(The following song is brought to you by Chex Mix)
Some dude once said that love is a many funny things I know there's a perfect girl out there for me, 'cause I see her in my dreams
Dream girl, you're a fantasy, you're the only one Out there for me My love
Dream girl you amaze me, all dressed in paisley Love how not one but both eyes are lazy When I first saw you you were drivin' the bus Thick skin, strong nose like a rhinoceros
Dream girl so beautiful, lips all crummy Skin like asphalt, nose so runny Thick thighs, no waist, not a care in the world You not crazy girl, you just my baby girl
You're a vision in sweats with the neon patch Half eaten squirrel hangin' outta your mouth Rainbow poncho, the female Tonto Hear a loud noise drop a bucket like a bronco
Dream girl, you're a fantasy, you're the only one Out there for me My love
You got your cellphone ring set to Sex and the City You like a hot bowl of grits only way more gritty Straight drippin' in turquoise my Santa Fe queen One short leg you got the Santa Fe Lean
It's music to my ears when you scream in your sleep And when you lift your skirt in public yo I can't help but peek You like Cleopatra with the eyes of a pig Love to watch you in the backyard when you go out to dig
Girl how'd you get those mouse traps glued to your neck Little rascal, how'd you get screwed to the deck? You put away slurpees like a trash can
Your smile's all stainy and you're not too brainy and I like that!
Talking to your shoe like it's your friend I like that!
Yellin' at the walls of make pretend I like that!
Tellin' you to stop it then you don't You say you're gonna stab me in my sleep But you won't!
Last week thought I saw you on the street Turns out it was a bag of trash Just a big ol' bag of trash I thought you looked like a bag of trash
Dream girl I pitch a tent when you stomp in the room Like a hellbound turkey mixed with a baboon You're sexy and you're spicy like a bowl of Chex Mix And I always feel safe when I'm in your flesh mitts
Your teeth so clean coulda swore you were British Never take your Chex Mix ' cause you always get skittish Open clams with both feet 'cause you're ambidextrous No point 'cause we know you eat nothin' but Chex Mix
Chex Mix number one food snack in the land It's the cereal taste that you eat with your hand Chex Mix at your local grocer buy a box Your family will all say CHEX MIX ROCKS!
Chex Mix, you're the snack for me, you're the only one I'll ever eat or buy Chex Mix, you're delicious, you got 60% less fat than potato chips TM
(Spoken) Hey yo, check this out. I was just at the club right, heard these two dudes talking, one of them said to the other one, that they knew someone, who said you guys are wack!
(Who said we're wack?) You said we're wack? You take it back! (Who said we're wack?) You talkin' smack? You gonna get smacked. (You're sayin' that we're wack but it just ain't so.)
Someone said we're wack! Why would they say that? I don't think we're wack. Who said we're wack? Who said we're wack? I can't believe that. They must be smoking crack, To say that we're wack. Say that we're wack? You'll probably get smacked. If you say we're wack. Did you say we're wack?
(Who said we're wack?) I'll paint your eye black, Once I check my facts. (Who said we're wack?)
How could a person up and call a person wack? How could the devil turn the blue sky black? How many babies born will ever reach their dreams? And how could a person call another person wack?
Heard a rumor, that someone said we're wack. I think that it's wack, to call someone wack. I am not wack, no matter what you say, What did you say? Did you say I'm wack?
All the ladies in the house put your hands up! All the fellas in the house put your hands up! Now whoever said we're wack put your hand up! Now everyone else put your hands down!
What is that, Cristal? (No!) Dom P? (Hell no!) (This is that Carlos Santana champagne!) Oh shit, Santana DVX? That's my joint! (Mine too, but a lot of these busters don't know about it) WELL LET'S TELL THESE MOTHERFUCKERS~!
As a kid, I used to lay awake and think When was Santana gonna make a drink? But now I'm all grown and my dream came true Santana champagne, from here to you From the heart of Napa Valley and the guitar king Comes a sparkling wine, to make a blind man sing Yo it's the cham-pan-yah, from the man with the bandana I can't stand a flute with anything but Santana What's the first name in cham - it's Carlos And to that man I propose a toast In the 60's, he had lots of freebie sex But now he's gettin down with the DVX
Excuse me fellas! Am I to understand that Carlos Santana has made a champagne? (That's right motherfucker! Here, try it) Alright [pops bottle] AWWWWWWWWW SHIT~!
I feel alive for the first time Each sip hits my lips like a landmine Without Carlos in my life I was livin a lie He makes his guitar weep, but his champagne cries He's a Southwest, tie wearin bolo champ Comin straight out the box with a bolo champ' Yo he a beast with the sugar and yeast, mix it in pots Like the way his release mixed jazz blues and pops And the salsa fusion, he's lady's shoe producin Plus he teamed with Rob Thomas for a music revolution On the 7th day, it was said God rest But on the 8th day he made the DVX
Gentlemen, gentlemen, what is all the hubbub about? (Carlos Santana!) That's right I see bitches-is enjoyin my sparkling wine (We certainly are) Well be careful cause this shit'll get you fucked up Bitch!
I'm like no other, one of a kind, my sparkling wine Santana DVX make you wanna have sex (OOOOH) I'm rich bitch! I'm havin my chips Get laid all the time, by 70's chicks - uhh Won hella Grammies, batches throw me they panties I'm probably your daddy, I probably nutted in your mammy I'm a Bay boy, city life, been around the corner Try to play me foul and my vatos gon' run up on ya A legend, a boss, that's what I are Ask about me pimp, 'tana be killin the guitar Old enough to know better but young enough to not care I get active - might slap a bitch with my hair (WHIP) Left coast up top I bang that shit My sparkling wine'll pop Cristal on her lip Cain't stop, won't stop gettin my bread Pack arenas and coliseums now watch me shred
Ohhhh, San-tan-tan-tan-ahhhh
A monkey drank a bottle and learned to speak A queer drank a bottle and became a freak A lion drank a bottle and forgot how to growl
Shorty Aww shit get your towels ready it's about to go down Everybody in the place hit the fucking deck But stay on your motherfucking toes We running this let's go I'm on a boat I'm on a boat Everybody look at me cause I'm sailing on a boat I'm on a boat I'm on a boat Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat I'm on a boat motherfucker take a look at me Straight floating on a boat on the deep blue sea Busting five knots wind whipping out my coat You can't stop me motherfucker cause I'm on a boat Take a picture trick I'm on a boat bitch We drinking Santana champ Cause it's so crisp I got my swim trunks And my flippie floppies I'm flipping burgers you at Kinko's Straight flipping copies I'm riding on a dolphin doing flips and shit The dolphin's splashing getting everybody all wet But this ain't Seaworld this is real as it gets I'm on a boat motherfucker don't you ever forget I'm on a boat and It's going fast and I got a nautical themed pashmina afghan I'm the king of the world On a boat like Leo If you're on the shore then you're sure not me oh Get the fuck up this boat is REAL Fuck land I'm on a boat motherfucker Fuck trees I climb buoys motherfucker I'm on the deck with my boys motherfucker This boat engine make noise motherfucker Hey ma if you could see me now Arms spread wide on the starboard bow Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow Like Kevin Garnett anything is possible Yeah never thought I'd be on a boat It's a big blue watery road Poseidon Look at me oh Never thought I'd see the day When a big boat coming my way Believe me when I say I fucked a mermaid I'm on a boat I'm on a boat Everybody look at me cause I'm sailing on a boat I'm on a boat I'm on a boat Take a good hard look at the mothafuckin' boat
Well, he was the Sax Man from the state of Tennessee First set in with the band at the ripe old age of three, weeks old And when he blew into that horn all the people gathered 'round Club manager jumped right up and said, "Boy, I gotta have that sound!"
Scream "Hallelujah Lord!", I said the Sax Man's got my soul Everybody gotta move their feet when the Sax Man started to blow Now blow it Sax Man!
* (weak saxophone noises)
Nnnn, 'kay, he's a little shy, but his genius cannot hide Cause when the Sax Man starts to win he gonna take you on a ride Take it Sax Man!
*
Ow! Take it Sax Man! He'll be right with you folks!
*
All right, Sax Man, that's my fault, I put you on the spot But now you're all warmed up and this-a next one's gonna be hot Kick it Sax Man!
(Come on!)
*
(What the fuck are you doing?!)
*
Haha, okay! Why don't we have a little inspiration now. You know this game, Sax Man! Repeat after me, here we go, and!
Shibidi bop bop buda bop bop *
Bip bip bipbip bip bip bipbip bip *
Aridididi bop bududidadi
Fuckin' play something, Sax Man! *
Okay, move it on! Sax Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, Sax Man!
Andy: Lazy Sunday, wake up in the late afternoon, call Parnell just to see how he's doin. Chris: Hello? Andy: What up, Parns? Chris: Yo, Samberg, what's crackin'? Andy: You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? Both: Narnia! Andy: Man, it's happenin'. Chris: But first my hunger pangs are stickin like duct tape. Andy: Let's hit up Magnolia and mack on some cupcakes. Chris: No doubt, that bakery's got all the bomb frostings. Andy: I love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gossling. Chris: Two! Andy: No, six! Chris: No, twelve! Both: Bakers' dozen! Andy: I told you that I'm crazy for these cupcakes, cousin! Chris: Yo, where's the movie playin'? Andy: Up on west side, dude! Chris: Well let's hit up Yahoo Maps to find the dopest route! Andy: I prefer MapQuest. Chris: That's a good one too. Andy: Google maps is the best! Chris: True that. Both: Double true!
Andy: Yo, 68th to Broadway. Chris: Step on it, sucka! Andy: Whatcha wanna do Chris? Both: Snack attack, muthafucka! Both: The Chronic(what?)cles of Narnia. Yes, the chronic(what?)cles of Narnia. We love the chronic(what?)cles of Narnia. Pass the chronic(what?)cles of Narnia. Andy: Yo, stop at the deli, the theater's overpriced. Chris: You got the back pack? Andy: Gonna pack it up nice. Chris: Don't want security to get suspicious! Andy: Mr.Pibb and Red Vines equals crazy delicious! Chris: Yo, reach in my pocket, pull out some dough. Andy: Girl acted like she'd never seen a ten befo'. Both: It's all about the Hamiltons, baby. Andy: Throw the snacks in the bag, Chris: And I'm a ghost like Swayze. Chris: Roll up to the theater, Andy: Ticket buyin', what we're handlin' Chris: You can call us Aaron Burr, Both: From the way we're droppin' Hamiltons. Chris: Now parked in our seats, movie trivia's da illest. Andy: Whose "Friends" alum starred in films with Bruce Willis? Chris: We answered so fast it was scary. Andy: Everyone stared in awe when we screamed Both: Matthew Perry! Andy: Now quiet in the theater or it's gonna get tragic. Chris: We're about to get taken to a dream world of magic. Both: The Chronic(what?)cles of Narnia Yes, the chronic(what?)cles of Narnia We love the chronic(what?)cles of Narnia Pass the chronic(what?)cles of Narnia
Hey, what's up, man? Ah, not much, you? Hey, are you ready for the party tonight? Yeah man, I already got a case of Santana champagne, so... Should be good. Oh, nice. Yeah, that's good champagne. Hello! Oh, shit. Oh no. This guy's a real - Oh man, don't make eye contact. Ding dong, Normal Guy in the house! Hey, man. Hey. Ah, it's great seeing you other normal guys! Oh yeah. Uh huh. What're you guys up to? Uh, not much. Nothing. Hey what are you other normal guys up to? Seriously, nothing, we're just hanging out. Do you guys know what I hate? What? Hanging out with a weirdo! Oh my god. Yeah. Hanging out with some loser weirdo! Yeah, we - It's my biggest peeve! Yeah, well, I was just actually - It's like they don't even know where we're coming from! Right, we understand. I can't take it when some weirdo shows up unannounced! Okay, well I gotta get going. There's nothing wrong with any of us! You guys can keep talking. Okay, man, we got - None of us have any major problems! Oh, man. This guy. Yeah we - Hey let's make a pact! What? Let's make a suicide pact! Uh... No, that's crazy. I'll go first.
And the award for Best Comedy Sketch goes to... The Lonely Island (Who said we're wack? You said we're wack? You take it back!) Ah, thank you, thank you very much! (Who said we're wack? You talkin smack? You're gonna get smacked!)
[The Lonely Island] Imagine in your mind a posh country club The stuffy old money where the poor get snubbed The spread is bland sauerkraut and boiled goose There's no way these people will ever cut loose
But then I walk in the room, hold my boombox high And what happened next, will blow your mind
[Julian Casablancas] Everything got outta control The music was so entrancing Everyone got out on the floor It was a bunch of old white people dancing
[The Lonely Island] Now picture if you will a bunch of business men Stuffed in the boardroom like pigs in a pen The ties around their necks are like a hangman's noose In the middle of the table there's a boiled goose
The old people smell makes you want to puke in the sink These dudes will never dance, yeah that's what you think I stride in the room all young and hip Hold up my boombox and say listen to this
[Julian Casablancas] Then everyone started to move People rejoiced instead of financing Your preconceived notions were shattered By these super old white people dancing
[The Lonely Island] The Big Apple, where people never dance Spirits go down while profits expand The cops or the dealers, who's got the juice The street benders peddling their boiled goose
So many types of people will never get along Till I bust out my boombox and play this song
[Julian Casablancas] The music washed away all the hate And society started advancing Every demographic was represented It was a rainbow coalition of dancing Whoa ! Everyone was wearing fingerless gloves Whoaaaaaoaaaaaoh ! I saw a Spanish guy doing the Bartman
[The Lonely Island] Transport now to an old folks home Where the elderly are tossed on their brittle bones The orderlies are stealing, there's no excuse Everyday for lunch they eat boiled goose
So I grabbed my boombox and hit the turbo base And what happened next was a total disgrace
[Julian Casablancas] Everybody started having sex The music was way too powerful A bunch of old people fucking like rabbits It was disgusting to say the least Oh! A boombox can change the world You gotta know your limits with a boombox This was a cautionary tale A boombox is not a toy
Mr. Samberg, thanks for coming to your performance review. No problem. So you're in charge around here, is that fair to say? Absolutely, I'm the boss. Well, so take us through a day in the life of, "The Boss". Well the first thing I do is--
Talk to corporate (like a boss) Approve memos (like a boss) Lead a workshop (like a boss) Remember birthdays (like a boss) Direct work-flow (like a boss) My own bathroom (like a boss) Micro-manage (like a boss) Promote synergy (like a boss) Hit on Deborah (like a boss) Get rejected (like a boss) Swallow sadness (like a boss) Send some faxes (like a boss) Call a sex line (like a boss) Cry deeply (like a boss) Demand a refund (like a boss) Eat a bagel (like a boss) Harassment Lawsuit (like a boss) No Promotion (like a boss) 5th of vodka (like a boss) Shit on Deborah's desk (like a boss) Buy a gun (like a boss) In my mouth (like a boss) Oh fuck man, I can't fucking do it, shit!
Pussy out (like a boss) Puke on Deborah's desk (like a boss) Jump out the windows (like a boss) Suck a dude's dick (like a boss) Score some coke (like a boss) Crash my car (like a boss) Suck my own dick (like a boss) Eat some chicken strips (like a boss) Chop my balls off (like a boss) Black out in the sewer (like a boss) Meet a giant fish (like a boss) Fuck his brains out (like a boss) Turn into a jet (like a boss) Bomb the Russians (like a boss) Crash into the Sun (like a boss)
Now I'm dead (like a boss)
Uh huh. So that's an... average day for you then. No doubt. You chopped your balls off and died. Hell yeah. And I think at one point there you said something about sucking your own dick? Nope. Actually, I'm pretty sure you did. Nah, that ain't me. OK, well this has been eye-opening for me. I'm the boss. Ya, I know, I got that. You said it about 400 times. I'm the boss. Ya, ya, I got it. I'm the boss. No, I heard you, see you later!
hello hi, do you want to go to a party with me? no, games on. oh, i almost forgot,i'll be right there we like sports and we dont care who knows from shooting hoops to the super bowl we like sports and we dont care who knows football, football, football tennis hockey golf the game is starting, everyone is here, i got my snacks, my friends, and a beer just 2 normal guys, hanging out, having fun right guy number 2,yeah guy number 1 E to the S to the P to the N is all i watch cause im the man if my team loses, i'll be mean all night, if you tell me to relax, we'll get in a fight watching sports with girls is a pain, they dont know the rules, theres no time to explain single, double, triple, home run before the celebration, i'll shoot my gun i like my friend, hes a real guys guy hes not a loud mouth, like that cunt hole Steve we like sports and we dont care who knows from Wimbledon to the Astrodome we like sports and we dont care who knows football, football, football tennis hockey golf now when i say SPORTZ, you say NUTZ SPORTZ NUTZ SPORTZ NUTZ when i say CHEATING, you say SUX CHEATING SUX CHEATING SUX i drink whiskey cause i like the taste, you think its bitter, but i think its great i also drink whiskey and we smoke cigars dont believe me? smell our cars we're real men, and we like sportz, if you say that we're not, then we'll see you in court im team captain and i chose you im the other team captain and i chose you too we steal the ball and we're off to the races we scare the other team with our mad dog faces like what what what what what what what what what what what what we like sports and we dont care who knows from the pre game jokes to the wrap up show we like sports and we dont care who knows football, football, football tennis hockey golf throw me the baseball now toss me the big skin now feed me the rock now give me the rock
Hey girl I got somethin` real important to give you So just sit down and listen Girl you know we`ve been together
such a long long time
(such a long time) And now I`m ready to lay it on the line (Wooow)
You know it`s Christmas
and my heart is open wide Gonna give you something
so you know what`s on my mind A gift real special, so take off the top Take a look inside
it`s my dick in a box Not gonna get you a diamond ring That sort of gift don`t mean anything Not gonna get you a fancy car Girl ya gotta know you`re my shining star Not gonna get you a house in the hills A girl like you needs somethin` real Wanna get you somethin` from the heart Somethin` special girl It`s my dick in a box,
my dick in a box babe It`s my dick in a box,
my dick in a box girl See I`m wise enough to know
when a gift needs givin` (yeah) And I got just the one,
somethin` to show ya that you are second to none To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress It`s easy to do just follow these steps 1: Cut a hole in a box 2: Put your junk in that box 3: Make her open the box And that`s the way you do it It`s my dick in a box...
my dick in a box babe It`s my dick in a box,
my dick in a box girl Christmas; dick in a box Hanukkah; dick in a box Kwanzaa; a dick in a box Every single holiday a dick in a box Over at your parent`s house a dick in a box Mid day at the grocery store a dick in a box Backstage at the CMA`s a dick in a box
Jah! Rastafarianism Yes I, Ras Trent Ba da ding ding ding ding whoa Who dem? You no want test me champion sound
Oh fire pon Babylon And fire pon a batty boy Rude boy livin in the shanty dorms My roommate Nick is an ignorant bald head
Now chant down Babylon midterm essays Then puff from de chalice I fi make from a Sprite can Last week I read a book about Selassie I Then told my bomboclat parents I was switching religions
Excuse I Oh hot stepper, you do so many dutty crimes Nyabinghi And plus you're fully skylarking all the time Oodah look ya now
Have you ever noticed how bald heads suck? Ba da da ding ding ding ding dong dang ding dong duck Excuse I for my skanking, give thanks and praise Me toil part time at jah Cold Stone Creamery
Inna dub style... Roller skates A dvd of Cool Runnings Murder, She Wrote Yagga yagga yagga yow
Are you there Jah? It's me, Ras Trent Are you there Jah? It's me, Ras Trent Are you there Jah? It's me, Ras Trent Please guide me pon your bike path of righteousness
Oh stannahoy, stannahoy, stannahoy, stannahoy Jah! Fussing and fighting and Zion and Roots Red Stripe, Shabba, Ragamuffin, and culture Me night nurse never want to plant de corn Skiddily whoa Diddily, skiddily biddily biddily whoa
Hey girl I got somethin` real important to give you So just sit down and listen Girl you know we`ve been together
such a long long time
(such a long time) And now I`m ready to lay it on the line (Wooow)
You know it`s Christmas
and my heart is open wide Gonna give you something
so you know what`s on my mind A gift real special, so take off the top Take a look inside
it`s my dick in a box Not gonna get you a diamond ring That sort of gift don`t mean anything Not gonna get you a fancy car Girl ya gotta know you`re my shining star Not gonna get you a house in the hills A girl like you needs somethin` real Wanna get you somethin` from the heart Somethin` special girl It`s my dick in a box,
my dick in a box babe It`s my dick in a box,
my dick in a box girl See I`m wise enough to know
when a gift needs givin` (yeah) And I got just the one,
somethin` to show ya that you are second to none To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress It`s easy to do just follow these steps 1: Cut a hole in a box 2: Put your junk in that box 3: Make her open the box And that`s the way you do it It`s my dick in a box...
my dick in a box babe It`s my dick in a box,
my dick in a box girl Christmas; dick in a box Hanukkah; dick in a box Kwanzaa; a dick in a box Every single holiday a dick in a box Over at your parent`s house a dick in a box Mid day at the grocery store a dick in a box Backstage at the CMA`s a dick in a box
Yo It's the Wild Wild West You came to the right place, my man Get ready, here we go (New shit)
Welcome my friends, to The Old Saloon Everyone in town is hangin out If you got a drink, well you drink it down Then we'll all go have sex with whores (Brand new)
Buffalo Bill, I just rode into town On my horse? You betcha on my horse That's the thing in the Old West times Everybody enjoys a good horse ride
If you cheat at cards you'll get thrown out Right out the saloon doors on your butt Come back in and buy a round of whiskey Guess what? All is forgiven! (DJ Larry)
Well I understand you're Calamity Jane And you're another guy that's probably an Injin Man this whiskey is warm and it smells like piss (DJ Larry) Oh no! My 'stache smells like piss!
So that's your story, I'm stickin to it The Old Wild West is no place for a lady I'm the bartender but I'm also the Mayor So, just put that in your pipe and smoke it (DJ Lah...)
Tiny Tim, man it's almost Christmas Sure is dusty here
ANDY I'll punch you in the jeans, I'll punch you in the jeans This is not a case of man vs. machine
JORMA You think that you're safe, thought you got away clean
ANDY I'll roll up on you smooth and punch you in the jeans
JORMA I've got my fist clenched, gonna throw a hay-maker Rockin' your slacks from here to jaimaca Shaking your boots 'cause I'm the earth-quaker Bringing those jeans around here was a mistake-a
ANDY I got a vendetta, it's against your jeans Gonna put my knuckles up against the seams They could be on your legs, or on the clothes line But when I see the zipper and cloth, it's go time
JORMA And I'm zeroed in, I got the tunnel-vision
ANDY Gonna cover you in sh*t like a ton of pigeons
JORMA Man I hate your jeans, I'm gonna bruise that denim
JORMA It really doesn't matter, as long as you're in 'em
ANDY & JORMA Yo we'll punch your jeans, we said it before Best believe this is not a metaphor Better watch your back, 'cause we're on the creek, and we won't stop until your jeans are six feet deep
JORMA Man I'll murder your jeans, I'll feed 'em to the fishes, Here's what I'd do if I had three wishes Punch your jeans on all three counts It would bring me satisfaction in large amounts
ANDY Yo, if I had three wishes I would do the same We see eye to eye in this jean punch game (yeah) I'd lay them in a field where there's chemical spray But I'd punch them first
JORMA Yo that goes without sayin' (yeah) Acid wash, pleats, or a nifty cuff It's just another jean for my fist to stuff
ANDY Throwing fist to cuffs, eat pants like bagged lunches Jeans pronounced dead
JORMA Cause of death?
ANDY Hecka punches
ANDY & JORMA Yo we'll punch your jeans, we said it before, Best believe this is not a metaphor You got something to say? We got the proper retorts Beat your jeans so bad that they wish they were shorts
ANDY Gonna revise your Levi's with physical harm Put divets in the rivets with my physical arm
JORMA Gonna beat those jeans, wanna dip 'em in slime Turn your 501's into 499's
ANDY When I punch your jean I like to imagine a face The fly is the nose and the balls are the base of the face
JORMA You got taste and it shows, my man
ANDY God damn your jean brand got me throwing my hand
JORMA Gonna go back in time and find the man who made jeans And choke him to death, if you know what I mean
ANDY Yo I know what you mean, so keep your jeans on a hush So breakout out out When you get a bum rushed
ANDY & JORMA You we'll punch your jeans, we said it before Best believe this is not a metaphor So take off your jeans and reverse the curse 'Cause we're the best jean punchers in the universe
JORMA It really doesn't matter as long as you're in 'em (x2)
We're sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman Hello, so Natalie, what's the day In life of Natalie Portman like? Do you really wanna know? Please, tell us
I don't sleep motherfucker off that yak and Durban Doin' one twenty, gettin' head while I'm swervin' Damn Natalie, you a crazy chick
Yo, shut the fuck up and suck my dick I bust in dudes mouth like gushers motherfucker Roll up on NBC and smack the shit outta Jeff Zucker
What you want, Natalie? To drink and fight What you need, Natalie? To fuck all night
Don't test when I'm crazy on that airplane glue Put my foot down your throat till you shit in my shoe Leave you screaming, pay for my dry cleaning Fuck your man, it's my name that he's screamin'
I'm sorry Natalie, but are we to believe you Condone driving while intoxicated? I never said I was a role model What about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?
All the kids lookin' up to me can suck my dick It's Portman motherfucker, drink till I'm sick Slit your throat and poor nitrous down the hole
Watch you laugh and cry while I laugh you die And all the dudes you know I'm talkin' to you We love you Natalie, I wanna fuck you too P is for Portman, P is for pussy I'll kill your fuckin' dog for fun, so don't push me
Well, Natalie I'm surprised All this from a Harvard graduate Well, there's a lot you may not know about me Really? Such as?
When I was in Harvard I smoked weed every day I cheated every test and snorted all the yay I gotta a def posse and you gotta bunch of dudes I sit right down on your face and take a shit
Natalie, you are a bad ass bitch, hell yeah And I always pay for your dry cleanin' When my shit gets in your shoe, what? And as for the drug use, well I can vouch for that My dick is scared of you, girl
Okie-dokie, one final question If you can steal a smooch from Any guy in Hollywood, who would it? No more questions, what
