eye to eye The saviour fought to save her pride Far beyond the starlit skies, the encounter went on Gaze upon the stake, as the flames start to embrace A life, an act of faith, long-lost gone without a trace In the land of the rising sun Shadows are falling again The die is cast for the future and past came for her at last Oh, oh, oh All she needed was a Champion Oh, oh, oh Crying for a saviour to fight for her Oh, oh, oh He stood up to be the Champion Oh, oh, oh He became the saviour that fought for her life |
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3:59 |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
Put on your yarmulke
Its time for Chanukah So much funnaka To celebrate Chanukah Chanukah is the festival of lights Instead of one day of presents We get eight crazy nights When you feel like the only kid in town Without a Christmas tree Here's a new list of people who are Jewish Just like you and me Winona Ryder, Drinks Manischewitz wine Then spins a draydle with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein Guess who gives and receives Loads of Chanukah toys The girls from Veruca Salt and all three Beastie Boys Lenny Kravitz is half Jewish, Courtney Love is half too Put them together What a funky bad ass Jew We got Harvey Keitel And flash dancer Jennifer Beals Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish And yes her boobs are real Put on your yarmulka Its time for Chanukah 2 time Ocsar winning Dustin Hoffmanaka celebrates Chanukah O.J. Simpson Still not a Jew But guess who is, The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo Bob Dylan was born a Jew Then he wasn't but now he's back, Mary Tyler Moore's husband is Jewish 'Cause we're pretty good in the sack. Guess who got bar-mitzvahed On the PGA tour No I'm not talking about Tiger Woods I'm talkin' about Mr. Happy Gilmore. So many Jews are in the show biz Bruce Springsteen isn't But my mother thinks he is. Tell the world-amanaka It's time for Chanukah It's not pronounced Ch-nakah The C is silent in Chanukah So get your hooked on phonica Get drunk in Tijuanaka If you really really wannaka Have a happy happy happy happy Chanukah! |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
singers: The Peeper, The Peeper, whats goin' through his head? woah!
(Leaves rusteling) Peeper: Climin' the tree. slowly. quietly. lookin' for next branch. found it. got it. windo high. great view. settelin' in. keepin' it quiet. hidden. heart pounding through chest. waiting. lookin' around. nervous. lights on, jackpot, here she is. oh my. no pants. classey. not to tight. walkin around the room. no idea Im here. lovin' it. Rubbin her feet. tough day. relaxin'. hops off bed, goin twards bathroom. shuttin' the door. alone again... waiting. lookin' around. board. pullin' out nippel clips. Painful! ow... but these are a bit. (door opening) Bathroom door opens. lovin' it. oooh my.... hairs in a pony tale. she picks up the tv clicker. click (tv makes noises) sittin' back. watchin. watchin' her watch. lovin it. (giggling) she laughs. ha ha ha. I laugh. oh yea. sharin a moment. (dog panting) theres a dog. not good. (sniffing) he can smell me. should've shoured. (barking) barkin. wont leave. oh no, here she comes. stayin motionless. fuckin' dogs loosin it. (window open) girl: Bud! you be quiet and go home like a good boy. (dog stops barking and walks off) Peeper: dosnt see me. she's gorgous. Im grotesque. (knock) Peeper: knock at front door! she goes to answer! (door opens) Peeper: Its him.... chizzeled features.. they kiss. Im fuming. also hard. hatin' myself. sniffin fingers. woman: ohhh... Peeper: she moans! ohhhh! I moan. He looks up. busted. should not have moaned... (footsteps) Peeper: he walks toword windo. muscular man: this guy. gotta be fuckin kiddin me Peeper: full of rage. looking right at me. man: theres a guy in the tree out here. Peeper: full of shame. woman: are you serious? Peeper: completely worthless. hard as a rock. man: I see you shit head! well the cops are comin you sick fuck! and if you even think of runnin away Ill bash your fuckin' skull with a lead pipe! Peeper: stayin still. motionless. pretending to be a squirrel. (squirrel noises) (dialing) Peeper: not working. shes calling. dreams shattered (talking) Peeper: ultamate humiliation. (squirt) Peeper: ejaculating. man: AWWW!!! YOU GROSS PIG! YOUR A PIECE OF SHIT YA KNOW THAT! Peeper: yes I do... cant help myself. (car pulling up and door opening) cop: L.A.P.D. get down from the tree buddy. (squirrel noises) Peeper: trying the squirrel thing again. looking for a nut. cop: I said get down from there! Peeper: down I go... (Slam, slam, slam, slam) Peeper: Oh! woman: I hope they put you im for a long time! you need some serious help you ass hole! Peeper walking away: I know I do... Its an addiction cop: lets go big guy, c'mon Peeper: wifes going to kill me. cop: dont be doing this shit mr... nippel clips. (Peeper slamming into cp car seat) Peeper: handcuffed... cant sniff fingers... (door slams and engine warms up) Peeper: please piss on me... cop: yea, this is officer Tyler, everythings under controle. Peeper: PLEASE piss on me? If somebody could piss on me, that would be great. singers: The peeper, belly eaper, hes goin off to jail! WOAH! |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
holy shit, this boat is sweet uncle donnie.
It must be fast and shit. This fucking boat's got more balls then the fuckin celtic's lockeroom. yeah but it musta cost you like 50 Gs or something. One might think that but guess what? It didn't cost me jack shit. What do you mean? I stole it out of a winter storage parking lot. No fucking way! You shitten me? Yeah, paintjob, change of the license and bingo here we are sunny times. Oh yeah, the sun is extra fucking hot, I had to stop drinking or I was gonna pass out. I didn't eat all day, I'm extra fucking buzzed. |
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from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999)
Welcome my son to your very first day
So proud to be the one who brought you this way I love you with all my heart And my love is here to stay But I can't help worrying will you eventually smoke weed? Soon enough you'll be walking You and me hand in hand The silly words you'll be talkin' Only daddy can understand We'll go out making snowmen Building castles in the sand And all the time I'm thinking, will this kid end up smoking' weed? But time keeps on going And you keep on growin' You're now six years old You're getting so good at your spellin' But my mind is always dwellin' On the fact that you could be the kind of guy Who grows up and needs to smoke weed on the couch All the time All the time So answer me this while you're lying in your little bed Why must you insist on bein' such a fuckin' pothead? There's other things in life That can make you feel good But you just keep on smoking' your herb You can't get enough of your precious, precious reefer Where you getting all this money To buy so much Hawaiian dope? |
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| from Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid (1999) | |||||
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from The Wedding Singer Vol. 2 (웨딩싱어 Vol. 2) by Teddy Castellucci [ost] (1998)
[Billy Idol (Speaking):]
Good afternoon everyone. We're flying at 26,000 feet, moving up to thirty thousand feet, and then we got clear skies all the way to Las Vegas, and right now we're bringin' you some in-flight entertainment. One of our first-class passengers would like to sing you a song inspired by one of our coach passengers, and since we let our first-class passengers do pretty much whatever they want, here he is. [Robbie Hart (Singing):] I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad Carry you around when your arthritis is bad All I wanna do is grow old with you I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches Build you a fire if the furnace breaks Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you I'll miss you Kiss you Give you my coat when you are cold Need you Feed you Even let you hold the remote control So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink Put you to bed if when you had too much to drink I could be the man who grows old with you I wanna grow old with you |
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from The Wedding Singer (웨딩싱어) by Teddy Castellucci [ost] (1998)
You don't know how much I need you.
While you're near me I don't feel blue. When we kiss I know you need me too. I can't believe I found a love. That's so pure and true. But it all was bullshit ! It was a god damn joke ! And when I think of you Linda, I hope you fucking choke ! I hope you're glad with what you've done to me. I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy. You left me here all alone tears running constantly. Oh somebody kill please somebody kill me please! I'm on my knees, pretty pretty please kill me ! I want to die put a bullet in my head. |
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from Adam Sandler - What's Your Name? (1997)
Why don't you pick up after your done?
I'm not your slave I'm not your mother I'm not your maid I mean I've got a life too So fuck you! Why can't you be nicer to my friend? They're gonna be here soon Last time they were here You just sat in the bedroom Friday you went out with your fat friend Lou Fuck you! Why don't you ever ask about my Chinese cooking class? I only took it 'cause you like moo shu Fuck you! I'm sorry honey, about the way I've been acting lately Fuck you! Don't be like that, we'll visit your mom when I get some time off Fuck you! I had the beer at work, for God's sake Fuck you! By the way, would it be cool to go golfing tommorrow? Fuck you! I was just kidding, I wanna hang out with you Why don't you ever take me to a play? Or a museum? There's an art gallery two blocks away And we've never been there We always do what you wanna do Fuck you! You didn't notice I got new throw pillows for the sofa You didn't notice I had the kitched painted blue Why don't you notice all those guys looking at me? You take me for granted Do you know there's a guy at work that always asks me out to lunch? I always try to look my best and you should too Fuck you! Why won't I ever get out of this relationship? You're such a jerk The only thing you do right is Tell me that you love me Well, I guess I love you too But fuck you! Seriously |
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from Adam Sandler - What's Your Name? (1997)
When I was a boy
There was no limit on what I could eat Shake after shake after shake after shake Followed by all kinds of red meat Metabolism runnin' around so fast My body never gained no weight That pissed off all my Momma's friends And made my big-boned sister irate But now I'm a man And all that food frolicking has caused my ego to hurt 'Cause even when I'm in the shower alone I'm too embarrassed to remove my shirt What made a millionaire out of Mr. Frito-Lay Made a fat mother-f**ker outta me What made a millionaire out of Mr. Frito-Lay Made a fat mother-f**ker outta me And all them cookies I been munching lately My feets are becoming difficult to see I believe it was my Daddy Who led to this eating disease By calling me "The Little Candy-ass" When I couldn't finish a burger with cheese Or maybe it was my Momma Who got me addicted to the wrong foods Only when I gobbled down every chicken cutlet Would I get to see Momma's good moods They said eat this, they said eat that To stay skinny there was no chance And now when I walk I hear corduroy Even though I ain't wearing pants What made a millionaire out of Mr. Frito-Lay Made a fat mother-f**ker outta me (You fat f**k, you fat f**k) What made a millionaire out of Mr. Frito-Lay Made a fat mother-f**ker outta me (You fat f**k, you fat f**k) And all that ice cream I been eatin' lately My chins alone weigh 203 The diet starts tomorrow! I have a grapefruit for breakfast For lunch a bowl of white rice Dinnertime it's a saltless potato I ain't allowed no spice If this diet's gonna work Tonight I can't eat no more "Just go to sleep," I say to myself As I close the bedroom door Two in the morning, I wake up to piss My belly's hungry and achin' Tiptoe to the kitchen, f**k the diet Bring on the chips flavored with bacon What made a millionaire out of Mr. Frito-Lay Made a fat mother-f**ker outta me What made a millionaire out of Mr. Frito-Lay Make a tub o' shit outta me And all them crumb-cakes I been eating lately I shoulda bought stock in Sara Lee |
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3:56 |
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from Adam Sandler - What's Your Name? (1997)
Performed by Adam Sandler, Allen Covert, Jon Rosenburg, Frank Coraci, and Bob Glaub
When I was a young man I didn't like to dance I was shy I'd stand against the wall all night I'd never take a chance So afraid I wouldn't get on that dance floor Unless I was really drunk 10 shots But I found a place where the stars hang out And they taught me how to funk Real nasty It ain't too far away It's just on the edge of town Nearby But be ready when you get there 'Cause these folks don't fuck around You can Rub your belly with Liza Minelli Covered in jelly, you're gonna rub your belly Jiggle your droopy balls with singin' Lou Rawis Bounce off the walls, then jiggle them droopy balls Grind your hips with the blond guy from CHIPS Lick your lips Stroke it clean with Martin Sheen It's fucking obscense Clench your ass-cheeks tight with sexy grandma Betty White You'll see the light when your sphincter's tight If you don't know how to move Just feel the groove And dance Like you just shit your pants Spin like a little girl With cross-dressing Milton Berle Just give it a whirl, pretend you're a little girl Wave that juicy weeno with legendary Al Pacino Wave your weeno, even more obsceno Knock back a drink with Colonel Klink Piss in the sink Bounce your beef with Omar Sharif What a relief Ring the disco bell with ice cream wizard Tommy Carvel Tommy Carvel gonna make your dink swell Then spew all over the room With Mr. Jeffry Goldblum And dance Like you just shit your pants Mr. Belvedere Fatty Fatty Finger in his own rear Bernard King Basketball, basketball Showing off his ding-a-ling Swimming Mark Spitz Moustache, moustache Playing with his hairy tits Big Earl Weaver, Tommy Seaver Both of them got the boogie fever Shit your pants You can Do the hustle with seven-footer Billy Russell Do the fucking hustle, jerking your love muscle Shake your big, round ass with the ghost of Mama Cass Blast from the past, the ghost of Mama Cass Dry-hump the floor with Mary Tyler-Moore Pump it sore Squeeze your nipple like baldy Mr. Whipple Drink some Ripple Give it a hearty whack with TV great Victor Tayback When you give it a whack, don't hurt the nut-sack So if the thought of grooving is bringing you down Come to the funkiest place in town The stars will show you how to move And dance Like you just shit your pants |
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2:32 |
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from Adam Sandler - What's Your Name? (1997)
Performed by Adam Sandler, Allen Covert, and Jon Rosenburg
Hey Why'd you wake me from my nap? I'm not in the mood To play your games Or sit on your lap You Where's my Yankees drinking glass? I want some juice And I want it now So you better move your ass And feel bad for me 'Cuz I'm just getting over a cold I'm four years old! I'm four years old! I'm four years old! Somebody better tie my shoes! Now I run down the hall I scream and I yell And I cry 'cuz I fell Bring the rubbing alcohol Outside I get mud on my shoe I come back in the house I get it on the rug The cleanging's up to you And I won't take a bath Unless you make me Spaghetti-O's I'm four years old! I'm four years old! I'm four years old! Mommy reads to me at night Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Well I can't have a job And I can't go to school If no grownups are around I can't go near the pool I'm not alowed to climb My neighbor's apple tree I'm not allowed to sit Too close to the TV I don't know how to drive And I don't know how to spell But if I hear my brother cursing I do know how to tell 'Cuz he made me eat some bread That was covered in mold I'm four years old! I'm four years old! I'm four years old! I just threw up on my grandmother |
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4:39 |
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from Adam Sandler - What's Your Name? (1997)
where is my Peggy Sue
i could use a Rosaletta if there is a long tall Sally out there i'm dying to meet her why can't i hear Beth calling me why can't i be the one to make Sara smile i wish i was arm in arm with Jeannie, Jeannie walking down the aisle oh yeah, all right but i got no Mary Jane there's no sloopy or dancing queen i'm just a fool in the rain waiting on my Billie Jean Chorus I want an Angie, a Mandy, a Candy-o a devil in a dress of blue a Roseanna, Diana, Sweet Caroline i'd even take a Runaround Sue oh yeah, all right well, i never got to scream for a Layla, i never saw Mary Ann, walking away. i never danced on the sand with a Rio woke up with a Maggie Mae. i dialed 8 6 7 5 3 0 9 but there was no Jenny, Jenny. why can't get myself a brown-eyed girl when Willie Nelson loved so many? and why does Jack have Diane? and Billy Joe have Bobby Sue? and everybody had Roxanne except you know whooooooo Chorus Come on well, i'd take any ole Suzy Q i got no reason to be picky she could be a goody goody two shoes or she could be my Darlin' Nikki oh Brandy would be such a fine girl and so would the sweet Judy Blue i guess i sound just like that other fella cause you know i wish that i had Jesse's girl too oh yeah, all right but i'd die for a kiss from Allison even though i know she'd break my heart or give me a lo lo Lola minus the extra part Chorus x 2 you know i'd even take a Runaround Sue well i'd even take a Runaround Sue oh yeah, all right |
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4:19 |
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from Adam Sandler - What's Your Name? (1997)
Performed by Adam Sandler, Allen Covert, and Jon Rosenburg
Schnine He's a pretty good guy He's nice to his neighbors You can count on him to buy your school candy bars He's a real nic guy He's always got the jumper cables He'll take your mail in when you're on vacation He's a good-hearted man Volunteers at the library He'll help you find a book on whales He's a thoughtfull man Rememers your birthday Says God bless you when you sneeze But there's a problem It's not your average problem But it's a pretty big problem His hobby is moyda His hobby is moyda He'll eat a hamboyga Then commit moyda He's a friendly guy He waves to all the joggers Children use his backyard as a short-cut He's a real sweet guy He always recycles Referees the Junior High basketball for no pay He's a great, great man He'll sign your petition Then proceed to compliment your new haircut But there's a problem It's not your average problem But it's a pretty big problem His hobby is moyda His hobby is moyda South of the boyda He's wanted for moyda Here he comes Hey Larry, how ya doing? How's the garden coming? You know, it's interesting I just read at the library That you need to rotate the soil To get real plump, read tomatoes Oh, and one more thing My hobby is moyda Two, three, four I'm a sick man My hobby is moyda My hobby is moyda I'll eat a hamboyga Then commit moyda [Chanting] I never loiter After committing the doity deed of moyda Only Sigmund Freuda Knows why I cannot and will not stop committing moyda Murder, murder, murder, murder, murder |
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6:05 |
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from Adam Sandler - What's Your Name? (1997)
("what's the matter honey, are you not feeling well?
it's okay, mama will take care of you") not really sick, but don't you know i still say i am dad just mumbles, 'there goes my girlie son actin' up again' ("how could you be my kid?") mom knows i'm fakin' it, but she understands what'll happen if i go the last four days the tough guys have been on a roll (they show him no mercy) plenty of name calling and pushing my head in the toilet bowl (they call him a loser) but they won't get their hands on me today cause home with mama is where i'm gonna stay we're pickin' daisies ("who cares about them anyway?") pickin' daisies ("they'll all be working for you someday") pickin' daisies ("they're just jealous of you") pickin' daisies ("next year you'll go to private school") can't play sports or games, i'm only really good at reading (he can't catch a football) apparently that's not too cool, that's why my nose is usually bleeding (plus they give him fat lips) at this time yesterday, my underwear was over my head but i'll be safe today, i know cause mama said we're pickin' daisies ("who really cares what they think?") pickin' daisies ("you should talk about it with your shrink") pickin' daisies ("they'll all end up in jail") pickin' daisies ("marshall's is having a sale") i know tomorrow it'll all start up again (he'll be greeted with a headlock) and all that i can do is sit and pray for the weekend but i know when i'm older, i'll look back and laugh at all those kids who pulled my pants down and took that photograph cause we'll be through with kickball we'll all be weak and old but i will be the only one with a magic place to go pickin' daisies ("you're better off in the end") pickin' daisies ("who cares? i'll be your friend") pickin' daisies ("you can always count on me") pickin' daisies ("i made you some iced tea") pickin' daisies.... ("you are, too, very handsome, just not in a traditional way".... "when i was a kid we didn't have videogames, just pinball. but i could learn".. "well they're just upset that they don't have earmuffs".... "you can come to aerobics class with me and watch, all the ladies love you!"... "who needs name brand shirts? yours is the same thing without a fancy tag"... "why don't you go to sleep? and when you wake up, then i'll play you the eddie fisher record"...) |
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5:57 |
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from Adam Sandler - What's Your Name? (1997)
My mom bought you when I was just 13,
the brightest red sweatshirt I ever seen. She got an extra large so I wouldn't grow out, "That's too big for you!" the other chlidren would shout. But we stuck together, we didn't quit, and now the children say, "What a perfect fit." I love you sweeeeatshirt red hooded sweeeeatshirt dip dip dip sweeeeatshirt shama lama ding dong sweeeeatshirt. I like to rest my hands in your kangaroo pouch, it makes them feel comfy like a big soft couch. And I don't care if the weather's no good, I say "See you later rain" as I pull up my hood. Remember that long bus trip when I needed a nap?, I used you as a pillow on that Spanish lady's lap. I love you sweeeeatshirt red hooded sweeeeatshirt dip dip dip sweeeeatshirt shama lama ding dong sweeeeatshirt. Oh what is it about you that makes me so jolly? Is it your fifty cotton or your fifty poly? I don't knoooooooww ohh ohh hoo hoo hoo. Oh red hooded sweatshirt we been through a lot together like that time I played in that shirts and skins basketball game and I had to take you off and throw you in the corner of the gym. I was midway through the game and then I saw you looking at me. You were staring as if to say "Adam, you suck at basketball, you dribble like a damn woman. " I was so mad I challenged you to a game of one on one and you know sweatshirt, even though I beat you 11 to 9, deep in my soul I know you missed those lay-ups on purpose. You let me win and that why Kevin- help me out I love you sweeeeatshirt red hooded sweeeeatshirt dip dip dip sweeeeatshirt shama lama ding dong sweeeeatshirt. Come on audience members, help me out here. I love you sweeeeatshirt red hooded sweeeeatshirt dip dip dip sweeeeatshirt shama lama ling dong sweeeeatshirt. I love you sooooooooooo. Happy Valentine's Everybody! |
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6:55 |
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from Adam Sandler - What's Your Name? (1997)
Hangin' with my sweet amour
She came out with a lion's roar Yellin' "I'm goin' to the corner store," Be back at quarter to four "Don't slam you pinkies in the drawer" She can be like a maiden from the days of yore Hangin' out at Studio 54 Break-dancin' on the slick, brick disco floor With Lionel Richie Who, by the way, was a Commodore One time she gave mouth-to-mouth to a snaggle-tooth boar Who couldn't breathe right since the Vietnam War Then she played Chinese Checkers with Skeletor And went camping with Eva Gabor She's my sweet Beatrice She's my sweet Beatrice She's my sweet Beatrice And, she's coming home I got a picture of her down by the seashore Wearing a bikini made of purple velour Her hair's up like Conway Twitty's pompadour With the smile of Guy LeFleur She got the ups and the downs like an elevator But deep inside she's a marshmallow s'more Can bake a cake as big as Jupitor Either/or, neither/nor She'll share it with your Labrador She can run faster than a blazing meteor Loves Winnie the Pooh and his friend Eeyore Can make a pipe out of an apple core That's a trick she learned from Roberto Parrish Down in Ecuador You know why? She's my sweet Beatrice She's my sweet Beatrice She's my sweet Beatrice And she's coming home Well, for sure, she opened the door Whipped out a three-foot fishing lure Sexually, that made me feel insecure Like the time I was a roadie On Elton John's tour She said "Let's go catch some Piscatore!" I said "Beatrice, you don't eat fish no more" She said "By G-d, you're right!" So we took ourselves a snore And when we woke up 10 hours later We made "Love Du Jour" She's my sweet Beatrice She's my sweet Beatrice She's my sweet Beatrice And she came home She likes to clean out the attic every now and then She's gonna knit me a brand new golfing bag We gonna watch ourselves a John Wayne movie Then we gonna free all the doggies at the kennel She gonna try on my third grade mittens She'll keep 'em on even though they're way to small Well, she ain't never gonna hurt me She ain't never gonna let me down She ain't never gonna tell nobody I'm afraid of birds and spiders Well, Bea-Bea-Bea-Beatrice Bea-Bea-Bea-Beatrice Bea-Bea-Bea-Beatrice Bea-Bea-Bea-Beatrice Bea-Bea-Bea-Beatrice Bea-Bea-Bea-Beatrice And she loves Pat Summerall |
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7:50 |
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from Adam Sandler - What's Your Name? (1997)
I am a simple goat
I live on the back of a pick-up truck The Old Man tied me here with a 3-foot rope Am I happy he don't give a fuck "Hey goat im going to beat your head in with a hickory stick" Somtimes he uses his fists He's filled with anger, and filled with rage And tells me I smell like piss His drink, Jimmy Bean His chaser, a beer After that, various alcohols That's when the beatings get so severe Asleep I pray he falls But don't feel sorry for me Things weren't always this bad Why, when I was a young talking goat The Old Man was just like my dad I come from the hills of Europe That's where I met the Old Man He was lost in the woods, I gave him directions He gave me a tuna can Then he stopped in his tracks And he said, "Hey Goat! Would you like to live with me? I've got a house with a pick-up truck In a place across the sea" I said, "Sure, why not, I've got no family You seem like a nice guy" So we went off to America The home of apple pie On the boat, the Old Man told me I would be a present for his wife "A talking goat!" he exclaimed, "She'd never seen this in her life" I felt so special! Well, I just couldn't believe it After all these years I finally had a friend He trimmed my beard He scraped my hooves I prayed it would never end But when we got to his house There was no wife Only a short, short letter It said: "I'm leaving you for your brother Because he fucks me better" His eyes filled with tears of sadness His heart was filled with grief To soothe himself he drank a pint of Old Granddad And beat me like a side of beef I screamed, "Send me back to the hills of Europe!" He just shook his head and said, "Nope! No one will ever leave me again To make sure, put on this 3-foot fucking rope." Present day, I've been on the truck for 51 years My only friend is the AM radio Sometimes the neighborhood children stop by But it's always rocks and beer bottles that they throw At first they're excited to see a talking goat They gather around to hear what I have to say But I guess sometimes my stories go on too long So they leave and giggle I need a bidet But you know there was a night that I did get off the truck When the Old Man was passed out drunk Three neighborhood kids took me to a rock 'n roll concert The kind of music, old-school funk It was the first time I got off the truck The music made me lose control The lead singer asked if we were having fun I said, "Fucking crank that rock 'n roll!" The women at the show were beautiful As they danced sexily on the soft grass One of them even petted my fur Fuck me in the goat-ass! Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the horns And threw me in the mosh pit They passed me around and treated me nice Till I nerviously sprayed them with shit Then the music stopped And everything was quite And all the rock 'n rollers started a fucking goat-riot Kill the goat! Kill the goat! Kill the goat! Kill the goat! They chased me under the bleachers They chased me onto the street They chased me into an alley And said I was a dead fucking goat meat But then I saw a sight That I never thought I'd see The Old Man swinging his hickory stick But he wasn't swinging at me "Fuck you, pot-smoking turkeys! Don't you press your luck!" The long hairs ran away screaming As I scrambled onto the truck When we got home, the Old Man said, "Goat, you broke the sacred law No! Please! Sorry! Shit! I'll let it go this time, but if you leave again I'll break your fucking jaw!" Super! Great! Okay! "Thank you Old Man, for saving my life Thank you again and again You could have let them barbeque me, But you acted like a friend" "I'm not your friend, I don't even like you I'm just not drunk," he said To prove his point, he drank a bottle of grain alcohol And beat the fucking shit out of my head. That night a suffered a concusion deep inside my goat brain I still cannot feel my tailbone And Ill probaby never walk straight again I guess you'd call me a scapegoat A punching bag for the Old Man to mock Just because his wife left him For his brother's abnormally large cock He could have been my buddy But instead he's a crazy old fuck And, once again, I go to sleep in my eternal home The back of the pick-up truck Goodnight, Old Man! Yeah, goodnight Goat! |
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5:56 |
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from Adam Sandler - What's Your Name? (1997)
Me, I'm the Lonesome Kicker
Extra points, field goals at your service One might think it comes with glory You might think different after you listen to my story My helmet is equipped with a tiny face mask What it possibly could protect, I do not know The other guys on the team Like to make fun of my little shoulder pads And also like to hide the special shoe I need to kick in the snow People think it's so easy To kick a field goal from the 30 yard line They forget to add seven yards for the snap And 10 more 'cause the goal posts are pushed way back In 1974, the uprights were right on the goal line But some of the players were running into them And getting hurt So screw the kicker Who cares about the kicker? But I kick that ball And I pray it goes straight If it does The coach says "Good job, number 8" He doesn't even know my name is Andre Kristacovitchlalinski, Jr. But that's the life I live The Lonesome Kicker Kickoffs can be so very scary Especially, if the returner breaks on through And I'm the only guy on the playing field left to tackle him I don't want to get hurt So I pretend to tie my shoe Once again, I'm ignored by my teammates and all my coaches "Go back where you came from!" Scream 70,000 fans Well, I know I could win their love back By catching a winning touch-down But, unfortunately, I was born with these very small hands And I hope that the cameras don't come in too close 'Cause they might see the tears in my eyes As I sit on this bench made of cold-hearted wood And the splinters go deep in my thighs And the towel boy snickers as he walks by The Lonesome Kicker Another blocked kick And everybody blames me But it was the Left Guard Who didn't pick up his man Oh, why can't they see... In my home country I could have been a minor league soccer player But I came to America Seeking fortune and seeking fame I didn't realize that if I shanked one and blew the point spread Some drunk guys would push me into their hibachi After the game So I go home at night 'Cause I never get invited To go drinking with the other guys And I sit in my chair, and I soak my foot As I eat a plate of cold french fries And my wife's out with her quote-unquote friend And my son can't look me in the eyes But that's the life I live The Lonesome Kicker Kicking for you They took my snow shoe They're going for two Oooh, ooh ooh |
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0:59 |
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from Adam Sandler - What's Your Name? (1997)
Performed by Adam Sandler, Don Heffington, and V. Gervickas
Respect Respect You gotta show the fucking respect (Repeat Over And Over) |
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4:09 |
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from Adam Sandler - What's Your Name? (1997)
Performed by Adam Sandler, Alan Covert, and Jon Rosenburg
A 1, A 2, A 1, 2 voodoo. ADAM: This song is intended as a warning, to all the bad people of the world. M1: You know who you are. Juan? ADAM: Yes? Hey there Mr. Leafblower Man, keep is down for goodness sake. It's way too early in the morning, can't you please use your wooden rake? You choose to ignore I even though me hungover, and that's no being nice. So tonight your head will be covered in lice. Voodoo spell on you. M2: Voodoo, voodoo. ADAM: You shouldn't have given I that dirty stare. M2: Voodoo, voodoo. M1: Too late for sorries, go cut off your hair. ADAM: Hey there old, old woman. M1: Old and fat. ADAM: Shopping for food at the store. Why'd you run your cart into I, and knock me eggs on the floor? Then took the last unbruised cantelope, and laughed so loud with glee. M1: That's not funny. But you won't be laughing 'cause from now on it'll burn when you pee. Voodoo spell on you. M2: Voodoo, voodoo. ADAM: You couldn't have made I any madder. M2: Voodoo, voodoo. M1: That's why he put a curse on your bladder. EVERYONE: Boodaloo-boodalay Boodalee-boodalie. Are the words that he say, ADAM: When you fuck with I! Voooodoo! Hey Mr. Big Shot in the Mercedes, You should have let me merge. Oh, oh, oh! Hey there Mr. State Trooper, me was only going 58. Please don't you write up that ticket, It'll ruin me insurance rate. You say you have a quota to meet, so straight to hell with I. Me have only one response, EVERYONE: Boodalee, boodalie! ADAM: Voodoo spell on you. M2: Voodoo, voodoo. ADAM: You cost I 80 dollars cash. M2: Voodoo, voodoo. M1: We hope you like your new skin rash. M2: Voodoo, voodoo. ADAM: Boodalee, a boodalapa! M1 & M2: Voodoo, voodoo.(repeat in background until end) ADAM: To the TV repair man who didn't show up-a. Anytime from 11 to 5 my ass. M1: His ass. M2: His voodoo ass. ADAM: Boodalie, boodalaper. To that chick who gave I a fake phone number. Come on sweetheart, don't tease I all night long and then pull that old trick. M1: He's no dummy. ADAM: Oh, and Mr. IRS Man, we made a doll that looks just like you. So lighten up with the audit crets or I'll burn it's fucking toes off, OK? Boodalie, boodalayhe |
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2:29 |
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from Adam Sandler - What's Your Name? (1997)
well I had myself a girlfriend
for almost two whole years we had ourselves no secrets we had no fears there was nothin we wouldn't do when we were in the sack she'd even pop a zit on my back one night I was out a-cheatin' after i'd had a few she caught me red handed and said "we're through" boo-hoo now she got a new boyfriend it nearly gave me a heart attack cause who's gonna pop this zit on my back? well I got a pimple and I don't know why it keeps growin' in the same place I can't reach it with my left or right hand I wish it was on my face it's four days old and it hurts so bad but it's ready for a squeeze won't somebody pop it for me please? i'll give you ten dollars if you're a girl in this lonely world and you're lookin' for a guy i'll never cheat again, I promise that's no lie there's only one thing I ask of you, could we name our first child zach? oh, one more thing, please pop this zit on my back (i'm dyin' here!) a pimple-ay-hee a pop-a-doodle-e-doo squirt-heedle-e-hoo well i'm sittin' alone by the phone and no one seems to call I try to scrape my zit off on the kitchen wall well that don't work so I look around and find a big shiny thumb tack put it on the floor, layed down, popped the zit on my back. (yeah... rock steady man) |
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3:57 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
(Adam:) You don't mind that I think everybody's a robot and all my conversations are being recorded
(Lisa:) And you don't mind that all of my pants are way too short on me and I also stabbed someone with a pair of scissors a long time ago (ha-ha-ha) (Adam:) And you don't care that I collect dead animals from the side of the road then pretend they're alive and think I'm a famous football player (Lisa:) And you don't have a problem with me when I follow people I've never met before and force them to look at the portrait of Neil Diamond I have tattooed on my back (Adam:) It's very pretty, baby (Both:) Well you must have been sent from above You're all that I can think of You're just as psychotic as me My crazy love (Adam:) Well it never bothers you when I wear my snowsuit to bed every night and I make you speak in tongues to me until I fall asleep (Lisa:) Blah bloo blah bloo bloo (Adam:) Thank you (Lisa:) And you don't make fun of me 'cause I still make out with my stepfather and I also tell everyone I was on a UFO for two and a half years (Adam:) I believe you sugarpie (Both:) 'Cause our love is right on track I'm yours, your mine it's a fact Don't forget to take your Prozac My crazy love (Adam:) Well yesterday I tickled a man who wasn't even there (Lisa:) Oh three days before that I ran down the street in my Wonder Woman underwear (Adam:) I didn't care Babe I know I never had a job 'cause I'm afraid to talk to people 'cause I know that they're all robots who are seeking information (Lisa:) They can't fool you sweetheart And I know that you know that I'm the one who burned my cousin Chester's house to the ground but you told the cops we were out ballroom dancing when the came and questioned you (Adam:) I ain't no fink, dollface (Both:) 'Cause we know that it's true Only I could love you We both eat with our hands My crazy love (Lisa:) My crazy, crazy love (spoken to end) (Adam:) Oh I wish everybody was dead except for you, baby (Lisa:) I feel the same way Would you throw some macaroni on me? (Adam:) Oh yeah, here you go (splurt) |
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3:48 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
Jabawokee ding dong
Slip slap slee Dipstick paddywhack Pee pee googalee gee Polly wolly sling slang Skooey dibbily doo Wing wong ping pong King Kong Cheech 'n Chong Hop hip kagagoogoo Hickory dickory slickory flip flap Dip stick to my Lou Flim flam wham blam Sam bam Cunningham Whack snack koochie koochie koo Plus you gotta dip, you gotta doodle You gotta eat Grandma's stroodle 'Cause she stayed up all night to make it from scratch You gotta gish, you gotta gash You gotta wax Grandma's mustache And lay out socks To make sure they match Whoa, you gotta help out your Grandma Slappety dappety sling skism skasm Bing bang boo A yip, a yap, a snippety snap Walla, walla scrappy dappy doo Piddle paddle fiddle faddle widdle waddle Awhee clunkety clang A plop, a fizz, a whackety whiz Chitty chitty bang wang lang Zippity doo dang lipidee ay Oompa loompa doo A piggly wiggly dooda Stinky winky linky foo man choo Plus you gotta dip, you gatta doodle You gotta shave Grandma's poodle 'Cause Grandma would do the same for you You gotta libby, you gotta labby You gotta hug Grandma, even though she's flabby 'Cause you should know Grandma's are people too Whoa, you gotta love your Grandma Now if you listened to the words of this song You know they're comming straight from the heart Never make fun of your Grandma Even when he rips a juicy fart And rember to dip you gotta doodle You gotta stop playing with your noodle 'Cause Grandma said it would make you go blind You gotta girpper, you gotta griper You gotta change Grandma's diaper And then pretend you really didn't mind Whoa, respect to the Grandma |
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5:24 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
Performed by Adam Sandler, Frank, Judd, Jon, Katie, and Brooks Arthur
J.N.: "I can make a bigger splash than you!" Jimmy: "Oh yeah, give it a shot." [While jumping up and down on diving board] J.N.: "Can opener!" [Big splash] Jimmy: "Man, that one was huge." J.N.: "You go." [While running towards pool] Jimmy: "Ahhhh, jacknife!" [Jumps in and small splash] Tracy: "That was a dud, Jimmy." Jimmy: "Shutup, Tracy." Tracy: "You shutup." [Door opens, walks over] Momma: "Lunch time kids." [Kids yelling happily] Momma:"I made some jelly sandwiches and sliced up some cantelope. I figured you could eat a little food and and then maybe play with yer cock and balls fer a while." J.N.: "I'm just gonna eat, mom." Momma: "All right. And then maybe a little later, you can play with yer cock and balls fer momma." J.N.: "I don't think so." Momma: "Ok. Slow down Jimmy, yer already halfway done with yer sandwhich. You're gonna get a belly ache." Jimmy: "No I'm not. I'm hungry." Momma:"I know, but you shouldn't so fast. You're rushing honey, you're gonna choke. Put down your sandwhich and beat off your cock and balls for a little bit. Pace yourself." Jimmy: "Oh god." Momma: "Tracy, do you want some fruit or a sandwhich?" Tracy: "No mom, I'm trying to lose weight. Guy said I'm getting fat." Momma: "What? You look beautiful honey. He's crazy." Tracy:"Guy said last summer I looked better in a bathing suit, so I'm gonna try to lose like three or four pounds." Momma:"Awww, sweetheart. You've got so much to learn. Guy doesn't want you to lose weight, baby. It's just his way of telling you he wants you to smack around his cock and balls some more, honey. He's got some balls and some cock. You gotta stroke his schlong or at least bite his nuts." Tracy: "Mom!" Momma:"You're scared, aren't ya honey. You want momma to help you? Momma will stroke Guy's penis for him. No one has to know. I'll sneak in when it's dark." Tracy: "No! Mom, please!" Momma:"You don't know how to tug on the cock and balls? You need momma to show you? Get me a carrot, sweetheart. Where are you going!?" J.N.: "Mom, where's the suntan lotion?" Momma: "It's under the chair baby. You gonna lube up yer cock and balls and wack it for a little bit?" J.N.: "Uhh, no. I'm just going to put some on my face so I don't get sunburnt." Momma:"Smart thinking honey. And while yer at it you can put some on your brother's ding dong and knock around his nuts for him." Jimmy: "Mom!" Momma:"What Jimmy. Why don't you let your brother wack your cock and nuts for a little bit. You're not playing with them right now so why not let him. Share, baby!" Jimmy: "You're weird mom! I'm going swimming!" Momma: "Oh, you shouldn't swim for a half an hour. I read that." Jimmy: "Why?" Momma:"Because you just ate, honey. And you'll get cramps. Why don't you just lay on the side of the pool and jiggle your balls for momma." Jimmy: "It's ok. I'll stay in the shallow end." Momma: "Ok, baby. But don't hurt yourself with that big juicy hog of yours." Jimmy: "Hey, J.N. Throw me that frisby." J.N.: "Here! Whoops!" [Sails over and falls to the ground] Jimmy: "Nice throw. Right over the fence and into the Chasen's yard." Momma:"Don't get all huffy puffy. I'll get it. Momma will make everything all right. J.N. you watch Jimmy and make sure he's safe in that water." J.N.: "Ok, ma." Momma: "And if you want you can beat your cock and balls. Hi Mr. Chasen!" Mr. Chasen: "Oh, hi Emily. How are you?" Momma: "Oh, the boys threw the frisbee over the fence again. And there it is under the bush." Mr. Chasen: "I'll get it for you." Momma:"Sorry. Thank you. And while your under that bush, why don't you jack around your cock and balls for yourself. You can stare at my jugs and play with that healthy wang of yours." Mr. Chasen: "No, I'll just.. I'll just get your frisbee." Momma: "All right baby." Mr. Chasen: "Here you go." Momma: "Thank you. Thanks. Thank Mr. Chasen, boys!" Boys: "Thanks Mr. Chasen!" Mr. Chasen: "You're welcome fellas." Momma:"Have a good day. Oh, and..and tell your son Tommy, if he wants to come over later and play with his cock and balls with the kids he's always welcome. I don't know what happened with him and the boys, but they don't seem to be friendly anymore." Mr. Chasen: "I'll do that Emily." Momma: "All right. He's got a big one. You know that." Momma: "Tracy! You're boyfriend Guy's car just pulled up." Tracy: "Ok mom. Please don't embarass me!" Momma: "Everything embarasses you at this age, but I'll do my best. Don't worry." Guy: "Is it ok to come in?" Tracy: "Come on back here guy!" Momma: "Oh!" Tracy: "Thanks for coming over!" Momma: "Nice to see you Guy." Guy: "Hi Mrs. Tucker." Momma: "Why don't you go for a swim with the others?" Guy: "I didn't bring a bathing suit with me." Momma:"Oh no! You don't need a bathing suit. Just pull off your clothes and let your cock and balls feel the nice warm water." Guy: "Uhhh, that's ok, Mrs. Tucker." Momma: "Come on! Pull out your cock and balls. The water's heated. You'll love it." Tracy: "Mom! Stop it! Now!" Momma:"What are you talking about, honey!? This way his balls are out, you can stroke his ding dong in front of all of us. Come on, pull out that hog of yours. I wanna see it anyways. I wanna know what my daughter's been stroking." Tracy: "Mom! Stop it!" Momma:"In fact, everybody, pull out your cock and balls and rub it for momma. Play with yourself. It'll be good. Everyone. Wack away!" J.N.: "You're sick mom! I'm leaving." Jimmy: "I'm going to Billy's house. I can't take this anymore." [Walking away] Guy: "Come on, let's go." Tracy: "You've humiliated me and Guy. We are so outta here." Momma:"What did I do? What is the matter with you all? Come back here! You're ruining the day! It's so beautiful out. This is too much of a..." [Picks up phone and starts dialing while car drives off] "I can't take these kids anymore..." [Phone rings and gets picked up] Grandma: "Hello?" Momma: "Momma, it's me, I'm very upset," Grandma: "Oh, what's the matter, baby?" Momma: "The kids are yelling at me and they left me here all alone." Grandma: "Did you tell them the kids to play with their cock and balls?" Momma: "I told them to play with their cock and balls." Grandma: "And what did they say?" Momma: "They don't wanna play with them anymore." Grandma: "Why don't they wanna play with them anymore?" Momma: "I don't understand. They've got cock and balls. They should play with them." Grandma: "Poppy always loves when I play with his cock and balls." Momma: "You smack around daddy's cock still, why shouldn't they beat theirs?" Grandma: "Tell them to come over to grandma's house. I'll play with their cock and balls." Momma: "Oh momma." |
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2:53 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
Performed by Adam Sandler and Allen
Transcribed by Big Brother. [Sounds of Basketball being shot around] Sandler: "Hey man, I'm joining a religious cult." Allen: "Now, that's ridiculous." Sandler: "Well, I'm joining it, so you gotta sign up too." Allen: "What are you talking about?" Sandler: "Hey, don't fuck me on this, man, just sign up." Allen: "No, I'm not going to join a cult!" Sandler: "I can't believe you're pulling this shit on me after Monday night --" Allen: "What? Sandler: "-- I wanted to watch Monday Night Football and you wanted to watch that other show and we watched your show -- I did that for you!" Allen: "Yeah, well, you kept flippin' back to the game." Sandler: "I WANTED TO SEE THE FUCKIN' SCORE! Whadda you gotta do that's so fucking importnat you can't join the religious cult with me?" Allen: "Well, I was gonna go sunbathing." Sandler: "Oh, boy, no no, I don't think you should do that. Because this guy, Russell -- he's the leader-guy of the cult --" Allen: "-- yeah --" Sandler: "-- he was rambling on during one of the speeches about the sun being bad, like the beast can't come out because the sun's too bright and the sun hurts his eyes or something -- you show up all sunburned and that guy's gonna get pissed at you and me!" Allen: "Well, I'm not in the cult, so I don't have to worry about pissing the leader guy off!" Sandler: "Look, I'm -- starting to believe in some of the stuff the cult guy's been saying -- some of it makes a lot of sense! Allen: "Well, good, but I don't want to join the cult. We can still hang out; I just won't be in it with you." Sandler: "The point is, I'm not gonna have time to hang out with you because I'm gonna be fuckin' busy with this fuckin' cult!" Allen: "So I'll visit on weekends -- we'll work it out." Sandler: "No, the weekends are like the busiest time -- that's when we go to flea malls and fuckin' malls and talk people into joining, man!" Allen: "Can I join for just a little while? I told my dad I'd go visit him in Florida in three weeks." Sandler: "Well, just, we'll ask then, but we gotta join now." Allen: "What's the hurry?" Sandler: "There's a girl I wanna meet there, what the fuck's your problem?" Allen: "Well, I mean I don't really have to believe in this stuff, do I?" Sandler: "No, no, just fuckin' tell everybody you believe in this shit -- when they say the sun sucks, go, "Yeah, fuck the sun, I fuckin' hate it too, long live the fuckin' beast." Allen: "I don't know, man. This is crazy." Sandler: "Look, they're gonna give you clothers, a free haircut, you're gonna get food --" Allen: "-- it's not gonna be one of those weird haircuts, is it?" Sandler: "It's gonna be a haircut, all right? You said you need a haircut, they're gonna fuckin' cut your hair. You're going in, saving twelve bucks, just fuckin' do it!" Allen: "Do you think the hot girl has a friend for me?" Sandler: "Yeah, sure, and if she doesn't, she'll go out and recruit one for you!" Allen: "Well, all right. But, hey, if I don't like it, I'm going to escape, man." Sandler: "OK, that's up to you." "Three weeks later!" [Chanting repeatedly] "The night time is the right time! The night time is the right time!" Sandler: "Hey buddy, are you glad you did this?" Allen: "Oh, this is the best thing I ever did. Thank you." Sandler: "You're not mad at them making you, uh, kill your father, are you?" Allen: "You know, it's like they said. It was the only way to save him." Sandler: "You're a good guy." Allen: "You're a better one." [Chanting resumes] |
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2:43 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
Performed by Adam Sandler, Frank, Judd, and Allen
M1: "Hey, it's great to have us all out on a road trip again this is gonna be fun" [all agree] M2: "Whoa, do you smell that skunk?" All: "Yeah M2: "You know, even though it stinks it kinda reminds me of growing up" [all agree] M3: "It kinda reminds me of smelling weed" [all agree] M1: "Hey, it reminds me of smelling a pussy" [all agree] M2: "It reminds me of smelling an ass" [all agree] M4: "It reminds me of smelling a 60 year old guys ass" [car screeches, he drops out of the car] M4: "Hey, screw you guys! I am who I am! Deal with it" M1: "I'm glad we got rid of him. He was a weirdo!" M3: "Oh my God, that was a little out there, hey check out a water slide, man, those things always remind me of my 13th birthday party, remember that" [all agree] M1: "Hey, it reminds me of that girl I met last year who was a lifeguard at one of those things, she was unbelievable" [all agree] M2: "Hey, it reminds me of that rich girl I went out with and when her dad went out of town we fooled around in his Jacuzzi" [all agree] M3: "It also reminds me of the time I saw a 60 year old guy slide down one of those things and he was going so fast his bathing suit fell off, and I just stood there at his big beautiful hairy balls flopping around, holy geez I wanted to lick em'" [car screeches he drops out of it] M3: "I hate you guys, you tricked me into sayin' that. You'd better not tell anyone!" M2: "I always knew that guy was a little weird" M1: "Hey, there's a pizza place it smells awesome" M2: "It reminds me of the time I used to work in a pizza place" M1: "It reminds me of my first date with this girl named Ginger, I took her to a pizza place" M2: "Hey, it also reminds me of the time I ate a slice of pizza, and then went over to a 60 year old man's house and made him fuck me in the ass in front of his kids" [car screeches, he drops out of it] M2: "Hey don't get all high and mighty! He wanted me to do it!" M1: "Man, they were all crazy. Hey, what's that!" Cow: "Moo" M1: "Oh my god! Ahhhhh!" [car chrashes] "Hey that last skit was written for a reason. If any of your buddies have fooled around with a 60 year old man, don't throw them out of your car, or you will die. Now enjoy the rest of the album." |
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4:06 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
Performed by Adam Sandler
Transcribed by The Brave Raven. I'm sitting in my chair watching the TV It's not even on but there's plenty for me to see I just lit some crazy ass shit that my friend overnight mailed to me I'm fucking wasted It's the best shit I ever tasted I think they fucking laced it Cause I'm so damn lambasted Oh my friend came over so I packed him a pipe I told him he better go easy with this shit but he didn't believe the hype He sparked three bows just to show he could take it Two minutes later he was playing backgammon naked He's fucking wasted It's the best shit he ever tasted He's lost in fucking spaced-ed Cause he's so wicked wicked wasted Oh I spent the last two hours hiding under my bed Cause I looked in the garbage can and I think I saw my Uncle Louie's head I'm fucking wasted Well my friend blew a hit into my pet bird's face The bird laughed hysterically and started to moonwalk all over the place He tripped over the toaster wire and fell on his beak He looked at the two of us and he started to speak I'm fucking wasted It's the best shit I've ever tasted My brain's been erased-ed Well fucking fried I'm sitting in the bathtub wanting something to eat I wanted a pizza the bird said Pepperoni would be sweet Delivery guy showed up four hours later, handed me his shoe I said we ordered pizza buddy, what the hell's up with you I'm fucking wasted It's the best shit I ever fucking tasted Oh fucking shit I'm way too baked |
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3:55 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
Here we go!
Piece of shit car I got a piece of shit car That fuckin' pile of shit Never gets me very far My car's a big piece of shit 'Cause the shocks are fucking shot And my seatbelt's fucking broken I got to tie it in a knot (It's a piece of shit) I can't see through the windshield 'Cause it's got a big fucking' crack And the interior smells real bad 'Cause my friend puked in the back (It's a piece of shit) (Piece of shit car) Piece of shit car (He's got a piece of shit car) It sucks royal dick! (That fuckin' pile of shit) 100% crap (Never gets him very far) Oh fuck you car It's got no CD player, it only got the 8-track Whoever designed my car can lick my sweaty nut sack (They can bite his ass too) And I got no fuckin' brakes I'm always way out of control Eleven times a day I hear "Hey, watch it asshole!" (You fuckin' piece of shit) (Piece of shit car) I got piece of shit car (He got a piece of shit car) Diesel gas sucks my ass (That fuckin' pile of shit) That pile of metal shit (Never gets him very far) Oh what the fuck did I do? What the fuck did I do? What the fuck did I do, To get stuck with you? You're too wide for drive-thru And you smell like the shoe But I'm too broke to buy something new Oh fuck me Well the engine likes to flood The car always fuckin' stalls And the seat cushion's got a big rip So a spring always pokes the balls (Ouch, ouch, ouch) Plus the door locks are busted I gotta use a fucking coat hanger (What a pain in his ass) And if a girlie sees my car There's no chance I'll ever bang her (He never ever gets da pussy) Hey shut up (Piece of shit car) You piece of shit car (You got a piece of shit car) You piece of shit car (Piece of shit car) Bald fuckin' tires (You got a piece of shit car) No rearview fucking mirror (Piece of shit car) 73 colors (You got a piece of shit car) Fucking rag for a gas cap (Piece of shit car) Tailpipe makes the sparks fly everywhere (You got a piece of shit car) (Piece of shit car) (You got a piece of shit car) (Piece of shit car) Oh the whole town thinks I'm a loser (You got a piece of shit car) Cabby give me a push (Piece of shit car...) |
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4:35 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
Respect
Respect You gotta show the fucking respect [Repeat Over And Over] |
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7:06 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
(Adam Sandler):
Hey how ya doin'? My name's Barry Lakin and I'm here with the man on the street quiz. This weeks's show is a doozy man, it really is. I went around the country with my tape recorder and I taped different people having sex. I would just sit outside their bedroom windows without anybody knowin' and I would press record and these people would wail away on each other man they would really go at it and I captured it on tape. Also I went around the country and I taped people in weight rooms workin' out man. I would just sit there with my tape recorder, press record, and these people would have themselves a workout man and I got that on tape. Now I'm gonna play these tapes for people on the street and see if they know the difference between people working out and people havin' sex. Sir, what's your name? (Man): Hi, how ya doin'? My name's Gregory Miner. (Adam Sandler): Oh terrific. My name's Barry Lakin. (Man): Uh huh (Adam Sandler): And let me tell you what I did man. I went around the country and taped people having sex (Man): Uh huh (Adam Sandler): I also taped people workin' out in a weight room man. I'm gonna play one of the two tapes for you right now (Man): Ok (Adam Sandler): You dig? You tell me which of the two they're doin' okay? Workin' out or havin' sex? (Man): Yeah I got ya (Adam Sandler): Alright I'm pressing the play button...Now. {Moans and screams} (Adam Sandler): What do you think? (Man): Well that's people having sex. (Adam Sandler): No they were doing a Military Press (Man): But..but they... (Adam Sandler): No you're wrong. Thank you very much for stopping by. Amazing what people will hear. When the human ear wants to hear sex, it hears sex. Hmm. Let's move on to someone else. Sir, what's your name? (Man): Uh hi my name is Ron. (Adam Sandler): Ron, what's your last name, quick. (Man): Ron Johnson. (Adam Sandler): Alright, that's good enough. My name's Barry Lakin. (Man): Nice to meet you Barry. (Adam Sandler): Terrific. What I'm gonna do now is play a tape for you. And you tell me if these people are havin' sex.. (Man): Yeah? (Adam Sandler): See how he says yeah? Or working out in a fitness center. (Man): Uh huh (Adam Sandler): I'm pressing play...Now. {Moans and screams} (Adam Sandler): And what do you think? (Man): Uh, that was two gay men having sex. (Adam Sandler): No those were two men doing Butterfly Curls. (Man): Sounded like two gay guys having sex. (Adam Sandler): Well no sir, you are dead wrong. (Man): Alright. (Adam Sandler): Thanks for stopping by. Wow, interesting. Two men, on tape, working out, building their pectorial muscles. And this man hears gay sex. Which leads me to the conclusion that this man is either gay himself or not straight. Moving along. And older gentleman. How are ya sir, what's your name? (Man): Uh Larry Bartowski (Adam Sandler): And Larry, how old are you? (Man): I am 62. (Adam Sandler): My name's Barry Lakin. (Man): Nice to meet you Barry. (Adam Sandler): Terrific. Larry, I'm gonna play a tape for ya. Now you have to tell me if these two people are having sex or working out. Are you ready sir? (Man): I think I'll be able to do this. (Adam Sandler): Alright sir. Here we go. And play. {Moans and screams} (Adam Sandler): Okay sir. What was that? Sex or weight lifting? (Man): That was definitely two people having sex. (Adam Sandler): No they were doing Leg Squats. (Man): You're kidding me? They were not having sex? (Adam Sandler): No sir, you are way off base. (Man): I don't believe it. (Adam Sandler): Alright I'll play it back for you again sir. And if you get it right this time, you will...be the only one who did. Okay so...play. {Moans and screams} (Adam Sandler): Okay, here's your second chance. What do you think? (Man): Those people were definitely having sex. (Adam Sandler): No wrong again, sir. Thanks for playing the game. (Man): You're kidding me. They, they... (Adam Sandler): Alright sir, I'm moving on, I appreciate it. (Man): They were having sex. (Adam Sandler): Alright that's in your head. Bye bye. Well we learned a lot about men today. Let's move on to women. How are you? (Woman): Okay. (Adam Sandler): My name's Barry Lakin. (Woman): Hi. (Adam Sandler): Hi. What's your name? (Women): Uh Jessica Sanders. (Adam Sandler): Okay Jessica. What I'm gonna do right now is record something, not play, but record. (Woman): Oh okay. (Adam Sandler): I'm gonna ask you to close your eyes now. And I'm gonna record something. Then I'm gonna play it back to you. And you're gonna have to tell me if these to people are having sex or working out in a gym. (Woman): Okay. (Adam Sandler): Okay, close your eyes. I'm hitting record now. Pay no attention to what's going on. (Woman): You're unzipping my pants. (Adam Sandler): Yeah that's right. Keep your eyes closed I'm recording something. (Woman): Oh that feels good. (Adam Sandler): Mm-hmm, yeah it feels good here too. Alright. Okay, I'm gonna slow down or I'm in trouble. Ahh too late I'm gonna blow it here we go (Woman): uh! shoot it all over me! (Adam Sandler): Alright. Okay let me hit stop. And let me rewind that one. Alright now I'm gonna play it back for you. Are these people having sex or are they in a weight room. Here we go. {Playback} (Adam Sandler): Now what do you think? (Woman): That was you having sex with me. (Adam Sandler): That's right and thanks for stoppin' by. Okay. Well, until next time this is Barry Lakin sayin all the world is schlach. |
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3:11 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
I'm a big fuckin' dick
I'm a pain in your ass I drink all your beer I'll eat the last slice I'll give you charley horses I'll pull your shorts down at the beach I always need a ride Nobody likes me My name's Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous I spit when I talk I swear in front of your mother I throw shit at the movies I wear tight pants I ask you to buy an extra Yankee ticket And then I don't show I tell you I saw your girlfriend Fucking two guys at a party 'Cause my name's Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous I'll piss on your toilet seat and tell your dad you got stoned I'll borrow your jacket and never think of returning it Polychronopolous Pansy Pussy Shit for brains Douchebag I'll leave your gate open So your dog runs away I'll make fun of your pimple Then I'll grab your sister's ass 'Cause my name's Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous And I don't care And I don't give a shit I'll break your brother's stereo And then tell him it was you You think you're better than me Well you're fucking wrong Everybody knows I'm Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous Deal with it |
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5:04 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
Performed by Adam Sandler, Frank, and Randi
Transcribed by a fan "And now a cow at bat in the bottom of the 6th inning of a little league game getting hit by a pitch" (Baseball sounds and cow bell ringing,ball is hit and hits cow) Cow: Moo "And now a cow who goes skydiving for the very first time, and thinks his parachute isn't gonna open when it finnally does 40 feet from the ground" (Plane sounds) M1: Alright cow, don't even think about just jump and enjoy the ride down, quit being a pansy and do it Cow: Moo (Ripcord sounds) Cow: Moo,mrr (Parachute opens) Cow: Moow (Thud) "And now a cow who goes to the chicken hot drivethru and then gets halfway home before realising they forgot his french fries" (Cow opening paper bag) Cow: Moo,moo (Car screeches, and turns back around) Cow: Mrr "And now a cow winning first prise in the bellyflop contest at spring break and then realises he can't swim" (Cow walking towards pool, big splash) Cow: Moo (Crowd cheering) Cow: Mrr,mrr (Underwater moo) "And now a club gets a dance at a classy strip club, when a bouncer notices he doesn't have any shoes on" F1: Ohh baby you like it when I dance with you Cow: Moo F1: Uh uh uh, you can't touch that Cow: Moo Bouncer: Keep your hands off the girl Cow: Moo Bouncer: Hey cow, you got no shoes on you gotta leave Cow: Moo M2: Hey watch it cow "And now a cow playing tennis against farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle when the farmer makes an obvious bad call" (Tennis ball being hit) Farmer: That was out Cow: Moo Farmer: Don't tell me it wasn't cause I saw it and that was out Cow: Moo Farmer: By at least 3 feet that's how far, come in look there is still a mark where it's out Cow: Moo Farmer: Don't tell that was from an old ball, that was this ball and this ball was out Cow: Mrr Farmer: You cannot see from that angle Cow: Moo "And now a cow recieves a phone call who he thinks is from a famous actor but he soon finds out it's just a practical joke" (Phone rings, cow picks it up) Farmer: Hello may I speak to the cow Cow: Moo Farmer: Hi, I'm a famous actor Cow: Moo Farmer: Oh, thank you very much, I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner with me Cow: Moo Farmer: Why don't I make reservations? Cow: Moo Farmer: And why don't I tell you my real name? farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle Cow: Mrr Farmer: Take that fatty Cow: Mrr (Slams down phone) "And now a cow gets his revenge on farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle" (Car sounds) Farmer: Pull over, pull the vehicle to the side of the road, I am warning you for the last time. (Car hits farmer) Farmer: Oooh Cow: Mooooooooooooo |
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3:44 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
Okay
This is a song that uhh There's a lot of Christmas songs out there and uhh Not too many Chanukah songs So uhh I wrote a song for all those nice little Jewish kids who don't get to hear any Chanukah songs Here we go! Put on your yarmulke Here comes Hanukkah So much funukkah To celebrate Hanukkah Hanukkah is The Festival of Lights Instead of one day of presents We have eight crazy nights! When you feel like the only kid in town Without a Christmas tree Here's a list of people who are Jewish Just like you and me David Lee Roth lights the Menorah So does James Caan, Kirk Douglas and the late Dina Shore-ah Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli? Bowzer from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzerelli Paul Newman's half Jewish, Goldie Hawn's half too Put them together, what a fine looking Jew! You don't need "Deck the Halls" or "Jingle Bell Rock" Cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock (both Jewish!) Put on your yarmulke Its time for Hanukkah The owner of the Seattle Supersonic-ahs Celebrates Hanukkah O.J. Simpson: not a Jew But guess who is?: Hall-of-famer Rod Carew (he converted) We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish - not too shabby! Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is Well he's not, but guess who is?: All three Stooges! So many Jews are in showbiz Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is Tell your friend Veronica Its time you celebrate Hanukkah I hope I get a harmonica On this lovely, lovely Hanukkah So drink your gin and tonic-ah And smoke your marijuani-kkah If you really, really wanna-kkha Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Hanukkah Happy Hanukkah! |
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1:11 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
(Adam Sandler):
And now the excited Southerner has a job interview. (Man): So why don't you tell me why you would be an asset to this company. (Excite Southerner): ...Good question, I have a good answer for that...first first first of all I am a very...very hard work...vocational skills...I went to...willing to work on a holidays...I had a tango and mirumba lessons...learning to get along with other people...but I'm sorry I got my G.E.D....with a overtime...time and a half...speakin in two languages...Spanish and a...a..another one....and I and and...loyal like a dog...tell you that much...willin to start at the bottom...and also willing...to stay there...your intestines...completely flawless...drug-free with a...whoo-wee..good references...if you call my last boss...he was..actually he was gonna inform me...with a...I got no dependence with the W-2 form...and I was wondering.. (Man): You know what? That's great but uh we don't have anything open right now. Thanks for comin' down. (Excited Southerner): Cool. (Man): Are you alright? |
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1:04 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
(Adam Sandler):
And now the excited Southerner gets pulled over by a cop. (Cop): Do you realize how fast you were going sir? {Excited Southerner): Yes..yes I do...and uh there is an explanation for that...first of all..let me start off by saying...I...I...I...I...I...you...you...you... you...work very hard...and I do respect what you do...protectin and uh servin...I...I...I...speedometer...got the...lead foot...you got the radar gun...not reliable...I...I...got the diarrhea...got to...get home..for the...whoo...it...uh...it pregnant wife...she's at the hospital right now...giving birth to twins...I gotta get there...got...the guy next to me was...going faster than me....just keeping up...with the traffic...my cousin's....also a state trooper...in New Jersey...maybe you could talk to...a tree branch was...covering the speed limit sign...with a...and a truck was tailgating me...I just hope... (Cop): Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Here's your ticket. Save it for the judge. |
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1:09 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
(Adam Sandler):
And now the excited Southerner gets to meet his favorite film actor, Mel Gibson. (Man): Mr. Gibson? I'm sorry to bother you sir but this gentleman is a big fan and he just wanted to say hello. (Excited Southerner): Well I...I can't...believe...I'm in the...laser disc...Mr.Gibson...I...I ...I...such a...got to...I...Braveheart was...you...you're...got your autograph...with a 8X10 gloss...your face was burnt though...Tina Turner...singing a song to the...mama...mother...mother...loves you too...got to...Bird On the Water...not such a good picture but...you made up for it with the Mad Max...got a...mail...mail was very...got so much going...and the koala bears...got...I'm a big fan...Golden Globe awards...if maybe the people's choice... (Man): Alright. That's enough. I'm sorry Mel let me get this moron outta here. |
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0:45 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
Performed by Adam Sandler and Jon
Contributed by Chris Durkin Adam: And the now the excited southerner orders a meal at his favorite diner. Waiter: Hi, what can I get you today? Excited Southerner: Hi, how are you...I was...if you could, tell me, if you...eh, the chef salad, if it, does it come, if you come... a la carte, if you see the...I saw the breakfast menu and the, and they got the, and the different entrees with the dspe-dspe-dspe-dspecials today, and the the and...I'm watching my weight...diabetic, with the low sodium...if you could broil...i-i-i-instead of fried, I ya, just, hash browns...I wanted to mix the ketchup with the may-mayonaise, make my own sauce, if that's, could bring out a separate plate for that with the chicken, your chicken fried steak...the blue plate special, does that come with the soup of the day, or- Waiter: I'll come back when you're ready. Excited Southerner: Hoooo... |
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1:03 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
Performed by Adam Sandler and Tara
Transcribed by Big Brother. (Setting: A restaurant with music playing in the background) "And now the Excited Southerner proposes to a girl." Girl: "You wanted to ask me something?" Excited Southerner: "Yes, I did. I - first of all I just wanted to say that you're -- very pretty girl, and I, I -- hoo -- you'the -- we've known each other for so long now, and-uh, it's about time that the two of us -- we're both getting older right now, and-uh, and I don't want to die alone, I -- tell you that much -- hoo -- getting ahead of myself -- got ta slow down, hoo-hoo, concentrate on what I'm trying to get across to you right now, hoo, I mean, whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-willing to be a house husband, you don't have to qu-qu-qu-qu-quit your job there, there, I'm, I'm, the-, I'm, I'm -- hoo, honeymoon in the Poconos, with the -- hoo, woo hoo -- sex optional -- you don't have to do what you don't want to do, hoo hoo hoo hoo, someday you're going to love me, and that -- that's fi-- til death do us part I, we'll get the chocolate cake and the sunrise and the sunset -- no prenuptial agree --" Girl: "Look, are you trying to ask me to marry you? Because I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment." Excited Southerner: "Coooooo." |
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8:52 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
ADAM: I am a simple goat.
I live on the back of a pick-up truck. The Old Man tied me here with a 3 ft. rope. Am I happy? He don't give a fuck. OLD MAN: Hey goat! I'm gonna beat your head in with the hickory stick! ADAM: Sometimes he uses his fists-a. He's filled with anger and filled with rage, and tells me I smell like piss-a. His drink, Jimmy Beam. His chaser, a beer. After that, various alchohols. That's when the beatings get so severe, I sleep, I pray he falls. But don't feel sorry for me. Things weren't always this bad. Why when I was a young talking goat, the Old Man was just like my dad. I come from the hills of Europe. That's where I met the Old Man. He was lost in the woods, I gave him directions, He gave me a tuna can. Then he stopped in his tracks and he said, OLD MAN: Hey goat! ADAM: Would you like to live with me? I got a house with a pick-up truck in a place across D.C.-a. I said, "sure why not? I got no family. You seem like a nice guy." So we went off to America, the home of apple pie. On the boat the Old Man told me, I would be a present for his wife. "A talking goat," he exclaimed, "She's never seen this in her life!" I felt so special. Well, I just couldn't believe it, after all these years, I finally had a friend. He trimmed my beard, he scraped my hooves, I prayed it would never end. But when we got to his house, there was no wife. Only a short, short letter. It said : I'm leaving you for your brother because he fucks me better. His eyes filled with tears of sadness. His heart was filled with grief. To suit himself he drank a pint of Old Grandad, and beat me like a side of beef. I screamed, "send me back to the hills of Europe!" He just shook his head and said, OLD MAN: Nope! ADAM: No one will ever leave me again, to make sure, put on the 3 ft. fucking rope-a. Present-day I've been on the truck for 51 years. My only friend is the A.M. radio. Sometimes the neighborhood children stop by, but it's always rocks and beer bottles that they throw. At first they're excited to see a talking goat, they gather 'round to hear what I have to say. But I guess sometimes my stories go on too long, so they leave and giggle, I need a bidet. But you know there was a night that I did get off the truck, when the Old Man was passed out drunk. Three neighborhood kids took me to a rock and roll concert. The kind of music? Old school funk. It was the first time I'd been off the truck, the music made me lose control. The lead singer asked if we were having fun, I said, "fucking crank that rock and roll-a!" The women at the show were beautiful, as they danced sexily on the soft grass. One of them even petted my fur. Fuck me in the goat ass! Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the horns and threw me in the mosh pit-a. They passed me around and treated me nice til I nervously sprayed them with shit-a. Then the music stopped. And everything was quiet. And all the rock and rollers started a fucking goat riot. ROCK AND ROLLERS: Kill the goat! Kill the goat! Kill the goat! Kill the goat! ADAM: They chased me under the bleachers. They chased me onto the street-a. They chased me into an alley and said I was dead fucking goat meat-a. But then I saw a sight, that I'd never thought I'd see. The Old Man swinging his hickory stick, but he wasn't swinging at me. OLD MAN: Fuck you pot smoking turkeys! Don't you press your luck! ADAM: The long-hairs ran away screaming as I scrambled onto the truck-a. When we got home the Old Man said, "goat you broke the sacred law." ADAM: No! Please! Sorry! Shit! "I'll let it go this time, but if you leave again, I'll break your fucking jaw." Super! Great! Okay! Thank you Old Man for saving my life. Thank you again and again. You could have let them barbeque me, but you acted like a friend. "I'm not your friend. I don't even like you. I'm just not drunk," he said. To prove his point, he drank a bottle of grain alchohol, and beat the fucking shit out of my head. Ow! Ow! Ow! You're hurting me Old Man. That night I suffered a concussion, Deep inside my goat brain. I still cannot feel my tailbone. And I'll probably will never walk straight again. I guess you'd call me, escape goat. A punching bag for the Old Man to mock. Just because his wife left him, for his brother's abnormaly large cock. He could've been my buddy. But instead he's a crazy old fuck. And once again I go to sleep, in my eternal home....... the back of the pick-up truck. Good night Old Man! OLD MAN: Yeah, good night goat! |
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8:03 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
Performed by Adam Sandler and Kevin
Transcribed by Big Brother. (typing sounds) Dr. Stewart: Hi, (I'm) Dr. Stewart. Gary Phelps: Hi, Dr. Stewart. Nice to meet you -- I'm Gary Phelps. Dr. Stewart: My pleasure. Gary, have you ever been hypnotized before? Gary Phelps: No, I haven't. I'm actually quite nervous, but I just, uh, I -- Dr. Stewart: All right, and you were referred to me by anyone...? Gary Phelps: To be honest with you, I saw your name in the Yellow Pages, and It said you're good at this stuff, so I just, I gotta give it a shot, just kick this whole cigarette thing... Dr. Stewart: So smoking is your problem? Gary Phelps: Yeah, I can't stop smoking and it's -- it's finally, like, affecting everything I do, I can't run, I can't play basketball and all that stuff like that, so I, I gotta give it up. Dr. Stewart: How long have you smoked, Gary? Gary Phelps: Uh, I started when I was eleven years old, and I just can't kick it, you know? Dr. Stewart: Yeah, right. (small, barely noticeable fart) All right, Gary, why don't you just have a seat here and sit down and just relax -- what I do is hypnosis. Gary Phelps: Right. Dr. Stewart: Basically I just want you to sit back and relax -- let yourself sit back and relax and sink into the chair, and , um, just feel comfortable and trust me. (bigger fart) Gary Phelps: (noticing fart sound) Uh... Dr. Stewart: That's it. Gary Phelps: O-kay.... Dr. Stewart: That's it. Gary Phelps: That was...o-kay... Dr. Stewart: All right? Okay. Gary, I want you to close your eyes, and I just want you to again relax and try to concentrate on nothing. Okay? That's it. Now I'm gonna count backwards from five to zero -- Gary Phelps: Right. Dr. Stewart: -- and I just want you to relax, and you're going to fall into a deep state of mind -- of subconsciousness -- you're very comfortable, I'll be counting back from five, I just want you to relax, and just think of nothing. (three farts in succession) Gary Phelps: Are you gonna keep doing that, or...? Dr. Stewart: Hmm? Just concentrate now. That's it. Close your eyes. Keep your eyes closed. Okay. Now. We're very comfortable. Five (small fart), we're thinking of nothing except being comfortable and nothing's bothering us. Okay. When I say the word "relax," listen to me, you're sinking, you're sinking, (medium fart) Gary Phelps: Oh my god...that was, uh....are you gonna keep doing that? Dr. Stewart: Please just try to relax; that wasn't me. Okay. You're very stressed -- you're very stressed. Okay, four, we're relaxing, we're relaxing, you're very comfortable, you're very, very soothed. Okay. Four, three...(fart) Gary Phelps: Oh my dear god, sir...uh, I can't... Dr. Stewart: That was the couch. I know it sounded like -- it's -- the vinyl -- it's a new couch -- please, just try and concentrate. Okay. And we're very sleepy, we're relaxed, thinking nothing bothers us, nothing bothers us -- (several farts) Gary Phelps: Uh, um, all right, could you open a window, maybe? I'm just having a tough time concentrating -- Dr. Stewart: Hmm? Here we go -- there, there, we're relaxing, we're relaxing (fart and cough together) three, two, two -- Gary Phelps: I was just going to ask you if you could maybe stop doing that. I can't concentrate when you're doing that. Dr. Stewart: This is what I do. It's a counting-down thing. We're relaxing now. Just relax -- let it go, don't focus on anything else, just concentrate on what we're doing here. Three, two, relax, relax, that's it, just relax (fart), we're relaxing now -- Gary Phelps: Okay -- you're gonna -- that one was -- it's getting a little irritating -- Dr. Stewart: Hang on just a second here. Let me just step out a second here. Gary Phelps: That'd be good. Dr. Stewart: All right, and we're relaxing, as I leave, we're relaxing, still relaxing, (fart in the distance) Gary Phelps: Jesus...Oh my God. Dr. Stewart: We're relaxing. Gary Phelps: (trying hard not to laugh) Dr. Stewart: Okay, I'm back, we're relaxing, and we're counting down, we're to two, and all we're thinking about is healthy, fresh air. Freshness. Breathing in. Breathing in deep, letting out. (fart) Gary Phelps: Sir, I'd appreciate if you could stop 'letting it out'. But okay, okay, fine, thank you. Dr. Stewart: That's it, you're all right, everything's good. All right, you feel very comfortable, you're sinking into the chair, we're relaxing, one (long fart), and we're coming down to zero and -- Gary Phelps: Oh my god, uh...yes, all right, it was nothing... Dr. Stewart: No, no, that time that was you. Gary Phelps: That wasn't me! Dr. Stewart: We're not here to pick sides, we're not here to pick sides, that was you, and maybe we could deal with this in another session, but right now we're dealing with the smoking, and, um, let's not worry about anything else that's going down -- Gary Phelps: OK, I've just gotta kick this habit. Dr. Stewart: Down to zero, relaxing, we're going to feel very fresh (fart), we're going to feel very healthy (fart), and let's take a nice, deep breath -- Gary Phelps: I can't breathe, sir, uh, I'm sorry, I just -- ("squirty" fart) Gary Phelps: Oh my god -- what did you eat? It smells like baby food -- Dr. Stewart: All right, we're relaxing -- that one probably squirted out a little into the pants, but we'll just continue with thte floating (fart) -- yeah, that was definitely a squirt -- but here we go, one, zero, we are under. Are you relaxed? Gary Phelps: Yeah, I'm under, I guess. Dr. Stewart: Here we go, relaxing, relaxing. You're under a deep trance, you will not smoke anymore, you will just feel healthy from now on, and you'll be breathing in nothing but fresh air, and you will not smell anything in this room, it wasn't me, it wasn't me farting (fart) -- that was not me -- Gary Phelps: (hysterically laughing under his breath) You're gonna have to stop doing that, sir. It's just very hard for me to listen to you when you're -- Dr. Stewart: You're floating now, you're high above, you're looking down, nothing but fresh pastures and fields, and here we go (long fart) Gary Phelps: Oh man... Dr. Stewart: -- that was you, Gary Phelps: That was not me, sir! I'm watching you! Dr. Stewart: That was you, and when you wake up, you will not remember any of this, except that it was you, or my receptionist, don't worry, she gets it all the time. All right -- you smell nothing; I'm perfectly clean. I have no bad gas; it was all from outside or from -- from -- you yourself. And let's not forget the smoking thing that's why you're here. No smoking. Repeat after me: I am a smelly pig. Gary Phelps: What? Dr. Stewart: All right, we're moving along, and we;'re relaxed. (fart) All right, and now we're going to count back up, up one to five, Gary Phelps: OK, you know, I think this is fine, I don't want to smoke... Dr. Stewart: Gary, settle down, relax, and when I get to five, you will snap out of this, and you won't remember this, especially the smell, the smell was from you. All right? And here we go. Zero, we're coming out of it, you're waking up slowly, your eyes are opening, one, you're feeling good, and when you wake up, you'll feel wide awake and perfect you'll feel whole and (fart) all-righty, I ripped that one out there and I apologize. I ripped a good one there. That was a nice out.. Gary Phelps: That was not nice. Dr. Stewart: Here we go, and, we're coming right (fart) Gary Phelps: What was that? Dr. Stewart: That was three. Gary Phelps: It didn't sound like three. Dr. Stewart: three, I'm counting, and four, it's no smell in here, and you don't smoke, you don't want a cigarette, no, and here we go (fart) five, and -- (snap) Do you want a cigarette? Gary Phelps: No I don't. Dr. Stewart: Then my job is done. Gary Phelps: (bursts into laughter) Dr. Stewart: (fart) Please leave the door open as you leave. (fart) Gary Phelps: OK, thank you, Doctor. (typing resumes and another fart is heard) |
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2:26 |
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from Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me? (1996)
Hey you guys, I just wanted to thank you for listening to the record and I hope you had as much fun as I did and here's one last little diddy just for you.
I used to ride my big wheel, and sell lemonade, Eat popcorn with grandpa while we watched the parade But now I'm only happy when I'm drinking J.D. What the hell happened to me? I used to have fun throwing snowballs with my best friend Billy And Mom would make us cocoa if we got too chilly But now I only get excited when I see a girl pee What the hell happened to me? I used to be the nicest kid in the neighborhood I only did the things that Momma said I should But now I just do whatever I want I even whipped it out in a restaurant I used to help clean the park in the middle of town And then played kickball til the sun went down But now all I do is get VD, What the hell happened to me? It makes no sense I can't believe I ended on me I'm out of my gourd Won't somebody please, help me? A do-do-do-do-do wop-bop doobaly do I'm kind of a wierdo |
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2:22 |
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from Adam Sandler - They'Re All Gonna Laugh At You! (1993)
Speaking through a microphone] "Good morning students and faculty, If I could have your attention please. As you may, or may not know, Principal Cambell will not be here for the rest of the week due to a throat infection. Leaving me, assistant principal Dunbar, as the school's lone administrator for the next few days." "Though the policies set forth by Principal Cambell will remain the same, there will be some additional regulations you must also follow." "Number one - smoking outside the administration building will only be allowed during lunch periods." "Number two - the girls' showering facilities will be moved from the locker room into my inner office where I can watch the girls wash their breasts and buttocks while I play with myself." "Number three - while showering, none of the girls will be allowed to snicker or laugh at the size of my genitalia. Eye contact with me is also prohibited." "Number four - girls are encouraged to wash each other freely as I build towards orgasm." "Number five - while I am ejaculating, the boys gymnastic team must undress each other spread eagle in front of me and satify each other orally until I have completed ejaculating." "Finally, rule number six - any student caught writing grafitti or defacing school property will be automatically suspended, unless they are masturbating." "If you have any questions about these new regulations, I will be in my office spanking it with a thumb up my ass." "Good day |
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3:17 |
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from Adam Sandler - They'Re All Gonna Laugh At You! (1993)
Put your arms around me babe, Can't you see I need you so? Hold me close against your skin, 'Cause I'm about to begin Lovin' you. Spit on your hand and stroke my cock at a medium pace. Play with my balls and tell me how big they are. Honey rub your beaver up and down my face. Now sit on the corner of the bed and watch me whack off. You see that shampoo bottle? Now, stick it up my ass. Push it in and out at a medium pace. Talk about your old boyfriend's dick and how big it was. Now shave off my pubs and punch me in the face. Darling, make me push my dick and balls back between my legs. Call me an ugly woman and Take my picture to show all the people you work with. Now pull up my scrotum and Take that shampoo bottle out of my ass. Pretend I'm the pizza delivery guy and Watch me whack off. Strap on a dildo and make me give you head. Now tell me slow down and do it at a medium pace. I feel so humiliated. I'm about to blow my load. You tell it's time to make love but I can't 'cuz I spewed all over myself. Then you look into my eyes, then you realize How much I enjoy loving you. oh. I'm so sorry I spunked all over my stomach. Maybe next time I'll be better at loving you |
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2:14 |
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from Adam Sandler - They'Re All Gonna Laugh At You! (1993)
Moving Train] "Next stop! Coopersville!" [Two guys talking] "Hey Buddy" "Buddy!" "How was the bathroom Buddy, pretty gruesome?" "Buddy, I had to hold my breath Buddy!" "Eheh Buddy, don't even tell me about it Buddy!" "Buddy I know." "Buddy, M&M's?" "Chocolate me, Buddy!... Tasty Buddy!" "Buddy definitely" "Hey get in on this drink Buddy!" "Buddy, don't mind if I do" "It's a bloody, Buddy" "Buddy, it's killer!" "BUDDY!" "Sorry Buddy" "Save me some Buddy!" "Buddy I said I was sorry!" "That's ok Buddy" [Two more guys enter] "Hey Dude!" "Hey Buddy!" "Dudes, you know this dude?" "What's up Dude?" "Hey Buddy" "Buddy, sit down" "Have some bloody Buddy" "Dude" "Dudes, here's a sixer, Budweiser time" "Yeah, Bud Buddy" "Yeah Dude" "Cold ones Dude" "Buddy, killer!" [Drinking] "I'm buzzing Buddy!" "Dude, I know!" [Female walking by] "Oh Dude, check it, she's killer!" "I want some of that Buddy" "Oh Buddy, save some for me" "Dude, that's my ex-girlfriend" "Oh, sorry Buddy" "Just watch it Dude!" "Hey lay off him Buddy" "Dude, don't get him started" "I said I was sorry Buddy" "Dude, let's just drop it" "Buddy?" "It's cool Dude" [Two more guys enter] "Hey Homey's" "What's up Homeys?" "Hey Buddy" "What's up Dude?" "Just chillin' Homey" "Cool Buddy" "Yeah Dude" "Buddy" "Homey" "Dude" "Homey" "Dude" "Buddy" "Dude, check it out, a prison" "Oh Buddy, imagine being stuck in there" "I know Dude, that would suck" "Homey, my brother is in there" "Oh Buddy" "Sorry about that Dude" "Bummer Buddy" "Bad timing Homey" "I know Buddy" "Sorry Dude" "Not your fault Homey" "I know, but Buddy" "No, it's cool Homey" "Dude, there's another train on this track" [Sound of another train] "Uh Buddy, it's coming at us" [Train horn sounding] "Dude!" "Homey!" "Buddy!" "Buddy!" "Homey!" "DUDE!" [Trains crashing] "Dude?" "Buddy, my head" "Homey, get off me" "Buddy, I can't see" "What just happened to us Dude?" "Homey, I told you, we should have taken the bus!" |
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3:13 |
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from Adam Sandler - They'Re All Gonna Laugh At You! (1993)
[Talking quietly] M1: "Ms. Murphy is such a pain, man." M2: "We just had a test a week ago. Now we gotta take another one tommorrow. This sucks!" M1: "And it counts for 80 percent of our grade." M2: "Well we better study our butts off." M1: "Well we came to the right place, the ever so quiet library." M2: "Ok, enough talking, let's study!" M1: "All right." [Turning pages] [Heavy steps] M2: "Uh oh" M1: "Oh no! Fatty McGee is coming. We'll never get any studying done with him in the library." [Heavy steps continue] M2: "Oh god, he's taking the stairs! That means he's going to be way out of breath!" [Fatty whining, try to catch breath] M1: "Oh no, he's going to sit with us." Fatty: [Annoying whining voice] "Hey fellas, studying for the big test?" M1: "Uh, yes Fatty, we were." Fatty: [Still trying to catch breath] "Great! I'll join ya." [Fatty pulls out chair and falls into it, still whining horribly] M2: "Hey Fatty, why don't you go to the bathroom 'till you catch your breath?" Fatty: "No, no, I'm catching it!" [Fatty continuing to whine and snort] M1: "Ok, ok Fatty, but try to keep the wheezing level down, we're trying to concentrate." Fatty: [Continuing to wheeze and whine louder] "Sure, no problem." M1: "Oh man." Fatty: [Still snorting and whining loudly] "This test counts for eighty percent of our grade, you know." [Whining continues even louder] M1: "Yes Fatty, we know, we just said that." [Wheezing continues a little softer] M2: "Fatty! Please keep it down!" [Fatty makes snoring/whining sounds] M2: "Is he sleeping!?" M1: "No, it's his deviated sceptum. Seriously Fatty, keep the breathing down." [Snoring stops, more weird noise starts] M2: "Ahh geez Fatty, what's wrong with you!?" Fatty: [Pausing, snorting] "I'm trying." [Whining continues] M1: "Fatty, you know what's going to happen! Stop breathing so heavy! Please we gotta study!" [Whining gets higher and higher until it's continuous] M2: "Oh no, that one's going to do it!" [Fire alarm sounding, fire trucks honking their horns, sirens reeling] M2: "Fatty, the fire department thinks the fire alarm went off again!" Fatty: [Continuing his LOUD annoying whine] "I'm sorry!" Fireman Ray: "Fire! Man the building!" M1: "Sorry Fireman Ray, it's not the fire alarm." Fireman Ray: "Fatty McGee, is that you again!?" Fatty: [Stillin whining annoyingly] "Yes." [Snort] "Sorry." [Snort] Fireman Ray: "Didn't we tell you not to take the stairs anymore!?" Fatty: [Whiney voice] "But I like the stairs!" Fireman Ray: [annoyed] "Why!?" Fatty: [Still whining horribly] "They're fun!" Fireman Ray: "Oh Fatty McGee, you're the fattest!" [Everyone laughing at stupid joke] [Raspberry] |
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2:27 |
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from Adam Sandler - They'Re All Gonna Laugh At You! (1993)
Ooooh yeah Baby, baby, baby, I wanna stew your tomato Baby, baby, baby, I want to french fry your potato Baby, baby, baby, won't you pluck my grapes Won't you peel my banana like a pack of wild apes? I'm your food innuendo guy, your food innuendo guy Baby, baby, baby, you got honeydew melons Baby, baby, baby, can't you see my brocolli swelin Oh baby, baby, baby, I wanna taste your watercress I wanna slip my celery stick up the back of your dress I'm your food innuendo guy, your food innuendo guy Oh what will it take Don't go so soon You'll miss my carrot cake And my cream of mushroom Oh baby, baby, baby, my jalapeno's red hot Baby, baby, baby, I wanna stuff all that cabbage you got I'm your food innuendo guy, food innuendo guy Oh yeah Oooooooh yeah Oh baby, baby, baby, you got eggplant parmigiana Baby, baby, baby, bite my zucchini if you wanna I'll give you fresh fruit salad I don't get it from no can Your string bean days are over I'm your cucumber man I'm your food inunendo guy, food innuendo guy Oh so delicious |
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5:00 |
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from Adam Sandler - They'Re All Gonna Laugh At You! (1993)
[Sound of crickets. Guy walks across grass] [Joe:] "Hey pal! How ya doin?" [M2:] "I'm so wasted, man." [Joe:] "Yeah, you are, oh ho ho!" [M2:] "Thanks man." [Joe:] "It's good party, huh?" [M2:] "Oh, it's great man." [Joe:] "Hey that's some good acid, huh?" [M2:] "Oh, killer man." [Joe:] "Hey, my pleasure." [M2:] "I've never been higher." [Joe:] "Oh ho, you must be freaking out." [M2:] "Acid's great man." [Joe:] "It's the best." [M2:] "Everytime I do acid man, I'm so high." [Joe:] "Yeah, oh, you must be flipping out right now." [M2:] "This is the best acid, man." [Joe:] "What are you seein, man?" [M2:] "Oh, I, that cloud up there, man." [Joe:] "Whoa" [M2:] "It's got a vein in it." [Joe:] "Oh-Holy Cow! Really!?" [M2:] "And it's bleeding on me, man." [Joe:] "It's bleeding on ya? Well watch out!" [M2:] "Look at my hand, man." [Joe:] "Yeah?" [M2:] "It-It's moving, but it's not moving." [Joe:] "It's not?" [M2:] "It's still there, but it looks like it's moving." [Joe:] "Hey, yeah to you it is." [M2:] "I'm so high." [Joe:] "Yeah, you must be flipping out." [M2:] "I'm flipping out off it." [Joe:] "Hallucinations, man." [M2:] "Acid..right." [Joe:] "Hey, I got some news fer ya." [M2:] "I'm seeing stuff, man." [Joe:] "Yeah, yer seeing stuff." [M2:] "RIght." [Joe:] "Well, that's what happens when you take acid, but you know what?" [M2:] "What man?" [Joe:] "Uhhh, that really wasn't acid. That was just a little piece of paper I ripped off of my notebook." [Silence] [M2:] "Wha? It's probly this weed I'm smokin', man." [Joe:] "Oh, that weed." [M2:] "That Thai bud, man." [Jo |
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5:03 |
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from Adam Sandler - They'Re All Gonna Laugh At You! (1993)
This is a song... "This is uhh, This is a new song..." "It's through the eyes of one of the greatest people alive, I feel..." "The Lunchlady" [Laughing] Woke up in the morning Put on my new plastic glove Served some reheated salisbury steak With a little slice of love Got no clue what the chicken pot pie is made of Just know everything's doing fine Down here in Lunchlady Land Well I wear this net on my head 'Cause my red hair is fallin' out I wear these brown orthopedic shoes 'Cause I got a bad case of the gout I know you want seconds on the corndogs But there's no reason to shout Everybody gets enough food Down here in Lunchlady Land Well yesterday's meatloaf is today's sloppy joes And my breath reeks of tuna And there's lots of black hairs coming out of my nose In Lunchlady Land your dreams come true Clouds made of carrots and peas Mountains built of shepherds pie And rivers made of macaroni and cheese But don't forget to return your trays And try to ignore my gum disease No student can escape the magic of Lunchlady Land Hoagies & grinders, hoagies & grinders Hoagies & grinders, hoagies & grinders Navy beans, navy beans, navy beans Hoagies & grinders, hoagies & grinders Navy beans, navy beans Meatloaf sandwich sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe Well I dreamt one morning That I woke up to see All the pepperoni pizza Was a-looking at me It screamed, why do you burn me And serve me up cold I said I got the spatula Just do what you're told Then the liver & onions Started joining the fight And the chocolate pudding Pushed me with all its might And the chop suey slapped me And it kicked me in the head It's called revenge Lunchlady Said the garlic bread I said what did I do To make you all so mad They said you got flabby arms And your breath is bad Then the green beans said You better run and hide But then my friend sloppy joe came And joined my side He said if it wasn't for the Lunchlady The kids wouldn't eatcha You should be shakin' her hand And sayin' please to meet ya She gives you a purpose And she gives you a goal You should be kissin' her feet And kissin' her mole Now all the angry foods Just leave me alone And we all live together In a happy home Thanks to sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe [Spoken] Well me & sloppy joe got married We got six kids and we're doing' just fine Down in Lunchlady Land |
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2:02 |
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from Adam Sandler - They'Re All Gonna Laugh At You! (1993)
[Phone Rings] [Mr. Spindel picks it up] Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!"; Student: [Whispering] ";Hey Mr. Spindel. How's algebra class going?"; [Chuckling] Mr Spindel: ";Whut!?"; Student: [Whispering] ";You're in for a big surprise tommorrow during 5th period!"; [Chuckling] Mr Spindel: ";Hey! Who is this!"; [Student Hangs up phone] [Dial tone] Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!"; [Dial tone] Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!"; [Dial tone] Mr Spindel: ";Who is this!?"; [Dial tone] Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!"; [Dial tone] Mr Spindel: ";Answer me!"; [Dial tone] Mr Spindel: ";Who is this!?"; [Dial tone] Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!"; [Dial tone] Mr Spindel: ";For God's sake! Who are you!?"; [Dial tone] Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!"; [Dial tone] Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!"; [Dial tone] [Operator recording playing ";If you'd like to make a call...";] Mr Spindel: ";Who is that!?"; [Recording continues] Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!"; [Recording continues] Mr Spindel: ";Who are you!?"; [Recording continues] Mr Spindel: ";Please answer me!"; [Silence] [Bleeping noise] Mr Spindel: ";Oh God! Who is this!?"; [Bleeping] Mr Spindel: ";Please stop it! Why are you doing this!?"; [Bleeping] Mr Spindel: ";WHY!? WHY!?"; [Bleeping] Mr Spindel: ";Just tell me your name."; [Bleeping] Mr Spindel: ";Please."; [Bleeping] Mr Spindel: ";I'm gonna hang up!"; [Bleeping] Mr Spindel: ";I'm warning you!"; [Bleeping] Mr Spindel: ";Hullo!"; [Bleeping] Mr Spindel: ";Whoever this is, I'm gonna hang up!"; [Bleeping] Mr Spindel: ";That's it!"; [Bleeping] Mr Sp |
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2:13 |
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from Adam Sandler - They'Re All Gonna Laugh At You! (1993)
When I'm feeling down And feeling sad You come around And make me glad I got you Oh, my little chicken I love your feet I love your breasts I love the way you eat gravel To help you digest Oh, my little chicken People say you're using me In your heart you're a killer But I know the worst I should fear is A slight case of salmonella So lie right back Don't you cry If an egg can fit in there Why can't I.....mmmmmmm Oh my little Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawk Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawk Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawking Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawking Bawk You're my love My little chicken likes To wear garter belts |
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2:10 |
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from Adam Sandler - They'Re All Gonna Laugh At You! (1993)
Silverware clicking] M1: "Can you pass the beats please?" F1: "Here you go" M1: "Thanks" Brad: "Hey Mom, guess what? I got invited to a party tonight! And I'm gonna go if that's ok with you." Mom: "NOOO!!" Brad: "Why not Mom?" F1: "Yeah, why mom? He should go." Brad: "It's gonna be fun. I'll get to meet new people..." Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" Brad: "Oh mom..." Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" F1: "Don't wory Brad." F2: "Hey mom, I saw this great skirt at the mall today, but it was $34, which isn't that high of a price, but I was nervous to buy it. What do you think? Mom: "NOOO!!" F2: "Really? I really like it..." Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" F2: "Oh mom, who is?" Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" F2: "Mom, you're so paranoid." Mom: "NOOO!!" M3: "Hey mom, I gotta get up pretty early tommorrow for Little League try-outs." Mom: "NOOO!!" M3: "Yeah, I have to be at the field at 9 o'clock..." Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" M3: "Do you think you could drop me off there?..." Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" M3: "How am I gonna get there?" Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" M3: "I'll walk I guess." Mom: "NOOO!!" Cindy: "Mom, can you pass the salad dressing?" Mom: "NOOO!!" Cindy: "Please?" Mom: "NOOO!!" Cindy: "Come on, mom." Mom: "NOOO!!" Brad: "I'll get it for you Cindy." Cindy: "Thanks Brad." Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" Cindy: "Thanks for the tip, Ma." Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" Brad: "Hey everyone, let's just go out for ice cream." Mom: "NOOO!!" Brad: "Why are we eating inside? It's a beautiful night. We need to get out more." Mom: "NOOO!!" Cindy: "Mother, Brad is right." Mom: "NOOO!!" Cindy: "We should go out, it'll be fun." Mom: "NOOO!!" Cindy: "Come on, let's go, I could go for some Maple Walnut." Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" M3: "Yeah, we haven't gone out together in a long time." Mom: "NOOO!!" Cindy: "You wanna come Dave?" Mom: "NOOO!!" Dave: "No, I'll hang out with mom." M1: "You sure?" Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" Dave: "Yeah, go without me." M3: "All right, see you guys later." Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" Dave: "How are you, mom? Great meal tonight. Sure is... You sure know how to cook! Boy, oh boy, you're quite a lady. Say mom, uhm, can I go canoeing next weekend with my friend Barry?" Mom: "NOOO!!" Dave: "Please?" Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" Dave: "Mom, you're over reacting!" Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" Dave: "Why are you so overprotective!?" Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" Dave: "Mom! I'm going to the ice cream place! You're just so set in your ways it drives me crazy!" [Bangs on the table, gets up] Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at you!" [Screen door closes] Mom: "They're all gonna laugh at him |
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3:13 |
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from Adam Sandler - They'Re All Gonna Laugh At You! (1993)
Russel: [Shouting] "Come on Robert! Pitch it in there, baby! We're behind you here in right field! One down! Two to go! Hum it now! Yeah! Show 'em the magic! This chump can't hit!" [Whispering to himself] "Please God, don't help him hit it to me. Anywhere but to right field. Please God, I beg you." [Shouting] "Come on now! No batter! No batter! Big whiffer! Big whiffer!" [Whispering] "Oh please, don't let him hit it to me. My God, not to me." [Shouting] "Steam it baby! Steam it!" [Whispering] "Oh God no, Oh God no, Oh God no, Oh God no." [Ball is hit] Russel: [Shouting] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" [Whispering] "Oh good! It's not to me." [Shouting] "Good catch, Steven! Nice glove! You da man! Two away now! Lookin' good! We're all looking good out here! Come on Robert! This lump of crap can't hit!" [Whiserping] "Oh God, he's a leftie! A big leftie! Total power to hit it. He's gonna pile it right to me and there's nothing I can do to stop him." [Shouting] "Pitch 'em the funny one, Robert! Big whiffer! Big whiffer!" [Whispering] "Oh he is a natural athlete and I am so worthless. Please God, take his life. Make him die." [Shouting] "No batter! No batter!" [Ball is hit] Russel: [Whispering] "Oh God. This is not happening. No, don't do this to me. Please. Make it stop." [Ball hits Russel] Russel: "OWWWW! My elbow!" M1: "Throw it to second! Pick it up already!" Russel: "Take it! Just take the ball!" [Russel tosses the ball] M2: "Nice throw, you pansy!" Russel: [Whispering] "Ok, get under control. Easy now, easy. Say something to the team." [Shouting] "Good hussle everybody! Yeah! Nice work! Play's at third!" [Whispering] "That wasn't funny, Lord. I've been so good and for what!?" [Shouting] "Come on, Robert! Settle down! Just throw straight! You get it across the plate! We'll take care of the rest!" [Whispering] "Oh no, another lefty." [Ball is hit] Russel: [Shouting] "NOO! Why me again!?" [Ball hits Russel] Russel: "OWWWW! My neck!" [Panting & Whining] "I can't breath. I can't breath." M2: "Pick it up and throw it, you moron!" Russel: [Whining] "Here..come on, here.. Take the ball! Take it!" [Russel kicks ball] M1: "Way to kick it in, Pele!" Russel: [Shouting] "Oh hahaha. Pele! Good one! Hehehe.. Ok! Come on! Suck it up guys! We'll get those runs back! This is where we dig down! We just need one more out!" [Whispering] "Oh look! A rightie! Oh Lord, thank you. Thank you so much. I owe you." [Shouting] "This loser can't hit! No batter! Come on, this is where we take them out!" [Whispering] "Uh oh, what's happening? Where's the rightie going? What? Who's this guy? He's a leftie and he's pinch hitting. No! No!" [Shouting] "Why's he pointing at me!?" [Ball is hit] Russel: [Shouting] "Oh my Lord! What have I done to deserve this?!" M3: "I got it! I got it!" [Running over to the ball near Russel] [Thud! Crashes into Russel] M3: "Whoa! Sorry about that, Russel. Are you ok?" Russel: [Shouting] "HELL YEAH! We're up now! It's our turn to kick a little ass!" M3: "All right, Russel. I think you're up first." Russel: "NOOOOO |
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2:34 |
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from Adam Sandler - They'Re All Gonna Laugh At You! (1993)
Richie: "So ya doin' good?" Samantha: "Ya, I'm fine, how 'bout you?" Richie: "How good could I be? I haven't seen you in three hours." Samantha: "Ohhh, Richie. Hey Richie, my dad's down the hall, and he doesn't want me on the phone. So if I hang up on you, it's just because he's coming." Richie: "Ok. So look, uh, do you wanna meet at the Spring Fling Dance thi..." [She hangs up phone] [Phone rings] Richie: "Hello?" Samantha: "Sorry, I thought he was coming." Richie: "That's ok. So, about the dance. Do you wanna meet Samantha: "Umm, well my brother gets the car on Friday nights." Richie: "Well that's ok, I'll come by and get you. Lets say around..." [She hangs up phone] Richie: "Come on.." [Phone rings] Richie: "Hey." Samantha: "Sorry. I guess he was just going to the bathroom." Richie: "That's ok. Well look, uh.. what was I saying? Oh yeah, should I pick you up at like seven-thirty or maybe do you wanna go later when the dance is really kickin.." [She hangs up the phone again] Richie: "Give me a break..." [Phone rings] Richie: "Hello." Samantha: "Sorry. It was just my dog." Richie: "Hey, what's your dad's problem anyways!? Why can't we talk?" Samantha: "He just thinks I'm on the phone too much. Oh my God, uh, I gotta go." Richie: "Don't hang up!" Samantha: "Richie, I can't talk!" Richie: "No, I'm sick of this! Put your dad on the phone! I wanna talk to him." Samantha: "It's not my dad." Richie: "What? Well, who's there? Why can't you talk?" Samantha: "Uh, just look Richie, someone is here." Richie: "Who's there? Is it a guy!?" Samantha: "Richie!" Richie: "I knew it! I'll kill him! Put him on the phone!" Samantha: "oh.. it's just.. hold on." [Hands phone to guy] Richie: "Hey man! What the hell are you doing there!? Samantha's my girl! You'd better stay away from her or I'll make you wish you were never born!" Buffoon: "Fuckin' shit!" Richie: "Yeah, fuckin' shit is right buddy! Don't think I'm kidding around, man! I'm crazy! I'll smash your head in! I swear to God!" Buffoon: "One time I saw my Grandmother in the shower. Her bush starts above her belly button." Richie: "Yeah, well that's too bad! But I'm still gonna come over there and beat your face in!" [Richie slams down phone] Samantha: "What happened? Was he mad?" Buffoon: "My neighbor's dog has a four inch clit!" Samantha: "Oh Buffoon, you're the coolest." [Whispering] "I love you. |
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0:58 |
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from Adam Sandler - They'Re All Gonna Laugh At You! (1993)
And now, the sever beating of a high school bus driver. [Kids getting on the bus] "How are ya, Bryan?" "Good morning, Lisa." "Good to see ya, Tommy!" "Hey, good morning, Cyle! Nice new backpack!" "Watch your step now, Joseph." "Uhh, young man. Can I help you? Can I see your bus pass, please?" [Beating sounds] "Sir, please!" [Beating sounds] "I drive with that hand!" [Beating sounds] "Children! Call for help!" [Beating sounds] "Holy geez, no!" [Beating sounds] "That's me! Oh yes, oh!" [Beating sounds] [Final crack, horn sounding] |
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